Slow Dancing

Chapter 9

PAPANGALANAN NA ANG BABAENG hindi magawang i-block ni Ari ang numero at ang numero unong maasahang booty call, ang consistent na si Selina. She’s a Dutch and she has this radiant smile and Ari could hardly recover from all Selina cuteness. Her one call away somehow convinced her to meet tonight because Selina misses her. Ari couldn’t say no because she honestly wants some action. She doesn’t wanna be alone in her loneliness. It persecutes her sense of self-development, her liberation, happiness, and self-love. At least with s*x there’s a small time goal that either of them can achieve. It takes things off her mind. She doesn’t have to drown in sorrow about her pathetic, monotonous life. She would rather drown in Selina’s moans and husky voice. 

But tonight was different. They had dinner. They ate outside which they never did. A formal dinner. Selina made a reservation. She was wearing one of those tight body-hugging silky dresses in velvet pink. 

Kaya pala sinabihan siya nitong mag-dress din. Hindi niya alam na sosopresahin pala siya nito ng dinner. Nang tanungin kung alam ng boyfriend nito na lalabas sila ay oo raw. Nagpaalam naman ito ng maayos na may imi-meet na kaibigan. 

“So, how are you?” Selina asked.

“Great, great,” tugon niya. “Just here for my daily dosage,” Ari continued.

Selina stared at her and the sudden shift of jazz music in the air and her blue eyes raking her soul—motherfucker. 

“You know, I missed you,” pahayag nito. 

Ah, anang isipan niya. Nanghina siya bigla. Here we go.

“Really?” Kunwa’y balewala lang sa kanya ang narinig. 

“Didn’t you miss me?” tanong nito na inabot pa ang kamay niyang nasa ibabaw ng mesa. Inilayo niya iyon. Marahan siyang tumawa. “What are you doing, Selina?” 

Nangunot ang noo nito. “You started it. I am your drug, is that what you were saying?”

She rolled her eyes. “You invited me for dinner. You told me we can’t see each other because your boyfriend is visiting here.”

“That doesn’t answer anything about what I said,” she countered. 

Napabuntong-hininga siya. She doesn’t wanna ruin the night. Hindi niya naman pala kayang panindigan ang sinabi, ayan tuloy, ibinabalik nito ang sinabi niya sa kanya. Ipinahayag niya ang damdamin. “You’re just a mix bag of whatever it is that I want to feel—I think about you and I get sad, or I’m impressed that you’ve known Filipinos came first in America before the Caucasians found the land, or that you have a great playlist for every mood. I get excited thinking about you, my own serotonin. I get high thinking about the way you c****x. I seriously don’t wanna see you again because you lied to me and held information about having a boyfriend. But then again, s*x is great and you were available any time I want. You’re in a relationship and you act like you don’t. You’re not complicated. I thought you were. But then again, you didn’t say you have a boyfriend and now you don’t want me to lose interest in you so you take me out to dinner. Well, how about that?” saad niya.

Tumawa ito ng pagkalakas-lakas. “Amari,” she said in her sweetest voice. Selina fixed the small curls of her blond hair. “Why are women so complicated? You could have said something along the line like ‘I miss you’, ‘I think about you a lot’, you know,” she teased.

“Or I could just swing it and mean every word I said,” sagot niya. “Did you really miss me?” tanong niya rito. Nakita niyang nagningning ang mga mata nito. 

“I’ve missed you,” sagot naman nito. “I was thinking I don’t wanna be in a long distance relationship anymore.”

Napatigil siya sa ginagawang paglaro ng wine glass niya. Napatitig siya rito ng matagal na sa wari’y tinubuan na ito ng sungay. “I can’t wait that long for someone to visit me again. I’m not cut out for this.” dugtong nito.

“How long have you known this… that you don’t want it anymore?” tanong niya.

She winked at her. Ari scoffed. Selina continued by saying, “I always felt this way since I moved here and that was two years ago. I just can’t anymore. And then you happened and I couldn’t believe myself at first. I thought it would be a one time thing.”

“Do I look like just a one time thing?” Ari asked. Ask now, die a little later.

She smiled and for a moment she prayed she’s gonna say a good thing. “Honey, you are not. Come on, who’s on their right mind to do that to you?”

“So what are you saying?” tanong niya. Sa ikalawang pagkakataon ay hindi siya handa sa isasagot nito.

“Look, Amari, I’m not saying I want to break up with my boyfriend because of you. I just don’t want to be in a relationship with someone far away from me, and I don’t love him anymore. But if you want to continue this with me, I’m all ears.” Tonight was her first time addressing her by name. It’s always ‘hey’ or ‘hon’. It sounds weird hearing her name spoken by Selina.

Hindi siya agad nakapagsalita. Naalala niya ang usapan nila ng Ate niya. Naalala niya ang mga text messages sa kanya ni Selina tuwing umaga’t gabi. Kahit hindi nito sabihin ay pakiramdam niya’y may nararamdaman na ito sa kanya. Ari doesn’t want to be with someone who lies and walks away from it. 

“What are you thinking?” pukaw nito sa kanya. 

Napalingon siya rito. Si Samael ang nasa isipan niya. “Wala,” agad niyang sagot.

“I’m sorry, what?” anito.

“I said nothing. Selina, I’m not stupid,” aniya. Sumeryoso ang mukha nito. Tila ito isang manika dahil sa kulot na buhok at bilugang mga mata at mukha. “You basically lied and held information. Yes, I am up for a casual s*x but that doesn’t mean I am okay with f*****g someone’s girlfriend. I didn’t need to spell that out because I don’t need to beg for that information. We were having a good time, you know? I like spending time with you, exploring with you. You just had to ruin that by staying quiet about your boyfriend,” she continued.

Selina sighed and looked like she was done with the conversation. She didn’t say anything. They kept the silence with jazz music still in the background and the howling of the saxophone was hitting the right spot. 

“Amari,” Selina called her attention. Again with the sweet voice and her finally calling her by name. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think we’d see each other again after that first meeting with you,” hinging-paumanhin nito.

Marahan siyang napailing. “We chatted for a while before agreeing to see each other. You could have brought it up then,” tugon niya. What’s so hard for speaking the truth? 

She said she’s sorry. When they felt the night was over, they decided to pay the bill and leave the place. They were outside the restaurant and the music was still reaching them like little sunbeams. It was one of those sounds where you would slow dance to. Selina held her hand and squeezed it. Are they thinking the same thing? Does she have a penchant for slow jazz? Does she wanna know the title of the piece, too? Would she immediately turn to her phone when they part and look it up on the Internet? 

“I still had a great night with you,” anito. Niyakap siya nito. Gumanti siya ng mahigpit na yakap at halik sa mga pisngi nito. “Thanks for inviting me out,” pasasalamat niya.

“You’re great in bed... I like talking to you. What else have you got, Amari?” panunukso nito. 

RIP, sa isip-isip niya. Parang kanina lang ay naiinis siya rito pero heto ngayon at bumabanat. 

Pinakawalan na niya ang kamay nito. “I’ll see you when I see you,” aniya.

“Goodnight, Amari,” si Selina.

“Goodnight.”