Her Unheard Weeps

Caught

Chapter 18

"Mommy..."

"Sino ito astrid?" Matigas na tanong ng ina.

Mapanuri ang mga matang tumitingin ito kay oliver.

"ASTRID! SINO ANG LALAKING 'YAN!" Sigaw niya na bahagyang nagpatalon sa akin.

Dahil sa malakas na boses niya ay bahagya kaming naka attract ng attensyon mula sa mga dumadaan. Bahagya naman akong nahiya hindi para sa sarili kundi para sa nobyo. Majority of the people are his co-workers who stopped from walking to see the sight of their boss in a scandalous-like encounter.

Hindi pa din ako makapagsalita. Malakas ang kalabog ng dibidb ko and i think it's about to pop out of its ribcage.

"We all due respect ma'am but there is no need for you to yell at your daughter in front of so many people watching" ani ni oliver sa kalmadong boses. Agad akong napatingin sa kaniya dahil sa kaniyang pagsasagot.

"How dare you talk back! Hindi ikaw ang kinakausap ko!" Bumaling ang ina sa akin. "What are you doing with this man?—A doctor! Kanina pa kita hinanahap dahil kanina pa naghihintay 'yong ObGyne sa kwarto! And i would find you here? Kissing a—a doctor!? Are you out of your mind!? Who is this man?!"

Tumingin ako ulit kay oliver para makita ang reaksyon niya tungkol sa sinabi ng ina tungkol sa ObGyne. Umasa ako na isasawalang bahala niya iyon but i found him looking back at me with confused expression.

"I can explain..." i breathed out.

"No! Kung kailangan man ng explaination ay sa akin 'yon! Halika na astrid!" Hinila niya na ako pero agad napatigil dahil nahawakan din ni oliver ang kabila kong kamay, stopping my mom and me.

Tumalim ang tingin ng ina. "Let go of my daughter or so God help me. Whoever you are—or whatever relationship you have with her, believe me kasabay ng pagtapos ng araw na ito ay matatapos din kayo" aniya at malakas na akong hinila.

Nakalas ang hawak ni oliver sa akin and i can't do anything kundi lingunin lang siya habang hinihila ako ng ina. Alam kong gusto niya ding sumunod but i know him, silently, he respects my mother and wouldn't want to anger her more than she already is.

"Mommy..." ani ko ng tumigil kami sa labas ng kwarto ng ate.

"I will ask you once more time astrid" aniya sa nagtitimping boses. "Sino ang lalaking iyon? At hindi pa kayo nahiya? Dito pa kayo mismo sa hospital naghahalikan!"

"Mommy—"

"ASTRID! ANG TANONG KO ANG SAGUTIN MO!"

"Boyfriend ko po siya!" I breathed out.

Kita sa mukha niya ang gulat pero maya't-maya ay napamasahe sa noo. "Kailan lang?"

"I-isang taon na p-po"

"Oh God! Isang taon na! Isang taon mo na itong tinatago sa akin!? Sa mga oras na wala ka sa bahay—nalelate ka ng uwi! Nasaan ka!? Kasama mo ba ang lalaking 'yon?!"

Wala akong masabi dahil alam kong totoo ang sinasabi niya.

"Mommy...pangako, wala kaming ginagawang masama..."

"And you expect me to believe you after you kept this..him from me?!"

"My...gusto ko lang pong maunawaan ninyo—"

"Unawa?" she scoffed. She looked at me at Bumaba ang tingin niya sa tiyan ko. I didn't liked what she was thinking.

"May laman din ba 'yang tiyan m—"

"Mommy hindi po" kaagad kong sabi. "Wala pa pong nangyari sa amin"

She sighed loudly. "Oh thank goodness! The last thing that we need right now is another headache"

I just closed my lips together. Never minding the slight pang of pain in my chest of her rasping words.

"Nagkausap na kami ng doktor ng ate mo. Masyadong maselan ang pagbubuntis niya. Mas lalong magiging maselan kapag manganganak na siya" aniya. I was confused on how the topic suddenly shifted.

"Ano pong sinabi? Magiging okay lang ba si ate?"

"Her doctor said that if she continue her pregnancy, she will be at high risk of..." hindi nito tinuloy ang sasabihin at napalunok na lang.

"Mommy...will she be okay?"

"Wala na tayong magagawa. Gusto niyang ipagpatuloy ang pagbubuntis niya. She won't be working after the next few months. So meaning, ako na lang ang magtatrabaho. At hindi ko kakayanin ang gastusin sa gamot ang pang ospital niya—"

"Maghahanap po ako ng trabaho" kaagad kong sabi.

"Oh sige. Mabuti din 'yon. Pero baka mahihirapan kang maghanap ng trabaho sa iloilo"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. "I-iloilo po?"

Bigla akong kinabahan. Baka nagkamali lang siya ng pagkakasabi?

"Oo. Uuwi tayo ng iloilo sa susunod na linggo"

"P-pero...bakit?"

"I want to sold the house, and the car. Para dagdag sa panggastos para sa ate mo."

"P-pero..aalis tayo dito? Paano 'yong trabaho ninyo? Tsaka...hindi...Maghahanap naman ako ng trabaho diba? Hindi nating kailangang umuwi!"

"Are you even thinking astrid!? Malaki ang babayaran natin para sa kapatid mo! Ang maintenance niyang mga gamot! Tapos ang gagastusin pa natin para sa mga kakailanganin ng baby! Hindi natin kakayanin 'yon!"

"Baka may iba pa namang paraan.."

Ayokong umuwi..ayokong iwan si oliver dito...

She sighed like she was trying to calm herself. "Her heart is weak sabi ng doctor niya...ever since! We all know that, That's why she collapsed. Even a small stress can make her unconscious! Any time, kailangan nating siya isugod sa ospital."

Napatihimik naman ako.

"Plus, it's your sister's idea. I mean..i talked to her, she agreed. That's why i can't think of any reasons for you to not agree"

"P-pero...si kuya tom. Ang ama ng baby, wala ba siyang balak ipaalam?"

Bahagyang dumilim ang mukha ng ina na nagpataka sa akin."he doesn't need to know. Tsaka, wala na din naman sila ng ate mo"

"Huh? Bakit!?"

"Your sister told me something na hindi mo na kailangang malaman" Her eyes darted straight unto mine. "End things with that doctor now"

Napataas ako ng tingin dahil sa sinabi niya.

"Mommy..." my eyes were starting to get blurry. Patuloy akong umiling.

"He is the one who's stopping you from leaving. Kaya ayaw mong umalis, dahil sa kaniya diba? End things with him now astrid" she commanded in a stern voice.

"M-my naman..." my voice was now shaking.

"Don't be selfish astrid! Kailangan ka ng kapatid mo!"

Am i..my? Selfish? Siguro nga, pero sa tanang buhay ko ngayon lang ako naging makasarili..ngayon lang.

"Mommy naman e!"

Pinanlakihan niya ko ng mata. "Astrid!"

I can't hold it any longer. I've been holding it up for years now...it's like anytime i would burst, pero hindi ko akalaing ngayon iyon...

"A-all my life...i had never been the favorite, even in a single second..."

"Ano bang pinagsasabi mo astrid!"

"I was always n-neglected...And oliver was there....He held unto me...b-before i could even breakdown. He—he was always there for me, my..."

"Are you saying that i wasn't there for you astrid?! Sinasabi mo ba ang unfair ng treatment ko sa'yo kumpara sa ate mo?"

"Maybe...yes my. M-mahal na m-mahal kita..at alam mo 'yan. Pero minsan..hindi ko mararamdaman na mahal mo din ako."

She just looked at me while i sob in so much pain, like my heart was being grasped tightly, I couldn't breathe.

"For him, i was never a disappointment nor a failure. He loved me during the time i was yearning for one...from my own family. He valued my time, he valued my space, my secrets, my pain, he knew my achievements and celebrated with me, but most importantly...he valued me."

Ilang minuto din siyang natahimik.

"It doesn't change my decision." She said in a tone of finality. Tumalikod na siya at hinawakan ang knob ng pintuan. "Makikipaghiwalay ka diyan sa lalaking 'yan. Bibigyan kita ng dalawang araw"

She was about to turn the know when i spoke..

"You've been in love too, with dad. So i expected that you would at least understand! "i cried.

"Don't ever mention that man again." Aniya sa mariin na boses. "Things didn't work out with us. Just like what will happen with you and that doctor"

"Why are you being like this to me my? Anak niyo din naman ako ah?" i asked in a pained voice Bago pa niya mabuksan ng tuluyan ang pintuan. Bahagya pa akong pumiyok. I was to eager to know. Why? "Why do you hate me so much?"

"You are not...my daughter" she said that shattered me.

"Hindi ba sumasakit ang likod mo diyan?"

Kaagad akong napaayos ng upo ng marinig ang boses nga kapatid.

"Gising ka na pala" i forced a smile. "May gusto ka bang kainin?"

"Si mommy?" Inilibot niya ang tingin niya.

"Kumuha lang ng gamit sa bahay"

She hummed. She tapped the space beside her. "Halika. Tabi ka sa'kin"

Kaagad akong umiling. "Hindi! Hindi na ate. Baka maipit ko pa 'yong tiyan mo"

"Hindi 'yan"

"Hindi na. Dito na lang ako." I pulled a stool beside her bed. Umupo ako doon at dinantay ko ang magkabilang braso sa kaniyang kama at doon hiniga ang ulo. At nagsimula na naman akong matulala. Second later, i just felt her massaging my scalp.

"Okay ka lang?"

"Pagod lang" bulong ko.

"Mabuti naman at hindi ka na nagsinungaling." Aniya. "Pasensya ka na kay mommy huh?"

"Huh?"

"Narinig ko ang pagtatalo niyo kanina."

"Paano?" Napaayos na ako ng upo.

"Doon ba naman kayo nagtalo sa labas ng kwarto e talagang maririnig ko kayo" she chuckled but later on shot me a sad smile. "I'm sorry...for all of this ash"

"Papatawarin kita kung titigil ka na sa pagsasabi ng sorry"

She smiled again but it was a melancholic one.

"At least nasagot niya na ang matagal ko ng gustong itanong sa kaniya diba?"

"Ano naman 'yon?"

"Kung bakit hindi niya ako magawang mahalin"

"Ano ka ba ash! Syempre mahal ka niya! Anak ka niya e!"

I chuckled coldly. "Maybe you didn't hear our overall conversation after all. Hindi mo ba narinig ang huli niyang sinabi? She said i was not her daughter"

"Hin—"

"Which is true. We all know it is"

Natahimik naman siya. Ilang minuto ding tumahimik ang buong kwarto. Walang nagtangkang magsalita.

"You were a blessing...ash"

"I was a mistake. A mistake that she was forced to live under the same roof with"

"Ash...hindi ka gano'n"

"Panong hindi ate? Nandoon ka diba? Oo bata ka pa pero nandoon ka. Nandoon ka no'ng inuwi ako ng tatay natin sa bahay! I was the fruit of our father's infidelity to your mother! Who didn't hesitate to welcome me in her home after our father was punched back hard by his karma, when he knew that the woman he cheated with your mother—my biological mother had already have a family, a husband, with two kids! They were both unfaithful, at ako ang naging bunga!"

Hindi siya nakapagsalita. Kasi kahit anong sabihin niya, alam niyang tama ang mga sinasabi ko.

"Your mother was kind enough, understanding enough. She had to live with the proof of her husband's infidelity, to live with me and didn't complain anything for the past years! And maybe i deserved it, na pagkaitan niya ng pagmamahal. Kasi hindi niya naman talaga ako anak e! Hindi niya ako responsibilidad."

"Ash...hindi mo kasalanan. You were just a child, you were naive, and a child needs some love, even a grown up persons needs love. Sure you found it from an opposite s*x pero iba pa din talaga kung mararamdaman mo galing sa pamilya mo diba? What i'm saying is that, our mother, yes, she is our mother ash, not only mine but OURS, she loves you too, i don't know what's going on inside her head but i know that she loves you too. Kasi hindi ka naman niya papatirahin, papakainin, bibihisan kung hindi diba? She should've just abandoned you when you were just a child at pagkatapos mamatay ng daddy natin pero hindi, she knew that just by looking at you, she knew that the sin that our father and your mother committed doesn't have anything to do with you, sure you were the fruit but you were never at fault. She doesn't blame you, mahal ka niya. She just doesn't know how to express it"

She held my hand and faintly smiled. "She doesn't know how, and that's why i'm here diba? Enlighten me, did i ever made you feel like you don't belong with us? Hindi ko ba pinaramdam sa'yo na mahal kita?"

"You do. You're my sister" i said making her smile.

"Yes" she whispered. "You don't have to come with us to iloilo if you don't want to. Ako na bahala kumausap kay mommy. You can stay at your friends or with your boyfriend"

Doon nabura ang ngiti ko.

"She wants me to break up with him"

Saglit pa siyang nagulat sa sinabi ko.

"You don't have to" she said confidently and assuringly. "You'll stay here and you'll continue with your schooling"

Pinagkatitigan ko siya ng ilang minuto.

Bakit ba palagi na lang siya ang gumagawa ng paraan para sa akin? Para sa mga gusto ko? Doon ko pa lang naisip na ang dami niya ng nagawa para sa akin. Palagi siya ang nagsasakripisyo.

Stop being so selfish astrid! Kailangan ka ng kapatid mo!

"But i don't want to leave you alone." I said making her looked confused.

"Ano?"

I just held her hand and sightly squeezed it. This time, i was the one assuring.