Three
2164 Words
Thea Elise
Nothing beats a good night sleep.
The smell of the coffee brewing, woke up my senses.
A smile drew across my face as I recalled last night's delight.
Oh, Nicky.
I cannot possibly encounter another human being that gets me..without reservations.
Seryoso, siguro hindi lang talaga ma absorb ng normal na pananaw ang kung anong meron kami ng bestfriend ko.
Growing up independently in a western culture has opened up my mind--fine, yung local term kasi natin na "liberated" is so misleading pagdating sa definition.
Admit it, kahit ikaw makarinig ng "liberated" na word, iniisip mo agad maikli ang suot, malandi etc-diba shallow masyado ang judgement ng tao?
When in fact kahit ang wikipedia ang nagbigay ng honest truth about it:
lib·er·at·ed
ˈlibəˌrādəd/
1.(of a person) showing freedom from social conventions or traditional ideas, especially with regard to s****l roles.
"the modern image of the independent, liberated woman"
2.(of a place or people) freed from imprisonment, slavery, or enemy occupation.
See? Freeing the mind, self awareness my dear spectators.
People often misconstrue what she and I have--this is given.
Well, maybe because we show too much affection..way too much.
Hindi naman maiiwasan ang mga judgemental diba?
So, we really don't give a s**t.
What we have, I could not even begin to explain.
We genuinely love each other, in all aspects.
Sige, define love?
No one can. Really. Yang nasa dictionary? Basehan na lang yan ng absolute meaning ng love.
Yung saamin ni Nicky? Incomparable.
Nicky and I are like old souls from the 70s trapped in this timeline.
She arrived exactly at the point of my life when I was trying to start over, and apparently she was not having the best time either.
She knows me too well.
I know her too well.
For the past 7 years we have been sharing and enduring each other's heaven and hell.
She is the only person who knows my broken parts, and has given some pieces of herself to make me somehow..whole.
What we are-- it started wild and lethargic.
Our shameless appreciation for each other were oftentimes highly anticipated during college parties.
There was no rager without Nicky and Thea, dancing on top of the table..wasted,gyrating and couldn't care less.
Okay fine, admittedly Nicky and I might have started with the shallowest meaning of the word,liberated--but life and maturity is a process ma cheries.
Oh, and the pool..making out in the pool was the highlight of every party we have ever been to..
Well, that was..college.
Three years before even moving to Columbia from my boarding school from hell, I have never imagined myself letting loose like that with Nicky.
It was an..escape.
A way to forget..
We both needed it.
Badly.
Of course when maturity knocked on our door, and we began dealing with adult problems, like college loans, the dmv, & parking tickets we somehow lost our touch with social life.
No, you didn't.
Ok fine, we didn't.
We moved back to the Philippines almost 2 years ago after so much contemplation and three major reasons:
-she was attacked by the scary clown for the second time around
-her family is here, and she may not admit it, she needs them
-she is my family so wherever she goes, I go too.
Kahit pa this is the only place where I thought I would not even dare to come back to, I still did.
2 years ago, she got a big break during one of her art exhibition at Gagosian Gallery. Some Spanish winery owner took an interest on her works, and bought all of it. Apparently, the rich old man had a fixation for surrealism and even commissioned other works from Nicky for her chain of wineries in La Andrada.
I remember how happy she was that time, she literally dragged me to Vegas and spent quite a fortune for us to party the hell out of the place.
She also used a part of it to buy an apartment here in Makati.
I, on the other hand, became a meager graphic artist that will make lay outs for your child's bday invitation--kahit pa isang daan mong beses ipa revise pilit kong lulunukin ang pagiging artist ko para lamang mapagbigyan ang gusto niyo sa halagang 20 pesos/square ft. take note free lay out kasi ang promo namin.
Well, at least I can make use of my Columbia Degree now--this is probably the only advantage when our company was bought by Spectrum and Jocelyn pimplefaced Arceo took over.
I actually wanted to apply at Lumineer Seventh but decided not to, because the company was too ideal and mainstream--and I loathe mainstream and all that it entails.
Fame, money and power--I am allergic to this.
Alam ko makakapasok ako doon, hello Columbia graduate over here--scholar pa ha, full ride fyi.
What gives, right?
I used to envy Nicky for chasing her dreams..getting it, and now living it..despite of everything that happened to her.
I, Thea Elise, is forever stuck on a loop.
A great pretender.
I know she has her own mess to deal with too, her own demons to fight, but I admire how strong and willed her personality is.
I am not in love with her..
I love her, like a sister, best friend, lover..there is no definition for what I feel towards her.
Nicky and I always had and will always have each other, no matter who we decide to end up with.
Our dream of walking down the aisle while prince charming is waiting is one of the weirdest f****d up dream we have on our bucket list.
Seriously, kahit siguro ang pinaka cynical at pessimist na tao sa mundo nag hangad din ng ganyang tagpo kahit minsan or 0.0001 second lang sa buhay niya.
"Hey T, I got a date tonight!" Nicky startled me when she leaped on the double bed.
"Hayy baka bading nanaman yan?" I chuckled while recalling some of her date disasters.
"Pucha.. Please don't jinx it! You know how badly I need to get laid. Using an actual d**k this time, and I don't mean to insult your glorious mouth. My patience and modesty have jumped out the window 3 weeks ago when some guy from the club got selfish and didn't even last a minute to give me an orgasm. Gwapo nga pero nakatulog while eating!Hindi ako katulad mo. I am not a prude like you. I need to find the one." Hinagisan ko siya ng unan na nasalo niya din.
Natatawa pa din ako pag nagsasabi siya ng 'the one' kasi hindi naman love of her life ang tinutukoy niya, kundi yung bagay sa pagitan ng mga hita ng lalake na mahaba, matigas at masarap.
Bastos talaga ang isip at bibig nito kahit kailan.
Siya ng babaeng lalake ang bunganga.
Saaming dalawa, siya ang hindi shy type--kahit sa anong bagay.
Ako sakto lang, medyo bastos lang.
"Prude? Really?" I pushed the pillow away and straddled her.
"Yeah.. well, prude on the d**k part anyways. I just don't get it T.. Am I really that great when it comes to your lady parts? Legend na ba ang bibig ko?" Her eyes were smiling and her grin was wicked..
But it quickly turned into something when I didn't reply.
Concern.
Anger.
I know that look.
Humiga ako sa tabi niya and kept still.
"Now you're not speaking to me? Bitch." Nicky's arms were crossed and I knew her right eyebrow is perched up.
"It's just.. you know why. We've gone over this a million times. Para na tayong sirang plaka N." I sighed.
Eto nanaman kami.
"Tang ina Thea, this breaks my f*****g heart every time.. Ten f*****g years wasted on this pathetic excuse you are holding onto. Hindi ka pa ba nababagot?" Minasahe niya ang ulo niya saka lumingon sakin.
"You can't possibly meet your prince charming with your legs crossed. You know I mean well by saying all of these..I just...I just can't imagine why you have to punish yourself every time someone great comes along." Bumuntong hininga siya at nagpatuloy.
Kung alam mo lang, hindi si prince charming yung pinag bukaan ko ng legs.
Shit, nakakahiya na nakakatakot ang mga pinag gagagawa kong kagagahan.
"Take the devil,for example. I mean, he obviously adores you. He's hot, oh yeah, that damn six pack I've caressed when I danced with him--and don't get me started on how your future babies are already set for life because he's obviously loaded. He likes you, no he adores you T..He's got it bad for you and just because he constantly and deliberately pull a 180 on you doesn't mean I'm wrong.That's just another take on his twisted desire for you." Nicky was at it again, if I had known any better she smoked a blunt a while ago.
Oh he showed me how twisted his desire is Nicky.
Shit ang tanga ko talaga!
"The devil tempts you, and admit it T, you are tempted. May mga beses na alam kong bibigay ka na, pero what gives? Bakit mo pinapahirapan ang sarili mong sumaya?"
Tiningnan ko lang siya.
The devil.
Always playing tricks on me.
Oo, I am tempted.
I even lost my self into that temptation.
And I would love to indulge in it again..
Pero..
Hayy hindi ko na alam.
Well she's always right. I rolled over to her so that my cheeks are on her chest.
I kept silent for a few seconds at yumakap sakanya.
"I am still so messed up huh? After all these years..." my hands lingered down on her hips.
"T.. You need to get your s**t together. I mean look at me, behind this pair of glorious boobs is a strong woman. You know my story and how I struggled to take back myself from that f*****g incident. You were there -- you held my hand, you even metaphorically dove in with me till we were drowning. In the end I got out of that nightmare." Pinisil niya ang braso ko.
"Tang ina, Thea. You need to get a hold of yourself. You need to take yourself back." Nicky held me up so that we were on our sides facing each other.
I was speechless on how this beautiful woman sees right through me.
If only I could muster up the courage to stop pretending.
Pero..
"He called.." it came out of my mouth like a whisper.
"What? Who called? " Her expression changed from curious.. to pained.. then anger.
Alam ko nagets niya agad ang sinabi ko.
"f*****g Christopher." We both uttered.
Nicky held both my arms and pulled me towards her.
Her embraces were always my comfy place. I snuggled under her neck.
"Ano pa bang kailangan ng hayop na yun? Sabihin mo na kasi buong pangalan niya sakin para ipabaril ko kay kuya." She whispered softly.
"Exactly Nicky... What does he want?" My eyes felt a little watery.
That fucker.
"You need to forget him. I wish I could do something so that you could move on Thea. My heart is breaking having you like this. Matagal ng namatay si Thea Elise Esquivel. Si Thea Elise ka na lang ngayon. Yan ang lagi mong iisipin." She gently lifted my chin to face her and planted a chaste kiss on my lips.
I closed my eyes and felt the comfort of her action.
"I love you..You are stronger than this. I'm cancelling on my date tonight, let's just go to a massage spa or something, I sold a few of my paintings and I want to splurge. " Her words were my anchor.
Any moment now, I feel like I'm going to float away.. but she knows too well how to keep me grounded.
Kahit ako, I will set aside everything just to comfort her.
Nicky is my person.
I closed my eyes and tried to push away the littlest memory of him.
How f*****g true that things don't get to stay buried forever.
This is life giving me the finger while slowly breaking down the walls I put up around my brokenness.
"I love you too N." I whispered.
"Or maybe you could finally give kickboxing a go? Yeah? Hindi mo pa nagagamit yung inopen kong membership mo sa Powershift." Nicky grinned at the idea of her newly found hobby.
"I thought you were doing something like UFC or something?" My eyes darted on the side of her arm that has turned purple from her recent sparring.
"Pasa nanaman? That's a new one.." I pointed out.
"You know how I get when I'm cranky T... So, clothes off for a massage or gloves on for sparring? Or Valkyrie tayo?"
"s**t, ayoko na bumalik don baka ma harass nanaman ako..Hmmnn.. how about you call Ella and have her guy deliver some brownies, while I buy a decent bottle of tequila?"
"Deal."
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- Writer
