Please, Forget me Not

CHAPTER 40

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili kong lumabas ng kwarto at pumasok sa darkroom. Isa-isa kong tiningnan lahat ng mga litrato naming nakasabit at hinayaang dalhin ako ng mga ‘yon pabalik sa nakaraan, kung saan maayos pa ang lahat.

When I started to feel suffocated, I grabbed some photo albums and went down to the living room instead of going back to my room. Parang kasing hindi ko kayang magtagal sa mga closed area na punong-puno ng mga alaala namin. Baka mag-break down na naman ako.

I laid my back on the couch and started browsing the album. One can say how much we’re in love by just looking at our pictures. How happy we were with each other. How perfect our relationship was.

Hindi nagtagal ay una-unahan nang bumagsak ang mga luha ko habang pinagmamasdan lahat ng picture naming dalawa. How I wish there’s a time machine to take me back to those days when we were so happy… and inlove. When everything is okay with him.

I miss him smiling at me, calling me Kaiah with his gentle voice, staring at me with his loving gaze, playing with my hair until I fell asleep, cuddling me, kissing me, hugging me, cooking for me, our random dates, movie nights, late-night walks… everything. I miss everything so much.

Kailan kaya ulit ‘yon mauulit?

Mauulit pa kaya ‘yon?

Tired from crying all day, nakatulugan ko na ang pagbubuklat ng aming mga ala-ala. Kinabukasan, nagulat ako nang makita si Zach pagmulat pa lang ng mga mata ko. He was sitting on his wheelchair near my couch holding our photo album in his hands.

Why is he here? Paano siya nakarating sa bahay ko?

“Zach…” mahinang sabi ko at bumangon mula sa aking pagkakahiga. I looked at the wall clock and my eyes widened when I saw the time. Alas dose na ng tanghali!

“Good afternoon,” bati niya at tinapunan ako ng saglit na tingin. “You cried all night?” tanong niya pero wala na sa akin ang tingin niya dahil nakatutok na ulit ‘yon sa photo album na hawak niya.

“No…”

“Really?” aniya, hindi naniniwala sa sagot ko. “But your puffy eyes are already speaking for you.” Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. Unti-unti kong naramdaman na mugto nga ang mga mata ko. Nakakahiya naman dahil nagsinungaling pa ako, tapos alam niya na pala ang sagot sa tanong niya.

“I’m sure you cried because of me. You were hugging this album when I got here…” Ibinalik niya na ulit ang tingin niya sa akin kaya nag-iwas ako ng tingin. I don’t want him to see me like this. Ang panget-panget ko!

“You said that you will help me remember everything about us. Is it okay if you share with me the stories behind these photos? Looking at them, I’m really curious about the relationship we had.”

I bit my lips before nodding my head. “I’ll fix myself first…”

“Okay, you can take your time. Kumain ka na rin muna. It’s already a quarter to one. There's food in the kitchen, Algid cooked it for you.” Hearing him telling me to eat, my heart can’t help but be happy. At least he still cares for me.

“How about you? Have you already eaten your lunch?” tanong ko sa mas masigla nang tono.

“Yeah, don’t worry about me.”

Nagpaalam na ako sa kaniya para umakyat sa kwarto ko para maligo. Pagkatapos ay pinahidan ko ng eye cream ang mata ko para mawala ang pamu-mugto nito. Nang masigurado kong ayos na ang itsura ko ay bumaba na ulit ako. Dumiretso muna ako sa kusina para kumain saglit. Wala na si Zach sa sala ng matapos ako.

Hinanap ko siya sa loob ng bahay pero wala na siya. “Zach?” I called once again pero walang sumagot. Napagdesisyunan kong lumabas ng bahay para pumunta sa kanila dahil baka umuwi na siya dahil sa inip sa paghihintay sa akin. Bago ko pa tuluyang mabuksan ang gate ay may nahagip na isang pigura ng lalaki sa hindi kalayuan ang gilid ng aking mga mata.

Nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang makitang si Zach ‘yon. Nasa garden lang pala siya at mukhang doon ako hinihintay. Naglakad na ako patungo sa kinaroroonan niya. Nakatalikod siya sa akin kaya hindi niya ako nakikita.

“I was looking for you inside the house, andito ka lang pala. Akala ko umuwi ka na,” nakangusong sabi ko nang umupo ako sa katapat niyang upuan. Napatingin ako sa photo album na nakapatong sa lamesa na siyang pinagmamasdan niya. Titig na titig siya sa isang litrato namin na para bang sinusubukan niyang alalahanin ‘yon. In that picture, I was smiling at the camera while he’s kissing me on my cheek.

“That was taken two weeks after we became a couple. I visited you in Canada and we had a date in Niagara. I was sulking that time because you didn’t want to change your lock screen. You wanted to take a photo of us pero ayaw kong ngumiti. But you managed to make me smile by saying those three magic words and kissing me right after. You also said that my smile in that picture is the most beautiful smile you've ever seen,” nakangiting kwento ko sa kaniya. I was surprised that I can still remember the details even though it happened almost two years ago.

“Why are you sulking about my lock screen?” he asked curiously.

“Your lock screen was a drunk picture of me with chocolates all over my face. I looked so ugly there that’s why I’m asking you to change it, but you said I’m pretty cute there.” Tumango-tango siya at ibinalik ang tingin doon sa picture. Ipinilig niya ang kaniyang ulo, pilit na inaalala ‘yon pero mukhang bigo siya dahil binuklat niya na sa ibang pahina ng album.

“What about this one?” turo niya roon sa panibagong picture. I leaned in and tilted my head to see it clearly. Nakabaligtad kasi ‘yon sa akin. “You can sit beside me, you know,” aniya na ikinagulat ko naman pero agad kong sinunod. Binuhat ko ‘yong isang upuan at itinabi sa kaniya bago ako umupo.

“So… what’s the story behind this picture?” tanong niya ulit. “Why am I staring at you with a straight face?”

Napangiti naman ako nang maalala ‘yong nangyari doon. Kuha ang picture na ‘yon noong welcome back celebration ko. Zach and I were in the pool. Naka-poker face siya habang nakatingin sa akin na nakayakap at nakatingala sa kaniya.

“Kaya gan’yan ang mukha mo ay dahil nagseselos ka kasi niyakap ko ‘yong kaibigan ng kapatid mong lalaki na friend ko rin kahit kasasabi ko lang na hindi ako yayakap sa kahit na sinong lalaki maliban sa’yo. Nilalambing kita riyan sa picture na ‘yan para hindi ka na magselos.”

Kumunot ang noo niya. “Why did you hug him, then?”

“We’re playing volleyball in the pool and we won against your team. He was my team mate. Nadala lang ako ng tuwa kaya ko siya nayakap.”

“Oh, I was possessive of you?” I nodded my head.

“Yes, and clingy too. Look at this picture and see how clingy you are to me,” natatawang sabi ko at itinuro ko ‘yong polaroid picture namin noong dinalhan ko siya ng lunch sa office niya less than a year ago. I told him the story behind that and showed him more pictures of him hugging me. After seeing them, he was convinced that he was indeed clingy.

Nang makarating sa huling pahina ng photo album, isinarado na niya iyon at humarap sa akin.

“Looking at these pictures, I can say that we had an amazing relationship.” He stopped for a moment before he continued. “I can see how much I… love you, and how much I’m happy with you.” Nagulat ako nang hinawakan niya ang magkabilang pisngi ko at tinitigan ako sa mata.

“Habang abala ka sa pag-aalaga sa akin, pinapakiramdaman ko ang sarili ko sa tuwing malapit tayo sa isa’t isa. Tinititigan kita sa tuwing hindi ka nakatingin sa akin. Gusto kong malaman kung may nararamdaman ba ako kasi sabi nila, even if the mind forgets, the heart always remembers. But…” He trailed off.

“B-but w-what?” I was shocked by his confession because I never noticed that. All the time, I thought he didn't pay attention to me.

“Why does my heart can not remember you as well?”