The Lost and Found

Chapter One

                                                                            Long List of Questions 

Umabot ang gabi na nakatulala lang ako sa dapat sana’y reception namin. The theme was rustic wedding. Every detail was put according to our liking. There were baby’s breath flowers everywhere, since I love those. He wanted wooden chairs and tables naman. There were also little lamps hanging and they truly look beautiful at night. 

One by one, the caterers started fixing the supposed food for the guests. Timothy’s mom wants the guests to eat kahit na walang kasalang naganap dahil sayang naman daw but they all shook their heads as a way of saying no. Maybe they were feeling sorry for what happened. 

I was still in my wedding gown, my dream wedding gown. I wanted this for so long that when I saw myself this morning in the mirror, wearing it, I cried in happiness. Pinagalitan pa ako ni Alexa because my makeup would be messed up but I didn’t care. Pumalahaw talaga ako ng iyak kasi ito yung pangarap ko. Ito yung naiimagine kong susuotin ko sa kasal ko. The make up artists were forced to retouch my messy eye makeup. 

Narinig ko kanina iyong isang bisita namin na hindi ko naman kilala, mukhang kumare lang ni Mama Heidi, Tim’s mom. She was talking with the other guests. 

“Ya know what? I think that’s the bride’s karma. I heard kasi from some sources that she left her family for Heidi’s son. Can you see a family member or even a relative of her here? Wala diba?”. 

Gusto kong umepal kanina sa tsismisan nila pero I stopped myself because they seemed right. Baka nga karma ko ito kasi hindi ko pinili ang mga magulang ko. Ni hindi nila alam na ikakasal na ako. Well, I think they know since I sent them an invitation but they just chose to not attend. 

Mabuti na yata iyon, na hindi sila sumipot kung hindi baka pagtawanan pa nila ako sa nangyari. They will tell me that they were right all along. Tim is a bad news waiting to happen and I was so stupid to believe that we will be happy forever. 

When Lex told me that I can’t walk in the altar yet because the groom was still not in the church, I was in denial at first. Umasa talaga ako na baka prank lang. Gusto ko prank lang. Kung iyong iba ayaw na pinaprank, ako sa sitwasyong ito, gusto ko. Sana prank lang ang lahat. 

Pero hindi naman. Malabo pa sa tubig ng ilog pasig na prank ito kasi wala na yung pari, wala na iyong mga bisita, wala na rin iyong pagkain, wala na lahat. 

“Lor, do you want to rest na? It’s already late”. Nag-aalala na tanong ni Alexa. 

I want to thank her right now kasi hindi niya talaga ako iniwan mula kanina. Tinitigan ko siya, I mouthed thank you. Unti-unting namuo ang luha sa mga mata niya. I guess she’s feeling my pain right now. She’s my best friend and then she also became friends with Tim. Kung may soulmate na jowa, si Alexa ang soulmate friend ko. 

“I feel so sad for you right now Lor”. Tsaka siya sumnghot. “Kasi, I know this is so important for you. Pero I also want to be strong because I am your only family here. I want to be strong for you because I know you need it right now”. 

I smiled sadly. “Lex, bakit ako?”. 

Ang daming tanong sa utak ko pero isa iyon sa nagpupumilit mabigyan ng sagot. Why me? I loved so much, so genuine, so true. I gave everything that I could give. I dedicated many years to loving him. 

“Dahil ba hindi ko sinunod sina Mama at Papa? Dahil ba iniwan ko sila and I chose him? Is this my karma? Is this what I get for choosing to love freely and be happy?”. 

Alexa shook her head. “No, don’t think of that. Honestly, wala akong maibigay na rason or even an explanation to why this happened to you. But remember that even in challenging times like this there’s a purpose. Find it Lor”.

“It hurts. It f*****g hurts”. I held my chest because it was so damn painful. I felt like my whole world was crashing in pieces and I couldn't do something to stop it. 

Kung may purpose ang lahat ng ito bakit kailangan munang masakit? Di ba pwedeng konting aray lang tapos iyon na iyon? Bakit kailangang may mang-iwan tapos may maiiwan? 

Lex embraced me in her arms. I can only breakdown in front of her because I know she won’t judge me kahit na tumutulo na iyong uhog ko o kahit kalat na iyong makeup sa mukha ko. 

“Lor, I just want to be honest with you”. 

Bumitiw ako ng yakap tsaka lumayo. I looked at her suspiciously. Kumunot naman ang noo niya nang mapansin ang tingin ko. 

“Ikaw ba ang dahilan?”. I asked accusingly. 

She was still looking at me like I’ve grown two heads. And when she finally got what I was saying, she hit me in the arms. 

“Ano ba ‘yang iniisip mo? Dolores Eusebio, iniwanan ka lang sa altar, hindi ka tinraydor ng bestfriend mo at kumabit sa fiance mo. Kakanood mo yan ng mga drama e”.

“E ano ba kasi ‘yang sasabihin mo? Naku ha, baka ipagtapat mo na ikaw talaga kumuha ng victoria secret panty ko noong college pa tayo. Hindi ako okay ngayon Lex baka masabunot ko yang buhok mo sa ano ”. 

“HINDI. Makinig ka muna kasi”. She said irritated. 

Lex sighed. “I heard from one of Tim’s pals kanina. They were smoking sa likod ng simbahan after Tim didn’t show up. They were talking about this certain Barrio”. Nag-isip muna siya. She seems to be trying to remember the place. “I think it’s Barrio Isadora”.

“Ang sabi ng isa, Tim was always in that place when he’s not with you. And before the wedding, he was also talking about the Barrio. I think they know something Lor. You can ask them if you want”. 

Barrio Isadora? I’ve never heard of that place before. Tim didn’t mention anything about that place since we knew each other. 

“When he’s not with me? But Tim is always with me, Lex”. 

Alexa rolled her eyes. “Hun, you’re working remember? Hindi mo laging nakikita at nababantayan iyong gagong iyon”.

That makes sense. Ilang oras ang ginugugol ko sa trabaho. Hindi ko laging nakikita ang kilos ng fiance ko. 

“So you think he’s there? Pero bakit? Anong meron doon?”. 

“Well, I don’t know. I am not sure. I just told you what I have heard cause I don’t want to keep it a secret from you. I was just hoping it would help you”. 

It does help. May parte sa utak ko na nagsasabing nandoon nga siya. People were looking for him all over the Metro even in their province na alam kong hindi niya naman binibisita but there were no traces of him. His father Tito Jansen went to the police station even in the hospital to check for his son pero wala din. 

“Search where Barrio Isadora is located”. 

“What? Like right now?”. Gulat na bulalas ni Lex. 

I nodded at her. “Yes. I need to see him immediately or I’ll go crazy having these long lists of questions in my head”. 

“But Lor, it’s already late. You can find him tomorrow or better ask his friends muna”. 

“No, I want to do this tonight. I’ll go to that place and find him. I need answers Lex, I need them”. 

Lex looked bothered by my plan but I did not care. Wala namang mawawala kung pupuntahan ko iyong lugar na iyon at hanapin ang dapat sana’y asawa ko na ngayon.

“Okay, I will call Luther, he’s one of those guys na nagssmoke kanina. I think he can help us”. 

While Lex was trying to call Luther, I ripped the bottom part of my gown to keep it short. Ayoko ng sabagal. I don’t have time to change, better make this gown more comfortable. 

“Oh my god Lor, what are you doing?”. Lex sounded so panicky. Mahal kasi iyong gown, kasama nga siya nang bayaran namin pero I don’t mind ripping this gown, wala na rin namang saysay. 

I did not answer her and I just continued ripping it. Glad it came out okay, I think. 

“Hey, Luther! It’s me Alexa. You know I heard you talking about Tim kanina and that certain Barrio. Please I know you know something. Pwede bang sabihin niyo sa amin ni Lor kung saan iyon? My friend is really devas---”. 

“HELLO? PUTANGINA KUNG MAY AWA PA KAYO SABIHIN NIYO KUNG NANDOON BA ANG HINAYUPAK NIYONG KAIBIGAN”. 

Gulat na gulat si Lex nang agawin ko ang cellphone sa kanya. Hindi na kasi ako makapaghintay at sa puntong ito ayokong makipag-usap pa ng mahinhin at maayos sa mga kaibigan ni TIm kasi mga pashnea sila. Hindi talaga lahat ng kaibigan ng jowa mo, kaibigan mo rin. 

“L-Lor?”. 

“OO GAGO. AKO ‘TO! KAPAG HINDI MO SINABI ANG TOTOO, IPAGKAKALAT KO IYONG s*x VIDEO MO SA MADLA. NASA LUMANG CELLPHONE KO IYON KASI DOON NISAVE NG PUTANG INA MONG KAIBIGAN. MULA NOON HINDI KO NA HINAWAKAN IYON KASI NAKAKADIRI TANGINA KA! MGA GAGO KASI KAYONG LAHAT NA MAGKAKAIBIGAN!”. 

Lex whispered. “May s*x vid, talaga?”. Tumango lang ako. 

“f**k! Lor, I know you are mad pero huwag mong ipagkalat. College days pa namin iyon ni Tim akala ko nadelete na niya. Lagot ako sa girlfriend ko kapag nagkataon”. He pleaded. 

“WALA AKONG PAKIALAM, KUNG DATI PA YON O NGAYON LANG. WALA DIN AKONG PAKIALAM SA RELASYON MO. SAGUTIN MO MGA TANONG KO HUDAS KA”. 

I heard random noises sa kabilang linya. Mura ng mura ang tanga akala niya siguro wala akong panlaban sa katarantaduhan nilang magkakaibigan. Ito namang si Timothy umalis na parang walang iniwang karumaldumal sa phone ko.

I heard him sigh. “Okay fine, yes he’s in Barrio Isadora. Pero I don’t know why he keeps on coming back to that place. Hindi pa din kami nakakapunta doon. I don’t know the exact address, I just know that it’s somewhere in the North”. 

“Somewhere in the North? Wala bang mas specific pa diyan, tangina mo ka”. 

“Wala. We don’t ask about per-". I did not let him finish binaba ko na agad ang tawag. 

“I need to go to that Barrio, wherever that is”. I said to Lex. 

“Ha? P-pero Lor, are you sure? Do you want me to go with you?”. 

I shook my head. “No, I can manage, just lend me your wallet and phone. Ibabalik ko na lang once I come back here in the Metro”.

May pagdadalawang isip na binigay niya sa akin ang phone at wallet niya. 

“Lor, I am deeply worried. Are you really going to be okay?”. She asked again.

I gave her a reassuring smile then I hugged her. “Thank you ulit. If someone asks for me, tell them I am seeking for answers”. 

She just nodded and embraced me back. 

If you tell me I am stupid, yes I am but  I have been stupid for so many years at last na ‘to.

I need my answers or I’ll go insane.