My Love from 1871

C a p í t u l o C u a t r o

C a p í t u l o C u a t r o

Idid not notice I arrived at the rooftop of our building. Sobrang lutang ako, hindi nagpoprocess ang utak ko. Ni hindi ko na namalayan, andito na ako. Hindi commonly nakakapasok ang mga istudyante dito, pero dahil siguro isa akong De Villa, mabilis akong maka-labas pasok dito.

Kenneth and I were dating for already 2 years, from the time I had entered UST, until 6 months ago. Sobrang smooth ng relationship namin. Both sides, legal kami. Why? Niligawan niya ako personally sa harap ng parents. Kaya kahit na I am not in good terms with my Dad, still he was able to win the favor and trust of my parents.

Our relationship was not toxic, and sobrang matured. We even thought na the relationship we had would eventually end up saying, I do's but then, hindi pala.

Yes, nahihirapan ako academically and all the pressure of being a De Villa, but Ken was there to uplift me. Every time I would be discouraged because of Daddy's cruel words against me. He was always there to comfort me.

But then everything change when one night, sumama ako sa lakad nila Ivonne. That time, she was one of my closest friend, a true friend of mine, I could say.

It was Eliot's birthday, Ivonne's Ex boyfriend. Inuman sa bar na pagmamay-ari ng family niya.

That time, nagtalo kami nila Daddy. I did not intend na sumama sa lakad na yun, because wala si Ken for me para mabantayan sa pag-inom ko, but then tumuloy ko. I thought that night would help me na makalimot muna kaso kabaliktaran ang nangyari.

Ivonne left earlier than expected because of an emergency. Ako naman, that time nageenjoy pa, I was drinking heavily. Siguro kasalanan ko that time, nawalan ako ng paki alam sa sarili ko, specially sa paligid ko.

I was dancing on the dance floor when a guy suddenly danced with me. Sobrang lango na ako. At first, akala ko sayaw lang ang habol niya, kaya sumabay ako.

But then later on, I felt na naglalakabay na ang kamay niya, that's why I decided to stop. I was going to return to my friend's table but then nagulat ako ng hinatak ako nung guy.

Sobrang lango ko na, hindi na ako makapiglas. I was stopping him, pero sobrang lakas niya. Later then nagulat na lang ako nang dalhin niya ako sa gilid and he started kissing me.

I could not resist. Sobrang hina ko na. I wanted to scream and cry for help, but then I felt his hands were already on the bare skin of ny hips. Nataas na pala niya ang dress ko ng hindi ko namamalayan.

I tried to speak but then he kissed me. Sobrang wala na akong lakas and later on naramdaman ko na lang nagdilim ang paligid ko. Kinabukasan I saw Ken beside me on my bed. Nagulat ako bakit andoon siya. He was just smiling at me.

"Pahinga ka na, I know sobrang napagod ka kagabi." Alam kong, alam niyang lango ako that time. It felt weird na hindi siya galit noong binati niya ako. I wanted to ask him, but because of my hang-over, I just shrugged it off.

Pumasok ako kinahapunan, then nagulat na lang ako ng bigla akong sinugod ni Ivonne at sinabing linandi ko si Eliot, may video raw kami. Just then when everything sunk inside my head. Last night the man who tried to assault me, was none other than the boyfriend of my closest friend, Eliot Tamayo.

Sobrang pinagkaisahan ako ng lahat that time. I was so devastated. Kasi ako na ang na-harasse pero ako pa ang nasira.

There that moment when everyone was insulting me, I looked for Ken, because I know, wala siyang klase that time, at hindi ako nabigo, nagkita nga kami, dito sa rooftop kung saan ako ngayon nakatayo, habang umiiyak.

I could see how hurt he was on his eyes. His orbs were reflecting all his pain. Pero baka kapag malaman niya ang totoo, maitindihan niya. I tried explaining..

"Ken, please hear me out. Hindi ko ginusto ang nangyari, pinilit lang ako ni Eli. Please pakinggan mo naman ako, Ken. Please give me time to explain. Hindi totoo ang balitang 'yon---"

I thought he would hear me out because he told me he would never let anyone destroy our love story but then..

"Tama na Asteria. Nagawa mo na. We are done."

He allowed others to destroy our relationship by believing in other people's hearsay instead of me.

He left me all alone on the rooftop, crying and screaming.

Just then I realized, he did not only stop calling me Stella, but he also broke-up with me without knowing, I was the real victim of the incident.

And that is one of the main reason why I became the woman I am right now.

I became traumatized by men, to the point I want to get back at anyone of them by any means because I was the one who was assualted but as bitter as it was, ako pa ang nasira.

Society sucks.

Kaya I want to hurt or leave any man who dares to date me or court me in order to get my revenge. That is my main goal to any guy who will dare to cross boundary with my own limitation.

Kaso at the end, hindi pa rin ako satisfied. At the end, masakit pa rin. May napaka-laking sugat pa rin ang puso ko na napaka-hirap mag-hilom dahil sa nangyari.

Sobrang bigat ng puso ko, naaalala ko lahat pinagsamahan namin ni Ken at lalong ang mga nangyari sa akin. It has been 6 months since our break-up, yet may effect pa rin sa akin. Akala ko, wala na, akala ko okay na ako, at the end, hindi pa rin pala.

Lumapit ako sa may terrace, I badly need this. This is my escape when life becomes s***. "NAKAKAINIS KA KENNETH JHON SUSON! AALIS KA BIGLA KA NGAYONG MAGPAPARAMDAM?! ANONG KALOKOHAN 'TO!"

Napakamot ako sa mata ko ng maramdaman kong parang may dumadaloy mula rito then biglaan ko na lang naitindihan ang nangyayari; Hindi ko na lang namalayan, may tumutulo na palang luha sa mata ko.

Ang sakit pa rin pala, na minahal mo ng napaka-tagal, pero ng dahil lang mas pinakinggan niya ang iba, nasira kami.

Para akong tanga 'di ba? Gusto akong kausapin ni Ken, pero ako 'tong napaka-trying hard to get. Ni hindi nga ako sure if ano ba gusto niya e, baka nga assuming lang ako na gusto niya makipag-balikan. Baka gusto lang niya ng closure. Pero 'yun ang ayokong marinig kasi ang sakit pa ring tanggapin na naghiwalay kami dahil sa maling akala.

Napaluhod na lang ako. Ang sakit-sakit. Kaninang umaga si Daddy, tapos si Ivonne, then now si Ken. Haha. Hindi ba pwedeng magpahinga man lang ang puso ko sa lahat ng sakit na nararamdaman ko? Sobra na e.

Napaisip na lang ako habang umiiyak, sobrang nasira ang buhay ko dahil sa mga nangyari. "Sobrang sakit na. Si Daddy and Mommy, si Ivonne, ngayon 'tong si Ken. Sirang-sira na ako, sobrang sakit na ng mga natanggap kong salita."

Huminga ako ng malalim at tsaka ko sinigaw ang gusto kong masabi sa kanila. The thing I have been meaning to say to them for all these years, "SANA PINAKINGGAN NIYO MUNA AKO BAGO NIYO AKO HINUSGAHAN!"

Na-delay ako ng 2 years for graduation sana, na sobrang naging cause ng disappointment ni Daddy. May pinagdadaanan din ang family namin that time, kaya I was so wasted to the point of I was already giving-up my dreams and my family because of that.

That situation made my relationship with Daddy, blur. Mommy told me na pinagsisihan na 'yon ni Daddy, pero yung rema ng nagawa niya sa akin lalong lalo na kay Mommy, andito pa rin ang sakit. Gusto kong kalimutan, gusto kong ipasadaan na lang sa buhay ko, pero ako mismo nakahuli, kaya ang hirap kalimutan na lang. Until now I cannot even freely tell that story even to myself.

Parang lahat na ng mga taong mahal ko, nasira ang tiwala nila sa akin ng hindi man lang nila ako pinapakinggan.

"Pagod na ako.." Ayon na lang 'yung mga salitang nasabi ko. "Ayoko na.."

Naramdaman ko na lang ang pagihip ng hangin na bumati sa akin habang umiiyak ako ng sandaling iyon. Pagkatapos ng ilang segundo, I heard shiftings and I was caught off guard when I looked at the culprit who was creating that sound; may isang binatang pungay na pungay ang mga mata, sobrang halata na bagong gising lang siya.

And that man was George. 'Yung kaklase kong taga-San Felipe din.