In Between

Chapter Fourteen

“Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.” – Marie Curie

Patuloy ang pagdaan ng araw at paglipas ng mga oras. Sa bawat tunog ng orasan, paglubog at pagsikat ng araw, umaasa si Elijah na gagaling si Yannie at muling babalik ang dating lakas ng asawa.

And despite of every pain, he kept holding on to the only being he knew he could hold on.

"He sent out His word and healed them; he rescued them from grave. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for mankind." Napatigil sa pagbabasa si Elijah nang makitang nagmumulat ng mga mata ang asawa. Gising man o tulog, basta may pagkakataon ay binabasahan niya ito ng Bibiliya.

He’s not really up to it, but he wanted to try everything he could. It seemed that Hairah was right when she said that the Word of God has this soothing power. It made Yannie and him calm.

"Don’t stop," she whispered, sounding tired even though she just came from sleep.

Tumayo siya at  mas lumapit lalo rito. "Love, may masakit ba uli sa’yo? Tatawagin ko ba—"

Nanghihinang umiling ito at maagap na hinawakan ang kamay niya.

“Please, keep on reading…” she whispered, her voice still quivering.

Sandali niyang tinitigan ang asawa bago nakakaunawang tumango siya. "Okay."

Elijah settled and began reading again while holding Yannie’s hand. Nakapikit ito habang may pagod na ngiti sa labi. Alam niya, ilang sandali na lang, bibigay na ito pero hindi siya papayag. Patuloy siyang kakapit at aasa na magtatagal pa ang buhay ng mahal niyang asawa.

*****

“Bakit hindi ka na muna umuwi, Elijah?”

Inubos ni Elijah ang laman ng tubig sa bote bago nilingon si Yannie. Nakaupo ito, nakasandal sa headrest ng hospital bed habang matamang nakatitig sa kaniya. Katatapos niya lang pakainin ito at painumin ng gamot.

“I’m spending the night here.”

“Pero may pasok ka bukas, Elijah. You need rest.”

He put down the bottled water and turned to his wife. “Matutulog ako mamaya.”

Yannie let out a sigh. “You barely sleep there,” she pointed out eyeing the moss green leather couch. It was long, but wasn’t long enough for a tall man like Elijah.

“I could sleep anywhere. Used to it, love.”

She shook her head. “You’re tired, wiped, and you need complete rest.”

Elijah couldn’t himself but smile. Despite her current state, Yannie was still sweet and caring. “Do you think I could sleep in our bed when your kilometers away from me?”

“Elij—”

“No, love. I can’t and I won’t.”

“You have a job tomorrow,” she reminded.

“Our job, sometimes require sleeping somewhere or anywhere. Sleeping on that couch, with you here, will make me sleep and rested.”

“Oh Elijah…”

“I’ll be fine. What you need to do is to stop worrying about me. Rest and be at ease, love.” Elijah held her hand and kissed the back of her palm.

Yannie kept silent and stared at her husband. There’s no shaking with Elijah. He’s soft, gentle, but he’s also firm in his own way.

“Come on. Let us lay you down.” Tumayo si Elijah at inayos ang hospital bed niya bago dahan-dahan siyang tinulungang makahiga.

Nang makahiga si Yannie ay sandaling tinalikuran ito ni Elijah. Pinanood ni Yannie ang asawa na nililigpit ang mga pinggan na ginamit nila. Inilagay nito ang mga pinggan sa trolley na naroon at inabot naman ang Bible na nasa ibabaw ng side table. Tahimik na pinagmasdan niya ang asawa na binubuksan ang makapal na libro. They had Bible at home, yet the Bible Elijah was holding wasn’t like the one they own. She didn’t read much, but the thick book that always sitting at one of their shelves wasn’t green—it’s brown, thick, and longer than the one Elijah’s holding.

“That’s new,” she commented as she stared at the book.

Elijah gave her a beam, a wide one. “This? A good friend gave me this.”

“Good friend?”

“Yep,” he answered while flipping the pages and as the beam widened.

Yannie wanted to ask more, but she just clamped her mouth. Elijah had it all, his cup was already full. She would find the answer she needed.

*****

Nag-iinat na tumayo si Hairah bago pinatay ang ilaw ng buong kwarto niya maliban sa munting mushroom-style lamp shade na nasa bedside table niya. Naghahanda na siya sa pagtulog nang mapatingin siya sa digital clock sa ibabaw ng table.

Alas-dose na nang madaling-araw. Hindi niya napansin ang oras dahil nasiyahan siya sa pagsusulat sa journal. Pagkatapos matiyak na na-i-set ang alarm clock ay pinatay na niya ang lamp shade at nahiga na. Hindi pa nag-iinit ang likod niya sa pagkakahiga nang bigla namang tumunog ang message alert tone ng cellphone niya.

Napipilitan at inaantok na bumangon siya't inabot ang cellphone. Ang pag-aalinlangan niya ay nasamahan pa ng labis na pagtataka nang makitang unknown number ang nag-text.

Umarko ang kilay niya habang pumipindot sa cellphone. Sino namang magte-text ng ganito kaalangang oras? tanong ng isip niya.

Binasa niya ang text at ang lahat ng antok na meron siya ay naglaho. Maikli lang ang mensahe pero hindi pa man niya natatapos basahin ito’y parang ilang kamao ang sumuntok sa sikmura niya. Nangangapal ang batok at nanlalabo ang paningin na nakatitig siya sa mensahe.

Hi. It’s Elijah’s wife. I know it's a bit too late but this is only the time I have.  I know I'm not in place to ask. But can we meet? Text back and I'll tell you when and where. – Yannie Pelaez

Pakiramdam niya'y may kung anong dumagan sa dibdib niya. Hindi na nakapagtataka na malaman nito ang number niya dahil pulis ito at at tiyak na napakaraming paraan.

Ang hindi niya maunawaan ay kung anong dahilan at gusto nitong makipagkita. Bakit kilala siya nito? Bakit…

Hindi kaya...

Natutop niya ang bibig. She mean no harm pero mukhang nakarating dito na nagkikita sila ni Elijah.

Nagkikita? Come on, Hairah! Stop making it sound like you and Elijah was doing something that is against Yannie, not even behind her back!

Wala sa loob na nahilot niya ang sentido.

Oh, God. It’s not happening, right?

Nagsisimula na siyang makadama ng paghehestirikal. Dama niya ang panginginig ng mga kamay nang muling basahin ang text. Wala naman siyang nakikitang pagbabanta mula rito. She just wanted to meet. That's all. Wala rin naman siyang dapat ikatakot dahil una na'y wala naman silang ginagawang mali.

She breathed in then started typing, Hi. I'm not sure why do you want to see me, but okay, I'll meet you up. Just tell me the place and the time. Then she hit send.

Napapikit siya habang pilit pinakakalma ang sarili. Wala pang ilang segundo, her phone beeped. It's from her again.

I bet you already knew who I am. Anyway, we can talk about that later. Is it okay if you just come to the hospital? They just don't want to let me go. Tomorrow if it's not hassle with you. Around 10 o'clock. Elijah's on duty so he won't be here.

Feeling niya ay hindi siya humihinga. Hindi siya sure if there's something in her texts. But it’s no surprise, its either she's bossing around, straight forward siya, o takas lang ito nang pagtetext.

Okay, I'll be there at 10. But, I don't know which hospital are you in? she texted back.

Sinabi nito ang hospital kung saan. At sa huli nitong mensahe, Please, don't tell Eli. I'm not sure if how he would take this. Maybe, not now. You can tell him, some other time in the future. Anyway, thank you.

Hairah didn’t know how she would handle this. Still, she texted Okay and no reply came back. Ilang minuto pa siyang naghintay pero wala nang reply pa.

Nanlalata ang katawang humiga siya sa kama. Ang kaninang antok at pagod ay tuluyan na siyang iniwan. Takot, pag-aalala at inis sa sarili na lang ang natira.

Bakit ba niya hinayaang mapalapit ang sarili kay Elijah?

Dahil gusto ng puso mo. Dahil mahal mo siya.

Umiling-iling siya. Malinis ang intensiyon niya.

Mahal mo siya kaya gusto mong mapalapit sa kaniya.

Alam ni Hairah na mali ang mapalapit dito ngunit hinayaan niyang emosyon ang manguna sa kaniya.

Masama ba siya? Makasarili?

Mariin niyang pinikit ang mga mata, pinagdaop ang mga palad at bumulong sa kaisa-isang palagi niyang nilalapitan kapag naguguluhan.

"Lord, help me... I'm in ..."

*****

Mabibigat ang bawat paghakbang ni Hairah habang binabagtas ang tahimik na pasilyo ng ospital. Isa-isa niyang tiningnan ang bawat numero ng silid hanggang matagpuan ang hinahanap. Hindi siya sigurado sa gagawin, ni hindi niya alam kung tama ba ang ginagawa niya.

Humugot siya nang malalim na buntonghininga bago marahang kumatok sa pinto. Walang tumugon kaya pinihit niya ang seradura upang buksan ang pintuan. Hindi pa siya lubusang nakakapasok ay nalanghap na niya ang pinaghalo-halong amoy ng alcohol at mga gamot sa loob ng silid. Mula sa kinatatayuan ay tanging paanan lang ng hospital bed ang nakikita niya. Nakatali ang kulay berdeng kurtina kaya kitang-kita ang kalsada mula roon. Sa tapat ng bintana ay may couch na may nakapatong na kumot, unan at isang malaking itim na bag.

“Pasok ka,” ani ng bahaw na tinig babae na nagpabalik ng diwa niya.

Tuluyan siyang pumasok at isinara ang pinto. Mas lalong bumilis ang kabog ng dibdib niya habang humahakbang palapit sa hospital bed.

God, help me here…

Ipinaskil niya ang matamis na ngiti nang mapalapit sa paanan ng kama. Abala pa siya sa pag-iisip kung paano haharapin si Yannie nang tila gulantangin siya ng kakaibang version nito.

“You’re Hairah, right?” Her voice was soft, yet she could hear decisiveness from her tone.

“Y-Yes, I’m Hairah,” she murmured, all the while looking at Yannie’s eyes directly.

“I’m Yannie.”

Never in her imagination would she see Yannie in her current state. The woman she saw twice burned a strong, sophisticated and beautiful woman in her mind. The Yannie sitting in the hospital bed in front of her was totally different from the Yannie she knew. She looked pale, no, it’s beyond pale. Her body was thin that her bones almost stick out from her skin. Her dainty round eyes before were now bugging, dark circles around it. And those soft natural curls, it’s still there, but not the way it used to be. She could see beyond those hairs.

Oh God…

“We haven’t talk yet and you’re about to cry,” Yannie’s voice seemed to wake her from deep slumber.

“I-I’m sorry... I don’t me—”

“I hated it when they look at me with pity in their eyes. Weird, but the way you look,” she smiled at her, “it’s different.”

She didn’t know what to say, so she decided to walk towards her.

“I’m feeling weird,” Yannie said abruptly, watching her as she moved closer.

“May masakit ba sa’yo?” nag-aalalang tanong niya.

Nakangiting umiling ito. “No.” Ikiniling nito ang ulo para titigan siya. “I’m feeling weird seeing you here; watching you stare at me… all the while my head is wrapped on how to tell why I asked you to come over.”

Yannie perhaps looked fragi,le but her impending approach just demonstrated that she’s still the same Yannie before.

“Is it about Elijah?” Hairah decided to ride on.

“Yes, it’s about my husband…”

Hairah felt a cold hand gripped her heart and twisted it, making her flinch. She didn’t expect those words. But then what would she expect? An open-arms and warm-hearted greetings?

“You knew he’s married.”

It wasn’t a question. It’s a statement. Hairah took the prompt. “Of course, I do.”

Yannie’s eyes narrowed at her. “Then why?” she inquired, not hiding the bitterness in her voice.

“What why?”

“You’re playing with fire.” From being bitter, her voice turned into an accusing one.

Hairah knew deep inside her that Yannie was right. Elijah was the fire. However, she’s not playing with him. More likely, she’s walking in light he was emitting. This one she didn’t share and instead said softly, “I think you’re rooting at the wrong road, my dear.”

“Is the Bible from you?”

“Yes.”

“Is that a gift?”

“Perhaps…”

“Then that’s the why!” Bahagyang tumaas ang tinig ni Yannie. Hindi rin nakalingat sa kaniya ang pagpiksi nito. Mabilis niyang nilapitan ito nang mapansin ang mabilis na pagtaas-baba ng dibdib.

Hinawakan niya ito sa balikat at marahang kinuskos ang likod. “Look, you have to ca—”

Inignora siya nito at diretsa siyang tinitigan. “Tell me…” Nahihirapan na itong huminga pero mariin pa rin ang bawat bigkas ng mga salita nito.

Hairah stared back. “There are lots of things the Bible can do that we cannot do. That special book holds the answers we don’t have.”

Napakurap ito sa kaniya, tila hindi makapaniwala sa naging tugon niya. Sinamantala niya ang pagkakataon at nagpatuloy. “I barely knew Elijah. He told me we’re friends, but I actually don’t know if we are.”

“F-Friends?”

Tumango siya.

“It’s the first time I see you.”

“May darating ka bang bantay?” sa halip ay tanong niya.

Kumunot ang noo nito. “Wala. Mamaya pa sina mommy pupunta.”

Hinila niya ang upuang monoblock sa tabi ng kama, naupo roon, at hinarap si Yannie. “Ask and I’ll try to answer.”

Umawang ang maputlang mga labi nito.

Inabot niya ang kamay nito, ginagap iyon, at may malamlam na ngiting tiningala ito. Yannie was in pain, physically and emotionally. Wala siyang magagawa para pagalingin ito o bawasan ang pisikal na sakit. Ngunit may magagawa siya para alisin ang nagpapabigat ng dibdib nito.

“Your eyes…” Yannie suddenly murmured.

“I’m not against you.”

Naramdaman niyang humigpit ang hawak nito sa palad niya.

“I promised I’ll be honest.”

Tumaas ang sulok ng labi nito. “Common.”

“Anong ibig mong sabihin?”

Umiling-iling ito. “Tell me…” Hindi ito nagpatuloy at sa halip ay diretsa nitong tinitigan siya sa mga mata. Tumaas-baba ang balikat nito bago muling nagsalita. “Tell me… Do you love Elijah?”

Namilog ang mga mata niya kasabay ng pag-awang ng mga labi. Talking about honesty!

*****