Once Ice Grieves

FIFTEEN: Hitched

HINDI ko alam kung ilang traffic violations ang kinolekta ko para lang makarating sa The Clique ng mabilis. Nang makarating ako roon ay wala pang tao bukod sa mga staff na nag-aayos ng mesa at mga upuan pati na rin ng entablado.

“Hi, Ma’am Ice!” bati no’ng isang lalaking staff—Olie, if I remember him correctly—na nasa likod ng counter. “Nasa second floor si Sir, Ma’am, hinihintay kayo. Booth 23 po.”

Ngumiti ako. “Salamat, Olie.”

“Welcome, Ma’am!”

Tinakbo ko ang hagdanan at hinanap sa mga VIP booths ang numerong sinabi niya. Nang matagpuan ay agad ko iyong binuksan saka pumasok sa loob. True enough, I saw my brother Prim, seated at the couch on the far end while Alexa, Helion’s wife, poured juice over the glasses on the table.

Tumayo si Helion na nadatnan kong may kausap sa cell phone habang nakaupo sa beanbag chair na nasa kaliwa. “Ice, hi.”

Ngumiti ako sa kanya at niyakap siya. I did the same to Alexa who went towards me as a way of greeting. “Missed you, A.”

I heard Alexa chuckled. “Na-miss din kita, Ice. Sasama na ako sa susunod na get together, promise.”

I grinned despite my worry with Prim. “Kung hindi ka ulit buntis ng time na ‘yon, baka may chance.”

Alexa flushed which made me laugh. Nang bumaling ako kay Helion ay inirapan lang niya ako. Nailing na lamang ako sa kanya.

Sunod kong tinungo ang kapatid ko na nakatayo na’t inaabangan ang paglapit ko. Agad ko siyang niyakap, tears instantly burning the back of my eyes. Lumayo ako ng saglit at ikinulong ang mukha niya sa mga palad ko para titigan siya ng mataman. My little brother, who I left at eight years old, has now grown up to be a handsome man. Iyong mga mata niyang kagayang-kagaya ng sa akin. The high cheekbones, the defining jaw, his nose perfectly angled the way mine wasn’t. He’s my father’s and my mother’s son through and through. The other half of me.

“Oh, God, I’ve missed you…” And there, the tears fell.

Narinig ko siyang suminghot at naramdaman ko ang mga palad niyang humahagod sa likuran ko. “Ate…”

Mariin akong napapikit. Noon ko na lamang narinig iyon. I didn’t realize how much I’ve longed for that. I was too immersed in protecting myself, reclaiming what worth was lost from me. I was so focused on that I lacked the time to contemplate how much I missed my family.

Nang magmulat ako ng mga mata’y saka ko lamang napansin ang babaeng nakatayo sa likuran niya. Pagkatapos ay ang mga maleta sa tabi ng couch malapit sa bintana.

Kumalas ako kay Prim at pinunasan ang luha ko. “What’s happening? Pinayagan kang umalis sa ancestral house?”

His lips thinned at umiling siya. “Hindi, Ate. I… I ran away.”

I stiffened in disbelief. “W-what?”

Bumuntong hininga siya. “Kailangan kong umalis ng bahay. Nang manalo sa eleksyon si Kuya Logan, it’s not the same there. Mom was different, Lolo was different. It’s not… it’s not the same. And… and I got hitched.”

Muling nanlaki ang mga mata ko at agad akong napabaling sa kaliwa niyang kamay and sure enough, a gold wedding band surrounded his fourth finger. Bumalik ako sa mukha niya, not bothering to hide displeasure on my own. “What the hell were you thinking, Prim? Why would you get married without them knowing?”

“They can’t know, Ate, they’ll kill me and my wife!”

No. No, no, no, no. “Why?”

Lumunok siya. It was visible, I saw his adam’s apple moved. Pagkatapos ay lumingon siya, ang kanyang kaliwang braso’y pumaikot sa baywang ng babaeng nasa likuran niya at iginiya ito patungo sa kanyang tabi. The woman was young, possibly in her early twenty’s. She has a cute curly shoulder-length hair and a deep dimple stamped in her left cheek. She looked achingly familiar.

“Ate, si Katrina—”

“Trina,” sabad niya, ang labi’y may kaunting ngiti na tila nag-aalangan at takot. But I can see fire in her eyes which made me decide that I have indeed seen that eyes before. “Trina Evangelista.”

And there it was.

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. Naestatwa ako sa kinatatayuan ko at hindi ako makagalaw. It was like the past catching up to me, surfacing in my least expected moment. Tama nga yata talaga ang sinasabi ng mga matatanda tungkol sa karma. It was so sudden, so unexpected, so… there, in my face.

“Ate, okay ka lang?” dinig ko ang pag-aalala sa tinig niya nang magtanong.

I saw the girl’s eyes filled with worry, too. Nang mapagtanto kung saan ko nakita ang mata niya—sa mata ng kapatid niya, hindi ko na napigilang hindi mabuwal sa beanbag chair na nasa malapit. Everything around me blurred. I barely heard voices and the door shutting close. Nagsimulang manikip ang dibdib ko at ang mga tinig sa loob ng isip ko, sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon simula noon, ay naging sobrang linaw at sobrang lakas.

Tulungan mo ako, parang awa mo na. Ayokong mamatay. Parang awa mo na, tulong…

I clutched my heart, my head. Hindi ko alam kung anong uunahin. I can’t breathe and I felt as if the ground beneath me was non-existent. I felt like I’m mid-air, falling and falling fast.

“Lyselle,” a voice. Familliar voice and a hand that clamped mine. “Ice, focus. Let’s do grounding, c’mon. Focus. Five things you see…”

Five things I see. Dammit all to hell, I can’t see! That’s the problem!

“Lyselle, I said focus. Breathe. Breathe through your mouth. Five things you see.”

That voice was razor sharp. Parang isang latigong humiwa sa ere. Kumurap-kurap ako, sinubukang paganahin ang mga mata ko. I saw a glass of juice. “Baso…”

“Good, yes. What else?”

Kumurap ako at tumingin sa nasa harap ko. Britanni was crouching down to level with me. Lumunok ako. “Your earrings. The couch. The table.” How many was that? Four. Four, Ice. Luminga ako. “Window.”

“Good job. Four things you can touch…”

Tumingin ako sa mga kamay ko. Nakita kong nanginginig iyon. Sinubukan kong pisilin ang mga kamay niya. “Your hands,” I saw Britanni smile and nod. I touched her hair and declared it. The other hand she let go felt the carpet beneath. Then I touched my shoes.

“You’re doing great. Breathe through your mouth, Ice. Are you okay now or do you want to continue?”

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko’t patuloy na huminga ng malalim. I did that repeatedly for a couple of minutes until my panic subsided. Binigyan ako ni Autumn ng tubig and that’s the only time I realized she was there and Alexa and Helion gone.

Nang marahil ay makita ang pagkalito sa mukha ko’y ngumiti siya. “Tinawagan din ako ni Hel. Baka raw kailangan mo ng tulong.”

Tumango ako, grateful for it at least.

Bumaling ako kay Prim na may takot sa mga mata. It wasn’t the first time he saw me having a panic attack. I used to have those days after that fateful incident but it wasn’t this ugly. “I’m sorry. I’m okay, Prim.”

“Ate, sorry. I’m very sorry.”

Ngiti akong umiling. Whatever made him go to me, I’m thankful for that at least.

“Sa tingin ko mas okay kung sa penthouse na tayo mag-usap,” suhestyon ni Autumn nang kunin niya ang baso ng tubig mula sa akin. “Sa ‘kin ka na sumabay, Ice. Prim can drive your car, we’ll convoy.”

That would be a good decision considering my hands can’t stop shaking still.

“Kailangan mo ba ako ro’n?” mahinahong tanong ni Britanni na hindi pa rin umaalis sa harapan ko at marahan pa ring hinihimas ang mga kamay ko.

The soft click of the door prevented me from speaking. Nang lumingon ako’y nakita ko si Anthony—Britanni’s husband—na kakapasok lamang at nakahawak pa sa door knob sa likuran niya. He gave me a sheepish smile as if he was caught sneaking in and we shouldn’t have noticed him supposedly. Ngumiti ako pabalik pagkatapos ay kay Britanni’y umiling.

“Ayos na ako. Thank you, Brit. Pasensya na sa abala ha?”

“Hey. No biggie. Nandito lang kami palagi para tumulong, okay? Always remember that, Ice.”

My heart swelled with gratitude. Pinisil ko ang kamay niya, a silent thanks which I hoped she understood.

Ginamit ko ang oras na ginugol namin sa byahe para kalmahin ang sarili ko at isipin ng kaunti ang mga susunod kong pwedeng maging hakbang. Logan has been elected as a Senator. At kahit hindi pa siya nakakapanumpa, his cronies and allies will ensure that anyone who threatens him won’t live to see the sunrise of the next day—blood or no.

“Maybe you’re overthinking this,” mahinang usal ni Autumn sa tabi ko.

Bumuntong hininga ako at inilipat ang tingin ko mula sa bintana patungo sa kanya. “Sana nga. The statute of limitation for crimes punishable by reclusion perpetua or temporal is twenty years, Autumn. It hasn’t been twenty years and one of my family’s victim is already resurfacing. Right in the middle of Logan reclaiming political power. Ano sa tingin mo ang handa niyang gawin para hindi maunsyami ang binabalak niya?”

“As long as Prim stays low-key, sa tingin ko’y hindi hahayaan ng Lolo mong may mangyaring masama sa kanya. Apo niya si Prim. Totoong apo. He’s the last surviving male of your family. Hindi niya hahayaang may mangyari kay Prim.”

I gritted my teeth. Gusto kong isipin na sana’y ganoon nga. Gusto kong pagkatiwalaang kaya ni Lolo na maprotektahan ang kapatid ko. But the fact that he let a monster like Logan come to a position with power says something about where his interest and favor lies.

Nang marating ang penthouse ay dumeretso ako sa kusina para abalahin ang sarili kong magtimpla ng mga inumin. Autumn went straight to her bedroom to fish out some of her important things there as well as clothes and deposited it to other vacant couch.

“Sa kwarto ko na kayo mag-stay, Prim,” nadatnan kong alok niya habang binababa sa mesa ang mga baso ng juice, cookies, at slice ng mango cake sa platito. “I’ll just room with Ice.”

“N-naku, okay lang naman kami rito sa sala, Ate Autumn,” wika ni Prim na parang hindi mapakali bigla. “Nakakahiya na sa istorbo.”

Autumn grinned and waved. “It’s no big deal. Naka-night shift ako so it doesn’t really matter. Workaholic ‘yang si Ice kaya baka hindi n’yo rin ‘yan masyadong makita half the time dito. Aanhin naman natin ang mga kwarto kung walang matutulog do’n?”

Kita ko ang hesitasyon kay Prim lalo nang tumingin siya sa akin na parang itinatanong kung okay lang bang pumayag siya sa ganoon. I smiled and gave him a single nod. Ngumiti rin siya at bumaling muli kay Autumn na pumosisyon na sa couch na kaharap ng kanila.

“Salamat, Ate Autumn. Hayaan n’yo po, maghahanap din ako ng trabaho para makatulong sa gastos dito sa bahay.”

“Uy, hayaan mo na ‘yon,” Autumn dismissed, her mouth full of the cookie she just bit. “Malaki sahod ng Ate mo, kaya niya tayong buhayin.”

I snorted then threw a pillow in her face making the couple laugh.

I sat on the arm rest of the couch and silently watched Prim and Trina interact with Autumn. Kung wala siguro si Autumn ay mabigat ang tensyon sa bahay. I knew she was deliberately lightening up the mood by engaging them in self-depracting jokes which made them laugh.

In that short period of time, nakita ko kung paano alagaan ni Prim si Trina. Maya’t maya siyang magtanong kung anong gusto nito, anong kailangan nito. His hand never left her. Lagi iyong nakadantay sa hita ng dalaga, nakahawak sa kamay, o kaya’y nakapaikot sa baywang. And their eyes… God, that pinched my heart. I knew those eyes. I’ve seen that kind of emotion somewhere, on some person…

“Ice, phone mo.”

Napapitlag ako sa malalim na pag-iisip dahil sa untag ni Autumn. Dinampot ko ang cell phone ko na nasa mesa at tinignan ang caller ID. I muttered a curse when I saw Sir Ruth’s name on it. I went to the kitchen to answer it. When done, bumalik ako sa sala para kunin ang susi ng kotse ko na inilapag ni Prim sa center table din kanina.

“Kailangan kong bumalik ng office,” paalam ko sa kanila. “Sandali lang ako. May pinapagawa lang.”

To my surprise, Prim stood. “Sama na ako, Ate. Hintayin na kita.”

I stared at him, wondering why he wanted to go all of a sudden. Then his eyes darted on the keys I held and immediately I understood. Natatakot siyang mangyari ang nangyari sa akin kanina. He thinks I’ll be paralyzed with fear if left alone, so much so that he already concluded I can’t drive.

It elicited something warm within me. My brother who was so young and who hated me for being a coward years ago, now wanting to protect me just for that one single slip earlier today.

Ngiti akong tumango. “Okay.”

Nagpaalam siya sa asawa niya at binilinan itong magpahinga na lang sa kwarto habang wala siya. Trina refused, wanting to unpack and prepare food for all of us while he’s gone which made me relieved dahil alam kong pinaplano lang ni Autumn na mag-order ng chicken bucket sa fastfood online. That girl can’t cook even if it saves her life.

I drove through the metro traffic. Rush hour na at alam kong wala nang mapagpaparadahan ng kotse sa building na iyon so I would be forced to park in the basement later. Christ.

“She’s pregnant, isn’t she?” I prompted when Prim refused to talk in the car.

Nakita ko sa perpiheral vision ko ang pagbaling niya sa akin. He hesitated but still nodded after a few beats. “Five weeks, Ate.”

I blew out a small breath. When I thought this wouldn’t get worse, it just keep getting bad. “How… did this all happen, Prim?”

Narinig ko siyang huminga ng malalim. The leather seat slightly squeaked when he moved. “Nakilala ko si Trina sa isa sa mga outreach program ni Kuya Logan. She pretended to be a volunteer for most of his projects so we see each other a lot of times. Nang nangampanya si Kuya, I found out she’s an activist. She spied on those programs, trying to see if there’s a hole she can exploit to run a smear campaign on him.”

Humanga ako kay Trina roon. I would’ve funded her cause if I’ve met her first. Still… “You married the sister of Dad’s victim, Prim. Hindi lang buhay mo ang itinataya mo rito, you’re endangering her life as well.”

“I know,” and I saw his knowledge of that and what it meant in the tick in his jaw. “Trina lost her parents at an early age because of what happened to her sister. They took their life years after they signed an NDA and took the hush money to let her live a comfortable life. No’ng nalaman ko kung sino siya at kung bakit niya gustong sirain ang Kuya, hulog na hulog na ako sa kanya no’n, Ate. She’d been honest with me. Alam niyang wala akong kinalaman sa nangyari. Na tumulong ka sa pagligtas sa Ate niya pero hindi ka na umabot.”

At that reminder, my hand tightened on the steering wheel.

“I convinced her to drop it. To just let it go. She had to find something she can use against Kuya dahil hanggang ngayon, legally bound pa rin ang pamilya niya sa non-disclosure kahit patay na ang mga magulang niya. Ate… Sinubukan ko naman, eh. Sinubukan kong h’wag magpadala sa nararamdaman ko. I kept my distance. I let her do what she had to do because it’s clear that was her life mission and I don’t have any space in it, but it was… hard. I can’t breathe, I can’t eat, I can’t think. It’s like dying but in a painfully slow motion.

“No’ng nanalo ang Kuya, it galvanized me into action. He will obliterate anyone who stands in his way, I just know it. Kailangan kong protektahan si Trina. At kung kailangan kong kalimutang isa akong Ilagan, gagawin ko ‘yon. Walang tanong, walang pag-aalinlangan. You did it, too. You did it, too, Ate, and I drew strength from that. Nakaya mo silang hawiin sa landas mo. I know I can do that too because I now have a greater motivation.”

Ipinarke ko ang sasakyan sa basement. It took me a second to absorb everything I was hearing. Suddenly, I heard Doctora Joana’s voice in my head. “…ang dami mong kayang magawa by just sheer will alone. If you had the desire and the incentive to do it, I’m confident you’ll accomplish this one much quicker.”

Sheer will. Sheer will o need for survival? Because I sure as hell lost all my will to live that fateful day. When you’ve seen that kind of darkness, I don’t think there’s anything else that can incentivize you para ayusin ang buhay mo at ilagay ‘yon sa tamang direksyon. At lubos ang pasasalamat kong hindi nakita ng kapatid ko ang mga nakita ko noon. Because he wouldn’t have this strength to live for love. To fight for love.

Because I know I don’t.

Bumaling ako sa kanya’t pinisil ang kaliwa niyang braso at ginawaran siya ng ngiti. In time, Dok, baka kayanin kong bigyan sila ng bukas na bintana. Pero ngayon…

“You can stay in the office. May aasikasuhin lang ako saglit,” bilin ko sa kanya habang nasa elevator kami paakyat sa floor ng office.

Nakita ko siyang nagpapalinga-linga, kinikilatis ang paligid habang naglalakad kami sa hallway. When we get past the lobby, I heard him whistled, impressed with the artsy design of the place.

I scanned my badged to the office entrance. Napatigil ako ng bahagya nang makita si Griffin na nakaupo sa swivel chair ko while he was talking animatedly with Valentin and Ariel, then I saw Adrian on Yi-Rim’s desk talking to Sir Ruth. Sina Yi-Rim at Vernie ay nasa pantry, sumilip lang at kumaway nang makita akong dumating.

What the hell is going on?

“Kuya Griffin!”

Lahat ng ulo’y bumaling sa amin. Griffin’s eyes first met mine then turned to Prim who I saw was grinning behind me. Hindi pa man ako nakakapag-react ay nakita ko na siyang nilampasan ako’t tinutungo ang kinaroroonan ni Griffin na tumayo naman at umikot sa mesa para salubungin ang kapatid ko.

They did that male handshake thing where they bump their shoulders with each other and tap each other’s backs. Nang tumingin sa akin si Griffin ay nag-iwas ako ng tingin at lumapit kina Sir Ruth at Adrian. Tama nga yata si doktora. Griffin was so closely linked to my past that any relationship we will have isn’t going to endure the trauma and trepidation.

“You’re being asked to transfer site, Ice,” bungad ni Sir Ruth sa akin nang makalapit ako. “The bidding will run for two weeks and while that’s ongoing, sa Kingsley Tech muna kayo. Sheena and her team just transferred an hour ago.”

Sumulyap ako kay Griffin. Nagtatawanan sila ni Prim at para bang walang pakialam kina Valentin at Ariel na nag-uusisa sa kanya-kanya nilang telepono at nagbubulungan din sa tabi.

Bumaling akong muli kay Sir Ruth. “This is effective tomorrow, boss?”

Tumango siya. “Pili ka ng tatlong team members, iyong isa maiiwan kay Adrian para sumalo no’ng mga pending n’yong projects worth two weeks.”

This time ay kay Adrian ako napabaling. His smile grew bigger, anticipating my worries perhaps. “H’wag kang mag-alala, ‘di ka mawawalan ng clients pagbalik.”

I snorted and rolled my eyes. “Hindi ‘yon, noh. Pero baka mawalan ako ng team pagbalik, sa ‘yo na ibigay kasi ang ganda ng ROI.”

“Yeah, I can definitely see that happening.”

I grinned at him. Sir Ruth shook his head in admonishment. “Ano ba naman ‘yan, pati ba naman team eh conjugal sa inyong dalawa? Kailan mo ba sasagutin ‘tong si Adrian, Ice? Gusto ko nang um-attend ng kasal.”

I snorted at that and Adrian laughed. Napatigil lang kami nang may tumikhim. Nang mapalis ang ngiti ni Sir Ruth at mapatingin kay Griffin ay sinundan namin ni Adrian iyon ng tingin. His backside is leaning against my desk now, his hands on his pocket and his gaze sharp on Adrian.

“Why don’t we select those team members now so I can help you transfer… Ice?”

His tone and emphasis on my nickname sounded as if he’s trying to mock it, much as his nickname given by his mother—Griff, a play on the word grief—is something he considered an insult.

Pinigilan ko ang sarili kong umirap. He’s, afterall, still a client. “Kukunin ko si Yi-Rim at Valentin, Sir Ruth.”

Sir Ruth inclined his head. “Tatlo, Ice.”

I smiled at Adrian. “Okay lang po, I can be the third one. Para even ‘yong hati sa ‘min ni Adrian. We have a huge pile of projects pending between Yi-Rim and V, baka mahirapan sina Adrian kung isa lang ang matitira sa kanya. I’ll leave Ariel and Vernie with him.”

“Okay, well… never let it be said we didn’t give you a choice.”

I smiled at Sir Ruth.

Matapos kong puntahan sa pantry si Yi-Rim ay naghakot kami ng ilang gamit. Adrian helped but Griffin kept looking at him wherever he went and I felt like it made him uncomfortable so when all the heavy things were taken care of, he retreated to the pantry.

“Prim, dito ka na muna. Sunduin kita pababa, iakyat ko lang ‘to,” bilin ko kay Prim na iniikot-ikot na ang rubics cube na nasa lamesa ko para aliwin ang sarili niya.

“Prim can come, Lyselle.”

Tumingin ako kay Griffin. He was still leaning on my desk, watching me closely and intently. I gave him a single nod then.

Kinuha ni Prim ang dala kong laptop at ang box na naglalaman ng ilang mga board, sticky notes, mouse at iba pang mga gamit ko sa mesa. Yi-Rim and Valentin carries the same stuff and we trailed behind Griffin who kept the elevator door open when we were entering.

Nang malampasan ko siya sa pinto ay naamoy ko ang pamilyar niyang pabango. It brought unwanted images to my mind and I hated the bereftness of my hands. If I had been clinging onto something, I would’ve disguised my reaction better. As it is, hindi ko napigilan ang kusang pagkuyom ng mga kamao ko habang pumuposisyon sa likod ng elevator.

Hindi ko alam kung nasaang floor ang Marketing team ng Kingsley Tech but it was a red flag for me when we stopped at his own floor. Hindi ako nagsalita kasi may iba kaming kasama. Knowing Yi-Rim and the incident at the hotel one night previous months ago, alam kong may side comment siya kapag umakto akong pamilyar sa CEO.

My suspicions are coming true nang unti-unti niya kaming igiya sa loob ng lobby ng opisina niya. Iyong nasa reception desk ay tumayo nang nakita ako’t ngumiti. I smiled back, not wanting to make her think I’m snobbing her. When Luis saw me come in, he smiled, too.

“Miss Lyselle, good evening po.”

“Hi, Luis.” In the middle of me greeting him, pumaikot na kaagad siya palabas sa kanyang mesa at tinulungan si Yi-Rim na bitbitin ang kahong dala-dala niya. “Pasensya na sa abala.

“Okay lang, Ma’am. Tagal ko nga po kayong ‘di nakita.”

I smiled at him when he walked beside me. Bago ko pa masagot si Luis ay nakita ko ang bagong disenyo ng waiting area na inupuan ko dati noong una akong napunta sa floor ng opisina ni Griffin. There were desks now and a couple of computers. The colorful beanbag chairs are still there as well as some of the paintings and furnitures pero kaysa waiting area, mas mukha na itong opisina ngayon.

I saw Griffin take the box from Prim. Tinungo niya ang desk na nasa sentro ng area, the chair facing the walkway where the main door and Luis’ desk is outside. Doon niya inilagay ang mga gamit ko bago bumaling sa amin.

Luis and Yi-Rim were helping each other settle her things to the desk on the right. Si Valentin naman ay ipinatong lang ang kanya sa isang center piece doon at nagpapalinga-linga pa, nag-uusisa.

“We’re… not staying with the Marketing team?” maingat kong tanong, sinisigurong hindi masyadong matalim ang pagbitaw ko ng mga salita. I did not want to disrespect him in front of other people. But I also wanted to know if I was being made a fool here.

Muli niyang pinamulsa ang mga kamay. “Their floor’s full. We placed Hernandez’s team on the last vacancy there earlier, it’s no longer optimal for you guys to work in that floor kung doon ko pa kayo ilalagay. As it is, I had a make-shift office done here. It’s spacious and would hold at least four to five members of your team including you.”

Four to five? Dude, I can host a full pledged party in this area.

“Naku, okay nga ‘to, Sir,” sabad ni Valentin na ngayon ay napili na ang desk na malapit sa bintana sa may kaliwa. Nag-a-unload na siya ng mga gamit sa mesa nang balingan ko. “Kahit saan naman kami basta pwedeng lagyan ng board. Kahit nga sa gitna lang ng hallway, solved na kami.”

Griffin gave Valentin one of his pleasant, charming smiles. “My heart wouldn’t be able to take seeing you guys working in the hallway.”

I had a lot to say about that but it served me well to shut up.

Tinungo ko ang desk ko para mag-ayos na rin dahil gumagabi na. It took a while before I heard Griffin say goodbye to my team and Prim. Binaba ko ang huling laman ng kahon at pinanood siyang buksan ang transparent glass door.

“Sir.” Huminto siya. Lumingon. His gaze softened immediately and he inclined his head in silent inquiry. “Sinong… pipili no’ng project?”

That question has been plaguing me since the debacle on my tenurity from the conference. Pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari, hindi ko inaasahan ang pagtatanggol niya sa akin mula kay Camille. That was his director. A vital part of his company’s success. If he trusted her that much, he would’ve also trusted her decision and inclination not to put me on the competing teams.

Dahil doon ay hindi ko napigilang isipin na baka bias si Griffin. If not against me, then most likely for me. And I don’t like the thought of that. Gusto kong makuha ‘yong proyekto nang dahil sa kakayahan ko at galing ng team ko. Not because I once shagged the goddamned CEO and broke his heart.

“Camille and the board. Rest assured, I’m not part of the selecting committee, Lyselle.”

Hindi ko alam kung dapat bang mabunutan ako ng tinik sa isinagot niya. Regardless, I still felt that. And maybe he saw through me. His eyes frosted over, removing any traces of softness and gentleness and without any additional remarks, he turned and left.