We, The Sad Sack

Nine

BUMULONG SI JESSIE kay Cameron. “Natatae ako.”

“Talent mo talaga 'yan, 'no? Huwag mong ibahin ang usapan.”

Inalis niya ang tingin dito. “Talent ko ring maging inarticulate.”

“Come on, ate.” Niyakap siya nito ng mahigpit. Nang manggigil ito ay kinagat siya nito sa balikat. “You're being unfair to kuya Ignasi...” mahinang sabi nito.

A lump formed in her throat. “But I love that guy...”

“And Sergi?”

“Kaibigan ko iyon, eh. Ang alam ko, kaibigan ko iyon. Somebody explain to me why I feel shitty instead ecstatic because my best friend got engaged?”

“`Tell you what, ate,” ani Cameron. “Ignasi pulled me aside this afternoon. He told me about this surprise he's planning. I want you to think about this real hard. Do you see Ignasi as your better half?”

Napalingon siya rito. “Are you saying he's planning on proposing?”

Nagkibit-balikat ito. “Yeah, sure.”

“I can't marry yet,” ang nasabi niya.

Tinitigan siya nito. “You can't or you won't?”

Tiningnan niya lang ito.

“Not with Ignasi?” nanantiyang tanong nito.

She sighed in exasperation. “What do you want from me, Cameron?”

Umupo ito ng maayos. “The heck you mean by that? You should know, big sister. You're with Ignasi for two years. You said you love him. You're fu/cking unfair. No one deserves this. No one. You should know that by now, you selfish woman.”

“Hey,” aniya rito. “I may be selfish—”

“Dude, you are. Stop this. Don't justify it. Ignasi loves you, and you don't see that because you're waiting for Sergi. I might be spewing bullshit right now but I can sense something is wrong. Ako na yata ang pinaka-assume-ra but that's only because I see and watch people. I like looking at people, how they react at something so simple yet their reaction to it makes all the difference. 

"Ikaw, ate? Hindi ka ba nahihiwagaan? Alam kong gusto mong alamin at hanapin iyong kasagutan na nagpapagulo ng isip mo ngayon. Please be honest with me. If you can't be with your boyfriend, you can trust your sister. Fine, step-sister. But that doesn't lessen the fact that I truly care for the one person that also cares for me. Ikaw iyon. At ayokong makita kang nagkakaganito. Step out of the shadow and stop hiding. Kaya hindi ka nakikita ni Sergi in a different light, eh.”

She stared at her sister. “Thank you, Cameron.” Bumaling siya sa bintana ng sinasakyang bus. “Promise me you'll get me drunk this evening and then I can go over your plan of stepping out of the shadow, if my drunk self did something about it tonight, maybe you're the next thing I have to fight after Emerald… Who am I kidding? I don’t steal guys. Hindi ako gano’n.”

Cameron's eyes mirrored the starry night. “Sergi's my yardstick when it comes to men. You can never go wrong with that kind of guy.”

Siya naman ang humilig sa balikat nito. “But you still end up with the alpha males. Sergi is not.”

Cameron sighed. “I know. You can't resist their angst and beauty. They're always in control.”

Jessie looked at her sister. “Sergi might be your yardstick, but who are we kidding? Sergi's unique. You can't find another Sergi in someone else's personality. Not even close.”

She smirked. “Not even Ignasi.”

Jessie almost nodded. “Ignasi's different. He's all-out, stable, someone you can depend with when everything else is crashing down.” Iniharap niya ang kausap niya sa direksyon niya. Nakipagtitigan siya kay Cameron. “Bulag ba ako o tanga? Bakit pa ako nagdadalawang-isip kay Ignasi?”

Si Cameron naman ang humawak sa mga balikat niya. “Ate,” mahinahon nitong sabi. “You know why he's my yardstick when it comes to choosing opposite s*x although I always fail miserably? Nandoon siya noong kasibulan ko ng pagdadalaga. Kayong dalawa na nagkukulitan sa harap ko, at sinasama niyo pa ako lagi sa mga lakad niyo. Kahit na nga ba hindi tayo close noong una. Nakita ko kung gaano kakulit at kaloko si kuya Sergi, at kung gaano rin niya pinapahalagahan iyong mga mahal niya sa buhay. Sinabi ko sa sarili ko na gusto ko rin ng ganoong lalake. 

"What you said earlier about how I'm next in line after Emerald, that's not true. He may be my yardstick, but I always fell for guys same my wavelength. And as destructive. Sad, but true. Ito na lang ang sasabihin ko regarding your query about kuya Ignasi, paulit-ulit na lang tayo, eh, or...” Cameron rolled her eyes. “Paborito lang natin silang pag-usapan. As I was saying... You're not able to give whatever it is you're feeling for Ignasi wholly and truly because somehow, somewhere in your dark, cold, cold heart, you have towering hopes about you and Sergi becoming lovers. If that happens, and when it does, you are completely willing to put everything aside. Including kuya Ignasi.”

****

UMALIS NA ANG mga kasama nina Mel. Sila na lang ni Dominic ang naiwan. Lumabas sila ng restaurant at naupo sa isang bangkó. “Sergi and Emerald are engaged,” ani Mel. “Wow.”

“I know,” manghang wika ni Dominic. “Noon pa man ay alam ko nang si Sergi ang mauunang mag-settle down sa atin. Now it happened.”

“But Emerald’s going away,” sabi ni Mel.

Dominic replied. “Well, she’s doing it for her job which is understandable, ang tagal na niya do’n, plus iniisip na nila ang bumuo ng pamilya.”

“Sabagay. It’s not like they wanted to be far from each other. Hinihingi lang talaga ng sitwasyon na doon siya madestino.”

Dominic agreed. “Trabaho naman ‘yon, kasama niya pa pamilya niya. Not bad.”

“Paano kaya niyan si Sergi? Panigurado mangungulila iyon. Hindi naman pwedeng maya’t maya ang alis niya.”

“Right.”

“Magkikita rin pala sila doon, ‘no? Sa Bicol. Iyong magkapatid at sina Sergi.”

“Oo nga. Pero may sarili naman tayong lakad—”

“I know!” impit na tili ni Mel. “I’m excited. Sa wakas mami-meet mo na si Matthew. He’s a bright kid.”

“Kanino pa ba magmamana?” Dominic teased.

“Uh, duh, may nanay siya? Sana lang hindi niya mamana ang pagiging walang kwenta ng babaeng iyon.”

He looked at Mel then shook his head. “Hey... are we still not talking about that part of yourself?”

Hindi makapaniwala si Mel sa narinig. “Part of myself? Tsk. Not now. Hindi pa ako handa, eh. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin mapatawad ang dapat patawarin at makalimutan ang hindi dapat alalahanin.”

Dom looked pensive. “If you say so.”

Mel sighed. Nagpasalamat siya rito.

“I’ll always be here.”

He expressed his gratitude. “And I’ll forever be grateful. You’re the best next to Matthew.”

“I got him some gifts. Okay lang ba?”

“Don’t spoil him too much.”

“Not if I see him.”

Mel rolled his eyes. “Ano na lang ang mangyayari sa inyo kung palagi na kayong magkasama niyan?”

“Hindi ba siya nangingilala?”

“Medyo.”

“That’s normal.”

Mel was invaded by a passing thought. “Kasama ba si Ignasi do’n sa magkapatid?”

“Saan? Sa Bicol?” his boyfriend asked.

“Sa one-week vacay nila.” the former answered.

“I wasn’t really listening. Iyong atensyon ko ay nando’n sa dalawang newly engaged.”

Just like that, Mel forgot about his inquiry. Mel drooled. “Yes! I was so ecstatic upon hearing their news, like, what the s**t. I’ve been expecting it from them, because obviously they’re the type who settle down and create beautiful babies. I’m so excited for this new chapter.”

“Sina Ignasi kaya?” Dom looked pensive again.

“Mag-settle down? Ang tanong, mapapayag niya kaya si Jessie?”

“Jessie’s in love with Ignasi, ridiculously enough, and vice versa. So why not? Although... I can sense that Jessie doesn’t want that yet.”

“Yet,” Mel agreed. “Totoo iyan. Siguro mga ten years pa bago mapa-‘oo’ iyan.”

“Ilang taon na ba sila?” ani Dominic.

“Si Ignasi, lalagpas na sa kalendaryo iyong edad no’n. Si Jess naman—”

Pinupog ni Dominic ng halik si Mel. “Not the answer I’m looking for.”

Natatawang kumawala si Mel sa hawak ng nobyo. “Two years.”

“Pa lang?” ani Dominic.

“Oo. Magtatatlong taon na rin sila.”

“Matagal na rin.”

“Tayo kaya?” ani Mel.

“Ikaw ba.” si Dominic.

Niyaya ni Mel si Dominic na maglakad. Iniwan nila pansamantala ang kotse sa paradahan.

Nagsalita si Mel. “Sana nag-commute na lang tayo. Ang congested ng traffic. Parang biro na lang iyong pagbabiyahe rito. Nakakaumay.”

Dom sighed. “Paulit-ulit naman na nangangako iyang mga nakahalal, mga hangal. Puro papogi.”

“Kaya nga. Mas may bayag pa ako sa mga ‘yon,” ani Mel.

“Hairless,” Dominic teased.

Hindi nagustuhan ni Mel ang init ng sikat ng araw. “Maybe we should go back to our car. Ready to see Matthew?”

Napaurong si Dom. “Akala ko sa isang araw pa?”

Napaisip si Mel. “We’re not doing anything. Wala pa akong gagawin, hindi pa ako busy. Hihintayin ko pa ang go signal nina Jess. Maybe we should visit him. I heard his mother’s not around. Kung gusto mo lang naman. On the other hand, we could go shopping.”

Hinatak na siya ni Dominic. “Let’s go to the nearby mall first. I want to buy something for Matthew.”

“Tapos bibigyan mo ulit ng regalo sa isang araw? I think that’s too much.” si Mel.

Hindi nito pinansin si Mel. “I’m thinking of candies. But not too much candies.”

“He loooves chocolates.” Mel said.

Dom seemed excited. “See? Maybe I should buy him a Kinder egg.”

“May toy ‘yon sa loob, ‘di ba. Iba na lang. Dami na niyang toys, dagdag kalat na naman.”

Dom sighed. “If not toys, then not too many candies. Not even a Kinder surprise because apparently his father is the one cleaning his playroom, which I doubt.”

Mel rolled his eyes again. “I’m just saying, dagdag lang sa lilinisin. You’ll be amazed at how one room can be filled with Matthew’s toys. Iba pa ‘yong tulugan niya sa playroom niya.”

Tahimik na silang naglakad pabalik sa sasakyan.