A Love to Burn

Kabanata Pito

I just needed to take one step to reach my dream. I wouldn’t back out now. I would endure everything even if it meant that I am going to see my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend almost every day. I’m not a coward, I knew how to handle this one. Anong silbi ng mga natutunan ko sa Paris at ang mga natutunan ko kay Asia? When I was still with her, she didn’t care about her exes and she was just going with the flow. Ako, alam kong kaya ko rin iyong gawin.

My phone rang because of a call. Napangiti ako nang makita ang caller ID. Speaking of.

“Marg!”

Halos ilayo ko ang phone sa aking kaliwang tenga dahil sa tinis ng boses ni Asia. She sounded so excited. May nangyari sigurong maganda sa kaniya.

“Stop screaming, my ear hurts,” I said jokingly.

The person on the other line giggled before speaking, “Anyway, I just missed you! How is the Philippines?”

“Why don’t you go home too? It’s also your country after all.” I rolled my eyes kahit hindi niya naman nakikita.

“No! I don’t want to go back there, yet! Kapag mayaman na ako, para walang masabi sa akin ang mga magulang ko.”

Hindi ako kaagad nakasagot dahil sa sinabi ni Asia. Right, she was in Paris right now because she wanted to prove to her whole family that she didn't need their help. Asia’s dad wanted her to follow their family’s legacy, and it was to be a housewife. Sa pamilya kasi nila, ang mga babae ay hindi kailangang magtrabaho at ang gagawin lang ay ang manatili sa bahay. Their family also arranges marriage at iyon ang pinakaayaw ni Asia. Kaya nakipagsapalaran siya sa Paris and she was living her best life there. And as her friend, I’m supporting her.

“By the way, Marg. Nagkita na ba kayo ulit ng ex mo?” pag-iiba ni Asia sa usapan.

I’m in a café right now and waiting for my coffee to arrive. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay napakakalma ako ng kape kapag sobrang kabado ako o kaya naman ay maraming iniisip. But I only discovered it when I was in Paris. I’m not really into coffee in the past, though.

“Yes. He’s my architect, too,” I said with a blank tone as if I’m not affected by it.

The café’s ambiance suited my look for today. The café’s dim lights reflected a comforting color just like what I’m wearing. I’m wearing a mustard turtleneck top today and I paired it with a high waist black fitted pants with black boots. The chandeliers also gave the vibe of a comfortable place.

Asia’s gasped was louder than it should be. “What?! At hindi ka naman tumanggi? Don’t you want to protect your peace, Marga?!”

I sighed. I wanted to think that she was just overreacting but I knew that she was right. Hindi nga talaga ako magkakaroon ng kapayapaan dahil sa sarili ko ring kagagawan. But what could I do? Nariyan na ‘yan, ang kailangan ko na lang ay ang panindigan ang naging desisyon ko. It was too late to back out now.

“It’s fine, Asia. At least I get to test my patience and temper.” I laughed it off.

Alam kong hindi suportado ni Asia ang nalaman niyang ito but she couldn’t do anything about it so she would try to support me. That’s what friends are for. Masuwerte nga ako dahil nakilala ko si Asia. Kaunti lang ang populasyon ng mga Filipino sa Paris, if I’m not mistaken. And now that I’m in the Philippines and not in Paris anymore, I just hoped that Asia’s doing okay on her own.

She sighed. Siguradong nakakunot ang noo niya ngayon. Alam ko iyon kahit hindi ko naman nakikita. I knew her too well.

“Marga, I know you’re a competitive and a gladiatorial woman. Hindi ka nagpapatalo sa kahit na anong laban at hindi ka rin natatalo. But please, don’t think of it as a competition with your ex’s new partner okay? You’re better than her and you don’t have to prove it to anyone. Ipakita mo lang kung anong sinayang ng ex mo.”

“Of course!” I chuckled. “Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing and I’m not competing against her.”

“Then, that’s good. Well, I’m going to hang up now. Au revoir, Je t'aime!”

After the call with Asia, roon naman dumating ang order kong kape. I kept scrolling down my PostAPic account while sipping on my coffee. I kept double-tapping all the posts from my friends and even from public posts. Hanggang sa makita ko ang isang PAP account na pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko dapat makita. The icon of the account was Seatiel and Aneesa’s picture. It was Aneesa’s PostAPic.

Pinindot ko iyon at nakitang naka-private ang account. I couldn’t see anything. Napasimangot tuloy ako, I’m kind of disappointed. Kaunti lang din ang followers niya at ang mga fi-na-follow niya. Because I’m curious, I searched for Seatiel’s name. Ang dating PostAPic account lang niya ang lumabas. Tinignan ko rin iyon at nakitang walang mga bagong post doon. It was still the posts from 3-4 years ago. The PostAPic account was public.

But wait, hindi talaga siya gumawa ng bagong account? I shrugged my thoughts off immediately. I realized how irrelevant it was with my life. Hindi ko na dapat pa pinagtutuonan ng pansin iyon.

I exited the app and put down my phone so I could drink my coffee peacefully.

“Welcome to Elysian, Ms. Castillano.” Ngumiti sa akin iyong real estate agent na ni-recommend ni Leila at ng asawa niya. I’ve witnessed everything that happened between the two of them and I’m glad that they were finally okay, after how many years that Leila’s family ruined her life.

Nang sumapit ang hapon ay pumunta na ako rito sa Elysian, the name of the condominium building. Nagpalipas lang talaga ako sa café kanina. Madilim ang kalangitan noong umalis ako roon sa café, at noong dumating ako rito sa Elysian ay umaambon na. I’m expecting that it would be raining when I get out of the building.

“Thank you,” I told the real estate agent. She’s Gracia if I remembered it correctly.

“Your condo unit is on the 17th floor as you requested to have a nice and relaxing view. And we also gave you a small but comfortable unit as per request.”

Tumango ako at nakinig pa sa ibang mga explanation ni Gracia. Nakasakay kami sa elevator nang mag-umpisa siyang magsalita, hanggang sa makaakyat na kami sa floor kung nasaan ang unit na para sa akin ay nagpapaliwanag pa rin siya. I didn’t understand the other things she was saying because I’m busy looking at the lights above us. It was the normal color of a bulb but it was dim and not blinding.

I remembered my apartment. Masyadong maaliwalas at maliwanag ang apartment kong iyon. And now, I’m not comfortable living there anymore kaya naman kailangan ko nang maghanap ng bagong matitirahan. Alam kong iyon na ang best na magagawa ko para sa sarili ko. I couldn’t sacrifice my own home! Sa sariling bahay na nga lang ako magkakaroon ng peace of mind, hindi ko pa ba ibibigay sa sarili ko iyon?

“Welcome to your condo unit.” Gracia gave me my access card. Hindi nawawala ang ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi. “Iwan ko na po muna kayo, Ms. Castillano. Please take your rest,” sambit niya nang nakangiti at yumuko nang bahagya bago umalis.

Nagpahabol ako ng pasasalamat sa kaniya bago ko binuksan ang unit ko. Tumunog ang pinto nang itapat ko ang card sa may entry hudyat na bukas na ang pinto. I immediately opened it at inilibot ang mga mata sa loob. It was really a small but spacious unit. Siguro ay dahil wala pang mga gamit kaya mukhang maluwag. I chose a small unit only because I didn’t want to have a large space all by myself. Masyadong malaki ang sarili kong apartment at wala naman akong kasama roon kaya ako lilipat.

The whole condo unit was bright, but I could change the lights if I wanted to. The marble patterned floor tiles were complemented with the strong colors of white, red, and black prints on the walls. It screamed a strong and blunt woman living in the unit. Even for me who would be living here got intimidated, but I liked it a lot.

Ang living room ay may kulay pulang sofa at sa harap nito ay ang malaking TV na nakapatong sa kulay puting rack. There was a small chandelier between the sofa and the TV. Kulay white lang ang nasa likod ng TV at sa tingin ko ay puwedeng maglagay ng design or mag-paint doon.

Naglakad ako papunta sa may kusina. It was at the back of the living room. I was in awe while looking at the cutlery illustrations on the cabinets’ doors. Good for 4 person din ang mesa. I would surely invite Inori and Leila here. Tinignan ko rin ang bedroom at nakita ang kulay green walls na may circle patterns. It suited the white and red sheets of the bed. Mayroon ding TV sa harap ng kama. All in all, I’m liking it a lot! I’m sure I would be comfortable here.

When I went back to my apartment, I was shocked to see someone I'm not expecting to see tonight. Bumaba ako ng aking kotse at malakas na sinarado ang pinto.

“What are you doing here?”

I clearly remembered that this happened already, but it was years ago when he told me that we needed to have a break. Because tonight, Seatiel was standing in front of my apartment while resting his back on his car. Nakahalukipkip siya at nakatingin lamang sa madilim at walang buhay na apartment.

Lumingon kaagad siya sa akin nang marinig ang boses ko. “Marga,” he called.

“What are you doing here?” ulit ko sa aking tanong kanina, nakakunot ang noo habang tinitignan siya.

Napaatras ako nang mabilis siyang naglakad papunta sa puwesto ko. Habang tinitignan ko siya ay nakita ko ang pungay sa kaniyang mga mata. It was as if he was drunk!

“Marga, I miss you. I miss you a lot.” Yumakap siya sa akin nang makalapit na siya nang tuluyan. “I’m really glad that you’re here...”

Naestatwa lamang ako sa kinatatayuan ko.