The Island Guy

Call me, Xanti. Short for Xantino Lacson. I'm 19 and currently living my life on my own. Naghiwalay ang parents ko when I was 10. They were both cheating on each other. Now, pareho na silang may sari-sariling pamilya. At ako? They left me with my other relatives. Nag-iisang anak ako. Naalala ko no'n, I was begging for them na isama nila ako o kahit isa man sa kanila dahil ayokong maiwan mag-isa. They just promised me na babalikan nila ako but they never did. Hindi na sila bumalik. For 5 years, nasa pangangalaga ako ng aking not-so-kind Auntie. Kapatid ni Mama. Parang 'yong mga napapanuod ko sa isang teleserye, they treated me nothing but a burden. Pabigat lang daw ako sa kanila at sa mga gastusin sa bahay. I worked hard for years just to help them with my expenses at sa iba pang gastusin sa bahay, but nothing has changed. Gano'n pa rin nila ako tingnan. But despite of that, I was thankful kasi for that long period time ay kinupkop nila ako. Hindi ako makaka-graduate ng highschool kung hindi dahil sa kanila. Kahit pa ilang sampal at pingot sa tenga pa ang tinamo ko while living there. I was grateful. When I turned 15, they kicked me out of their house. Malaki na daw ako and can live by myself. Graduate na ako ng highschool that time. I wasn't afraid. Hindi ako natakot nang dumating ang araw na 'yon. Hindi ako natakot mamuhay mag-isa. For 5 years kasi, kahit pa kasama ko sila, I never felt I belong with them. Pakiramdam ko, mag-isa pa rin ako. So, I worked hard. For a guy like me na walang matitirahan at kailangan ng pera, hindi ko na inisip na mag-enroll pa for college. What I needed to do was to find work and save to cover my expenses. Iyon ang ginawa ko. For a little while, I stayed in my classmate's apartment. He's Drake. Ang anak-mayaman kong bestfriend mula first year highschool. Nakiusap ako sa kanya hanggang makahanap ako ng trabaho at maka-ipon ng pang-renta ng sarili kong titirahan. And my bestfriend's really kind, pinatuloy niya ako sa apartment niya for 5 months. I was so greatful. I worked from coffee shops to resto and even tutoring some kids. Until I found the job that I think was meant for me. Performer ako sa isang not-so-exclusive bar sa bayan. Isa 'yong resto bar kung saan pinupuntahan ng mga middle class people para mag-inom at magsaya. My job is to sing three songs per night. Depende nalang kung may mag-request ng kanta. Mas okay 'yon. Mas malaki ang natatanggap ko. That's my job for two years now. Because of that, I can cover my own expenses and bills. I can live independently. I had a girlfriend. Her name is Janice. We were in a relationship for a year but things has changed when I caught her cheating on me. I was broken pero hindi ako gaanong nasaktan. I don't know but maybe because something's wrong with me. At kung ano 'yon, hindi ako sigurado...before. Nagbago ang lahat nang i-assign ako ng boss ko sa isang isla para doon magperform for a month. Mas malaki daw ang kikitain ko roon, so I grabbed the opportunity. I had to leave. At sa pag-alis kong 'yon, hindi ko inakalang magbabago ang lahat. I never thought na doon ko mas makikilala ang sarili ko. When I met that guy. Pakiramdam ko, na-reset ang buong pagkatao ko. I felt like my story was just about to begin. And I didn't know how to adjust. Now, alam ko na kung anong mali sa akin. For years, pilit kong ikinubli na hindi ako katulad ng iniisip ko but when he came...he made me realize the person who I really am. That, I am not as straight as I thought I was. The thing is, hindi siya katulad ko. He is way more straight that a usual guy. Hindi siya 'yong tipikal na lalake lang. Para siyang bato, matigas at alam mong kahit kailan ay hindi lalambot. Paano niya ako mapapansin? Kung katulad niya, lalake rin ako. How can I be close to him? Kung mga babae ang tipo niya. Paano ko sasabihin ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya? How? May chance ba ang isang city guy na katulad ko, sa isang island guy na kagaya niya? • end of prologue •