Illegal Desire

LEVANA Cloud smiled with delight, no hustle of being thirst to showered the ground a water. It poured a drastic burnt of the ray of sun causing me to lessen my vision to my way. Director Viña detoured her eyes next to me, after the first session had past. It is a clever for me be baked in this section of arts. Good accuracy has shoot me on the spot, taut of my tips expelled a delicious and in enjoyment smile. They prepared for the booths, it covered with few flowers for my main props to hold. I'm not into photoshoot, this pictorial had to be happened. Director Viña spoke to me to make a valid posture, this is not a simple product going to show off with individual through their i********: account. I can't have one and I should not aim to have to. "Miss Mailey, your turn to grow on the floor," malakas na sigaw ng binabaeng kasama ko, hawak ang rosas at ang kupyang ipapasuot nito sa 'kin. Umupo ako sa lapag, inabot nila isa-isa ang mga produktong aking i-i-indorso at ilalabas pa sa susunod pang buwan. I hold the band with tight pressure, uphold to the trust I knew it will bring a systematic way for me to live with permanent life, with my social desire to claim the healthy opportunity to become successful. I'm in my way to hold that trophy. I'm in the process to walk, to run and to race with tomorrow to grab the hope. I mistakenly hold the glass straw inside the glass as the juice fell off on guard to my shirts. Mabilis akong tinulungan ng mga kasamahang nanonood sa 'kin, sinusuri ang bawat puwesto ko at tuloy-tuloy ang ginawang pagkuha ng larawan sa kabuuan ko. "Cut! We need new attire!" sigaw ng baklang kasama ko, malakas ang pagpapalakpak nito, sumunod na liningon ang mga taong naka-rehistro para abutin ang susunod na susuotin, mag-aayos ng mga kagamitan. "Spare this! It still can make it, Direct. Don't be too dramatic, Caster." ipinaikot niya papataas ang bilog nitong mga mata bago sumulong sa kaninang inuupuan. He sit in cross way, along his own fan, it seethes a mere queer looks when he frown. "Okay, let's start!" I hold the roses on my one hands, the others is holding a bag came from Luis Vuitton. I sway the bag from my left upwards as the take of the picture makes a sounds. Taken shots drifts to my ear. I did not mislead my lips to smile, but continue on making a new and capable pose of my body to have a natural interaction with the Director and cameraman. "Stop!" she pull her arms up and slide it from each side for us to follow that code. Lumapit ako sa kanila, kaagad ring ipinakita sa 'kin ng cameraman ang kuha sa pamamagitan ng computer. Inaayos nila ang paligid at ang anggulong hindi pumatok sa kanila. "You're good, we desire someone like you. You bring so much amusement to our team, Miss Mailey. We are glad to have you here." the assistant of the Director handed me his hand, I crush mine to his to make a shake and smile with integrity. "Next! The attire!" palakpak ni Caster para pansinin siya ng mga organizer. Inabot nila kay Caster ang mga damit na naka-hanger pa. "The dress clouted me. It's so expensive, parang ikakasal na ang diwani ko," malababaeng saad ni Caster bago tuluyang maipasa sa mga kamay ko ang damit na hawak niya. "Dali, sukat muna. Naghihintay ang Director, hindi tayo taga-rito tandaan mo 'yan, Levana," pagbabanta niya. I nod at him, my toes curled as one women bumped me. I did not know someone might hanging here to spend a time alone. "I'm sorry. I missed the thought of you being here," maluwang kong sambit ngunit ang pagtalikod kasabay ng pag-angat ng kaniyang baba ang nag-iwan ng tatak sa 'kin upang mapa-iling ako. "Brat girl, I hate that attitude. That's too dramatic for me pay an attention for." besides, she never pay me to fight her back. I also did not signed to work under her company. LUMABAS akong nakasuot ang fitted na corset sa mga bewang ko, nakaayos ang patong-patong na mga tela sa katawan ko ngunit hindi halatang mabigat ang mga dalahin ko dahil malambot at magaan ang ginamit na tela. "Oh my sacred God! Ang gonda!" malakas na isinatinig ni Caster. I wear the last piece of sandals, the heels define a five inches height as my tall apparently can touch the line of having a 170 centimeter height to be accepted in this industry to develop what my body can contribute to this land of earth. The dress circulated with lighting marbles, the diamonds which is too rare for people to see and touch. But me, have this chance to wear and spend a minutes to designed myself with this type of cloths. Smiles bite my lips, every personnel come over to dispel their proud face. Inalayan nila ako ng kanilang magaganda at tuwid na linya ng mga salita. Nakangiting tinanggap ko ang mga 'yon bago napadako ang tingin sa nakaupong babae, walang sigla ang mukha at kamukha ng kanina ng makasalubong nito ang tingin ko, muli nanamang umiral ang pagiging maldita niya. "Let's go, preparation for take two will about to start!" the stage evinced with pearls. The booth has an exclusive things for me to think I need to be careful with my moves to not make an accidental faults. I set my arms up with the glass of juice contained the lemon on it's rim. Source of ambiance overflow to my skin, it shakes me to speak with conduct. Itinaas ko ang isa kong kamay upang mahawalan ang mga dahong nakahulog, ang sanga ng halaman ay umaabot hanggang sa baba. Kulay berde, may mga halamang nakapaso, nakasabit at nakasampay. Hawak ang baso, ipinaikot ko ang katawan ko habang hawak ang dulo ng laylayan nitong dress. I make a straight face, without an emotion as it plunge a contact to cameras to take it. Mabilis ang mga galaw ko, napapatingin sa kabila, kanan, ibabaw, ilalim habang todo ang paggalaw ko sa bawat katawan ko, ang binting pinahaba ko pa papalabas sa tela at kusang iniurong papataas ang tela upang maipakita iyon. Seryoso akong tumingin sa bandang gilid ng puting pader, naaaliw habang malayang iginagalaw-galaw ang katawan kasabay ng pagtunog ng mga kamera. Mabibilis ang kuha, madali rin sa kanilang ayusin 'yon dahil mga professional sila. "Okay! Cut!" palakpak ni Caster pagkatapos niyang makababa sa high chair. May nakasabit na mag sa kaniyang braso habang may headband na naka-paikot sa kaniyang ulo. Mahaba nang bahagya ang buhok, kulay blond na aabot sa ibabaw ng tenga niya. Room filled with dull surface but people's laugh covered it to exiled the sad influenced like that girl I misunderstood before. "Ano ba naman, Direct! Tama na! Alam kong maganda at magaling si Mailey kaya akin na muna siya, papakainin ko pa siya." hinila niya 'ko papalayo sa papalapit pa lang na Direktor. "Bukas, sa beach ang theme. Maaga tayong dadayo doon kase may naka-schedule na ibang set do'n, alas-otso ng umaga dapat naka-handa na ang lahat. Iyon lang, sige-ingatan mo 'yang si Mailey. Umiwas sa mga pagkain na makakapag-pabago ng timbang niya, Caster." Director Viña uplifted her eyes on me, pasted a permanent smile. "We'll see, Director." hinila na ako ni Caster hanggang sa mabukas ang pinto ng sasakyan at ipasok ako. "Kailangan ko na talagang makauwi, Levana. Tatawagan na lang kita sa schedule mo mamaya," he pondered after I get out from his car. "Call me when you got there." moving my right hands with a call signed. Girly heartbeat but his face smells as handsome and newly born son of her mother. I hold onto my pocket to take the phone and answer the phone. Ipinatong ko sa hita ko ang bag habang bahagya pa itong nakataas para kalkalin ang susi. "Good Evening, Sissy. Ang diwani ng mahal na Caster," malakas na bungad sa 'kin ni Gresette. "Why did you called in this time? I thought you're in your post up to seven in evening?" I opened the gate, push it to make a space. Naglakad ako papasok at muling itinulak ang gate para isara. Nakasipit sa pagitan ng balikat ko at ng tenga ko ang phone habang ni-la-lock ang gate. "Break ko kaya, oh s'ya. Nasa'n kaba? Hindi kaba inimbita ng tagilid mong Prinsipe?" she mused as if I will get her terms. Napairap ako sa kawalan, tuloy sa paghakbang papaloob. The double door opened, oak was glitched me when my grandma stands over, bringing the ladle while it hanged to the air. "Naku namang bata ka, akala ko kung sino na," napasinghap na ani niya. Kaniyang idinikit ang palad sa kaniyang dibdib habang humugot ng hininga. Hinawakan ko ang kaniyang mga braso upang itaas at mapatawa dahil sa kaba nito. Her wineskin provides a fear to my lips down to the vessel of my chest to froze. She's old, too old for me to have her here and keep her while she herself represents-she wants to cook for me. She wants herself to hold the household to cope up with my appetite. Hindi ako mapapasubo, hindi. Inaya ko siyang umupo na muna at ako na ang magtutuloy sa kaniyang ginagawang pagluluto. Hinalo ko ang mga sitaw sa nakagisang bawang at sibuyas. The smell of it never failed to sent a shiver to my peak. My nose lingered to that special sense. Sunod kong inabot mula sa lalagyan ang toyo na nasa kabilang dulo pa ng kusina para maiwasan ang pagkakahawa ng apoy kung sakali man. After pouring it to, I mix it with the other substance. I value every minutes, I need to follow the time management to prevent from being block, from being in high to think I still be able to stick with the leisure process. Nang matapos ang niluluto, naglagay ako sa mangkok saka humakbang patungo sa lamesa. The curtain did not fell from its tie, night's colour did makes me mesmerise. Mahangin na sa labas dahil sa pag-apak ko sa mga dermuda sa labas upang ayusin ang mga ilaw na solar. "Let's eat!" malakas na sambit ko. Inabot ko kay Lola ang kaniyang plato pati na ang mga kubyertos kasabay ng kaniyang pagngiti bago kumuha ng kanin. Ako na ang naglagay ng kaniyang kanin dahil malapit naman sa 'kin 'to. "Kumusta, Lola? Hindi kaba naiinip dito? Ikaw lang mag-isa habang ako nasa ibang lugar?" tanong ko matapos isubo ang pagkain. Mapakla itong ngumiti bilang tugon at umiling. Dahan-dahan ang kaniyang pag-nguya dahil wala na siyang mga ngipin upang maging suporta sa pagdurog ng mga pagkain. "Sabagay, mag-ha-hire ako ng kasambahay kahit ilang araw lang, para may kasama ka sa tuwing may kailangan akong daluhan na photoshoot sa malayong lugar." I chew, keeps on opening topic while my dearest grandma was silent. Matapos naming magsaluhan sa hapag ay hinatid ko na siya sa kaniyang silid. "Babalik na lang po ako mamaya, Lola. Maliligo pa 'ko," saad ko matapos siyang kumutan at tapikin nang dahan-dahan ang kaniyang mga kamay at palad. She beamed, her simple smile flood me with louder voice to see her happy. I get my chance to take a bath, to clean myself and brush all of the parts of my body due to what we did while ago; pictorial hurled my job here in this house. I lost my responsibilities to take care the only person sees me not blind but to let me spoil myself before her. Napangiti ako kahit na sa tahimik na ipinapakita ng kabuuan ng bahay na 'to ay nakakalimutan ko ang bagay na 'yon. I didn't wear my undergarments. Big shirts can cover the top of my knees can do as a silk massage my hair. Umupo ako sa dulo ng higaan habang kinakaskas ng towel ang dulo ng buhok ko. Brushed with the parted teeth can do, I brush my hair. My body shook when my phone distracts me, I took the phone from my bag. "Levana, Levana." mabilis niyang salubong pagka-angat ko ng tawag. "Ano?" "Puwede mo ba 'kong samahan? Sandali lang naman," Caster mocked, his dumped voice bricks a disgust from the other side. "Oras na, Caster. Natutulog na si Lola at hindi ko naman siya puwedeng iwan dito nang bast-basta. Puwedeng kay Gresette ka na lang magpatulong tutal ang uwi no'n ay bandang alas-nuwebe." continue on brushing my hair as I stood to look at the mirror. "Ikaw na lang. Ikaw lang ang sigurado akong mag-fi-fit sa trono. Can you prepare yourself? Promise, ako ng bahala sa ibang expenses niyo diyan sa bahay niyo, ililibre kita bulas ng starbucks, please kahit ngayon lang... Kailangan lang talaga, Levana," pamimilit niya. Kung iiwan ko si Lola baka hanapin niya 'ko kapag hindi ako nakadalo sa kaniya mamaya. Baka lumabas siya at hanapin ako sa daan, baka mawala siya. "Uh.. C-Caster, my grandma can't be able to be left behind." I nibbled my lower lips, my fingernail dragged in forefront of my mouth to bite it. Fatal nervous starts on attacking me. "Nandiyan na si Manang Leni, hintayin mo na lang. Basta mag-ayos ka, 'yung maganda, 'yung pinaka-best muna. Basta 'yung lalaban ka, 'yung pang-rampa at siguradong tatalbog ang kagandahan mo. Gora na, pupuntahan kita ngayon diyan." binabaan niya pa 'ko ng tawag bago ko pa matanong kung anong tema ang pupuntahan namin, bakit kailangan ko ng matinding pag-aayos. I choose the sweetheart neckline to partner the high heels he bought for me since the day one of my birthday, him with ne and Lola did bond together as Gresette did appeared in accidents. Bumuntong hininga pa 'ko bago naglayag patungo sa labas ng silid. My hair keeps on growing, it measured about to my waist. Makes up did passed across my face, my cheeks with light colour had deprive the real skin of mine. Mahaba ang damit, hanggang sa paa ko at halos hindi na makita ang suot kong pantapak maliban na lang sa tuwing ihahakbang ko ang mga binti kasama na rin ng pagpapakita ng kulay ng hita ko. The necklace with square shaped and ruby class made me flutter. I asserted a smile through my lips, my purse clipped in between my armpit while waiting for Caster to fetch me up. Pagkarinig ko ng pagkatok mula sa gate ay nagtungo na 'ko rito. Sumalubong sa 'kin si Caster, naka-tuxedo ng kulay itim, habang ang kurbata niya ay stripe ang kulay. Too distance to what I used to see. His hair still wet and made it scruffy. I was enchanted, I was fascinated when his looks dominated how I dreamt him since then. "You're handsome," manghang papuri ko habang nakatingin mula sa kaniyang ulo pababa sa kaniyang sapatos. His pants were not as tight to see his thigh. That black shoes appear a formal attire to think we're attending a ceremony to somewhere else. "Babalik rin ang dati kong ganda, diwani ko." patagilid niyang sambit bago umirap. "Nandito na rin ang mga iiwan kong tao na magbabantay sa Lola mo. Nasa'n ba siya, ipagpapaalam kita para hindi na mag-aalala." "She's asleep." "Eh, ano pang pino-problema mo kung natutulog na pala siya?" "Nagigising siya ng madaling araw, Caster. Kapag hindi niya 'ko nadatnan baka lumabas siya," sagot ko bago sumunod sa kaniya sa paglalakad. "Edi tara na, nandiyan naman na si Leni. Siya na ang bahala sa Lola mo." he grab my wrist to cling around his arm. Nagsimula siyang magmaneho, wala akong ideya kung saan kami magtutungo at kung anong klaseng tema ba ang nandoon. Hindi pa 'ko sigurado sa sinuot ko ngayon, nagbabaka-sakaling simple lang; mga birthdays-pero masyadong malalim na ang gabi para sa birthday. "Anong klaseng okasyon ba ang dadaluhan mo?" I asked, barking my eyes penetrate to his side. He used his one arms to manage the steering wheel while his eyes furtively look at me. Lonely night, haggard moon have waxed ita body as it illuminates by the obscure colour. "Let's see na lang. Nakalimutan ko kanina, pinaalala ni Dad kanina. Si Gresette nando'n na rin 'yun, alam niya pala bakit hindi pa sinabi sa 'yo, nakaka-punyeta lang." he sets his anger down to his throat as I faked cough. "By the way, bagay pala sa 'yo ang damit mo. Hindi revealing, formal pero 'yung hati? O-Okay na." tracing my attire while driving. "You didn't gave me an idea about this occasion, and what theme they're into," malakas na balik ko. "Puwede na 'yan, huwag ka ng maarte." from the lot where notorious name of the car parked, Caster made a way near the post where the light beam. "Tara na." he open the hatches, door click wide as I hopped my body in and put on the seat to gather my confidence to walk by this time. "Alas-onse na ng gabi, Caster. Baka hindi agad tayo maka-uwi." "Sure ka? Party 'to, 'no." Humawak ako sa kaniyang braso habang papalapit sa entrance ng gate. May dalawang naka-tux na guard, may lamesa at nakapatong pa ang mga papel. Caster passed the invitation, it is color white with stamped from its preface. Naiwan ko sa tabi habang siya ay kausap ang mga lalaki, naging seryoso ang paglalabas nila ng kanilang mabubulaklak na mga salita bago kami hinayaang makapasok. "Mga buwisit na guwardiyang 'yon, pasalamat sila maganda ako ngayon, kung hindi baka kanina ko pa naapakan ang mga mala-kambing nilang pagmumukha!" naiinis na saling niya. "Tara na, mukhang may tao na sa loob." hinila ko ang braso niya upang makapasok na dahil my iilang mga guest na rin ang napapalingon sa 'min, may binubulong sa katabi habang ang hamak nilang mga makes up ay nagbubunga kung gaano sila makapangyarihan sa luho ng chismis. "Ang ganda mo, ah," he whispered, holding his smiles lies on his tip while I'm addressing a lingered lopsided. May pailaw mula sa ibabaw ng venue, kulay puti. May malaking entablado, wala pang tao ang nakatayo ngunit may naka-tayong microphone. Malawak ang kalupaan, puno ng mga lamesang ginagamit ngayon ng mga kapwa ko bisita rin. Individual chose to restrict themselves to go up for gossips, the time lapsing, their mouth is planting an illicit ideas. The carpet attached from the middle to guide the focal person. Personnel was been instructed to keep their eyes on visitors, plenty number of them can do this things. Kinalaunan lamang ay nag-iba-iba na ang kulay, may tunog rin sa background habang ang iilan ay nag-iingay na, kasama ang basong hawak ay naliliwaliw sila. Tumatayo ang iba, sinasalubong ang bawat beat ng tono. Inilibot ko pa ang paningin ko sa lugar, nakakatukso ang uminom ngunit si Caster ang kasama ko. I will dodge drinking tonight, my grandma will knew it once she smells me. "Hello everyone! This is Marco Valencia, your MC for tonight! So, the engagement party was held here and I'm also here to gives you a note that this party will bounce with expensive people. Let's welcome the soon-to-be groom and the soon-to-be bridge, Mister Sivyn Reive Devillian and Miss Rizel Chase Salves." umugong ang sunod-sunod na palakpakan kasabay ng pagbulong nila. Kumunot ang noo ko matapos mabanggit ang pamilyar na pangalang 'yon. That aftermentioned name gives me a idea who's that person. A little clips played in my mind, the thought of that man made me enter to this industry without saying but showing. I'd rather hate you than seeing you have this occasion together with that random girl, Sivyn. I will welcome you again, but not into my life... Buong lakas kong itinalanga ang ulo ko, ang pansin ko nang magbukas ang mga ilaw mula sa carpet na kanina lamang ay aming nadaanan. My sight roamed, sees the man walking with his burning smile had tolerate how much I wanted to ruined myself back then. I was crazy for him since then, I'm ready to give up all of me, sacrifice my school for him but still I'm the girl he left, the girl seen the disappointment. "Ang guwapo naman pala ng nilalang na 'to, Levana," opinyon ni Caster sa tabi ko. Next laps of the time, a woman came out through the car. Many guards guide her to walk on the red carpet, her dress was a cozy, color white and shines like a star in horizon. The flowers pasted on the left side of her waist gets me to leered and sneered my eyes on. Kulot ang buhok, maputi, mistisa habang ang kurba ng katawan ay hindi gaanong hour glass. She have a peach body shaped, her smiles rewards me for seeing her lips was thick. Hanggang sa makaabot siya sa ibabaw ng entablado katabi si Sivyn na seryoso ang tingin. Malayo ang lamesa namin, hindi malaki para magkaroon pa ng ibang kasama ngunit napa-igtad ako sa pagkalabit ng kung sino sa bewang ko para makiliti ako. "Hoy! Kayo hah, hindi kayo nag-aaya. Kanina pa 'ko dito, as in mga tungak," Gresette retorted, hold the back of chair to intent and sit. "In fairness, ang ganda ng magiging bride ah. T-Teka-" pagpuputol niya kasabay ng pag-angat niya ng kaniyang braso habang ang daliri ay nakaturo sa lalaking nag-lalabas ng mga bulok na salita. "S-Si.. S-Si." kinuha ko ang goblet na may laman ng tubig saka itinapat sa bibig niya para hindi na siya maghalukat sa nakalipas ng mga ala-ala. He's a playboy, a fvckboy I wanted to destruct before. I was immature back then, I was careless to think he will not deceive me by treating me like as his own girl but it cast a feverish reason. I was sick, and did not went to school to make up with my ill flesh. My Lola was busy on rinsing the towel in the basin but I rushed to go out and buy a folder to passed to Gresette so she can passed it too to our teacher-unfortunately, I mislead my way, I though I was lost but see the confused to brought my feet into the pathway where almost of rich people do spent to eat. I saw him, I saw him kissing another girl, him abides with that affair behind me. He is too busy while I didn't do something but to hold my tears, clenched my fist even I can't fought with him because he is a guy, a man blessed with strength not capable to be reach by the simple woman like me.