What Lies Within Her

Chapter 35: All Our Battles

Reese's POV

After what happened to me three years ago, I never thought I'd ever fall in love again. After Caeden, my life was complete darkness. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi na ako makababangon mula roon at mananatili na lang akong nakabaon sa nakaraan na 'yon.

I tried to fall in love again, pero dahil sa trauma na naranasan ko mula kay Caeden, I started hating men. I started doubting myself when it comes to love. Kaya ko na bang magmahal ulit? Kaya ko na bang harapin 'yong nakaraan na halos sumira sa akin? But then, I constantly found myself crying and remembering those memories that I wish I could forget just by blinking.

At ang natitirang sagot lang sa akin ay baka maulit na naman 'yong nangyari. So, I closed my heart from love and tried so hard to push people away from me.

At first, it was easy. I pushed away those people who wanted to enter my life, and they stopped talking to me. Akala ko ganoon lang din kadali ang lahat, until I met Gideon Timothy Perez.

I've never saw someone as persistent as him. Kaya sinabi ko na noon sa sarili ko na delikado na ako sa kaniya. Delikado na mag-stay kaming magkaibigan o may koneksyon sa isa't isa dahil hindi ko nagugustuhan 'yong nangyayari. I started feeling weird every time he's around.

That feeling, I know that I feel that way every time I'm interested to someone. Gideon Timothy Perez. He changed me.

"Wala akong naalalang may usapan tayo ngayong araw," reklamo ko kay Gideon na nag-doorbell at pinagbuksan ko ng pinto. It's a good thing that Ramiel's not here. Hindi niya titingnan si Gideon na para bang pinapatay niya 'to.

"Wala nga. I just want to see you," aniya kaya napangiti na lang ako habang umiiling. He's too obvious that he misses me. Pa lagi ko naman 'yong napapansin sa kaniya kaya hindi na ako nagtataka na nandito siya ngayon. Even though it's the weekend and it's supposed to be his rest day as well, pumunta pa talaga siya rito para bisitahin ako.

"Aren't you preparing for your demo?" nagtataka kong tanong na ipinagkibit balikat niya lang. Totoo ngang parang genius si Gideon. Akala ko ay exaggerated lang 'yong description ni Cielo sa kaniya pero totoo nga. I saw his activities and projects, lahat 'yon ay kung hindi perfect scores, line of nine naman.

Now, I'm starting to think that he has it all. The looks, the brain, and the personality that anyone could fall for.

"I already finished reviewing my pointers. I want to focus on my girl now," sabi niya sabay ngumisi kaya sinipa ko siya pero tinawanan niya lang ako. Hindi ko pinahalata pero simpleng mga salita niyang ganoon ay napapangiti rin ako.

There are times that I found myself being scared to fall for him even more. Natatakot akong sa isang iglap ay mag-transition na naman ang lahat at ako na naman itong nasisira. Pero kapag nakikita ko na si Gideon, everything seems to fall back to its righful places. He makes me feel secured even though I'm still being haunted by my past.

"Anong gusto mong gawin ngayon?" tanong ko dahil nakasuot siya ng panglakad kaya sigurado akong yayayain na naman niya ako sa kung saan.

"Tagaytay," sagot niya kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "What? Ayaw mo?"

"Hindi naman sa ganoon, but Tagaytay is too far from Manila. Mahabang byahe 'yon at--" Nagulat ako at hindi makapagsalita nang hilahin niya ako at yakapin nang mahigpit.

Naramdaman ko na naman ulit ang yakap niya. His warm hugs that makes me feel at ease. "Do you trust me?" Tumango naman ako bilang sagot. "Then, let's go."

Hindi na ako nagreklamo at nagbihis na ako habang siya ay naghihintay sa living room. Nang natapos naman ako ay bumaba na kami sa parking lot at nagtaka ako nang ibang kotse na ang nilapitan niya.

"Bagong kotse ni Kuya Jarred mo?" tanong ko pero ngumisi lang siya at umiling.

"This is mine." Nanlaki naman ang mata ko. What the hell is wrong with their family? Ang yaman nila at guwapo rin. Ano pa ba ang wala sa kanila. "If you're wondering how I got this car, hindi 'to galing sa Ama ko o sa mga kapatid ko. I earned this on my own through my work with Bryan's company."

"Bryan?" nagtataka kong tanong. May trabaho siya? Nagagawa niyang pagsabayin 'yong pagtatrabaho at pag-aaral? Then, why does he always look so free? Napupuntahan niya ako parati, tapos nasusundo niya ako. Paano niya 'yon nagagawa.

"Don't worry. Bryan's company sell liquors. I'm in charge of dealing with bar owners," sabi niya at pumasok na kami pareho sa sasakyan. He must be earning big for him to buy such luxurious car. "I'll never ask my father for money. Kung hindi ko lang dala-dala ang apelyido niya ay matagal na akong lumayas sa bahay na 'yon."

Natahimik ako. I don't want to ask him about his family no matter how curious I am. I don't want to dig his wounds just to hurt him again, I can't do that to him. Dahil alam ko 'yong pakiramdam na ganoon.

I held his hand kaya napalingon siya sa akin. "Today, let's forget about what's behind us. For now, let's be enjoy what's in front of us."

Tinitigan niya ako at mayamaya lang ay hinalikan niya 'yong kamay ko. "You really are the calmness of my every chaos, Reese."

Napangiti ako dahil doon. Everyday, he reminds me of how much he loves me. I don't know what to do or what to say when he does that, all I know is that I don't hate it. In fact, it gives me the assurance I need. I feel like he doesn't deserve me. He deserves better than this.

"Why do you look so troubled?" tanong ni Gideon nang mapansin niyang nag-iba na naman 'yong mood ko.

"I just think that you deserve better than me, Gideon." Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at nasabi ko na 'yon sa kaniya. I don't want to make him feel bad about me, but I want to be honest with him as much as possible.

"I don't want anything better than this, Reese. I want you," aniya kaya napapikit na lang ako at napasandal sa seat. He's always like this. He makes me feel assured about what he feels about me. I'm afraid to be used to this. Kasi paano kung masanay ako at mawala siya? I don't want to feel that kind of pain again. "We're here," aniya kaya napatingin ako sa labas.

Nangunot ang noo ko nang mapansin ang isang palapag na gusali. May ilang mga tao na pumapasok doon. Kaya nilingon ko si Gideon. "Where are we?"

"Art gallery," sagot niya at lumabas ng sasakyan para pagbuksan ako ng pinto. This is the first time to me. Hindi pa ako nakapupunta sa isang art gallery. I have an idea about it, but this is the first time I'm entering one. Kaya kumapit na lang ako sa braso ni Gideon at pumasok na kami sa loob.

Ibang-iba 'yong hitsura ng loob kumpara sa labas. It looks like a small place outside, pero kapag pumasok ka ay malawak at tahimik. There aren't many people that makes it more relaxing and peaceful. Nakasabit din ang hilera ng mga paintings sa wall kaya napangiti ako. They are beautiful beyond comparison. Para bang bawat painting ay mararamdaman mo 'yong nararamdaman ng nagpinta habang ginagawa niya 'yon.

"I used to come here with Kuya Jarred," ani Gideon kaya napalingon ako sa kaniya. "After my Mom's burial, I told Kuya that I wanted to go home, but instead of taking me home, he took me here. He said that this place will calm me, and he was right. This place brings calmness inside me."

I tightened my grip on his arm. We feel the same way. That calm feeling, it feels new to me. Pagkatapos kasing bumalik ni Caeden, pakiramdam ko ay lumala na naman 'yong nararamdaman ko. But whenever I'm around Gideon, it feels different.

The feeling of calmness inside the art gallery, I feel that calmness every time I'm with him. It feels so warm and different in a way that it even calms my soul.

Dinala ako ni Gideon sa harap ng isang painting at napatingala ako roon. The exact painting isn't that vivid. Para bang sinadya ng painter na guluhin ang titingin nito kung ano ba talaga ang nandoon sa painting. It looks to me like clouds in the sky. Every minute, it'll bring rain to the world and it'll release its heaviness.

"Mom loves painting as well. While, I on the other hand, don't have any reason to like paintings. I appreciate them though. Pero nang mawala si Mama, sa tuwing pinagmamasdan ko 'yong mga paintings dito, siya lang 'yong naaalala ko."

Gideon loves his Mom more than anything. I can see it through his eyes. Kaya hindi ko siya masisisi kung ganoon na lang ang galit niya sa Dad niya. I don't blame him for feeling that way especially when I don't even know what he'd been through.

"I'm sure your Mom is looking at you now and she's smiling," sabi ko kaya napalingon siya sa akin. "She's happy because his son is okay and is strong in spite of everything he experienced."

Gideon kissed my forehead. "What would I do without you, Reese?"

Inikot pa namin 'yong buong art gallery at tiningnan lahat ng painting na nandoon. Nang matapos na ay umupo kami sa bench at sabay kaming natawa. We're both tired but it felt satisfying.

"I'm glad you're smiling now," turan niya kaya nangunot 'yong noo ko. "You seem out of it lately, it's like you're carrying something heavy inside you. And I want to help you, but I can't force you to open up with me lalo pa't hindi mo kaya."

Umiwas ako ng tingin. He knew I wasn't okay and that I was feeling so tired lately. I knew this day will come, na mapapansin niya na ganito ako at magtatanong siya. Sabi ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko pa kayang sabihin sa kaniya ang lahat, but right now, he told me that he won't force me to tell him everything because he knew that if I could, I already told him about it.

"I'm sorry," sabi ko. Ginulo niya 'yong buhok ko at hinila ako para yakapin.

"All our battles, be it in our relationship or our own silent battles. Reese, I know that it's hard for you as well. That's why I'm here," aniya. Kumalas siya mula sa pagkayayakap sa akin at hinalikan ako. This is the first time he kissed me on the lips after the first day of our relationship. It's like he's being careful not to hurt me. "I love you."

I want to cry. I want to tell him how much it hurts. But not now, I can't. Ngumiti ako at hinalikan siya pabalik. "I love you, too."