More Than Anything (TAGALOG)

Quinn

I waited for another hour in the ER. I was contemplating on whether I would look for Margaux and my son or if I should just go home.

Ayokong umuwing sawi. Ayokong umuwing hindi ko nakakausap ang anak ko. I want to hold him. Even at least for a bit. Margaux would not allow me for sure but is it that bad to dream that I would get to hold him anytime soon?

In the end, I went home dejected. Hindi ko nakita ang anak ko.

I have a lot of things going on inside of my head. What would I have done if I had known this sooner? Ipapaubaya ko ba siya kay Margaux? Would I take him to custody instead? But taking him would make me the bad person.

Seeing how he grew up well, I’m guessing Margaux didn’t lack in the parenting department. But he grew up without a dad, wasn’t he looking for me too? Hindi man lang ba niya ako hinahanap sa Mommy niya? Wasn’t he jealous of all those complete families around him?

Was he contented with having just his mommy? Did he really not need a father?

When I saw him in person, I felt like I wanted to rush to him and hug him and give him everything he wanted to make up for the lost years. I wanted to show all of the world could offer.

“Are you okay, Babe?”

I snapped back off of my thoughts when Louise called me out. Nasa bahay niya kami ngayon dahil nag dinner kami kasama ng pamilya niya. It’s been a week since I saw Shawn and he was still inside my head.

Bukas ay pupunta ulit ako sa ospital para ipacheck up and sugat ko sa ulo. Louise said she’d accompany me but I asked her to just go to work because I can handle it. The fact is, umaasa akong makikita ko si Margaux sa ospital at makapag-usap ulit tungkol sa anak namin.

I also bought a gift for Shawn. I have a feeling that Margaux wouldn’t take it pero masama bang magbaka sakali?

“Yes, babe. I’m good.” Sagot ko kay Louise habang pinagsisiklop ang aming mga daliri.

Louise is the woman that I love. There’s no doubt to that. She understands me every time. She took care of me when Margaux was busy with her residency and that’s the reason why I fell in love with her. Nang mga panahong napapabayaan ako ni Margaux, si Louise ang nag-alaga sa akin.

I know it was one asshole move to cheat on my girlfriend but I love her. And I thought love is always right.

“Parang kanina ka pa tulala.” Ani Louise habang isinasandal ang ulo nito sa balikat ko.

I took a deep breath. If I told her I have a son with Margaux, would she break up with me? Mabait si Louise. Siguro naman ay maiintindihan niya?

And that’s also been bugging me. When I knew I had a son with Margaux, I was also thinking of how I can open this up to Louise. I know it will hurt her, too. I can only think of how I will react when she tells me she has a son with someone else.

“I’m just thinking of what I can do during my vacation.” I half lied. I’m going to take my time and prepare on how I will disclose this matter to her. I don’t want her to get hurt as well. Hindi pa nga ako nakikilala ng anak ko.

“I can take a week off.” She told me. “Pero siguro sa mga last part na ng bakasyon mo. Madami kasi kaming tinatapos ngayon sa opisina.”

I smiled and nodded. “Yes. Sure. We’ll plan an out of the country then?” Tanong ko.

She smiled at me and nodded. “Kahit sa Thailand lang…” Aniya.

I nodded and agreed. I hope by that time I can come with my son. I wanted to show him more of the world. I’m sure Margaux wasn’t able to show him off most of the time because of her schedule in the hospital. But I can…I can do that for him.

“Alam mo ba, mukhang magbbreak na iyong manager namin at iyong boyfriend niya.” Now she starts off with her gossips again. “Sayang kasi magfo-four years na rin sila.”

I kissed the top of her head. “Bakit daw?” I asked.

“Kasi may anak pala iyong lalaki sa ex niya. Ilang taon na rin. Hindi alam nung manager namin kaya nung nalaman niya, nashock siya at mukhang hihiwalayan na niya siya ngayon.”

Para akong nabuhusan ng malamig na tubig nang marinig ko iyon. If Louise knew, would she react like that, too?

“Bakit naman ibebreak e, it happened in the past.” I tried to reason out for the guy.

Louise sighed and paused. I know she’s thinking. “Well, because she didn’t know that something happened between her boyfriend and his ex before they met?” Sagot niya.

What?

“Of course they were together, syempre may mangyayari.” I reasoned once again.

Louise looked at me. “Well, may point.” Sabi niya. “At plano rin kasi nung boyfriend niya na sustentuhan ang anak niya. Natatakot lang yung manager naming magkabalikan pa sila nung ex niya dahil sa anak nila.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “Bakit naman sila magkakabalikan kung iyong bata naman ang susustentuhan nung boyfriend niya?” I asked. “I think it’s just fair for the kid to get something from his father because he’s the father.”

Louise nodded. “I think so too. But it still actually hurts for our manager. Hindi naman madaling payagan iyong boyfriend mo na makipagkita ulit sa ex nito para sa bata. What if nagkikita sila tapos mainlove ulit iyong boyfriend niya sa ex niya? Kawawa naman si Manager.” She sighed.

I let her words linger inside my head. Would she feel the same? Would she react the same? And this is the same reason why I am still contemplating on opening this matter to her. Baka hiwalayan niya ako. And that’s what I can’t bear.

“If it were you, what would you do?” I asked.

I know this is a risk because it would make her think that I am in the same situation but I needed her answer to know what kind of approach would I use when I decided to finally disclose this to her.

Louise paused and thought. “Siguro I’ll break up with you, too.” She said. “If you have a child with your ex, your child would want you and your ex to be together for a perfect and complete family. So, I’ll give you up para ibigay iyon sa bata.” She told me and smiled. “Pero hindi naman iyon mangyayari kaya why bother giving you up?”

She leaned in and gave me a passionate kiss. “I will never let you go kahit anong mangyari. I love you, Quinn.” She told me.

I smiled. “I love you, too.” I replied and leaned over to own her lips once again.

“Sleep beside me, please?” Her voice was pleading. It’s been so long that we’ve slept together. Simula noong nakita ko si Shawn ay parang nawalan ako ng oras para kay Louise. It happened and I didn’t even talk to my son. Paano na lang kung makilala ko na siya?

Out of guilt, I smiled and nodded at my girlfriend.

She giggled and held my hand to lead me to her room. Ilang beses na rin naman akong natulog sa kwarto niya at wala na lang iyon sa pamilya. Her family welcomes me and treats me like their own.

Louise laid on the bed and climbed on top of her, kissing her senseless. I almost groaned when she wrapped her arms around my neck. Damn.

I left kisses on her jawn down her neck as my hands roamed inside her dress. She moaned softly as my hands reached her breasts, massaging them even her brassiere on.

I unclasped her bra and freed her mountains, playing and molding with her sweet n*****s.

Itinaas ko ang damit niya hanggang sa maalis ko iyon sa katawan niya. I’m turned on and I wanted to be inside her now.

I haven’t had s*x with her for a week and it seems like forever. I want to own her over and over again tonight.

“Quinn,” she called my name as I was busy twirling my tongue around her erected n*****s.

Her hands were all over my hair, messing and pulling every strand.

Another moan escaped her lips when I turned to her other n****e and did the same. With my other hand roaming around her thigh, I reached the center of her core.

“You’re so wet, babe.” I whispered and she whimpered.

I immediately removed her panties and inserted my finger into her thin hole. She whimpered and moaned at the same time as I pulled my finger in and out of her core.

She was moving with the rhythm of my finger as small moans came out of her.

“Oh, Quinn!” She called and I owned her lips once again. I traced the her little carvern with my tongue while she tried to undress me.

I can feel her walls contracting around my finger before feeling her release on my finger.

I immediately unbuckled my belt and took off my pants as she kissed me senseless. I pushed her back to the bed as I was bare in front of her. I spread her legs and positioned myself in the middle, inserting my member into her hot core.

She whimpered as I slowly inserted myself inside her. “Quinn!” She called my name and I kissed her neck making her moan even more.

I filled her to the brim and made her wrap her legs around my waste as I started my rhythm.

This is where I belong. I belong with Louise.

This thought repeated in my mind as I thrusted into Louise’s core. After a few minutes of thrusting, I can feel her walls contracting around me. I suddenly felt the urge to release and we both came inside her.

“I love you.” She whispered as she buried her face into my chest.

“I love you, too.” I whispered back before we got to sleep.

Akala ko ay tuluy-tuloy na ang tulog ko pero tumunog ang cellphone kong nasa bedside ni Louise. I was so thankful that she is in deep sleep so it didn’t wake her up.

I looked at the caller ID and saw an unregistered number flashing on the screen.

I answered the call. “Who’s this?” I asked.

“Daddy?”

Parang tumigil ang mundo ko nang marinig ko ang munting tinig. Is this Shawn? Damn! Is this my son?

“I know you haven’t met me but Mommy said you saw me in the hospital.” His voice is heavenly. I have never heard a voice that made me this happy. I immediately got out of bed and walked to the bathroom.

“I have a football game on Friday. It’s going to be in my school, Marist. I hope you could come. Bye!” His voice beamed and the call went dead. I immediately called the number back but it was already out of coverage. Putang ina!