Paper Stars

Kabanata 20

KABANATA 20

Nasa itaas pa ako ng puno ng sakura as I watched Reign drove off on his motorcycle. Hindi mawala-wala sa mga labi ko ang labis na saya. Iniisip ko pa lang na makakabalik pa ako roon para makalaro ang iba pang miyembro, nae-excite na ako.

If I ask him, would he teach me how to fight? Or at least teach me how to do the eye thing? I could really use that someday. You know, give shivers down the spines of those who belittle me.

Nasa kalagitnaan ako ng pagmumuni-muni nang makarinig ako ng kaluskos ng mga dahon. Agad naman akong napalingon sa dakong iyon.

"Aya? Is that you?"

Napakurap ako nang marinig ang boses ng isang lalaki.

"Aya?"

Napaawang ang bibig ko nang makita ko si Himamura na nakatayo sa isang sangang hindi kalayuan sa bintana ng library.

"Anong ginagawa mo rito?" I asked in a hushed tone.

"I was worried when you fell I immediately followed—" nasapo ko ang noo ko sa narinig.

Ilang oras din akong nawala. Sigurado akong kanina pa kinakatok nila Gene ang pintuan ng library. At dahil sinundan nga ako ng isang ito, siguradong nagwawala na iyon nang walang sumasagot sa mga katok niya. Worse, baka nagkakasagutan na naman sila ni Dice.

"Well, I'm here now. I'm fine. I'm safe. So, let's hurry down and get back inside bago pa nila malaman iyong pagkawala ko kanina," I said as I started my descent.

"Uh..."

Asar ko siyang binalingan nang marating ko na ang sangang kanyang tinatayuan.

"Um, before I went after you, I told Gene and the others that you told me to tell them to leave you alone until you decided to come out yourself. Somehow, they believed my story so they probably won't be knocking on that door anytime soon," anito na bahagya pang napaatras sa lapit naming dalawa.

Mataman ko siyang tinitigan.

"Bakit hindi mo na lang sinumbong kay Gene na nahulog ako? He'll immediately run to where I've fallen, for sure. Kailangan mo pang pahirapan ang buhay mo," pagod kong sagot rito.

Dinungaw niya ako pero kaagad niya ring iniwas ang paningin niya sa akin. Kaagad din siyang humakbang palayo.

Nandidiri ba siya sa akin? Bahagya akong napaatras sa natanto.

Of course. Sino bang hindi iiwas sa isang katulad ko? Baka makapitan ko pa siya sa sumpang hawak ko. Inilipat ko na lang ang aking paningin sa mga sakura.

"Whatever your reason is, thank you," malamig kong tugon dito.

"Uh—"

"But next time, do yourself a favour. Stay away from me. If you don't want trouble, don't come near me. Stay away," hindi ko matanggal ang pait sa aking pagkakasabi.

Tinalikuran ko siya at nagsimula na uli akong bumaba nang hawakan nito ang aking braso. Napatingin muna ako sa dakong iyon bago ko binalingan ang kanyang mukha.

He's sporting a hurt expression. Agad na kumunot ang noo ko sa nakita.

"Nasugatan ka ba pagkaakyat mo?" Hindi ko mapigilang mainis.

I just can't understand why he went through such lengths when he should have been staying away from me. Maybe because he felt responsible being the last person I was with before that epic fall?

"I did that because I don't want you to be in trouble again," mas lalong dumipena ang kunot ng aking noo sa sagot nito.

"You..." I was about to say nang muli siyang magsalita.

"Alam kong hindi naging madali ang araw na ito sa iyo. I was so worried when you fell, but I'm more worried you'd get into more trouble kung ipapaalam ko sa kanila ang nangyari. They might put you in a bad light again. I don't want that. I won't let you go through that," dagdag pa nito.

His hold on me was getting tighter. And his eyes were so full of concern that I don't understand. Kakakilala pa lang namin. Why would he be concerned of someone he just met? And a cursed one to boot!

Looking at his current state, hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin. Should I say my thanks? I should, shouldn't I?

"Uh... Than—"

"I don't want to stay away from you, Aya. I want to be your friend. T-that is, um, kung gusto mo lang naman," he was looking at me intently one minute and then turned away with that uncertain look on his face.

Bahagya akong napaamang sa kanyang sinabi. Hindi ako sigurado kung tama lang ba iyong narinig ko mula sa kanya. Did he really say he wanted to be my friend?

Nang muli niya akong nilingon ay kaagad nagtama ang aming paningin. This time hindi na siya umiwas.

Ngayon ko lang napagmasdan nang mabuti ang kanyang mukha. His naturally black hair that was styled in a formal manner before ay parang dinaanan na ng super typhoon ngayon. Kung titignan lang mas mabuti, makikita mong kulay tsokolate ang kanyang mga mata. Makakapal ang mga kilay niya na maganda ang porma. He's got that upright nose and thin, cherry pink lips. Siyempre, nagpakita na kanina ang mga pinagmamalaki nitong mga dimples. Overall, with his height and built, he looks like a typical Japanese idol.

"Aya..." Tawag nito sa akin.

"Hai?"

Bigla na lang siyang nag-iwas ng tingin sabay takip ng kanyang mukha sa likod ng kanyang kamay.

"Oh, sorry," dagdag ko nang mapansin ang kanyang reaksyon. I was staring too much. That was rude of me, "Um, nagtataka lang kasi ako kung bakit gusto mo akong maging kaibigan. Haven't you heard? Malas ako. If you befriend me, baka malasin ka rin. Gusto mo ba iyon?"

Bahagya niya akong sinilip mula sa pagkakatakip ng kanyang mukha. Kapunapuna ang pamumula ng mga ito. It made me wonder kung bakit niya isa-suggest iyon kung nahihiya naman siyang maging kaibigan ko. Napaangat ang kilay ko sa palaisipang iyon.

I was about to say something nang bigla siyang umayos sa pagkakatayo. His eyes were dead straight on mine. They spoke a thousand unsaid promises na hindi ko maintindihan.

"Yes, I'd like that," anito sa matigas ng ingles, "Please," may pagsusumamo nitong tugon.

Ilang saglit ko pa siyang pinagmasdan bago ako nagpakawala ng hininga.

"Baliw ka rin, ano? Didn't you hear what I just said?" Tanong ko pero nanatili lang ang mga mga titig niya sa akin.

"You're supposed to say no! You're supposed to stay away from me! You'd get into trouble if you continue associating yourself with me! Look at you," muestra ko pa sa ayos niya, "You're in trouble now—"

"I'd get into trouble anytime for you if that's the only way I could be your friend," nalaglag na yata sa lupa ang aking panga sa sinabi nito. Hindi agad ako nakapagsalita and he took advantage of that to speak some more.

"When I heard you play the piano, I felt your soul. Your piece was beautiful but it was painful in here," anito sabay turo sa kanyang puso.

Itikom ko ang aking bibig at nakinig pa sa kanya.

"Naisip ko iyong nangyari sa garden kanina. How your family reacted when they saw your performance, which was splendid by the way," tumaas ang kilay ko sa kanyang komento.

Of course! That goes without saying!

"How you just kept quiet while they punished you for doing something they believed only a man should do," may pag-aalinlangan niyang dagdag.

"I'd like to think na ganoon lang talaga siguro ang pamilya niyo when it comes to gender roles. Hindi ko naman masasabing magkaiba ang pamamaraan ng pamilya natin. Though there might be some degrees of differences, but basically, we're cut out from the same cloth. We're from the same empire after all. Kaya naiintindihan kita," anito at hindi ko mapigilang umiling.

"That's impossible," I scoffed, "The only way you could possibly understand me is if you've actually breathed and walked the life I'm living," mapakla kong sabi.

Naiintindihan niya raw ako? Anong alam niya sa lahat ng pinagdaanan ko? Anong alam niya sa buhay ko? He's too conceited to presume he understands the entirety of my life just from watching that little drama a while ago. Ni wala nga iyon sa kalingkingan kung ikokompara sa iba pang nauna! Imposible!

"I may just be twelve now but my mind's all grown up, Mister. So please spare me the clichés and just tell me who put you up to do this? Gene? Cute? Who?" Pag-aakusa ko while he was wearing a hurt expression.

Hindi siya kaagad nakapagsalita at nanatili lang ang kanyang mga mata sa mukha ko. Tila ba isa itong jigsaw puzzle at hirap na hirap siyang hanapin ang tamang paglalagyan ng mga piraso.

"Look—" I started but then he suddenly cut me off.

"We may not be on the same level of understanding your situation, Aya, but I can understand, on some levels, that feeling of isolation," kumunot ang noo ko sa usal nito.

I was about to voice my disagreement nang dugtungan niya ito.

"I may be surrounded by men who'd do any of my bidding. I may have parents who worked so hard to give me the best that life has to offer, pero sa loob-loob ko, I'm nothing more than just some dummy who they named and branded as their next successor," napaamang ang bibig ko sa mga sinabi niya.

"I'm just a doll, dressed and groomed to impress, programmed to continue the line. But inside, there's just... nothing," he pause for a bit to take a lazy, deep breath, "Just some endless pit of emptiness," he said as his eyes pierced through mine.

Imbes na maawa, mas lalo lang akong nainis sa mga narinig sa kanya.

"How dare you complain about your life to me?" I said through gritted teeth.

Bahagyang napaawang ang kanyang bibig sa aking naging reaksyon. Maybe this was not what he was expecting from me.

"Buti ka pa nga, ginagawa nila ang lahat para maging maayos ang buhay mo. You even have your damn future planned out for you. Ako?" I let out a scoff before continuing, "Kailangan ko pang mamalimos, mamulot ng kahit kaonting pagmamahal mula sa kanila. Ni katiting na pagkilala, kailangan ko pang ipagdasal," asik ko rito.

Hindi siya kumibo at hinayaan niya lang akong magsalita.

"You're just a doll, you say?" I let out another scoff, "Aba, kung pakiramdam mo walang-wala ka pa rin matapos nilang ibigay ang lahat sa iyo, ikaw ang may problema dito!" I said. Every word was dripping with acid.

"Wala sa kanila ang desisyon kung kailan ka sasaya. Nasa sa iyo iyon! Ugok!" Asik ko pa.