I'm Not Me Anymore

08

"Goodnight, mahal. I love you." I kissed her on her forehead and I gave her a small smile.

"Goodnight. I love you."

Dahan-dahan akong lumabas ng kwarto ni Lily tapos pumasok ng kwarto ng magulang niya. Pagkapasok ko, agad akong humiga sa kama at tinitigan yung kisame. Hindi namalayan na napangiti pala ako.

"Tangina, na ba-baliw na ako." natatawa kong sabi habang nakatakip ang muka gamit ang braso ko.

Kinabukasan, maaga akong nagising para mag prepare ng breakfast namin ni Lily. Nagluto ako ng Ham, bacon and eggs. At sa drinks, green tea. I want her to be health although I'm perfectly aware that ham and bacon are not healthy. Pero minsan lang naman.

Pagkatapos kong lutuin yung ulam, kumuha ako ng kutsara, tinidor at plato. Habang ko hinahanda yung pagkain, narinig kong kumalabog yung pinto. Gising na ata siya.

"Good mor- Kiel?!"

Napalingon ako sakaniya and I laughed out loud.

"Kiel, why are you half naked?!" agad siyang tumalikod tapos tinakpan yung mata niya gamit ang palad niya.

"It's hot."

"Yung AC naka on! Anong 'hot'?!"

"Ikaw? Why are you not wearing bra? Naka nighties kapa ha." pangangasar ko.

I didn't mean to see that. She was stretching kaya napansin ko. But although I saw that, I still respect her though. Ni-hindi nga pumasok sa isip ko to touch her.

"Bastos ka kingina mo yan pa talaga napansin mo!"

I laughed at her again while shooking my head. Pagkatapos kong ayusin yung pagkain, nagsuot ako ng sando. Baka mamaya awayin naman ako non.

"Hey breakfast is ready!" sigaw ko.

"Coming!"

Kumalabog ulit yung pinto tapos may narinig akong footsteps sa hagdan.

"Bakit ikaw pa ang nag ready ng pagkain? Nakakahiya a'" sabi niya habang naglalakad papalapit sakin.

I was just staring at her while she's talking to me. Her angelic face, her lips, her hair, her voice, the way she talks to me and her personality.. everything is so perfect. I really admire a girl like her. She's the only girl I want to cherish in my life. I love her.. so much.

The way she gets annoyed when I'm teasing her, she's so cute. She's just like an angry cat.

The way she laughs and smiles because of me, I feel like I'm the best man in the world. Her laughs and smiles are mean so much to me.

Lagi siyang nakangiti. kaso madalas peke 'yon. Bata pa lang siya marami na siyang pinagdadaanan. I've seen her crying many times because of her family when we were a kid. And everytime I witness her crying, parang gumuguho mundo ko. Lalo yung nabalitaan kong nag suicide attempt siya, parang akong maba-baliw.

"Are you even listening?"

I licked my lower lip tapos tumawa. "Sorry. You were saying?"

Ayan nanaman siya sa pag irap niya. Tumawa ulit ako bago uminom ng tea tapos narinig kong she clicked her tongue.

We watched movie for whole day. Hindi ako pumasok ng school just for her. I also asked Kallie to make an excuse for the teachers kung bakit hindi ako makakapasok nang ilang araw. The school year is about to end soon anyways.

Habang kami nanonood, naramdaman kong napa sandal si Lily sa braso ko. I looked at her gently tapos napaawang labi ako.

My girl is sleeping.

I smiled. Look at her.. my innocent girl. She's so precious.

I caressed her hair tapos gumalaw siya and I heard her groaned. Did I wake up her up?

Hinawakan ko ang ulo niya tapos sumandal din sakaniya. I feel so happy when I'm with her.

*Flashback*

"What the f**k did you do, Kal?!" I raised my voice while holding her arm.

She glared at me tapos tinanggal niya ang pagkakahawak ko sa braso niya.

"Hindi mo ba napapansin, Mateo?! I'm doing this because I like you! Mahal kita! Ano pa bang gusto mong gawin ko!?"

Napaawang labi ako. I clenched my fist tapos bigla kong sinuntok yung pader. I noticed on my peripheral vision that she flinched.

"Gusto mo ako?! Then be happy for me! Stop ruining my goddamn lovelife kasi kahit anong gawin mo, hinding hindi kita magugustuhan. Tandaan mo 'yan!"

I respect girls. Hindi rin ako nananakit. I didn't mean to raise my voice at her. But she's too much. Sinaktan niya si Lily, e. At first, pinapahabaan ko pasensya ko kaso sumobra siya.

"Ano bang nagustuhan mo roon sa babaeng 'yon?1 Don't you want a girl like me?!" She held my hand while she's crying.

"No. And I would never ever like a girl like you."

She grabbed my hand kaya mas lalo akong nainis.

"T-then I will be like her! I- I will.. act like her!" she said it habang namumuo ang luha sa mata niya. "Ka-kaibiganin ko sila Sydney, Kristen at iba niyang friends! I will be like her. Mateo please.. please.."

Tinanggal ko ang pagkakahawak niya sa kamay ko and I gave her a deep sigh. "Kallie.. ikaw lang ang masasaktan sa huli.."

I'm so f*****g frustrated with this woman. Hindi niya ba naiintindihan sinabi ko kanina? O nag ta-tanga tangahan lang talaga siya?

"Unang una.. please mark this in your mind na hinding hindi kita magugustuhan, Kallie Ayutthaya. Matagal ko nang gusto si Lily since we were in kindergarten. I know you already know about her dahil nakikita mo kaming magkalaro, diba?" seryoso kong sabi.

Never sumali samin si Kal tuwing naglalaro kami noon kahit pinapasali ko siya. Lagi siyang galit noon kay Lily. Lagi niya pang inaagaw yung laruan noon ni Lily. Minsan sinisira, inaaway, binu-bully at iba pa.

I was so confused kung bakit siya ganoon pero sakin hindi naman. Maski sa ibang niyang nakakalaro. Until we turned teenagers, umamin siya sakin. Doon nag simula na mawala ang closure namin at pangiiwas ko sakaniya.

Back then when we were still a kid, grade 2 to be exact, lumipat ng bahay sila Lily. Huli naming kita noon ay noong nasa park kami naglalaro. I have no idea that was the day she will leave me without saying a 'goodbye'

Nalaman ko na wala na sila sa tinitirahan nila noong when my kababata's birthday came. I was invited on his birthday. Lagi ko siyang inaantay sa park noon.I remember that I was almost got scolded because I go out too often just to wait her.

Hindi kasi ako makapunta sa bahay nila Lily dahil hindi ako pinapayagan. Masyadong malayo kasi ang bahay ni Lily saamin. Kaya nagkikita kami sa park kung saan malapit lang sakanila at saamin.

"Dito tayo laging magkikita, Lily, ha? kahit anong mangyari.. kahit gaano ka pa katagal, iintayin kita."

"Pangako ko na hinding hindi kita iiwan, Kiel! Kahit anong mangyari."

That was our deal that I will never ever forget. I waited her sa park almost everyfuckingday. Pagka gising ko sa umaga, diretso kain tapos ligo ako at pupunta agad sa park.

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad nang madaanan ko ang bahay ni Lily. Wala na yung sasakyan nila, walang ka-tao tao at walang ka-gamit gamit.

"Mat! hey!" pagaaya sakin ng kaibigan ko.

I was staring at Lily's house for a minute. I'm confused.. so confused. Her house seems so empty. Did they had vacation? went out for a family trip?

Nasasaktan ako.. nasasaktan ako dahil.. bakit niya ako iniwan? Bakit ganoon? Paano na yung pangako niya saakin? Peke lang ba 'yon? Did she said that just to believe on her white lies?

No.. 'di siya ganon.. alam kong hindi niya 'yon magagawa sakin.

"Mat!"

I looked at Sean at halatang naiinis na siya. He even picked me up sa house namin so I can attend on his birthday party.

I wiped my tears using my wrist tapos tumakbo papalapit sakaniya.

I've been friends with Mat since we were in 1st grade. I met him dahil his Mom is my Mom's friend.

Parati silang pumupunta sa bahay namin. Tahimik siyang tao. Hindi rin siya nakikipagusap sakin noon. Sa pagkaka tanda ko, lagi lang siya nasa tabi ng Mommy niya.

Isang araw linapitan ko siya dahil naghahanap ako ng makakalaro sa chest. Lumapit ako sakaniyq without hesitation. I don't know.. but at the first same time I saw him, I already knew that we are meant to be friends.

"I'm Mateo Ezekiel, ikaw?" pagpapakilala ko.

Nakayuko lang siya tapos mahina niyang sinagot yung tanong ko. "Sean." walang emosyon niyang sagot.

Tumango ako tapos kinausap ko siya nang kinausap. Hanggang sa unti unting nagiging madaldal na rin siya. Hindi ko inaasahan na magilalig pala siyang tao.

Kada punta nila rito ng Mommy niya, sinasalubong ko sila agad tapos inaaya ko siyang makipaglaro sakin.

"Dude! what the f**k do you think you're doing?!" I clenched my fist

"Shut the f**k up, Mat! Just let Eid beat this guy up!"

Narito kami ngayon sa likod ng school. Maagang nag dismissed yung klase namin dahil may meeting ang mga teachers.

"This guy threatened Bry and Eid! Are you nuts?!"

"Well why don't you ask him first why he did that?! Maybe these guys did something stupid again kaya nagawa niya 'yon!"

Tumingin kaming lahat sa Fil-Am na lalaki tapos binitawan ni Sean yung pagkakahawak niya sa polo nung lalaki.

"Problema mo?" walang emosyon kong sabi.

Umubo siya ng dugo tapos tumayo siya at pinunasan yung mga dugo sa labi niya.

"Those two assholes tried to steal my notes! I worked hard for that for exam. Tapos puta kukunin niyo lang!? Bakit hindi kayo mag seryoso sa pagaaral!? Tangina niyo a.'"

He gave us a death glare tapos si Eid, tumawa nang malakas kaya napatingin kaming lahat.

"Notes? o baka kodigo?" tumawa siya nang malakas tapos hinampas ko siya sa dibdib niya.

"Problema mo? Ano? kakampi kana niya?"

Napaawang labi ako and I held my nose bridge because of frustration.

"I'm no one's side! Mali lang talaga yung ginawa niyo. Oo nga 'no? Bakit hindi kayo mag seryoso sa pagaaral?"

"f**k off, Mat." pangingisali ni Bryan.

Tinignan ko silang lahat tapos naglakad ako papalayo sakanila. Gusto ko magpahangin. Ang sakit nila sa ulo. Napaka kikitid ng utak.

Habang ako naglalakad, may naramdaman akong may naka sunod sakin kaya agad ako tumingin sa likuran ko.

"I'm sorry to scare you, bud. Anyway I just want to thank you for defending me there." he chuckled. "I hope you and your friends.. will be in good terms soon." he smiled.

He's a nice guy. Gusto ko sana siya sungitan dahil andito pa rin yung kulo. Pero imbis na mainis ako, nawala yung inis ko dahil kahit binugbog na siya lahat lahat, he still have concern sa relationship ko sa mga kaibigan ko.

"We had so much fights kaya we will be in good terms soon. Baka nga bukas okay na ulit kami." I faked my laugh.

How weird that I have this shitty feeling that me and the boys won't be in good terms anymore. Meron pang mas malalang pinagawayan namin noon pero ngayon, its different although our argument isn't that bad compare to our previous arguments.

Why do I feel like itatakwil na nila ako?

It hurts me so bad. I've been friends with them since when I was 11 years old. I met them because of Sean. He introduced me to the boys nung nag gala kami.

The next day, I tried to approach them pero iniiwasan na nila ako, They even kicked me out on their groupchat, unfriended me on f*******: and unfollowed me on i********:.

I don't understand why they did that. Ganon naba ako kabilis iwan? Puta, kelan pa ba ako naging kawalan sa mga taong I cherished?

Apollo and I became bestfriends. Matagal ko nang tinanggap na hindi na kami magkakaayos nila Bry, Eid at Sean.

Months had passed, Apollo disappeared. At first I thought he's not feeling well o tinatamad lang siya pumasok kaya ilang araw na siyang absent.

"Geez where's that asshole? It's my birthday today.. kingina." bulong ko habang nag ce-cellphone.

I texted him and called him pero walang response akong natanggap. He promised me that he will attend on my birthday dahil it's my special day raw.

Pero pucha nasaan ka?

My birthday is only special when my friends are around. I'm seperated with my family dahil I chose to live here in the Philippines kesya sa Italy.

I celebrated my birthday alone. I blowed my cake without hearing a birthday song for me. I didn't hear any lively songs, laughs at asaran.

Kinabukasan, I woke up with a headache. Dahan-dahan akong bumangon habang hawak hawak ang ulo ko while my eyes are closed.

"Damn it." inis kong sabi.

Ilang araw na ako walang sapat na kain at tulog kaya mukang bumigay na yung katawan ko. Hinipo ko ang leeg ko, hindi naman mainit. Pero yung mata ko, naluluha tapos lamig na lamig ako. f**k what's wrong with me?

I opened my eyes tapos kinuha ko yung cellphone ko to call Apollo. I dialed his number pero hindi niya pa rin sinasagot.

I lay down on my bed while my hands are on my head because of frustration. I opened my gallery at habang ako nag s-swipe, napatigil ako nang makita ko ang picture namin ni Lily noong bata pa kami.

"Fuck.. I miss you."

I started to feel wetness on my cheeks and my visions started to blur.

"f**k, why am I crying over a girl who left me without saying a 'goodbye'?"

Days had passed, I found out Apollo went back on his country without saying a 'goodbye'. Sobrang laki ng galit ko sakaniya dahil iniwan niya ako.

Everytime I meet new people, lagi nila ako iniiwan. Tangina, is it that hard to say 'goodbye'? Is it that hard to inform that person?

Years had passed, I suffered a lot in pain and depression. I cried a lot everynight and even tried to hurt myself. I wanted to burst out pero wala akong mapa-pag kwentuhan. I just need a listener kahit isang beses lang.. kingina kahit isang beses lang.

"Lily.. I miss you." I said it while crying.

Naramdaman kong someone tapped my back kaya I immediately turned around. My visions are blurred. I couldn't recognize that person pero I'm f*****g sure she's a girl.

"Lily? i-is that-"

"Lily.. Lily.. Lily. What the f**k, Mat?! siya ang bukambibig mo! I came here to take you home! Hinanap kana nila Tita!"

My head is spinning kaya as far as I know, bumagsak ako at may narinig akong sumigaw na babae.

Will Lily save me when I'm like this? Will she show up out of nowhere to save me and take care of me?

"Uh, hi?! I-I need your help. M-my uh.. boyfriend is sick! Sobrang taas ng lagnat niya. Will you help me out papasukin siya sa sasakyan ko?!"

Kallie.

Boses niya palang I already recognized here. How the f**k she have a nerve to tell people that I'm her f*****g boyfriend?!

Naramdam kong inilakad ako papuntang parking area. Both of them helped me para papasukin ako sa sasakyan ni Kallie. And the guy who helped me, I knew I know that person. It feels like he's one of the person who's close to me before.

But it doesn't matter. My head is spinning and any time pwede akong ma-passed out.

I moved on a new school dahil uuwi na yung pamilya ko and they want me to live there with them at para malapit din ako sa new school ko which is Kallie suggested that to my parents. Pumayag naman sila dahil Kallie is my childhood friend at siya ang taga report kung may ginawa akong hindi maganda.

I wanted to disagree but somehow, I agreed with them dahil pano kung doon nagaaral si Lily? I also heard doon nagaaral si Bryan, Sean and Eiden. And they are very well-known sa school na 'yon.

I heard Bryan became a famous libero. I remember that I used to play volleyball with him pagkatapos namin pumasok ng school. Eiden became a famous vlogger and gamer. I used to play with him and had videos with him which is we don't have plans to upload those videos. And Sean is a cousin of Kallie kaya he has a strong position sa school na 'yon; kaya 'yon ang ikinasikat niya.

They also said those boys are good-looking.

Amputa mga bulag. They f*****g need to wear spectacles for f**k's sake. I can't with their blindness geez.

This will be a nightmare for me. I can't believe I will meet those people once again who pushed me away but f**k that those people. My goal is to see Lily again even if its just a second. Also I have a strong instinct that Lily also studies there.

I would do anything for her kahit ikakapahamak ko.

And there it is. I saw her walking outside. Mukang nag jogging pa ata. She never changed. She's still the same person I know before. Short tempered, pikunin and likes rolling her eyes whenever she's gets annoyed at me.

"Okay fine. I just wanted to join to ssg club. Can you please talk to Pres?" pagpapalusot ko.

I met her again outside sa Ministop. Actually, I followed her. It sounds creepy dahil it sounded like I'm her stalker. Well, yes, I can be her stalker because I was so desperate to see her for f*****g years. But I'm not that kind of stalker na psycho, kills people who gets near at her and gets obsessed to that person.

Nasa katinuan pa naman ako.

"I'm Lilian Rodriguez but you can call me-"

"Mine?" pag putol ko.

Ang sarap niyang asarin. I want to pinch her cheeks at guluhin ang buhok niya like what I used to do when we were a kid.

"Ano?! patapusin mo muna kasi ako! You can call me Lily!" pasigaw niyang pagkakasabi.

I see her more often lalo pag recess dahil nagkaroon siya ng kaibigan. Lagi siyang nasa cafeteria kaya lagi rin akong nasa cafeteria.

Gladly she met some friends. Sobrang mahiyain si Lily noon pa but she's easy to approach.

"Hindi ako kinilig at hindi kita gusto."

Awts. Mukang ma f-friendzone pa ako.

But it doesn't matter. Kakakita lang namin ulit kaya its understandable na she won't like me that fast. But I will make sure I will win her heart and make her my girl.

Months had passed, a lot of s**t happened. It was a big nightmare to me seeing her with someone at kaibigan ko pa talaga. Sean knows that I like her kaya alam kong he's probably trolling me with his stupidity. Though I don't really mind Lily being friends with the boys but.. it bothers me when they are together.

What if I might fail making her mine?

The way he kissed Lily on her forehead, it boils my blood. I wanted to punch him in the face and see him getting hurt. Gusto kong paputukin yung labi niya.

I f*****g hate when he keeps mentioning about Kallie. f**k that. He just wants to show Lily that I'm a playboy so I won't win her heart and they will ended up being together. And now with all his imbecility, Lily started doubting me and even asked me some questions that it hurts me so much.

Sean knows that I wasn't really serious with Kallie that time because I was forced. They even helped me how to break up with Kallie and now he's saying I like playing girls' feelings? f**k you, Sean. f**k you.

I met Apollo a lot of times. He acted like walang nangyari. He acted like we were not friends before. He acted like he didn't hurt me for leaving me without saying a 'goodbye'. The way he talks with Lily, I already knew that he likes her. The way he looks at Lily's eyes, its different

Bakit ba kasi ang dami kong kaagaw? Puta.

"How about we make Lily jealous?"

I'm at the cafeteria right now with Kallie. She was discussing about some shits happened.

"For what?" walang emosyon kong sabi.

"Well.. uh.. we will see if she will get jealous! Isn't that a great idea!? Malay mo she doesn't like my cousin."

"And if not?"

She licked her lower lip tapos tumawa. "I-I don't know. Maybe go look for another girl?" patanong niyang pagkakasabi.

I took a deep sigh and rubbed my eyes. I opened my eyes tapos tumango.

"Great! We will start tomorrow. We need to act like we are couples, alright? We need to act like we have been together for months! Any suggestion for our endearment!?" she said it while smiling.

Naawa rin ako sobra kay Kallie. Why does she needs to do this? Lagi niyang inuuna ang ibang tao kaya she always ended up getting hurt. The way she smiles.. I know its fake. She's hurt.. she's in pain too.

Pursigido siyang tulungan ako para lang makuha ko si Lily. And that.. hurts. We are going to pretend na we are couples. Pucha ang sakit non. You will help the person you like para lang maging sila ng taong gusto niya?

"Mamaya nang uwian. Hatid narin kita." I insisted.

She wanted to disagree pero sinabi kong mas maganda na makita kami ni Lily na magkasama. But deep inside, I'm concern. I'm worried about her. I want to make sure she will go home safely. She's still my girl bestfriend although we lost our closure. But here she is.. giving her best to bring back our closure kahit ako ang mismong lumayo sakaniya.

"Soooo nakaisip kana ba?" she said it with enthusiasm.

We are on our way sa parking lot dahil nandoon yung motor ko. Tumigil ako sa paglalakad kaya napahinto rin siya. I took a deep sigh kaya nahalata ko sa muka niya na nagaalala siya.

"A-are you okay? D-did I made you feel uncomfortable? I-Im so-"

"Kallie.."

I hugged her tight and I caressed her hair.

"O-oh!" she faked her laugh. "I-is Lily here?! Why did you h-hugged me out of nowhere?!"

"No.. no. She's not here."

She pushed me away and she gave me a wide smile.

"Then what's the reason?" her eyebrows furrowed.

"I just wanted to thank you for being a good friend. You were always there for me to help me kahit ikakasakit mo.. Sigurado ka ba sa gagawin natin? Think about yourself muna. Prioritize yourself, Kal. Wag puro ibang tao."

Tumulo ang luha niya kaya agad niya itong pinunasan tapos tumingin sa itaas.

"Hoo! Napuwing ako, sorry!" she faked her laugh habang siya nagpapaypay gamit ang dalawang kamay niya. "Oo naman gagi! That's what friends are for! helping each other duh."

"Kallie.. stop. You can be who you really are when you're with me. You're safe." I tried not to stutter.

Ang hirap mag pigil ng luha. Naawa ako sakaniya sobra. She's fixing me habang siya sirang-sira na.

"I'm fine, Mat! I'm strong though! I'm fine. Don't worry about me! parang tanga talaga 'to. Tara na? Baka hanapin ka na ni Tita."

She was about to walk away but I held her hands and hugged her tight again. I couldn't help it anymore..

I heard her sobbed kaya mas naiyak din ako. f**k, it hurts me. This is all my fault why she's hurt.

"I-I was never okay.. Mat. I was never okay." nahihirapan niyang sabi while she's still crying.

"I know.. I know. I'm sorry. Sorry, Kallie. You don't deserve this. You.. you deserve better."

She slowly pushed me away and gave me a small smile.

"Maybe I do deserve it.."

"No.. no.." umiiling kong sabi while I'm sobbing.

Kung hindi niya ako nakilala, she won't suffer in this kind of pain. She deserve to be loved.

"Maybe I do, Mat.. so I will learn my lesson na.. I shouldn't fall inlove to a friend.. Kasi.. a friend will be always a friend. Hanggang doon lang. Walang more than friends." she wiped her tears.

"Because.. if you will risk your friendship, you both will lose everything someday. Lahat ng pinagsamahan niyo.. Lahat.. Mateo.. Tangina lahat; Why? dahil hindi pa rin natin masasabi na when you risked that friendship, you guys are meant to be together forever hanggang sa pag tanda. You will never know if that risk is worth it. You will never know kung maganda ang ikakalabasan.. right?"

It makes sense. Most people who risked their friendship, it was never worth it. Maybe it was fun at first.. But the pain was solid as hell and they ended up losing everything.

When she confessed her feelings to me, it made me feel uncomfortable when she's around that's why I avoided her. She tried to approached me that time pero I always pushed her away.

I'm an imbecile person. A f*****g imbecile. She's the only person who stayed until now while everyone was leaving me one by one.

She tapped my back tapos inaya niya na ako papunta ng parking. Kinabukasan, it was hell. It literally the worse. I feel so guilty for being rude to Lily. I didn't mean to raise my voice at her but I had to.

"Geez, earlier was a total s**t, Kal. Shall we stop? I feel guilty the way I treated Lily."

Pagkatapos niyang uminom ng tubig, pinunasan niya ang bibig niya gamit ang panyo tapos tumingin sakin. "Same.. especially kila Ali at Lina. Those words are.. you know." she chuckled. "To be honest I regret pushing them away. I miss them.. I wanted to say 'sorry' but.. I.. I don't know how though. Pano kung they will just gonna talk s**t on me diba? Well. I can't blame them for that. I'm toxic as fuck." 

-

"Kallie, what the hell did you said to her Mom?" inis kong sabi.

"I-I didn't say anything!"

I grabbed her wrist pero pilit niyang tinatanggal ang pagkakahawak ko.

"We can act like couples but you crossed your damn limits! The f**k is wrong with you!? Nakipag away ka pa sa kaibigan niya!"

"M-mat.. I'm so-"

"Will you please stop repeating the same phrase whenever you did something stupid!? You kept saying 'sorry' but you're still doing the same s**t over and over again!"

"Oo na, putangina! I'm f*****g two-faced! Oo na tangina nagseselos ako! Pero what I said before, I mean it! I-I just can't help it! I'm sorry, Mateo.. please.. please give me a second chance.. "

Napaawang labi ako sa sinabi niya. Binitawan ko ang pagkakahawak ko sakaniya and I heard her crying.

"This isn't only a second chance I forgived you, Kallie. I lost count dahil sa ka-puta-han na pinaggawa mo!"

"A-akala ko kasi naka move on na ako, Mat. Sorry. Akala ko hindi na ako mata-tanga sayo nung linabas ko lahat. Putangina, Mateo. Akala ko nagising na ako.. pero hindi pala."

Nagsimula ako maglakad papaalis dahil sa galit. Ayoko siyang makaharap muna. Ayoko muna makita ang pag mu-muka niya.

"Mateo.. please! I'm sorry! I.. I.."

After that day, Kallie went to my house and talked to me about Lily. She was at the hospital daw kasama yung mga kaibigan niya.

"Anong ginagawa niya roon?"

"S-she.. tried to commit suicide.. I heard Bryan's conversation with Alivia kahapon ng umaga. Mukang pauwi sila."

Parang nag blanko yung utak ko at nawala sa sarili. Did I.. heard that right? She tried to commit suicide?

I felt something pain on my chest. Halo halo ang emosyon ko. Gladly, nakarating pa ako sa Hospital nang buhay. Sobrang daming pumapasok sa isip ko kaya I couldn't drive properly.

Pagka dating ko sa Hospital, agad kong tinanong yung nurse tapos tarantang pumunta sa room niya. Bago pa ako makapasok, naka salubong ko si Apollo. Walang kumibo ni-isa saamin.

After a few days, I received a text to someone.

sydney: we are not able to visit lily sa bahay niya. can u pls take care of her? sabi ng doctor dapat may mag ba-bantay sakaniya because of her condition anddd i know u like her sooo this is ur chance boi! enjoy sa b3b3 time

mateo ezekiel: sure! thanks tho.

But I was confused. Bakit ako yung kailangan niyang i-inform? Hindi ba dapat si Sean ang i-inform niya? Nevermind. This is my chance to be with her.

My heart was beating so fast the more I get near on her house. Chill Ezekiel. Its only Lily. Stop being a p***y!

I stayed on her house for days and it was fun. This is my biggest dream.. being with her once f*****g again. Damn, all these years? This is what I've been waiting for.

I couldn't sleep at night because I was thinking about her 24/7 especially our sweet moments. f**k. Am I a simp?

*end of flashback*

"Lily?"

"Yes, Kiel?"

Tumingin siya sakin and I gave her a small smile. "Remember when I told you '15 years still you..' you sounded confused? Why?"

"Huh? Y-yeah.. I don't know but.. I don't actually remember na we were friends back then."

That caught me off guard. How can she not remember me? We had a lot of memories back then.. How can she not remember those precious memories?

"Seryoso ka?"

"Oo" she said it while nodding.

"'E si Kallie tanda mo ba noon na lagi kang inaaway kapag tayo naglalaro?"

"No.. no. I don't." naka kunot noo niyang sabi.

This bothers me..

"What about the nickname you made for me? 'Kiel'? You used to call me that since we were little.."

"I did?" gulat niyang tanong. She scoffed and looked away. "I don't remember, Kiel. As far as I know I made that nickname when I met you dahil yung pangalan mo masyadong mahaba."

She also told me that before when we were a kid. But how can she not f*****g remember those? I would understand dahil bata pa kami non pero parang sumobra naman ata? Pucha.

"But as far as I remember.. I was forced to drink tons of medicine before.."

Huh!? gamot? and she's forced?

"My Mom said it was for my own good.."