What Becomes Of Us (An Anthology)

Yellow - Finale

Miara sat on the back porch, where Kaden used to paint. His easels, canvasses, paints and brushes have all been boxed and put away in the attic except for the last painting he left her. That sat on the floor behind the couch in the sitting area. She wasn't sure if she should hang it on the wall. Cara said she shouldn't, so she didn't, but still she could not bear to put it away.

She hummed as she watched the sunset. It sent beautiful memories of her and Kaden back in mind and she felt a tug in her heart. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. It still hurts. It does. But not as much. The pain remained. Whether she got used to having it for the last six months and was numbed by it or she managed to shove it far into the back of her mind, she wasn't sure but she was glad it didn't hurt as much.

"Mara, someone's here to see you." She heard her sister say. Miara opened her eyes as she thought, "Who could it be? Probably someone from the office." and looked over her shoulder.

She was shocked to see who it was and she felt her heart stop for a moment.

"Mara..." The man said as he looked at her with apologetic eyes.

Her hands shook as she held the arm rest to get up from the chair and slowly turned to face her visitor. As she did, it was the man's turn to get shocked when she caught sight of her belly.

"Uncle..." She said, her voice trembling with emotion.

"Mara... You're..." Ron started.

Miara nodded her head in response as tears flowed down her eyes and sobs started to rock her body. Her knees felt weak and she felt like she was going to faint.

Ron was filled with guilt and pity as he saw her break down. He walked over to Miara and held her before she fell on the ground.

"I'm sorry, dear... If I only knew..."

Miara let herself just cry it out as Ron hugged her, repeatedly saying sorry and patting her back.

"How far along are you?" Ron asked Miara as they sat on the couch in the sitting room half an hour later. Miara was still wiping random tears that fell from her eyes and wrung her hands on her lap.

She sniffed and looked up at Ron. "Twenty nine weeks." She took a deep staggering breath before she continued. "When I came home that night, I brought his favorite pasta and got us a bottle of sparkling wine to celebrate the news but when I got here..." She paused, not able to say the words. "When I got here... he..."

"He was gone." Ron said, his voice thick with regret and guilt. "I'm sorry, dear. I'm sorry to be part of it but he's my son and when he called me and begged me to take him away and to hide him... How can I say no? He needed his Dad to be on his side and help him and I did just that, thinking it would be best for both of you but..." Ron sighed. "I was wrong. That's not what he needed. He only suffered more all these months and it surely did not do you any good." He looked at Miara, whose frail shoulders shook with sobs yet again. "I'm so sorry, Mara."

Miara did not answer. She just buried her face in her hands and cried.

"Although he had the best intentions in mind when he left, Kaden did not give you a choice and it's not fair. Mara, I'm giving you the chance to make that choice now whether you still want him back in you and your child's life or not is entirely up to you." Ron placed a piece of paper with his phone number and an address. "He won't be able to see you anymore. He has completely lost his sight but he is still Kaden and he needs you. You are all he has ever needed and if you would still have him, you know where to find him now." Ron said his apologies and farewell and went on his way.

After he left, Miara picked up the piece of paper that he left and stared at it.

"What do you plan to do now?" Cara asked.

"I don't know."

***

Kaden laid in bed still half-asleep when he heard the soft footsteps approaching his room. He heard them enter and go around his room like its owner was looking around, observing.

The scuffling sounded familiar... Too familiar and he thought he must be dreaming. He smiled and softly called out her name.

"Mara..."

The footsteps stopped abruptly and he thought he heard something drop on the tiled floor with a soft swish.

"My sketch pad." He thought. Over the past month since he completely lost his vision, he learned that his other senses were heightened. He found that through constant exposure and practice, he could recognize things around him. In time he became very familiar with the sound, feel and smell in his room.

He heard three scuffling sounds like the person who dropped the sketch pad turned but did not move from their place. He realized he wasn't dreaming and that he wasn't alone in his room. He opened his eyes, sat up and carefully felt for the side of his bed before swinging his knees down the edge.

The person did not move and he could feel their presence. He slowly turned to the direction of the sound and heard a soft gasp. IT'S HER!

His heart pounded so rapidly and loudly in his chest, he could hear it in his head. Hoping against hope and casting out the noise in his mind. He took a deep breath and gathered the strength to utter her name.

"Mara?"

***

After Ron's visit, Miara initially shoved away the idea of seeing Kaden because of pain... because of anger... because she wanted to move on without him.

But she missed him... everyday... every minute... every second…

So she thought about it. What would she gain from it? What would it do for her and the baby? What would it do to Kaden? Will it make things better?

She went back and forth on her thoughts to go or not, assessing, weighing, analyzing for a month until one day she drove off. She just drove without thinking it through. She just let her heart take her where she wanted to go.

An hour later, she pulled over in front of a bungalow just outside the city. It had a see-through grill fence where you could see a big garden with green oriental plants, a zen fountain and stone arrangements.

She got down from the vehicle, with a lump stuck in her chest. With small uncertain steps, she walked to the gate and with a hesitant hand, she rang the doorbell.

Seconds later, Ron came out of the house with a huge smile on his face, ran to the gate and opened it for Miara.

"Welcome, dear. Thank you for being here. Please come in." He said, beaming as if this visit was just like any other ordinary visit she usually made in their home.

She quietly let Kaden's dad usher her inside. The house had black and white interiors with hints of red in its decor.

"Kaden is still sleeping but you can go to his room if you want." Ron said casually.

"No! Don't go!" Her mind said but her feet started making their way to the direction of the room Ron pointed.

With soft steps, she approached the open bedroom. She stopped at its doorway as she caught sight of him peacefully sleeping on the bed covered with white sheets and pillows.

She bit her lips hard then swallowed her sobs and blinked away the tears from her eyes as she watched his handsome face resting soundly like an angel. She felt a wave of emotions wash over her anger, hurt, sadness, fear... love?

"No! Not love! Go now! Turn around! Leave!" She thought but still her heart pulled her inside.

She quietly stepped inside and was taken aback with what she found there. With the soft rays of the sun peeking through the light blue curtains and touching the white walls, she saw hand-drawn pictures of her in frames neatly arranged on the wall.

She slowly walked inside and looked around. His room looked like an exhibit of her images. She then found his sketch pad, she picked it up and started looking through his drawings of her as she walked to the chair by the window then she heard him whisper her name.

"Mara..." She heard him say. Her legs froze in place and her hands lost their strength to hold the pad so it fell on the floor.

She turned around. "Go! Now! Leave! Don't let him find you here!" The voice in her head started screaming but her feet were glued to the floor. She just stood there and watched him carefully get out of bed, struggling to figure out where she was and turn to her direction.

She gasped when he saw him looking straight at her but she could tell that his eyes were just blankly staring. She couldn't understand the turmoil of emotions she was feeling at the moment and then Kaden called her again.

"Mara?"

She wanted to run but couldn't. She just stood there as he carefully made his way to her.

"Mara? Is that you?" He called again after a few steps.

She did not answer. She stared at him immobilized as tears ran down her face.

"Mara? Love? I know it's you." He said again only a foot away from her now and reached his hand out to her.

She stepped back.

"Mara... It is you... Love..." He implored then he heard a loud smack. There was a throbbing pain on his left cheek and a ringing in his ear after she slapped him across the face.

"These pictures... Why?!" She asked and he knew she was referring to her paintings and drawings of her.

He touched his aching cheek but he didn't mind the pain. He deserved that. Even more than that. He knew that. He knew for a while now.

"I wanted to remember you even long after I don't get to see you anymore. So, I drew you everyday to etch your memory, every feature of your face in my mind."

Miara didn't answer.

"Love, please just..." He begged, taking a step forward.

"No!" He heard her take a few dragging steps back. "Don't call me that! Don't touch me! Don't..." She paused and started sobbing. The sound clutched his heart and squeezed with every painful sob.

He wanted to wrap his arms around her and just hold her tight. Hold her until the sobbing stops and tears dry up and the pain goes away.

"I... I'm really sorry, Love..." He felt a jab on his left shoulder. It was weak but he knew just how much hurt came with it from her. "Go ahead, babe. Just hit me. Hurt me. I deserve it. I'm sorry."

"Yes! Yes you do, you selfish bastard! You deserve that! You don't know what we've been through. I had to do it all alone. You didn't even give me a choice. You didn't even give us a chance."

"We? Us?" He frowned.

"I don't even know why I'm telling you this. You don't deserve it! You don't deserve to be a father. You didn't even give me and your daughter a chance! You, jerk!" She yelled. 

Kaden clamped his head between the heels of his hands, suddenly flooded with an outpour of emotions: fear, regret, guilt, joy... most especially... joy. He wondered if it mattered to him now if his child were a boy and he realized it didn't. He was just happy. "I'm going to be a father? I'm going to have a daughter?"

"No! You don't get to say that! You left me! You left us!" She angrily yelled back.

"I... I didn't know... I didn't know... Love... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... " His own tears now flowed incessantly from his eyes and sobs rocked his shoulders. He ached to hold her, just hold her but he couldn't. Not yet.

"I wanted you to stay, Kaden. I wanted to take care of you. I wanted to go through everything with you. I wanted to be with you no matter what. I wanted to see you through it all. I wanted to hold your and just talk to you. I wanted to be your eyes to the world that you can not see. I wanted to do all of that, not because I have to do it for you but because I loved you... I love you... I still f*****g love you!" She cried as she hit his arms and chest repeatedly.

She fell on her knees, sat on the floor, buried her face in her palms and wept. "This is stupid. I'm stupid. I shouldn't have come here." He heard her say.

"No. I'm stupid. I thought I was making the right decision so I won't hurt you, so I won't make you suffer but I see now how wrong I was. I was stupid. I was a coward. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, Mara..." He sat down beside her quietly as she cried. He wanted to hug her so much but he decided to let her be for now. He just sat there with her.

"Go away." She told him.

"No. You can't make me. I won't leave your side ever again. I have learned that lesson the hard way. I'm really sorry, Mara. I don't know if you'll ever take me back but I know that I will always want to come back to you. I love you, Mara. I will always love you. I will always want to have your light in my life."

Miara didn't answer. Her mind kept telling her to leave but her heart and soul already knew what they wanted.

"You don't have to answer but how about I just stay here beside you so you're not by yourself." He said, recalling her words when they first met.

He let her cry for a few more minutes as he quietly watched her while weeping his own silent tears then very carefully he reached for her and put one arm around her. She didn't move away. 

He slipped another arm to encircle her in his embrace and she let him.

He could feel her round belly under his arm and he smiled. "Hey there..." He whispered and slid his hand to touch her baby bump. She did not protest.

She looked up and saw him contentedly smiling as he gently felt her belly. She couldn't help but smile back, utterly relieved. She felt a few tears escape her eyes but not because of pain anymore. They were tears of overwhelming joy and hope for a happy ever after despite everything.

"Did you name her already?" He asked softly as he kissed her temple.

"Aurora. Her name is Aurora like the Roman goddess of sunrise because she was sent from heaven to shine a new day in my life again when I thought I lost it all."

Kaden closed his eyes. "I'm really sorry, Mara, my love. I'm sorry, Aurora. Will you ever forgive me?"

"You're already hugging me and rubbing my belly. What do you think?" Mara scoffed.

Kaden smiled whole heartedly. "Thank you, Love... I can call you Love now, right?"

"Jeez… Kaden Roberts, you're so clueless." She rolled her eyes at him and shook her head.

"Love." He grinned. "I love you."

"I love you more."