Stepping On Thin Ice

It’s already twelve noon when we stepped out of the plane. Inayos ko ang mahaba at kulot kong buhok na nagulo ng hangin kanina. I deeply inhaled the smell of Cebu. For some reason, it feels so nostalgic to me. The air is giving me the chills of familiarity. Sabi ni Kuya madalas daw akong mag-bakasyon sa Cebu dati, perhaps that's the reason why I'm feeling some nostalgic fragments right now. He would even point out that I was so in love with the place that I literally stayed for two years here. Mas pinili ko rin daw mag-aral ng Senior High School ko rito sa Cebu. They also told me that mother lives here too bago siya ikinasal kay Daddy. She was a probinsyana back then living in Alegria. I looked down when I felt a gentle hand touching my left leg. Saglit kong binitawan ang aking maleta at nagyuko para salubungin ng ngiti ang aking anak. "Yes, baby?" ginulo ko ang kanyang buhok at pinanggigilan ang kanyang matambok na pisngi. Sean, my 2-year-old son looks so cute with his color blue T-shirt paired with his little maong pants. Ngumuso siya bago ini-angat ang magkabilang braso niya sa 'kin hudyat na gusto niyang magpakarga. I chuckled and lifted him slowly. My baby is already tired. Our flight from Los Angeles to the Philippines is truly quite exhausting, especially for my little Sean. Pinugpog ko ng halik ang kanyang mukha dahil sa sobrang pangigigil, his hearty laughs never fail to overwhelm me. Hindi ko rin alam pero sa tuwing nakikita ko ang kanyang mukha, ang kanyang pagtawa at pagngiti ay nakakaramdam ako ng magkahalong kasiyahan at kalungkutan. His face resembles someone from the past that I know has played a very important part in my life. I wonder what his father looked like. Tanging ang labi at kulot kong buhok ang namana ng anak ko sa akin. The rest was I don't know. Sean's eyes were midnight while mine's hazel. It gives me chills whenever I look deep into my son's eyes. It's very mysterious. Tila may gustong sabihin ito sa 'kin. His nose is pointed and his jaw is aristocratic. My son is very manly and handsome with his facial features and it's only his thin and pinkish lips that soften his feature. Napapalunok na lang ako minsan sa tuwing iniisip kung gaano ba kakisig ang lalakeng naka-anuhan ko noon? Paano ko naakit ang ama ni Sean noon kung ganito ba naman kagwapo ang naging bunga? For two years, I have always been seeing a man in my dreams, it's still blurry but I am certain that he's the father of my son. Fragments from the past are slowly forming and getting more clearer to me. "Luna!" nabalik ako sa sariling wisyo nang marinig ang isang pamilyar na boses. My face lit up when I saw my Kuya standing in the waiting area of Mactan Airport. "Kuya Rashid!" Mabagal ang paglakad ko dahil karga ko sa kaliwang braso ko si Sean habang hawak ko naman ang dala kong maleta sa kabilang kamay. Kuya immediately stride fast towards us. Kumunot pa ang aking noo nang may isang bodyguard na kumuha sa aking dalang maleta. Kuya Rashid, on the other hand took his nephew from me. "My baby looks so tired." puna ni Kuya matapos pugpugin ng halik ang pamangkin. I just sighed. "I told you, you should've brought Rosal with you para hindi na kayo mahirapan ni Sean sa biyahe. You are always so stubborn, Luna." hindi na ako kumibo sa kanyang pasabi. Ayaw ko ng patulan ang gustong mangyari ni Kuya. I want to decide on my own and for my son. Isa pa, nakaya naman naming dalawang bumiyahe and for me, that is an achievement as a mother. Nagsimula na lang kaming naglakad palabas kung saan naghihintay ang sasakyang kukuha sa amin. Muli ko uling napuna ang mga bodyguards na dinala ni Kuya. Dalawang itim na SUV ang kanyang dinala. Ang isa ay para sa tatlong bodyguards na duda ko'y bubuntot sa amin. Kuya will be driving the other SUV kung saan naman kami sasakay ng anak ko. May isang bodyguard din kaming kasama sa sasakyan namin. He will be sitting in the front seat. Nasa likod kami naka-upo ni Sean. "Kuya, what are these guards for?" hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili. What the hell is going on here? It is just so unusual. Hindi ba ligtas dito sa Cebu? "Hmm? It's just for protection." pasimple niyang sagot bago pinaandar ang makina ng sasakyan. Nagkasalubong ang aking kilay. "Huh? Protection, saan? Bakit ang dami?" pang-uusisa ko ulit. Tumingin siya sa rearview mirror ng sasakyan para tignan ako. His eyes look bored making it seemed that my question is very nonsense to him. "Just in case, Luna. Hindi natin alam ang takbo ng panahon." aniya. His lips forming to a grim line. Sumeryoso ang kanyang mukha habang abala sa pagmamaneho. Bumagsak ang aking balikat at sumandal na lang sa backrest ng upuan. Hinayaan ko na lang si Kuya Rashid. Ayaw ko ng mangulit at makipagtalo pa dahil pagod na pagod ako mula sa biyahe. I look down at my son and he looks really sleepy. It's his first time to travel this long at ito ang pinaka-unang beses niya rito sa Pilipinas. I kissed his forehead. "M-mum," he softly said. I chuckled again. It always feels so magical to hear my son acknowledge me as his Mom. It's heart-melting for me. My past might have been so dark but my son filled the dark empty space in my heart. We suffered so much and to me, he will always be my living miracle. "Luna, don't forget your appointment with your neurologist 2 days from now." Pumikit ako at napahagod sa aking ulo. "Yeah." I felt a mild pain in my head. I mentally cussed because I am thinking too much again. Kinalma ko ang aking sarili at napabuntong hininga. Napansin pa yata ni Kuya Rashid ang mga galaw ko kaya pabaling-baling na ngayon ang tingin niya sa rearview mirror at kalsada. "What's wrong?" aniya. Humina ang takbo ng sasakyan. Umiling ako at nginitian ko si Kuya. I don't want him worrying about me at baka pabalikin niya uli ako sa L.A. "Nothing, Kuya. Pagod lang." I assured him. Bumalik ang mata niya sa kalsada. Seryoso ang kanyang mukha at tila malalim ang kanyang iniisip. He sighed after a couple seconds of thinking. I looked down at Sean again and he's already sleeping. His head is lying on my chest. Hinaplos ko ang kanyang mukha at buhok bago napagdesisyonang matulog na lang din. Napapikit ako at isinandal uli ang aking ulo at katawan sa backrest. I relaxed a bit but a few moments later may narinig akong cellphone na nagri-ring. I heard the bodyguard answering it and what he said after receiving the call caught me off guard. "Sir, may sumusunod raw na dalawang sasakyan sa 'tin." I instinctively opened my eyes. Napatingin ako kay Kuya Rashid. He is suddenly so alert pero kalmado pa rin siya kung titignan. I don't know if he's just creating a facade but I have a hunch na alam niyang may ganitong mangyayari kaya pinaghandaan na niya. "Ano bang meron, Kuya? Sino raw yung sumusunod?" my eyebrows were already shot pero pinanatili kong kalmado ang aking boses dahil baka magising ang aking anak. Bumaling ang mata ko sa rearview mirror na inayos ni Kuya ang pagkakapuwesto para makita kung meron ngang sumusunod. I tilted my head and saw a white Honda and a Gray SUV. Meron nga!