The Suicidal Ninja

Kabanata 18

Habang nasa library ako na walang masyadong tao dahil maaga pa, nagpa-plano na ako ng mga lugar dito sa paaralan na kailangan kong imbestigahan. Una, kailangan ko munang hanapin kung sino ang mga tao na nasa bidyo. Ngunit mahihirapan ako lalo na at uniporme lang nila ang nakita ko, walang mukha.

Ikalawa, kailangan kong malaman kung tungkol saan ang pinag-uusapan sa video. Baka naman ay wala naman palang kwenta ang dini-dig ko, masayang lang ang oras ko.

Nang mapagod ang utak ko ay inub-ob ko ang mukha ko sa mesa at ipinikit ang aking mga mata. Inaantok ako, pero hindi ako makatulog. Isang memorya tuloy bigla ang dumalaw sa aking isipan.

After Graduation Day. Ito na ang pinakahihintay naming lahat, ang maging isang ganap na ninja. Aside pa roon sa ginanap na graduation ceremony kung saan nagkaroon pa ng Battle of the Ace, mayroon pang tinatawag na After Graduation Day kung saan opisyal na kaming magiging ninja.

Naalala ko na um-attend ako roon at sinubukan pa rin na ituloy ang karera ko sa pagiging isang ninja, baka sakaling magbago ang desisyon ko kung mapunta ako sa isang magandang misyon.

Actually, I really don't care about being a ninja. This is not a dream of mine. It is just my late parents' dream for me. I thought that fulfilling their dreams will free me from the guilt and sorrow inside me, but I was wrong.

Our professor always says that I'm skilled and I'll be an excellent ninja someday, but this is not really my thing.

Ever since my parents died, I started to not care. I don't care what happens to the people around me, to the country, and to my home. It felt like...hell. I feel empty.

I tried to commit suicide, a thousand of times, but life really is so unfair. Why do I need to live if I feel like dying?

"There you are, Akira!"

Umakbay sa akin si Collin. He is my only cousin that I know. Parehong namatay ang parents namin sa war years ago, but he stayed strong. We never cried, even if it kills us. Maybe because we still have each other?

"Tara na. Malapit na ang section natin," sabi niya at nagsimula nang maglakad. Napasama na lang din ako sa kanya.

"Collin," I whispered. Napatingin lang siya sa akin at hindi nagsalita. "I should leave."

Napahinto siya sa paglalakad.

"No way. You're not planning to be a rogue ninja, are you?" Humarap siya sa akin at hinawakan ako sa magkabilang-balikat. That was not it, but I remained silent. "Listen. Your parents sacrificed their lives not only for the country but also for you. You should be proud of them."

Napatungo ako. "The thing is, I don't deserve to be a ninja. I don't want to help people, and the idea of protecting and sacrificing my life for this country never crossed my mind. I just want to die!"

Nagulat ako nang yugyugin niya ang balikat ko at sumigaw. "What will happen to me when you die?"

I heard his voice cracked. Inangat ko ang ulo ko upang tingnan siya. I could see his tears rolling down his cheeks. Then suddenly, I felt a pang in my chest. This is the first time that he cried in front of me.

"You're the reason why I chose to live, to be strong, to be happy, and to fight. Then you're telling me that you want to die?" Idinikit niya ang noo niya sa balikat ko. I was shocked I couldn't move. "How about me, Akira? We only have each other. And you always try to escape, to leave me alone. Aren't we a family?"

Humagulgol siya ng iyak habang nakayuko sa balikat ko. I felt bad. I always think of myself I forgot to see his pain and sadness. I didn't realize that I became selfish and coward. I committed suicide and tried to escape from this cruel world, not even thinking what he would feel.

My hands moved on its own. Hinagod ko ang likod niya hanggang sa tumahan siya.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to see your pain," I murmured.

Ilang sandali pa, kumalma na siya at nahihiyang tumingin sa akin. His eyes were red. Halatang galing siya sa pag-iyak.

"Your calmness annoys me, Akira. You should have said sorry with feelings! It sounds like you don't mean it!"

I shrugged. "I mean it."

"Not convinced."

Tinusok ko ang pisngi niya. "I am not giving my whole heart into this ninja thing, but I'll try. Risking my life to save and protect people is too close from commiting suicide, after all." I half smiled. "Isn't that right, Collin?"

He frowned. "How suicidal!"

Tinap ko ang braso niya. "We should get going. Baka tapos na ang program."

He sighed. "How could a suicidal like you ace a class without exerting any effort? Take note, a ninja class! I feel sorry for those who try really hard just to become a ninja."

"How does being suicidal has something to do with acing a class?" I clicked my tongue thrice. "I don't understand your logic, Collin. You shouldn't have passed the class."

"What? You little-"

I chuckled. We're back to normal. And it feels good. Really good.

Sabay kaming nagpunta sa program. Halos patapos na ito. Nagsimula na rin nilang tawagin ang section namin para ibigay yung mga certificate.

"Akira Kawahara."

Collin smiled at me. Pinaningkitan ko lang ito ng mata at umakyat na ako ng stage. Teacher Hiro smiled at me then he handed me the ring. This is more like a diploma. Isinuot ko ito sa hintuturo ko. We took pictures, then climbed down the stage.

Nag-fist bump kami ni Collin ngunit tinawag ulit ako sa stage. This time, awardees naman ang mga tinatawag sa stage. Since I topped the class, I got an award. It's a necklace naman ngayon, at pareho lang sila ng kulay ng bato ng ring na nakuha ko sa Battle of the Ace.

Nang makababa ako, nilapitan ko kaagad si Collin habang pinagmamasdan ko ang pendant ng kwintad ko. Red yung gemstone (signifies fire and blood, determination and passion) and may symbol ng academy namin. Uzumaki Academy. Nakasulat ito gamit ang ibang lengguwahe.

Yung gemstone naman ng necklace ay kulay pula rin pero ang nakalagay dito ay ang surname ko na sa tingin ko ay nakasulat din gamit ang ibang lenguwahe.

"Wow, dinaig mo pa ako. To think na hindi ka man lang nag-effort para makuha iyan."

Nginisihan ko siya. "It doesn't contain super powers, you know."

Matapos ang program, nag-pack na kami ng mga gamit namin because we'll be leaving the academy by tomorrow. They will group us into three or four or maybe five man cell. I really don't know and who cares?

We'll move to the main city and get orders. They will send us to different villages, cities, etc.

Well, we must not mind where they'll assign us. We're ninjas, after all. I know I said that I don't want to be a ninja, and now I'm acting like one.

"Collin, kahit na hindi tayo magkasama sa grupo, we will still meet each other, right?" I asked Collin, just to be sure.

"Of course. We still have day offs, you know." Tapos ay tumingin ito sa akin na para bang isa akong kriminal. "Ilang oras palang ang nakakalipas nang maging ganap na ninja tayo. Anong binabalak mo?"

I frowned. "What? I just want to know!"

Ngumiti siya tapos ay pinat ang ulo ko. "Good dog."

"Collin! You little piece of--"

"Count off."

Nagsimula nang magbilang ang mga nasa harapan. Hanggang si Collin na, number twelve.

"Thirteen." Yeh, that's me.

Hanggang sa natigil sa number twenty six. Marami na kami sa lagay na ito. Usually kasi, hindi lumalagpas ng twenty ang mga graduating dito sa academy.

Lahat kami ay naghihintay na ng grupo namin. It was four o'clock in the morning and I'm sleepy as f**k. Why do they need to wake us up this early?!

Well, yeah, malayu-layo pa pala ang lalakbayin namin.

In ninja world, there are no shortcuts. Instead of using cars, we'll walk until we reach our destination. It's imposible to people, but not for us ninjas. Not at all. The academy didn't train us just to be ordinary.

We are ninjas.

"Alright. That will be your group number," Teacher Hunter said before he puffed his cigarette.

We were like, "Huh?!"

So, ayun nga. We're now on our way to Uzumaki City which is the main city. Ayon kay Teacher Hunter, kailangan na naming makarating doon after one and a half day. Doon daw namin makikita ang mga groupmates namin. We don't have to search for them daw kasi sila ang lalapit sa amin. Binigyan kasi nila kami ng jersey shirts na may group number namin.

And confirmed. It is a five-man cell. Over all, we have five cities. Ang magiging mga kagrupo namin ay galing pa sa iba't ibang siyudad. Iisa lang ang pangalan ng academy na pinasukan namin, pero iba-iba kami ng skills.

Kung dito sa Naru City, red which signifies determination and passion, sa Um City ay blue which is the color of sky and water, signifies tranquility and calmness, loyalty and confidence. Ma City naman ay kulay green. It's the color of nature, which signifies peace and protection. Purple naman sa Aki City, signifies royalty. And lastly, Uz City, white, signifies light, innocence and purity.

Ang kabuuan ng lahat ng kulay, ng goals at ng skills na binubuo sa iba't ibang cities ay ang kumakatawan sa Uzumaki City.

"Sa Aki City pala ako nababagay." I thought, and chuckled to myself.

"Luh, may nasisiraan na ng ulo." Si Collin at naiiling na lumapit sa iba naming mga kaklase.

I just rolled my eyes. Mahaba-haba ang lalakarin namin nito.

Napasalampak ako sa damuhan nang makarating kami sa Uzumaki City. Isinandal ko ang likod ko sa puno at pinagmasdan ang paligid. It's good to be here.

I used to live here back when I was a child. Isa ang pamilya ko sa mga pinaka-maimpluwensiyang tao dito sa siyudad. Hindi lang dito sa ninja world, pati na sa mundo ng mg ordinaryong tao. When I say ordinaryo, sila yung mga taong may normal na pamumuhay. Tulad ng mga estudyanteng nag-aaral dahil may pangarap, gustong maging doktor, pulis, guro o gustong yumaman. Yung mga nanay na pinagluluto ang mga anak nila bago dumating ang mga ito galing sa school. Yung mga tatay na walang tigil sa trabaho upang matustusan ang pangangailangan ng pamilya.

I used to be one of them. And If I had a chance, I want to go back of being one. I missed my mum who cooks for me, my Dad who works non-stop but still hangs out with us, my brother who loves to bully me, but protects me. I missed my home. I missed my normal life. Just how did I end up here?

Too many things happened before to the point na pati ako ay nalilito na sa kung sino ba talaga ako. When all my family died and left me, I was so devastated... but I never cried. Nakatitig lamang ako sa kawalan habang blanko ang pag-iisip. Taun-taon ang lumipas at nanatili akong ganoon, hanggang sa lapitan ako ni Collin.

Si Collin ay ang pinsan ko na hindi ko naman masyadong nakakausap pa noon, pero naging close kami nang dahil na rin sa mga pinagdaanan namin noon.

Naalala ko na in-offer-an niya ako ng isang ice cream noon upang makuha ang atensyon ko. Saka niya sinabi sa akin na katulad ko, bigla siyang naging ulila overnight... and he felt really lost. Mga bata pa kami noon.

Dahil siguro magkapareho kami ng kwento at kami lang ang nagkakaintindihan para sa amin, nag-click kami at naging matalik na magkaibigan. Wala kasi akong ibang kinakausap kung hindi siya... at si Tobi naman ay nakiki-epal lang madalas.

At dahil si Collin ay taga-ibang siyudad, hindi rin kami madalas magkita.

Napangiti na lamang ako sa naalala ko. This happened before I made my decision; before I talked to Teacher Hiro about giving up my career and gave him my ring; and before Teacher Hiro died because of the said ring.

Marami pa ang nangyari bago ako tuluyang nag-desisyon nang ganoon. I went to missions and finished them all with my teammates, and I'm not gonna lie, I started liking this path. I finally wanted to become a ninja and go to missions with friends.

But Collin.... the only family that I had who helped me to keep going.

He died.