What Lies Within Her

Chapter 34: His Plan

Reese's POV

I knew there's a reason behind Caeden's sudden appearance again. Ilang taon siyang nawala pero bumalik na naman siya para manggulo.

He wants me to be his toy again and let myself be destroyed by his own hands. Hinayaan ko siyang gawin sa akin 'yon noon, without asking him, without considering my own feelings. I hurt myself just to please him. I forgot who I was just to be everything he ever wanted.

Wala akong ginawang mali sa kaniya. Pero siya, kahit kaunti man lang ba ay hindi niya inisip 'yong mararamdaman ko? Caeden and I used to be so perfect.

Dalawang taon niya sa aking ipinaramdam 'yong pagmamahal na matagal kong hinanap, pero sa isang iglap ay nawala 'yon at napalitan ng puro sakit.

He hurt me more than he loved me. He hurt me in ways that he knows it'll be hard for me to move on and forget about him.

Hinayaan niya akong masugatan habang pinapagaling ko ang bawat sugat na mayroon siya. I never dared to defy Caeden back then. Pa lagi ko siyang sinusunod at ang mga bagay na gusto niya.

Pero dahil din doon ay nasira ako. I let myself be destroyed by the very first person I loved that way. Caeden, ano ba ang ginawa ko sa 'yo para saktan mo ako nang ganito? Bakit ka pa bumalik? Para sirain ako ulit?

Ang dami kong gustong itanong sa kaniya. Pero ni hindi ko siya magawang tanungin kahit pa nakatayo siya sa harap ko ngayon. Where did we go wrong, Caeden? Was it my fault? Or was it yours? Hindi ko na alam.

"Why are you so shocked, Reese?" sarkastikong tanong ni Caeden habang nakatayo pa rin kami sa hallway. "You knew this would happen the moment I told you that I want my toy back."

I glared at him. Just how far does he want to go just to mess with me? Hindi pa ba sapat 'yong ginawa niya sa akin noon? I'm already ruined. What's there to destroy?

"Look, Reese. We have the same major and schedule," aniya at ipinakita sa akin 'yong schedule na ibinigay sa kaniya sa office. He's really done it. He's now starting his plan to ruin me.

"Tigilan mo na ako, Caeden," mariin kong sabi na ikinatawa niya lang.

"Tigilan? I'm sorry, Reese. You made me laugh there." Walang patid siyang tumawa pero ilang segundo lang ay sumeryoso na ang mukha niya. "You know that I can't do that, right? I mean, just because you have Gideon now doesn't mean I'd back down. I get what I want and right now..."

"... I want my toy again."

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"Reese, okay ka lang?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Cielo nang maghihiwalay na kami para sa next subject. "Hindi kita mababantayan sa susunod na subject. Are you sure you want to go to your next class?"

I smiled to assure her. "I'm fine, Cielo. You don't have to worry. May prof doon at sigurado naman akong hindi gagawa ng kahit ano si Caeden habang nasa klase. So, I'm good."

Ayaw pa niya sana pero kailangan niya ring pumunta sa next subject niya kaya naghiwalay na kami at dumiretso na ako sa next subject ko. I can't believe that Caeden and I have the same classes and professor. Hindi ko alam kung paano niya 'yon nagawa, pero sigurado akong kasama pa rin 'to sa plano niya.

It's okay. He'll never do anything inside the classroom.

Is what I thought but, he did the exact opposite. Umupo siya sa tabi ko at habang nagtuturo ang prof namin ay kinakausap niya ako.

"How's Gideon? May alam na ba siya tungkol sa akin?" tanong niya pero hindi ko siya pinapansin. Wala akong balak na kausapin pa siya kahit kailan. "Come on, Reese. You're giving me the cold shoulder now?"

Nang hindi ko siya pinansin ay gumapang ang kamay niya sa hita ko kaya tinanggal ko 'yon pero mariin niya ulit 'yong hinawakan. Napapitlag ako at napangiwi. Damn it. May balak ba siyang lagyan ako ng pasa roon?

"You don't get to decide whether to talk to me or not, because you don't have any choice," aniya. I flinched when his grip tightened. "Alam mo, Reese. Simple lang naman 'yong gusto ko, e. I want you back. What's wrong with that?"

"Everything!" singhal ko sa kaniya. "Sinira mo 'yong buhay ko and you expect me to come back to you when you want to? I'm not your f*****g toy, Caeden!"

Ngumisi siya. "But you used to be my toy. I want that Reese back. Or else I'll ruin your relationship with Gideon--"

Napatayo ako at napalingon sa akin ang lahat. "May I go out, please?" sabi ko sa prof namin na kahit nagulat ay tumango lang at nagmamadali akong lumabas ng room. I went to the comfort room and it's a good thing that no one was inside. I leaned on the sink and looked at myself in the mirror.

May tumulong luha mula sa mata ko. My trauma from Caeden suddenly came rushing back like a faucet being opened. Kailan ba ako makatatakas mula roon? Kailan ba ako makatatakas sa 'yo, Caeden?

Just when I'm about to be healed, he came back to ruin everything. Bakit ngayon pa? Hindi ko na alam kung ano ba 'yong gagawin ko para lang layuan niya ako.

After a few minutes of composing myself, lumabas na ako pero napaigtad ako nang may humila sa akin at pagtingala ko ay si Gideon 'yon.

"Hey..." he uttered. Nakahinga naman ako nang maluwag at halos yakapin ko na siya roon dahil hindi ko masabi sa kaniya na natatakot akong bumalik sa classroom. "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay now," sabi ko. Nagulat ako nang yakapin niya ako nang mahigpit na para bang alam niyang hindi talaga ako okay kanina. He feels so warm and I feel like I'm safe inside his arms. It is true, huh? That a person can be your safe haven and your home.

He calms me in a way that no one can. I wanted to tell him everything. About Caeden, about my past, and why I am who I am now. Pero natatakot ako. That fear constantly haunts me, because what if he lets me go? What if my past is too dark for him to be my light?

Gideon, I can't drag you down here with me because you are the light and I am the darkness.

No matter what I do, I will never be healed as long as the past is haunting me down. This is all Caeden's fault. Kasalanan niya kung bakit ko 'to nararanasan ngayon. If only I could turn back time, I'd find you sooner, Gideon.

"Cielo texted me, sabi niya na kumustahin kita and she gave me your room number. Then, I saw you running to the comfort room earlier so I waited for you outside," aniya na nagpangiti sa akin. Cielo really knew I wasn't okay and that I need someone right now. At alam niyang si Gideon 'yon. She really is my best friend. "S there something bothering you?" tanong niya.

Napalunok ako at hindi kaagad nakasagot. I don't know where to begin or if I can say it to him. My fear of losing him is greater than my resolve of telling him my past.

"W-Wala. I'm okay," pagsisinungaling ko. That's right. It's better this way for now. I'll tell him everything, but for now, I have to hide this from him and face Caeden because this is my battle.

I'm sorry, Gideon.