Does the LDR Work?

Prologue Have you ever fall in love? If yes, what is it that made you stay being in love with that person? If no, then why not? Does that mean that you haven’t experience how it is to have a butterflies in your stomach? Or you haven’t ever experience to blush? Before you answer any of those questions, let me ask you a question that is so simple yet hard to answer: do you know what is the real meaning of love? Many of us know what love is, but not the real meaning of it. For me, love was like a mathematical equation that can be answered by 1 or 0 but there are lots of processes you need to do first before you come up with the final answer. Bottom line, love is something that will kill us on the process but can gives us a different level of happiness once we got the “final answer” we are seeking for. One can say that he is in love with you because of the reason that he perceive you as a gorgeous, hot, and down-to-earth kind of person. One can also say that he is in love with you with no exact reason. He just plainly loves you. But… how can we really say that we are in love? Wherein love is an intense emotion where we can give all the things we have even there’s nothing left to us anymore. *** My class just finished and I don’t have any motivations in my body to do my homework that’s why I just decided to open my f*******: account. I’m a social butterfly to the online world that it makes me always check my f*******: account. I’m not a celebrity nor a famous blogger but I’m known to the social media platforms for the reason that I’m good at debating (not in a formal way). Also, I’m a good conversationalist even though it’s not obvious to my personality. Umupo ako sa aking kama at saka binuksan ang f*******: app. I have this habit to open first my notifications and scroll on my newsfeed before I open my inbox. While I was scrolling, I saw a post of my not-real-friend on f*******:. I just happened to accidentally accept her friend request. It was an accident, and that really made me stay bad mood for one week. “Who’s this b*tch to mention me on her post?” I whispered to myself with a gritted teeth. Halos sumigaw na ako nang dahil sa inis na naramdaman ko nang makita ko ang post niya. Laurietta Caballero is with Liza Cayetano and 5 others. • 2 hours ago • Friends of friends You really had the guts to unfriend me on f*******:, huh? How could you? I just want to be friends with you on f*******: and yet you unfriended me? I don’t really mind, you don’t deserve to be on my friends list anyways. If you are all wondering who it was I am pertaining, it was no other than your b*tch Decyrie Acibar. • 1.2k reacts • 768 comments • 102 shares Napasinghap ako pagkatapos kong mabasa ang kaniyang f*******: status. Ang lakas pa talaga ng loob niyang mag-post? Ano bang pakialam niya kung in-unfriend ko siya? Wala rin naman siyang silbi sa buhay ko kaya dapat lang ‘yon sa kaniya. Nagbasa-basa ako ng comments sa comment section at mas lalo lang akong nainis sa mga nabasa ko. Ang kakapal naman ng mukha nilang paratangan at pagsabihan ako ng kung anu-ano. Danica Reyes: She’s really a total b*tch and a social climber. How could she label me as a social climber? When did I even used one of my friends—if I have any? Louise Dionisio: She’s not just a b*tch, she’s also a home wrecker who stole my boyfriend. What the f*ck am I even reading? When did I steal her boyfriend? Shouldn’t I be the one complaining about my boyfriend being stolen from me? Glessa Go: Huwag ka naman masyadong harsh sa kaniya, Mare. Baka biglang mag-comment ‘yan at paulanan ka ng mga warfreak comment. Liza Cayetano: Baka masyado ka raw kasing maganda kaya hindi ka nababagay sa friends list niya. Hihi. Marami pa akong nabasa na kung anu-anong paratang sa akin na kesyo asal-kalye raw ako at mahilig akong makipagbasag-ulo sa comment section at sa kung saan-saan pang panig ng social media platforms. Huh. Mga fake news! Huminga ako nang malalim at saka ibinaba ang aking phone sa kama ko. Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata at nagbilang ng isa hanggang sa makaabot ako sa ika-sampu. Kinuha ko ulit ang aking phone at saka nag-type ng sasabihin ko sa babaeng ito na nagsabi ng kung anu-ano sa akin. Hindi ko naman pala deserve na mapabilang sa friends list niya pero bakit nag-post pa rin siya? Para ano? Para humingi ng simpatya sa mga f*******: friends niya? Nag-tag pa talaga siya ng mga kaibigan niya, huh? Habang nagta-type ako ay hindi ko maiwasang manggigil. Halos butasin ko na nga ‘yong screen ng phone ko gamit ang mga mahahaba kong kuko. Kalahating minuto ang iginugol ko para sa “essay” na ginawa ko para sa kaniya. Sana naman ay sapat na ang ginawa kong comment para mapunan ang pride at ego niya na nawala na pilit niyang ibinabalik. Decyrie Acibar: Before you post something, make sure you find out first the reason why I unfriended you. First off, you don’t have any rights to demand. You don’t have a say if I will unfriend you because this is my f*******: account and not yours. If you and your bruised ego and pride can’t accept the fact that I removed you from my friends list, that’s not my problem anymore. You have many ways on how you can regain your ego and pride, one of those ways is to block me on f*******:. But what did you do? You chose to post it here on social media so that you can gain the sympathy of your friends who have a twisted mind just like yours. You aren’t my friend so I don’t really need to explain why did I unfriend you. Just a random reminder, post sensible status on f*******: so that once you send me a friend request, I would accept you and won’t remove you from my friends list again. Pagkatapos kong mai-comment ‘yon ay bumalik na ako sa pag-scroll sa newsfeed ko. Wala rin naman akong mapapala kung mas pahahabain ko pa ang sinimulang post ng babaeng ‘yon. Gusto lang talaga niyang ma-drag siya sa kasikatan ko. Alam ko naman, kahit hindi niya sabihin ‘yon. People tend to drag other people down. It’s either they want to prove that they are better from other people, or they want to show how dumb*ss they are from other people. No matter what they want to prove, they will stay forever on the bottom part of the pyramid because those people who always want to compete with other people are those people who have lots of insecurities within their bodies. Always remember that you cannot win if you’ll always compare yourself to other people. Lahat tayo ay may kaniya-kaniyang abilidad, kakayahan, at talento. Hindi man tayo pare-parehas ng galing, pare-parehas naman tayong may ipinagkaiba sa isa't isa. Why would the word “diversity” be invented then if we don’t have any differences from each other? Papatayin ko na sana ang WiFi para makagawa na ako ng assignment at dapat kong gawin ngunit sunod-sunod ang naging pagtunog ng phone ko. Nakita ko rin ang mabilis na pagdami ng notifications na nasa notification bar ko. Malamang ay galing ito sa post ni Laurietta. It was really petty and low of her to post that kind of post on f*******:. I’m not always logical but I think it isn’t right to post that matter on social media. She even mentioned me. I didn't even know her for her to act like that. I checked my notifications on my f*******: and saw my comment gained 1k reacts and 500 replies in just 5 minutes. I mentally shook my head when I saw that. People are really thirsty when it comes to gossips. I didn’t bother myself to check if Laurietta replied to my “essay” for her. I just don’t care. If she wants to be as popular as I am, she should do that in her own way. I don’t want to be dragged to her nonsense posting. I became popular on f*******: when my post about my ex-boyfriend got viral. It was when I was in grade 10. I am a 1st year college now. He was my first boyfriend back then. My Dad, which is I’m not close with, is really a strict kind of father. Ayaw niyang mag-boyfriend ako hangga’t hindi ako nakakapagtapos ng grade 12. Hindi ako nakinig sa kaniya dahil hindi naman maiiwasan na magkagusto at ma-“infatuate” sa isang lalaki lalo na kung ang lalaking ‘yon ay guwapo, mabait at masipag mag-aral. We were classmates and we were so happy, or so I thought. To make the story short, we lasted for 4 months. We never had a physical relationship except from forehead kissing, hugging, and holding hands. When we were about to reach 5 months, I found out that he was cheating. I saw him making out with our schoolmate. She’s pretty, yes. She’s sexy, yes. She’s attractive, yes. That was why I understood why my boyfriend got tempted to her. Ang hindi ko naintindihan ay kung bakit kailangan niyang mag-cheat sa akin. Kung ayaw niya na pala sa relasyon namin, dapat nagsabi siya. Dapat nakipaghiwalay muna siya bago niya gawin ‘yon. Ang masaklap pa ro’n, he said it was just an accident, that he didn’t intend to cheat on me. Hindi naman ako t*nga para hindi malaman na ginusto niya ‘yon dahil kung hindi niya ‘yon ginusto, hindi niya magagawang magloko. Maraming paraan para makaiwas sa tukso pero hindi niya ginawa, bagkus ay mas lumapit pa siya sa apoy at nagpatupok dito. Nag-post ako sa f*******: about sa relasyon namin. Ang content ng post ko ay ang mga conversations at pictures namin. Nilagyan ko rin ng caption ang bawat pictures na nasa post ko. The reason why I posted that was to show to my ex-boyfriend where did he go wrong. I also want him to be humiliated and be ashamed of what he did to me. Nag-viral ‘yon sa f*******: at marami ang nag-cheer up sa akin. Maraming nagsabi na hindi ko raw deserve ang gano’ng klase ng lalaki. Marami rin ang nagsabi na baka may pagkukulang ako kaya hinanap niya ‘yong pagkukulang ko sa iba. After a year, I had a long distance relationship with my 2 ex-boyfriends—with different years of course. Hindi ako gagaya sa una kong ex na nag-cheat sa ‘kin. I met my 2nd boyfriend on f*******:. I was a grade 11 student back then. We were just happy flirting with each other on the comment section then he later added me on f*******: and we talked. No’ng nanligaw siya ay hindi ko kaagad siya sinagot dahil nagdadalawang-isip pa ako. Hindi kalaunan ay sinagot ko rin naman siya dahil masaya talaga siyang kausap at marami siyang kalokohan. Predicted but not expected, he also cheated on me. He was flirting with other girl while we were on a relationship. He thought I won’t know his 2nd account. He was flirting there with other girl while we were talking on his main account. I was mad and felt betrayed that time so I broke up with him and removed him from my friends list on f*******:. When I was a grade 12 student, I met my 3rd ex-boyfriend on Omegle. It was a website where you can talk to strangers from all over the world. Since I was so bored and lonely that time, I chose to kill the time using Omegle. But before I got to talked to him, I met 10 people first with different sexualities. I thought that my 3rd ex-boyfriend was a matured and goal-oriented kind of person. We talked for 1 hour on Omegle and he later on asked for my Snapchat account. He’s a Filipino just like me so instead of giving my Snapchat account, I asked for his f*******: account so we can talk more. He didn’t hesitate to give it to me. I thought my 3rd ex-boyfriend was different from my 2 exes. But, boy, I was wrong. We lasted for 2 months and our relationship were always on a rocky road. We always argue and we always fight even just for petty reasons. He was a jealous boyfriend. He wants to always talk to me and video call with me. Actually, there’s nothing wrong with that since we were a couple. Because of that behaviour of him, I thought he was just scared of losing me. But no… he was just scared that I will also cheat on him. I found out that he was already in a relationship with other girl. I saw that the girl mentioned him on a sweet post on f*******:, so I stalked her f*******: account then I saw my ex-boyfriend’s name on her bio. Of course, I confronted him. At first, he said that the girl was his cousin. Of course, I didn’t believe on him because I just saw with my own two eyes that the girl mentioned him on a sweet post and wrote his name on her f*******: bio. Nag-away na naman kami at ibinato niya sa ‘kin ‘yong kasalanan niya. Binaliktad niya ‘yong sitwasyon at ako ‘yong pinaratangan niya na nag-cheat sa relasyon namin. He sent a screenshot of my myday. It was a picture of me and my Kuya. I didn’t know if I would laugh at him or I would curse him the moment I saw the picture. At the end, I chose to broke up with him. I blocked him on f*******: right after I broke up with him. Sobrang toxic din naman ng relasyon namin. Akala ko no’ng una’y siya ‘yong pinakamatino sa kanilang tatlo. Nagkamali pala ako. Nagkamali na naman ako. Ngayon, hindi na ako pumapasok sa relasyon. Nakikipag-flirt ako pero hindi ako nagpapaligaw. Once they court me, that’s the dead-end of our conversation. I don’t want to be hurt again. Ayaw kong maging t*nga na naman ako. Tama na siguro ‘yong tatlong beses akong nagpakat*nga para sa pag-ibig na ‘yan. Does the LDR works? No. Para sa ‘kin, ang LDR ay hindi talaga puwedeng mag-work lalo na kung wala naman kayong matibay na pundasyon. Hindi talaga ‘yan magwo-work lalo na kung ang pundasyon ng pag-ibig niyo ay internet connection. Hindi magtatagal ang LDR, lalo na kung ang ka-relasyon mo ay wala naman talagang balak na patagalin ang relasyon niyo. *Ting* *Ting* *Ting* *Ting* Muntikan ko pang mabitawan ang phone ko nang marinig ko ang sunod-sunod na pagtunog nito. Galing ang tunog na ‘yon sa messenger. Hindi ako mahilig magbukas ng messenger lalo na kung hindi naman tungkol sa pag-aaral ang dahilan. Kung puwede nga lang na huwag na akong mag-aral ay titigil na talaga ako. Ayaw ko rin naman ng kurso na kinuha ko. Napilitan lang ako na i-take ‘to dahil sa kagustuhan ni Daddy. Nang makabawi sa gulat ay tiningnan ko ang phone ko. Hindi naman na kailangang magpunta sa messenger app dahil nag-pop up na kaagad ang chat head ng kung sinumang nag-chat. Mga messages ng kung sinu-sinong mga f*******: friends lang pala. Akala ko naman kung sino na. Hindi ko sila pinansin dahil mauubos lang ang enerhiya ko sa kanila sa kapapaliwanag kung anong nangyari tungkol sa post ni Laurietta. Hindi naman ‘to ang unang beses na may nakaaway ako sa social media kaya hindi na ‘to bago sa akin. Being a social butterfly doesn’t mean that there are always a rainbows and unicorns. There are storms and hurricanes too. Naisipan kong tingnan ang message request ko dahil gusto ko namang makakilala ng ibang mga tao. Wala namang masama kung makikipag-flirt ako. Syempre, sa walang girlfriend dapat. One name caught my attention while I was busy scrolling on my message request. I don’t know what is this feeling but the only thing I know is that I want to know what are the contents of his message. I tapped his name and read his message. Jyx Serajim JUN 23, 2021 AT 7:08 PM : Hello po : Nakita ko ‘yong post mo about sa kaaway mo. Hayaan mo na lang sila haha : ‘Wag ka sana ma-creepy-han kung bakit ko alam. Lumalabas kasi sa newsfeed ko hehe JUL 03, 2021 AT 12:11 PM : Hello haha sana mapansin mo ‘tong message ko : Siguro hindi mo rin ‘to mapapansin dahil hindi mo pa ina-accept ang friend request ko JULY 15, 2021 AT 1:18 PM : Kumusta? : Btw hello pala, kain ka na : Good luck sa studies mo AUG 04, 2021 AT 4:30 AM : Hirap pala talagang mag-aral, ‘no? Haha : Kumusta ka nga pala? : Hindi mo man ‘to nababasa, gusto ko pa rin na kausapin ka DEC 31, 2021 AT 12:00 AM : Happy new year sa ‘yo at sa family mo. Ingats kayo palagi : Hindi kita nabati no’ng pasko dahil nasira ang phone ko haha My brows shot up. Sino ba ‘to? Hindi ko naman alam kung anong mararamdaman habang binabasa ko ang mga message niya. Ang tagal na magmula nang mag-message siya sa ‘kin, maaalala niya pa kaya ako? O baka nag-delete convo na siya? As what I said, I am a good conversationalist despite of my not-so-good attitude. Wala naman sigurong masama kung magre-reply ako, ‘di ba? Isa pa, baka pumasa rin naman siya sa mga puwede kong maka-fling kaya why not? Before I reply, I checked his f*******: account first. Since his f*******: profile is locked, I accepted his friend request first. To my disappointment, I saw nothing on his timeline. He doesn’t even have a profile picture or any other public informations like his birthday, where do he lives, where his school is or if any chance, where he works. I don’t even know what his age is. “Is this even his real account?” I asked to myself, sighing and still searching for any informations about him. Jyx Serajim JUNE 25, 2022 AT 6:03 PM Decyrie Acibar: Bakit wala kang profile picture? Broken ka ba? : Hoy. Tagal mo naman mag-reply. : Wow. You were the one who messaged me first and then you would just gonna ignore me? Hindi talaga siya nag-reply kaya naman hindi na ako nangulit pa. Madaldal akong kausap pero hindi ako mangungulit sa isang tao na kausapin ako. Ano ba ang magiging saysay no’n? Edi mapipilitan lang ‘yong tao na kausapin ako na siyang ayaw kong mangyari. Bored ako sa buhay pero hindi ko pagta-tiyagaan ang atensyon na napilitan lang ibigay sa akin. Naisip ko na baka dead account na ‘tong account niya kaya hindi na siya nagre-reply. Nakaramdam ako ng bahagyang pagkadismaya dahil curious pa naman ako sa kaniya. Sino kaya siya? At paano niya nalaman ang f*******: name ko? Schoolmate ko ba siya? Classmate? O baka kaibigan ng mga nakasagutan ko sa social media? Napaisip naman ako. Sa sobrang tagal na mula nang simulan niya akong kausapin, ibig sabihin ba no’n ay nakakaabot din sa kaniya ang mga away na kasali ako? Eh ano naman kung oo nga? Importante ba ‘yon? Nagbuntonghininga ako at saka itinabi na ang phone ko sa unan na nasa ibabaw ng kama ko. Saka ko na lang siya poproblemahin kapag nakapag-reply na siya sa akin. 1 week had passed and I was kinda busy since I’m a nursing student. I have assignments that I need to finish and some books that I need to read. It was already 11:00 PM when my sister entered my room. May dala siyang isang platito at nasa ibabaw no’n ang isang baso ng gatas. Hindi ko alam kung magpapa-salamat ba ako o maiinis sa kaniya. I’m already an adult. Coffees are the one that I should be drinking right now so that I can be awake until later. “Here’s your milk, Cy,” nakangiti niyang saad habang dahan-dahang inilalagay sa lamesa ko ang dala niyang baso ng gatas. I rolled my eyes at her. “You don’t have to bring me a glass of milk, Ate. I’m not a child anymore.” She let out a chuckle. “I know that you are not a kid anymore but a milk is more healthier and safer than coffee. Palagi na lang kape ang iniinom mo kaya dinalhan kita ng gatas ngayon para maiba naman,” malumanay na sagot niya. “Whatever,” I replied. “You may now go, I still have lots of assignments to answer.” Ginulo niya ang buhok ko at saka siya napahagikgik. “Alright, Cy.” Naglakad na siya papunta sa pinto. Nakasunod lang ang paningin ko sa kaniya habang naglalakad siya. Nang nasa tapat na siya ng pinto ay huminto siya sa paglalakad at saka hinawakan ang doorknob. Lumingon muna siya sa akin bago buksan ang pinto. “And by the way, you are very welcome,” she happily said. After that, she quietly left my room. Napailing-iling na lang ako at inialis na ang paningin ko sa pinto ng kuwarto ko. Nahagip ng paningin ko ang baso ng gatas na dinala ng kapatid ko. Since we were a child, she would always make a glass of milk for me. My mother sometimes forget to do that since she was a nurse before. Instead of our mother, my older sister did the things that should be done by our mother. Nakabusangot akong sumandal sa upuang kahoy na nakaharap sa lamesa ko. Hindi naman na ako bata para asikasuhin pa. Kaya ko na ang sarili ko. Gano’n pa man ay kinuha ko pa rin ang baso at tuloy-tuloy na ininom ang laman niyon. Kahit naman sinabi kong matanda na ako masyado para rito ay hindi ko sasayangin ang ginawang effort ng kapatid ko para ipagtimpla ako. Nang maubos ko ang gatas ay ibinalik ko na muli ang baso sa ibabaw ng platito. Napadighay pa ako. Napahinga ako nang malalim nang maramdaman ko ang pag-init ng aking tiyan. Halos mapalundag ako sa upuan nang tumunog ang phone ko. Since nakabukas ang WiFi, malayang nakakapasok ang mga notification at message sa phone ko. Nagri-research kasi ako para sa assignment ko. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita kung sino ang nag-chat sa akin. Kitang-kita ‘yon kaagad dahil lumitaw ang kaniyang chat head sa messenger. Dali-dali kong binasa ang messages niya. Jyx Serajim •Active Now JULY 1, 2022 AT 11:11 PM : Haha hello : Ngayon ko lang nabasa ‘yong chat mo dahil naging busy kasi ako these past few days : Tagal na rin pala simula nang i-chat kita, buti nakita mo ‘yong message ko? Haha I was at the state of shock at that moment. I don’t know what to react. I don’t know if I should jump because of joy or should face-palm because of my craziness. 3 days pagkatapos kong mag-reply kay Jyx, nangako ako sa sarili ko. Hindi ko puwedeng baliin ang pangako ko dahil ‘yon ang pinakaayaw ko sa lahat—ang hindi tinutupad ang binitawang pangako. The word “promise” is big deal to me. Kahit na sarili ko lang naman ang pinangakuan ko, dapat ko pa rin ‘yong tuparin dahil nagbitaw ako ng salita. Habang nakatitig ako sa mga mensahe ni Jyx ay naalala ko ‘yong sinabi ko sa sarili ko habang nakahiga ako sa kama at nakatitig sa kisame ng aking kuwarto. Nagmumuni-kuni ako no’n dahil iniisip ko kung nasaan na kaya si Jyx. Curious lang talaga ako sa kaniya kaya hindi siya maalis sa isipan ko. Bumuntonghininga ako at saka niyakap ang unan ko. “Once na mag-reply si Jyx sa message ko, hindi ko siya lulubayan hangga’t hindi ko nalalaman ang tungkol sa pagkatao niya. Promise ‘yan.” But… Am I ready to know who he is? Am I ready to know his real identity? Am I ready to dig more about his background informations? Importantly… Am I ready to be in a situation where I would give all the things I have? And… Am I ready to experience the hellish pain again?