Valeria

14 Consuelo

Isang malamig na araw ng Nobyembre sa opisina, wala na naman akong magawa as usual. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit pa ako pumapasok kung tumutunganga rin lang ako. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko deserve ang pinasusweldo sa akin ng kumpanya. If I wasn’t a Delgado, malamang ay matagal na akong pinatalsik ni Charlie. Luckily, I was and all I did that day was chew my pen.

It had been a month since I last saw them together. Hindi na sila dumaan pa sa kalsada sa ibaba kung saan ko sila unang nakita. I only remembered last night that it wasn’t at the coffee shop where I thought I first saw them. Matagal ko na pala silang nakita.

Sumandal ako sa swivel chair at tiningala ang kisame. Its natural grey colors shifted into a vivid brown. The smooth concrete then turned into liquid, rich and bitter like the coffee splashing in the air that particular day.

“Pasensiya na po, sir! Hindi ko po sinasadya! Bigla-bigla po kasing tumakbo ang bata!”

Napuno ng sigawan ang loob ng coffeeshop. Sabay-sabay na tumigil ang mga empleyado upang tingnan ang aksidente.

My hand shot up to cover my mouth. The poor girl was about to cry, her precious tears brimming her eyes. Mabilis siyang binuhat ng lalaking kaniyang kasama at inupo sa ibabaw ng katabing lamesa. Ingat na ingat nitong kinuha ang brasong natapunan ng kumukulong kape.

Oh no...

I wasn’t that far from their table so I saw the damage on her skin. Namula na ang makinis na balat ng bata dahil sa pagkalapnos. Her whole face was also red no doubt from the pain. Awang-awa ako sa bata.

“Sir! Punta po tayo sa staff room para mabigyan ng first aid...” anang isang empleyadong mukhang manager.

Hindi ito pinansin ng lalaking kanina pa sinusuri ang braso ng bata. His hooded eyes were worriedly checking the burn. It changed instantly into two sharp orbs when he turned to the manager. Parang sasapakin na niya itong kawawang empleyado pero umingit ulit ang bata.

I licked my lips anxiously, seeing him sigh and turn to his little girl.

“Hey, Hey... It’s going to be okay, Parker. Okay, baby?” The man held her small face with the both of his hands.

Pagkatapos ay binuhat niya ulit ang bata at sinundan ang nagmamadaling manager. I saw her ballerina shoes dangling in the air, her cotton tights disappearing under her ruffled floral tutu.

Kahit nakaalis na ang mag-ama ay nagbubulungan pa rin ang ibang mga customer. The floor was now being mopped by a crew. Luminga ako upang hanapin si Libra pero nasa labas pa rin at kausap si Lyanna. I felt like I needed to check up on the kid too so I stood up and went to the staff room.

Sa entrada pa lang ay tanaw ko na ang mangiyak-ngiyak na itsura ng bata. Lalong nanlambot ang puso ko. Her chubby face was all red by keeping her tears at bay. Kahit nasasaktan ay pinipili pa ring maging matapang.

“Masakit ba? Naku, kawawa ka naman...” the manager cooed.

Ngumiwi ako. Syempre masakit iyan! Siya kaya ang tapunan ko ng kumukulong kape!

I looked at her father who was kneeling on the floor. Obviously, he wasn’t hearing anything in his surroundings. Ang priority niya ay ang marahang dampian ng basang panyo ang napasong braso ng anak. Atsaka niya lang ako napansin nang dire-diretso akong pumasok.

“Hello! I’m not a nurse or anything but I know how to treat a first-degree burn. I can assist...” deklara ko sa crew at sa mag-ama. Napako ang tingin nila sa akin na biglaang sumulpot. “I-If you want...”

“Naku! Sige po, mam! Sir, okay lang ba?” The manager sounded too hopeful.

Bagamat suportado ng staff ay hinintay ko pa rin ang pahintulot ng parent. Slowly, he nodded at me with worry in his eyes. Tumango ako at tumungo na sa kinauupuan ng batang babae.

“Hey, baby. What’s your name?” I brushed away the tiny strands of hair that got stuck on her face.

Tinitigan lang niya ako, kukurap-kurap. Her curious face reminded me of a baby when it would be carried by an unknown relative.

“Parker,” mabilis na tugon ng kaniyang tatay. “Parker is her name.”

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya sa akin at sa mga kamay kong sinusuklay ang buhok ni Parker. I was only doing so since she’s still unfamiliar with me. Having her feel uncomfortable was the last thing I wanted.

I smiled at her despite the thrumming of my heart. “Alright, Parker. We’re going to the sink and run water on your skin to soothen it. Is that okay with you?”

Wordlessly, she looked at her father before nodding. That was enough for me.

Tumungo ako sa kalapit na sink at hinintay ang mag-ama. Nang nakitang may dumating na isang crew’ng may dalang yelo ay umiling ako. “No ice or toothpaste.”

Napakamot na lang sa ulo ang crew bago dahan-dahang lumayo.

I dragged a chair so Parker could stand on it. Hindi naman napaso ang mga hita o binti niya kaya ayos lang. Inalalayan ko pa rin kahit papaano kaya bahagyang nahawakan ang kamay ng kaniyang tatay. We briefly shared a look of knowing but I immediately turned to Parker.

“Itatapat na natin sa gripo para guminhawa ha...” marahan kong saad.

That was what happened within the next fifteen minutes. At first, she was fidgeting dahil halatang nabigla sa tubig. Lagi ko siyang kinakausap para malibang kaya kalaunan ay naging kumportable rin. Running water on her burnt skin was definitely soothing. Kalmado na ang buong mukha niya na kanina ay pulang-pula.

From up-close, I was able to see her monolid eyes and cute button nose. Her skin was so white and milky that little veins were visible on her naturally rosy cheeks. Hula ko ay nasa lima hanggang anim na taon ang bata. Hindi ko tuloy napigilan ang sariling maisip si Apollo.

If there was no accident, she would come out into the world. She would live. And after five or six years, she might be this tall or this brave. Apollo would be such a pretty little thing… but she’s gone too soon. Just too soon.

Natauhan ako nang gumalaw si Parker. Bahagyang tumalsik sa mukha ko ang tubig at pati na rin sa tatay niya.

“Nangangawit na,” he said.

Tumango ako at bumaling kay Parker. My soft smile for her was always ready because she’s too pretty. “You did so well, baby. Super behaved and super brave!”

Silently, she smiled and did something with her hands. Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko kahit nakangiti pa rin. She did it again. Tinuro niya ako gamit ang isang daliri pagkatapos ay may kung anong nilukot ang isang kamay sa ere sa tapat ng kaniyang mukha.

I looked at her father who remained grimly quiet beside me. Lumalim ang kaniyang tingin sa akin at umigting ang panga.

Then I looked back at Parker once more. Nakangiti pa rin siya, inosenteng-inosente.

Pakiramdam ko ay may mainit na kamaong humawak sa puso ko. The realization hit me like a train and I wanted to fall and break. Instead, my tummy and chest felt like they were burning. Dahan-dahang nawala ang ngiti ko para kay Parker dahil sa pagpipigil sa nararamdaman ko.

This little girl couldn’t speak. That’s why she was so quiet despite feeling the pain earlier. Kaya ang tatay niya ang laging sumasagot sa tuwing tinatanong ko. Kaya nang kinausap ako ay sign language ang ginamit.

I didn’t know how to deal with that fact. I wasn’t aware about her condition and I didn’t notice it until now.

Pagkatapos mababad ang kaniyang nabanliang balat ay pinaupo ko ulit sa high chair. I made sure to explain thoroughly what happened to her skin and what would her father do to treat it at home. Minimal lang naman ang burn pero dahil mura pa ang balat ay sensitibo. Mabuti na lang dahil may sterile akong bandage sa bag kaya iyon ang ibinigay ko sa tatay niya.

Habang nagsasalita ako ay titig na titig sa akin ang bata at tumatango-tango pa. I couldn’t help but to genuinely smile at her because she’s too pure and delicate for this broken world.

“If you’re still worried, please don’t hesitate to visit a doctor,” sabi ko sa tatay niya. “No offense but are you from here? Kung hindi ay pwede ko kayong samahan sa pedia para mas matingnan pa ang balat niya.”

My obstetrician also specialized in pediatrics. Napag-usapan na naming siya ang magiging doctor ni Apollo. That was impossible to happen now but maybe I could bring Parker there.

Nilingon siya kaagad ng kaniyang tatay.

“Parker...” he called gently, making her two feet stop from swaying in the air. He crouched low to meet her curious eyes. “Masakit pa ba? Do you want to go to the doctor?”

The way he spoke to her was too precious. Attentive siya kahit kanina pa lang. Hindi ko tuloy maisip kung paanong nagtatakbo si Parker kanina kaya natapunan ng kape. But based from his actions, he’s without doubt a very loving father.

Mukhang hindi lang ako ang nakapansin noon dahil ang ibang crew ay nakatingin din sa kaniya. Nagtutulakan at halatang kilig na kilig.

Nakuha pa nilang pagnasaan itong ama ng batang natapunan nila ng kape. Medyo nainis ako pero napanguso na lang nang tingnan silang mag-ama.

Parker’s father was handsome. That was a fact because he really was. Maaaring ngayon ko lang pupuriin dahil tapos na kaming mag-panic. Matangkad siya. Hanggang balikat lang yata ako kung hindi ako nagkakamali. We got very close earlier when we were in the sink so I was able to tell. His quite big but not too buff. Just enough for me to see the ripples on his back through his white shirt. He even had a tattoo peaking on his nape. Tumaas ang kilay ko dahil noon ko lang din napansin iyon.

Okay. Maybe he wasn’t just handsome. He was sinfully, ruggedly handsome. Makapal ang kaniyang mga kilay at hanggang baba ang itim na itim niyang buhok. Kanina pa niya pinapasadahan iyon dahil habit na siguro. He had a sharp jawline, an Aristocratic nose, and thick lashes.

Looking at him made me question if he really was Parker’s father because they’re nothing alike. He’s too rough and scruffy. An office job and a nice suit wouldn’t suit his dirty s*x appeal.

“Hindi na raw gaanong masakit ang paso. Okay na si Parker.” Tumayo siya nang maayos at hinarap ako. “Thank you for your help, miss...”

I cleared my throat and licked my lips. Dahan-dahan akong tumango bago ibinaba ang tingin sa bata. Parker was already looking up at me with her eyes wide. Naroon na naman ang pag-init ng puso ko sa tuwing tinitingnan niya. Maybe she was really this man’s daughter because they had the same intensity in their eyes.

“Oh, ayos ka na raw sabi ng Daddy mo.” Pagkasabi ko noon ay tumango si Parker. I smiled and cradled her face in my hands. I just coudn’t resist doing so because I didn’t know when would I see her again. “Next time, mag-iingat ka ha. Huwag kang masyadong malikot kapag maraming tao para hindi ka mapahamak...”

I sighed and patted her soft cheeks. Sinuklay ko ulit ang mga daliri ko sa mahaba niyang buhok. She’s so pretty. I wondered if she got it from her mother. Sigurado akong swerte ang babaeng iyon dahil may mabait na anak at mapagmahal na asawa.

“I’ll go now, baby. Take care, okay?” I smiled at her for one last time.

Ngumiti siya at tumango. She formed her little hand to a fist and knocked twice in the air. Pagkatapos ay inunat niya ulit ang kamay at inilapit sa labi. Her flat hand then made a forward motion.

“She says yes and thank you,” her father interpreted.

“Oh. I know sign language so...” Ngumiti ako.

Judging by his frown, he obviously wanted to ask me more about it but he remained silent anyway. Hindi na lang din ako nag-elaborate at yumakap na lang kay Parker. Even the top of her head smelled like a sweet strawberry shortcake.

Pagkatapos magpaalam sa mag-ama at crew ay bumalik na ako sa labas. For some unknown reasons, my heart was feeling so full and alive. It was a tangible change in my dull life even for a short time. Namantsahan pa ng kape ang blazer ko pero ayos lang.

Inabangan ko si Parker na lumabas pero kaagad na akong niyaya pauwi ni Libra na kanina pa pala ako hinahanap. His excited face was the last of my memory that particular day. Then it was back to the ceiling where I was relieving the precious memory.

Bumalik ako sa realidad ko, ako na nasa loob ng opisina ko, ako na walang matapos-tapos na trabaho, ako na may problema sa asawa.

It had been a month since I last seen them both. Minsan ay kumakain ako sa coffeeshop na iyon pero hindi ko na ulit sila nakita. It was too late for me to realize that I didn’t even get Parker’s father’s name. Or even their last name. Pero… para saan naman?

I guessed they really weren’t from here like most of the people passing by. Ganoon naman sa Maynila. Madalas daanan ng kung sinu-sino. Minsan ay tatagal sila ng isang araw, minsan naman ay isang buwan. Hindi na ako nagtaka kung napabyahe lang ang mag-ama rito dahil may kailangang asikasuhin pagkatapos ay uuwi na rin.

“Madame? Start na raw po ng meeting...” the intercom butted in.

I sat up straight despite feeling all lazy. Kaninang umaga ko pa ayaw pumasok dahil tinatamad. Hindi ko rin masabing wala ako sa mood dahil parang iyon na ang mood ko sa isang buwang nakalipas.

I lost all the progress I made in running and going to the gymn. I was going home late as usual but I seemed to find it hard getting up in the morning. Dumalas rin ang pagiging late ko pero hindi ako nagpapahuli kay Charlie. Parang nasanay na lang ako na laging pagod ang katawan ko kaya iyong mga effort na ginagawa ko noon ay nabitawan ko na.

It was like I didn’t care anymore. If I eat once a day or five times a day, it didn’t matter. If I worked all night or stared at the wall all afternoon like what I had just did, it just didn’t matter. Nothing did.

But...

“Fine,” sabi ko kay May. “Susunod na ako.”

My uncle Charlie would attend our meeting. Ayaw ng pride kong ipakita sa kaniya na lubog na lubog na ako sa kawalan ng kwenta ng buhay ko. I wasn’t scared of the big guy but somehow, he’s still the brother of my father. Matagal nang patay ang Papa ko pero ayaw ko pa ring ipakita sa mga kapatid at kapamilya niya na ganito ang kinahantungan ng kaniyang mga anak.

May isang halos nakalimutan ang lahat. May isang single parent. At may isang malapit nang mabaliw sa kalungkutan.

The meeting started in the most boring way possible. I was kind of disappointed in myself that I only noticed it just then. Sobrang boring. Sobrang lamya. Hindi ko lubos maisip na naging parte ito ng buhay ko sa isang mahabang panahon. Charlie being there was the only thing that kept me from completely dozing off because it’s so... fucking... boring.

“M-Madame? Madame Consuelo?” Kinalabit ako ni May.

I groaned mentally and turned to her. “Ano?”

“Ah! Kanina pa kayo tinatawag ni Sir Malkiel...”

Pagkasabi niya noon ay mabilis kong nilingon ang aking tiyuhin. I smoothened the frown marring my forehead but it came right back when I saw that everybody was now looking at me. Even Kuya Carlo who was also there. He was definitely not happy with me.

“Consuelo…” Madilim ang tingin ni Charlie sa akin. “I’m talking to you or do I have to get your attention again?”

“I-I’m sorry. What is it?” Pumula ang aking mga pisngi.

“We’re approving the minutes of the meeting. Do you have any corrections?”

“None,” mabilis kong sagot.

Kumunot ang noo ni Charlie. Binasa ko ang mga labi at mas tinatagan ang boses. “I have none.... Sir.”

“Proceed with the meeting,” maaring utos niya pero matalas pa rin ang tingin sa akin.

For the next fifteen minutes, I forced myself to absorb everything. Naroon ang pressure dahil nagmamatyag ang ilang pares ng mga mata sa akin. Ang tiyuhin at mga kapatid ko, ang mga board member at kahit ang sekretarya ko.

It was the most draining ten minutes of my life. But I pressured myself because I wanted to act tough. I wanted to show everybody that nothing was wrong with me, that I deserved my spot in that boring board meeting.

Truth was, I was only able to do it for ten minutes. Ten whole minutes and that’s it. I was done. It was one of those days that I was just not sure if I wanted to be alive. Pasasaan pa ang sampung minuto ng pagiging matatag ko kung babagsak lang din ang lahat. Wala pang ilang segundo ang nakalipas ay nahirapan na akong huminga.

“May,” I whispered sharply “May, I need… I need water. I-I need…”

I needed to break the windows open because I could not breathe.

“Madame? Madame Consuelo?!” Tumaas ang boses ng sekretarya ko.

It wasn’t the first time that it happened. I knew that when my fingertips felt numb, my hand would soon start shaking. Iyon nga ang nangyari kaya ibinaon ko ang mukha sa dalawang nanginginig na palad. Sumabay pa ang pagsikip ng dibdib ko.

“Sol!” It was Kuya Ilay’s voice.

A commotion was happening around me but I could care less. Hindi ako makahinga. Parang mamamatay na ako. If my lower limbs could move, I swear I would run to the balcony and jump. Just to breathe and have air in my lungs.

“Everybody out! Get the f**k out right now!” my brother roared.

“What’s happening?”

“Anxiety attack,” I heard my uncle reply.