Somewhere Between Time

Time Stop 7

Tinakpan niya ang bibig at impit na umiyak. Alam niyang sa kanya talaga babagsak ang sisi sa lahat ng nangyari. She's been selfish, and she's aware of it. Mula noon, hanggang ngayon, sa lahat ng bagay, naging makasarili siya. Sino bang ina ang may matinong pag-iisip na iwan ang mga anak niya? Even her mother did not do so, knowing that she had no idea who the stranger was who had made her pregnant. Samantalang siya ay kilala niya at pinanagutan pa. Lagi niyang sinasabi sa sarili at maging kay Alex na mahal niya ito at ipaglalaban niya hanggang sa huli pero siya ang unang bumitaw. She's the first one who gave up.

"We never asked you why you did that, Cameron. Whenever we try to open our mouths, you will tell us that we will not understand your reasons. But tell me now, how can we understand the things that we don't know? How can we defend and help you if you don't want us to? But I realize that as your father, I share some of the blame. Being a big jerk towards your Mom, I know that it really affects you."

Kinagat niya ang labi pero nanatiling nakatungo lang. Yes, that had a significant impact on her. Natakot siyang baka matulad siya sa Mommy niya na iniwan ng Daddy niya nang makakilala ng iba. Her father has no affections for her mother when her parents are living under the same roof because of her. When he met his first wife, he decided to leave them right away. Iyon ang iniiwasan niyang mangyari sa kanila ni Alex kaya bago pa man maganapiyon ay siya na ang naunang nang-iwan dito.

"It really did affect you, isn't it?" muling tumulo ang luha niya at hinayaan iyong umapaw na parang dam. Hindi niya alam kung tatango o hindi. But in the end, she nods. "Oh Baby," hinila siya palapit ng ama. "I am so sorry," naramdaman niya ang pag-alog ng balikat ng ama. Troy Villegas is a powerful and self-assured man. He doesn't want to display any flaws to anyone, not even to her. But now he appears helpless. "I'm sorry for causing you so much misery, Baby."

"Daddy," niyakap niya ito ng mahigpit. "Please don't cry....."

Lalong humigpit ang yakap nito sa kanya at umiyak nang umiyak. She heard her Mom crying as well. Sa pag-iyak na iyon ng ina, muling bumalik sa kanya ang lahat ng ala-ala noong hindi pa kasal ang mga magulang. She saw the vulnerable Cassandra crying in her room, hugging her father's pillow. In her young heart, she promised herself that she will not cry and be hurt by any men. She cannot understand how her mother can stand the situation, being her father's second best. She cannot understand why she's so weak. Kaya nang maramdaman niya na hindi niya makukuha ng lubusan si Mason, umalis siya sa unang pagkakataong nakita.

"Don't blame yourself, Dad. It's just because I am scared and.......and.......I am not ready to embrace motherhood completely," she removed her arms around her father and cupped his face. "I am weak and selfish, Dad."

"You're strong, Baby," napatingin siya sa ina. "Carrying the twins at such a young age, facing all the mockery from the people we know shows how brave you are."

Inabot niya ang kamay ng ina at hinalikan iyon. "But not as strong as you, Mom. When I was young, I promised myself that I will not allow myself to cry because of a man. That I can live without them in my life......but I fell in love and cried when I got hurt then ran at the first chance that I had."

"But he's there with you, Cam. Mason is there with you......."

"He is but not his heart. Every day with him, I am falling so hard. Added to that, the way he took care of me, attended to all my needs, he's so responsible in every sense of a word. But when I realized how much he really loves Louise, kahit na hindi niya iyon sinasabi sa akin, natakot akong baka dumating ang panahon na iwan niya ako kaya bago pa mangyari iyon, I have to run away from him."

Hinawakan niya ang kamay ng mga magulang. Alam niya kung paanong nasaktan ang mga ito sa sinasabi niya pero kailangan niyang sabihin. Maybe somehow, the pain will go, or at least, it will subside a little.

"Mahal ko ang kambal, mahal na mahal kung paano ko minahal si Alex. But I have inner demons that I wish to confront. I have to cope with my flaws, loss of faith, and fear. Mahal ko sila pero takot ako at hindi handa sa bagong buhay na mayroon ako. I'm insecure, especially around Louise. She's incredibly intelligent, attractive, sexy, and rich, and she'll graduate from our chosen university. But what have I got? Being a mother at such a young age, with a chubby physique, and not having completed high school..... I have nothing nice to write on my resume. Mom and Dad, I'm sorry. I had dreams, but one misstep that day shattered them all! I'm determined to finish what I began, but I noticed them going hand in hand with my twins. Ako dapat ang nag-aalaga sa kanila, hindi si Louise pero kahit picture nila, hindi ko man lang tinitignan kaya ano ang karapatan ko para masaktan? Anong karapatan ko para ariin sila na akin kung hindi ako naging ina sa kanila? I just gave birth to the twins, handed up duty to their father, and fled." She then burst into tears. Her tears don't stop falling.

She felt her father's arms wrap around her once more. "I am sorry, Baby. I really do. If I could just turn back the clock and do everything right so you wouldn't feel this way, I would. Hinding hindi ko sasaktan ang Mommy mo para hindi ka din nasasaktan ng ganito. But I can't Anak. Those are the memories I want to keep in the back of my mind. What has been done is done. Now that we're married, I can only make pleasant and wonderful memories with your mother. Mahal ko ang mommy mo, kayong lahat ng mga kapatid mo. The only thing I can do is assist you in moving forward. To assist you in your endeavors. To have my arms ready in case you fall. Cam, I've got your back on this, and I'm not about to let go of my Princess. That is something I will guarantee you."

Ngumiti siya at niyakap ang ama. "Thank you Dad. I love you so much!"

"I love you too, Princess," hinalikan siya nito sa sintido.

Humiwalay siya sa ama at niyakap ang ina. "I love you, Mom, and I appreciate everything you've done for me. Thank you very much for your efforts on Dad's behalf. Thank you very much for protecting our family. I want you to know that I admire you for being the toughest and bravest woman I've ever met. I love you to the moon and back!" hinalikan niya ito sa pisngi.

"And I love you more, Baby." Hinaplos nito ang buhok niya. "You will be stronger than me, that I assure you." Hinalikan nito ang noo niya. "We got you, Cam......We both got you."

She smiled and nodded at her parents. Now, for sure, she will have the strength to move forward. She doesn't want to fail anyone anymore, especially herself.

Pupulutin niya muli ang sarili at nananalangin na sana, dumating na agad ang oras na makakaya na niyang harapin ang kanyang mga anak, lalo na si Alex.