Illicit Love

Chapter 6: Cruel Thank Yous

KESIA

"Ughh! T*ngina ang sakit," ungol ko dahil sa sakit ng ulo ko. Napahawak ako sa ulo ko, parang bibiyak na siya konting galaw lang. Minasahe ko ito pero hindi rin nakatulong.

I force my eyes to open. Isang hindi pamilyar na kisame ang bumungad sa akin. May nararamdaman akong kirut sa palad ko kaya napatingin ako dito. Naka bandaid ito. Napahawak ako sa pisngi ko nang nakaramdam din ako sakit dito. Sa dami ng sakit na nararamdaman ko, memories from last night start flooding in, na may kasamang kirot sa ulo ko.

Masyado yata akong nabugbog ngayon, hah? Kahit masakit ang ulo ko pinilit kong umupo. The bed was really soft, at dahil sa lambut nito samahan mo pa ang sumasakit kong ulo, bigla na lang akong napahiga sa kama.

I feel like sh*t. Gusto ko isuka lahat ng ininum ko at ang sakit talaga ng ulo ko. Gusto ko ipikit mga mata ko at humilata lang habang buhay.

"Sh*t. Bakit kasi ang dami kong ininum?" Pinilit ko ang sarili kong bumangon at umupo.

Consequences really aren't fun.

Nilibot ko ang tingin ko. Everything was white, the walls, the bedsheets, the lamp and the door. It makes me feel like I'm in the hospital again.

There was a lamppost beside the bed and a telephone beside it. May pinto naman sa harap ko, it was the CR. Ang lapit ng kama ko sa Cr. Looks like I'm in a cheap hotel. Tumawa ako at napatigil nang mas lalong sumakit ang ulo ko.

"My Knight in shining armour sure is cheap," I said to myself as I massage my temples.

I feel my stomach churn suddenly, at tumakbo ng mabilis na mabilis patungong banyo. Sinubukan Kong buksan ang pinto ng banyo pero ang tigas. I couldn't hold it anymore!

"Blargh! Blarghh!" Pinunasan ko ang suka na nasa baba ko habang nakayuko pa rin at nakatingin sa suka ko na nasa sahig.

"At akala ko pa naman na mayaman ka," sabi ko sa sarili.

"Kailangan ko pa ba linisin ito? Haah, p*tang ina nga naman oh." Napangiwi ako sa sakit at nasusuka na naman uli ako.

"P*ta—blarghh!"

YVONNE

Ibinaba ko ang cellphone ko matapos kong putulin ang tawag at tumingin sa babaeng nag-aalab na sa galit.

Her nose flaring, she looked at me, her fist clenched at her sides. Tinitignan niya ako ng masama, masama pa sa mukha niya.

"Why the hell are you here?! Can you please stop coming to OUR house?! How many times do I have to tell you that you are not welcome here, b*tch!" she shouted.

"I'm Charles' family, am I not allowed to visit my brother?" I said, sarcastically.

"Yes, you're not! People like you, are not welcome here! Abnormal people are not welcome here!" Napatigil ako sa narinig.

"A-Abnormal, you say?"

I want to wait for Charles quietly, dahil ayaw ko makipag away sa bahay niya, but this maggot is waking up my demon! I'm sorry brother. Peace was never an option. It seems that I can't keep my promise. I didn't know I had anger issues until I met this maggot. Staring at this b*tch makes every maggot in the world look better. Why is this b*tch even born? This is why I was born to make the population and the world better.

"Oh, talaga ba? Abnormal people are not welcome here? Are you talking about yourself? Or are you talking about your married life? Akala ko ba bawal mga abnormal? This house is not normal, your marriage life is not normal. Everything in your life, there's no single normal thing, and that includes you too!" I shouted while pointing at her with my middle finger.

"How dare yo—" Hindi niya tinuloy ang sasabihin niya at huminga lang ng malalim, before she smirked at me and laughs sarcastically, "Oh, what I mean by abnormal are people like you. You disgusting homo! Why were people even born? Like, isn't being you, humiliating at all. Heh, even your own parents said so. Disgusting. '' she said with still the f*cking smirk on her face.

I looked at her with disbelief and rage. I felt my face getting hot, my head spinning and threatening to explode. Itinaas ko ang kamay ko, I threw my hand forward as hard as I could, whipping it across her face.

PAAAAK!

Vibrations of pain started in my palm and spread all the way to my fingertips. My palm was bright red, the same red mark that matched the one on her face. She stared at me with her eyes wide and looked at me in disbelief, habang hawak-hawak ang pisngi niya kung saan ko siya sinampal.

"HOW DARE YOU!" she shouted at nagsimulang hilain ang buhok ko. Hindi ako nagpatalo at hinila ko rin sa kanya.

"B*tch! YOU w***e! YOU SNAKE! YOU POLLUTION! DIE! YOU SHOULD JUST DIE! Sana hindi ka na lang nabuhay at pinutok ka na lang sa baba ng mama mo! P*tang ina ka!" sigaw ko sa kanya. My head hurts and so is my throat. I felt numerous strands of my hair being yanked off but that's okay, cause I felt the same thing with hers.

"BECAUSE OF YOU, MY BROTHER SUFFERED SO MUCH!" Feeling a sting on my chest, tears start flowing out my eyes, maybe it's because my head hurts so much.

"What? Are you really that dumb, you faggot? Aren't you the reason why Charles is suffering so much? And you're blaming me? You're unbelievable!" she shouted and kept pulling my hair.

"Charles doesn't even love you!" I shouted at her back. Mas lalo nanlaki at namula ang mata nito sa galit. She slammed me to the walls using my hair.

"Ugh!" Malakas na natamaan ang likod ko sa pader. But I couldn't mind the pain.

"If you were born normal, Charles wouldn't have to sacrifice everything! Charles would be happy, pero abnormal ka kasi! Ikaw ang sana hindi na lang nabuhay!" she shouted.

My eyes widen in realization.

Napatigil ako. I let go of her hair and let her pull my hair, it felt like my hair was being torn out of my scalp, but it didn't matter. It hurts so much and I feel like I deserve it. This pain, I deserve it.

"YOU SELFISH SON OF A B*TCH!" hinila hila niya ako gamit ang buhok ko habang nagsisigaw.

"It's all your fault! It's your fault that Charles won't love me back, it's your fault why Charles is acting like that. IT'S ALL YOUR F*CKING FAULT! YOU DON'T EVEN DESERVE TO BE HIS SISTER! YOU'RE DISGUSTING!" she shouted and shouted. She kept shouting words that made the pain even worse.

Since I was born, I've been hearing this word, disgusting. Why am I disgusting? Is being me really that disgusting?

Narinig ko ang nagsisi basag na vase sa tuwing tatama ang katawan ko sa kung ano man. I feel a liquid flowing from my legs, but I ignored it. But the pain was really difficult to ignore. Napangiwi ako sa sakit. It hurts. Damn, it really hurts.

"WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING HERE?" Napalingon kami sa lalake sa pintuan. His eyes widened in surprise. Nilibot niya ang tingin niya bago tumingin sa akin. Bumaba ang tingin nito at mas lalo nanlaki ang mata. May halo itong galit, takot at gulat.

"Ate! Your bleeding!" Tumakbo siya papalapit sa akin dahilan ng pagbitaw ng kamay ni Camille sa buhok ko.

I slowly seated on the floor as I felt my legs about to give out. He sat in front of me and scanned my legs. Napangiwi ako ng nakita ko ang dugo, there were small scratches but there were too many. One or two are deep but not deadly. I guess there were not. Right?

Camille looks at my legs, nanlaki ang mata nito. Hindi makapaniwala sa nakikita. Nanginginig itong nakatingin kay Charles. She was clearly afraid. Does she love Charles that much? Then why not let go of him? Then the drama will be over, haah.

"What the hell did you do?" Charles shouted angrily looking at Camille.

This causes Camille to flinch. She opened her mouth but then closed it again. Mas lumala lang lalo ang panginginig nito.

"Answer me!" A vein from his neck popped out as he yelled. His hands shaking in anger.

Camille trembles, not knowing what to say, and what to do. "It's-it's her fault! I didn't do anything wrong! I just defended myself! A-And-And she started it! '' she said while looking at the floor. Avoiding eye contact with Charles. Para siyang aso na pinagalitan ng amo.

Damn, what a sight! I didn't say anything as I was enjoying her reaction.

"WHAT? CAN'T YOU SEE THIS? CAN YOU EXPLAIN THIS TO ME TOO? " sigaw ni Charles sabay turo sa paa kong dumudugo.

"I-I-I didn't know! I-I DON'T KNOW!" sigaw niya at tsaka tumakbo sa taas.

Gusto kong tumawa. Really? Where did all that bravery go? Kanina lang ininsulto pa niya ako. Bumuntong hininga ako at ibinaling ang tingin kay Charles.

"I'm okay. Just a few scratches. Sorry—"

"STOP! PLEASE STOP!" Nagulat ako sa sigaw niya. It was unexpected. He always controls his temper, and he never shouted at me.

"I-I will. I will stop coming to your house. It just always leads to a fight. I think, panahon siguro para pabayaan ko na lang kayo mag-asawa. It's your life," I said softly and tapped his shoulder.

He rubbed his temples and looked at me gently with his sad eyes.

"... No, that's not what I meant. Stop saying you're okay or you're sorry." He took something from his pocket, it was a white handkerchief. He wipes the tears that were flowing on my face which I didn't realize were flowing at all.

"...Pansin ko these days, every time we meet, you either tell me you're sorry or you'll say you're okay, even when you're not. Can't you just tell me something other than that? Tell me, tell me what you truly feel. I'll accept it because you're my sister and I love you. " he said painfully smiling, still wiping my tears.

I hesitated for a second before speaking. I smiled at him and bit my lips trying to hold back my tears, but it didn't help at all.

"Thank you." I looked at him. My tears have no plan to stop.

"Thank you for suffering for me." I looked at him, feeling a sting on my heart. He stopped wiping my tears and smiled. I could see that there was sadness hidden behind his smile. I wiped my tears using the back of my hand, at pinilit kong itayo ang sarili kahit nanghihina man.

Tumayo rin si Charles.

"You're still hurt. We should go to the hospital," he said. He looked at me with concern.

Ningitian ko lang siya at kinuha ang bag na nasa sofa. Inayos ko ang gulong-gulo kong buhok at isinuklay ko ito gamit ang kamay ko.

"My hair..," malungkot kong bulong sa sarili. Itinapon ko sa sahig ang nalagas na buhok ko.

"Ate!"

"Ako na. I'll get myself treated, I promise. I should go home, and she'll be worried. " I said.

Yeah, how should I explain this to her now? F*ck! And I told her there is nothing to worry about. Ughh, d*mn! It f*cking hurts! Gusto ko na lang mahimatay para hindi maramdaman ang sakit. This is f*cking torture!

"I will at least drive you home," he insisted.

"I drove here with my car. It's fine." I said and smiled at him to reassure him. And he just pleaded to me that I should tell him everything and I'm already lying. I can't. Mom and Dad will know.

"YOU'RE—haah, not even in the right condition to drive," he said.

I can't help but smile because of how cute he was trying to control his temper. Camille really does not deserve this man. My brother deserves every good thing in this world, and Camille is surely not one of those...and so is my parents.

I shook my head and said, "You're exaggerating. But, okay to not let my brother worry any further I will call my driver. So don't worry, okay?"

He opened his mouth and closed it again before sighing. "Okay. Good," he said and nodded in satisfaction, oh, and defeat. My smile grew wider.

"I'll call you when I get home," I said.

"Make sure to do that." Hindi ko maiwasan mapangiti lalo ulit. Ang swerte ko naman sa kapatid ko, bakit hindi siya na swertehan ng Ate?

"Call the driver in front of me," sabi niya sa akin. Napahinto ako sa gulat at muntik ng matawa. Did I just make his trust issues go even wider?

"Okay," I said.

Inihatid niya ako sa gate matapos kung tawagan ang driver. Binuhat niya ako in a bridal way. Lacking pasasalamat ko na ang gentleman ng kapatid ko. It really hurts that I'm having suicidal thoughts.

The driver was about to open the door when I just stood there staring at Charles and sighing. I was about to say something to him when he suddenly hugged me tightly.

"What is this all of the sudden? Why are you being affectionate all of the sudden? Kani kanina lang, nagpipigil ka ng luha—you! Will you really do it with that maggot?" sigaw ko at sinusubukang kumalas sa yakap niya.

"Don't you trust me?" he asked, still hugging me tightly.

"How can I trust you when you're with someone crazy as her?!" sigaw ko sa kanya, itinulak ko siya mula sa kanyang pagka kayakap sa akin.

"Because I'm not crazy?" tumawa pa ito na para bang nagbibiro. Inikutan ko siya ng mata, at napailing.

Hindi ko siya sinagot at napatingin lang sa langit. I was about to say something about

stars, but I didn't even see one. Napangiwi ako at muntik ng naiyak sa sakit ng nararamdaman ang sakit sa paa ko na sumasabay sa sakit ng ulo ko.

"Maam?"

Thank you, Kuya.

"I should go and get this treated," sabi ko, while trying to hide the pain. "Everything will be over, trust me," sabi ko at ningitian siya ng pilit.

Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot niya at nagsimulang maglakad at bubuksan na sana ang pinto ng kotse nang binuksan ito ni Charles.

I didn't look at him as I don't know what face I'm making right now. I'm not good at hiding my emotions. I'm only good at it when I'm looking in the mirror. I can't hide it at all, especially from two people.

Damn, it hurts. My whole body hurts! Endure, must endure. I'll shout as much as I want when I get home. Not now, pain. Not now.

Pumasok ako sa kotse na hindi tinitignan si Charles. My driver was about to close the door when Charles stopped him.

"Ate." Napalingon ako sa kanya ng tinawag niya ang pangalan ko.

I didn't respond and waited for him to say what he wanted to say.

"I'll trust you too," he said. Nagulat ako sandali pero agad rin napangiti. Damn, brother. You could have everything you want if not for this family.

"Trust me, trust your sister," I said.

"Let's go," sabi ko sa driver.

"Yes, ma'am," sagot nito.

"Alis na ako," pagpapaalam ko sa kanya.

"Call me, okay?" sabi nito. Ningitian ko siya at tumango.

He waved at me while smiling, he's smile tells me he wanted me to trust him and that I can trust him too, and that made me smile even more.

Papalayo na kami ng papalayo, I looked at the side mirror to check him, he was still waving while smiling. Nakita kong lumabas si Camille at lumapit kay Charles, bakas sa mukha nito ang galit.

"I hope he can get out of the hell he's in," I said to myself as I saw him getting slapped by Camille.

Napatingin ako sa legs ko, the blood was coming out again. I touch where it bled and feel something sharp from it. I gasped in pain when I accidentally pushed it.

F*ck.

"Hospital tayo, Kuya," I said to the driver and felt my phone vibrate.

F*ck!