Chasing Rainbows

TRUST(ED)

"Maybe I am no longer upset because he once broke his promise. Maybe I am upset bacause I can't trust him again. We built our trust to each other for how many years, but he destroyed it for just how many minutes. I am afraid that it will take forever to be repaired"

Puro minor subjects ang klase namin this afternoon kaya wala namang naging problema.

Nakakatuwa lang talaga ang tadhana. Naging classmate at kaibigan ko pa si Thalia, yung babaeng nabangga ako noong Admission Test at nakasabay ko noong magpa- enroll. Si Thalia na girlfriend ng childhood love ko na ngayon ay bumalik na sa eksena.

Nauna nang pumasok sa klase nila si Nat. Sinamahan ko pa talaga siya. I mean hinatid ko pa, to be more precise. Mamaya pa yung klase namin kaya naman umupo muna ako sa labas ng classroom nila dahil may bench naman doon. Mula sa bench na kinauupuan ko ay nakikita ko si Nat na nakaupo sa may bandang harapan.

Nag- umpisa nang nagsalita ang guro nila at narinig kong pinakilala na ang transferees kasali na doon si Nat. Narinig ko si unang babae na nagpapakilala sa buong klase.

"Next, may we listen to your new classmates as they introduce themselves," their professor said and I saw the first girl stood and started speaking.

"Good day! I am Claire Buenavista, 20 years old. I came from University of Sto. Tomas and the reason why I transfered here is that, I want to join the famous Athena Debate Society. Well, I am focused. I am determined. I really want to do well in this course as a preparation for law. I just have few friends. I hope I could find more friends here," she said.

Si Nat na ang susunod.

Tumayo si Nat at nagumpisa nang magpakilala.

"Hello, everyone! I am Nathaniel Corpuz. I am 20 years old. I came from Far Eastern University. Just like everybody else here, I also want to be an architect someday that's why I chose to take up this course. I am introvert. Trust is not automatically given to people. One has to earn it and take care of it or else, it's over. Don't worry, I'm very approachable naman."

Did he spill too much? Hahahah!

"Wow. Mr. Corpuz! May hugot ka agad," their youthful professor said.

Habang naglalakad papunta sa building namin, natatawa- tawa na lanh ako sa self- introduction ni Nat na ewan ko ba kung saan nanggagaling. Sa klase naman namin, nagbigay lang sila ng syllabus at ipinakilala rin ang mga bagong estudyante.

After the class, Nat and I went to the Good Life Café to buy milk tea. Tumambay muna kami doon para magpalamig bago umuwi sa apartment. Napansin kong hindi masyadong umiimik itong si Nat kaya tinanong ko na lang siya to break the ice.

"Kumusta naman ang first class mo rito sa Mapua?" tanong ko.

"Okay lang naman ba yung classmates and teachers mo?" dagdag ko.

"Um, okay lang. Puro pakilala lang naman kami kanina," sagot niya.

"Alam ko," sabi ko kay Nat.

"Alam mo ba, sinabi ng isang professor namin kanina eh hugutero raw ako," kwento niya.

"Alam ko," muling sagot ko.

"Ha? Paanong alam mo eh wala ka naman kanina sa klase namin!" wika niya sa akin.

"Yun ang alam mo. Trust pa nga. Hahaha! May trust issues ka ba?" sabi ko sa kanya.

"Do you trust me?" tanong din ang narinig kong sagot sa tanong ko kay Nat.

Di ko siya gets. Ngayon pa talaga siya magtatanong ng ganyan? Para saan?

"Why did you ask that?"

"Wala naman. Napaisip lang ako. Alam kong may nagawa ako noon. Baka wala ka nang tiwala sa akin."

Kung bakit ko pa kasi ipinasok ang topic na crush eh. Yan tuloy ako pa ang na- hot seat.

Trust is like a glass. Once it's broken, you can never bring it to its original appearance again. This is cliche, but I find this with profound truth.

I looked at a distant place. While Nat is patiently waiting for me to answer, I reminisced the moment when we put on the bracelet around each other's wrists. I went back when we made a vow to not leave each other. I remembered the day when I gave him my trust but eventually shattered it.

"Do you trust me?"

My world paused for a bit. I do not know what he is talking about but I am sure that he is implying something.

"Ahh- an- ano bang sinasabi mo, Nat? Tara na. Uwi na tayo." Tumayo ako mula sa pagkakaupo ngunit hinawakan niya ang kamay ko dahilan para mapaupo ako ulit sa tabi niya.

"When you trust someone, you don't hide anything from him, do you? But what if I did not have the chance to tell you every thing" tanong niya sa akin na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin maka- imik.

Hindi pa man ako nakakasagot ay muli na naman siyang nagsalita.

"Nat, with all the decisions that I made, I always have my reasons. But I understand if you can't trust me anymore."

I was overwhelmed with his lines. My eyes looked directly to his eyes. I composed myself and answered him.

"Okay. Let me tell you something straight, Nat. I trusted you."

"You trusted me. Can't you not trust me again?"

From this point onwards, silence occupied space. I did not answer him. I stood, grabbed my bag, and walked away.

While walking, I kept on thinking why could I not trust him again.

One of Newton's laws states that im every action, there is always an equal and opposite reaction. How is this related?

I loved and trusted Nat. In my young age, I knew my feelings for him was real. From a rate of 1 to 10, 10 could not even suffice. Nat was my harbor. He was my safe haven. I invested so much feeling and trust.

But he chose to break his promise. The overwhelming amount of love and trust I exerted bounced back to me as pain and suffering. I did not know romance until I met Nat. Yet, I also did not know heartache born out of love until he left me.

We trust and love so much. This is the very same reason why we are hurt so much as well. The ability to trust a person again is not in our hands. It is in the hands of time because only can prove everything.

Maybe I am no longer upset because Nat once broke his promise. Maybe I am upset bacause I can't trust him again. We built our trust to each other for how many years, but he destroyed it for just how many minutes. I am afraid that it will take forever to be repaired.