Lovesick

Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

RIEUKA

*FLASHBACK 5 YEARS AGO”*

'Can we see each other today? I really need a friend right now.’

Maya-maya pa ay nag-vibrate itong muli.

‘Even just for a while. Please (insert emoji with pleading eyes)’  

Ibinaba ko ang cell phone ko matapos kong mabasa ang mensahe ni Akira at muling tumingin sa boyfriend ni Mama. Katabi ko si Mama habang nasa tapat niya naman nakaupo ang boyfriend niya na mas matanda sa kaniya ng kaunti.

“So where do you want to go in your vacation?” tanong nito sa ‘kin.

“I don’t plan on going anywhere,” I said before sipping on my coffee.

Siniko ako ni Mama sa may tagiliran ko. “Ano ka ba, Rieuka. I thought you want to stay in Boracay for a while.” Pinanlakihan niya ako ng mata.

“Yeah, I was.” Tumingin ako sa taong kaharap ni Mama. “But I’ve changed my mind because my friend is in a difficult situation right now.”

“Rieuka,” banta ni Mama sa gilid ko.

“Have you asked your daughter where she wants to spend her vacation?” tanong ko sa boyfriend ni Mama.

“I didn’t have the chance to talk to her yet.” Iniwas niya ang tingin niya sa akin at itinuon ang atensyon sa pagkaing nasa harapan niya. Sumubo siya ng isang hiwa ng steak na nakalagay sa plato niya.

“Or you didn’t try to reach out to her?” Nakita ko ang pagdaan ng lungkot sa mga mata niya.

Umiling siya. “I...I don’t know how to reach out to her,” he said while looking at his glass of wine.

“You will always find a way if you really want—“ Hindi ko natapos ang sasabihin ko nang pigilan ako ni Mama.

“Stop it, Rieuka. At least have some respect for your father,” Mama said while looking at me with sharp eyes.

“He’s not my father, Ma. My Dad was gone years ago, but I’m freaking sure he is the father of someone I know, Akira,” I said with greeted teeth.

“Yeah, we already knew that. We all know that he’s Akira’s father. So what?”

“So what, Ma? Really?” hindi makapaniwalang tanong ko. “He’s right in front of me asking me where I want to go for a vacation, while his daughter is texting me asking for a friend,” I said while showing Akira’s text message to me.

“It’s not enough to call himself a Dad, but he should also act as one,” pagpapaliwanag ko kay Mama.

“But he is, Rieuka. He’s trying it with you.” She pointed at me. “So, can you at least appreciate that?”

Hindi makapaniwalang tinignan ko si Mama. “I’m not asking for it. I’m not the one who needs it. The one who need it is out there, Ma, weeping, crying her eyes out, asking where they went wrong.” Napahawak ako sa ulo ko dahil sa inis bago ako tumayo.

Hinawakan ng boyfriend ni Mama ang kamay ko. “I just want to be a father to you,” he said while looking at me straight into the eyes with the attention that I hate to have. “I just want you to feel a fatherly love that you haven’t had before,” pagmamakaawa niya.

“I don’t need a father. I already know how to live without one. I’m already used to it.” Inalis ko ang kamay niya na nakahawak sa kamay ko. “Though maybe Akira needs one,” I said before walking out of the restaurant.

Palabas na ako ng pinto ng mayroong humila sa kamay ko. “What was that?” tanong sa akin ni Damien.  

“What?” I said in an annoyed tone.

“Why are you with Akira’s Dad?” he said while looking back at the table where we sat. “And what were the three of you talking about?” Tinignan niya akong muli sa mata.

Napatigil ako at hindi ako makahanap ng tamang salita para ipaliwanag sa kaniya ang nangyayari.

“I—have you heard what we were talking about?”

“Were you involved with this all along?” he looked at me as if he was ready to strangle me if I would say something that he didn’t like.

“I’m not,” I paused. “But I’ve known about this all along.”

Wala na akong makitang rason para itago sa kaniya ang mga nangyari, at alam kong kahit papaano ay may karapatan siyang malaman ang nangyayari sa pamilya ko at sa pamilya niya.

“And you never told Akira?” Umiling ako. Hinawakan niya ako sa magkabilang balikat. “That’s bullshit, Rieuka.”

“I’m scared.” Itinaas ko ang tingin ko sa kaniya. “I’m scared to know her reaction.”

“You should be, because this.” Tinuro niya sila Mama na nakaupo pa rin sa table na iniwan ko at nag-uusap. “This is freaking crazy. How could you do this to your friend?” he said while he looked at me with disbelief.

“I…I’m…I’m sorry. I really am,” hingi ko ng tawad habang hawak-hawak ko ang kamay niya.

“You don’t have to be sorry to me. You should be sorry for Akira. Your friend,” he said before removing my grip from his hand.

“You should tell her, or else I’ll be the one who will tell her,” sabi niya sa nagbabantang boses. “We both know that it will be more painful to her if she will learn this from someone else,” he said before leaving me at the front door.

Napaupo ako sa sahig. “But I don’t know how to tell her,” bulong ko sa sarili ko.

Nang mag-ring ang cellphone ko ay sinagot ko agad ito nang makita kong si Akira ang tumatawag.

“Hey,” bati ko rito.

I heard her sob. “Are you busy tonight?” she asked in between her sobs.

“No, I’m done with what I’m doing. What is it?” I felt the cold wind that touched my skin. I pulled my knee closer and hugged it to lessen the cold that I was feeling.

“Can you come to where I am now?” Nakarinig ako ng malakas na tugtog sa background niya. “I’m not thinking straight right now,” she said while faking her laugh.

Napatayo ako agad dahil sa sinabi niya at sa naririnig kong ingay sa likod niya. “Where are you right now?”

“I’m at a bar right now, and I don’t know until when I stay sane,” she laughed. “I mean, the alcohol is starting to get into my system, and my boyfriend can’t pick me up today,” she said before I heard her drink something.

“So can you be his substitute for the day?” she said while laughing. I could hear her heavy breath as she talked. She might be drinking for hours now.

“Where are you exactly?” sabi ko habang pumapara ng taxi.

She told me where she was exactly. Her location and even where she was sitting in that bar. Isn’t it so selfish of me to come to her when I’m one of the reasons she’s in pain?

Am I too cruel to her? Should I not be treated as a friend right now? They say that to have a long-lasting friendship, and you should never lie and trust each other. Guess what, I just broke the former one, and I’m sure she will break the latter one when she knows who I really am.