In My Veins

The longer I stared at the judge, the more I realized that this is all my fault. Everyone keeps saying it's not that I'm a victim as well. But they weren't there. They didn't see the look on her face when I had to be the one to pull the trigger. You see, my dad is part of the government. He had to travel a lot for his job, mom and I didn't see much of him while I was growing up. But I guess I'm not alone. That's what happens to kids when their parents are spies. Still I'm having a hard time believing it myself. I didn't care to believe it until that horrible day, the day that I lost her. She was my everything. Anyone who saw us together could see that I was a complete fool in love with Rachel Clemet's. But now, just the mention of her name makes me fall apart. As if sitting in Judge Henry's courtroom at 10 pm on Thursday, October 1st wasn't torture enough, he's not even making eye contact with me. Knowing from the look on his face he's going to send my ass to prison. The pain in his eyes says it all, Rachel was his granddaughter. They were incredibly close before she died, I know that he wishes I would have died that night, maybe if I would have they might have spared her? But I'm here unfortunately and she's not. Which makes it my fault in his eyes, and in mine. We are only here so late tonight because the jury has reached a verdict on how I will be spending the rest of my pitiful life. I've been in jail where I've spent the last few months in my cell where I'm reminded of Rachel every day. The way that I look at it, I deserve to be in prison for what happened. The doors to the courtroom fly open, startling everyone, with two men and a woman walking into the courtroom. Wasting no time, the short woman with cherry colored hair gracefully walks up to the judge's bench, as the two men come my way and stand at my sides. Having absolutely no idea who they are or why they are even here. I turn around to look at my mother to see if this is her doing she looks just as confused as the rest of the courtroom. The woman who is standing at the judge's bench keeps talking with him in hushed tones. I can't help but notice her bright pink dress and blue shoes that don't match with her dress. The two men that are standing at my sides are both wearing black suits, as if from some hot shot tv show. The guy on my right is 6'1 with dark brown hair and has a cut on the right side of his square looking face. The cut is fresh and bleeding. As for the other man he stands about 5'9 with light blond hair, from where I stand he seems pissed as hell. Could he be the one that gave the old square face the cut? Hearing Henry yelling pulls my attention back to him and the lady. The lady is still talking in hushed tones, Whatever she was saying he is definitely not happy! He starts yelling once again saying they have no right to take me, that this is his courtroom! His protests come to an abrupt halt once she hands him a red folder. Watching as his face becomes more enraged with anger as he looks over the contents. His eyes look like they are going to pop out of his head. All I can do is wonder what in the hell is happening right now. That's when he looks down at me for the first time, his eyes telling me how much he hates to say the words that are going to come out of his mouth. What he says to me next is something that I'm not ready for. As the two men take off all my cuffs so that I'm now able to walk without looking like a penguin. I keep thinking about how they both remind of yin and yang because one's blonde and others dark-haired, wanting to laugh at that thought, but I knew it was not the time or place for that. They lead mom and me out the back doors of the courthouse quickly. They still didn't say a word to us, looking over at my mom I know she wants to ask what's going on. But with dad's job, we both knew better not to. As we get into the dark blue sedan the red-headed woman sits next to me crossing her legs. From everything that's been happening I'm guessing she's the one in charge. The driver speeds away from the curb that's when she finally speaks. I wasn't quite understanding what she was saying to me because I couldn't stop thinking about how her dress really didn't go with her shoes or how that dress somehow made her skin look paler. Why do I even care about this so much? Rachel would care if she was here, that's why I care so much because she's not here to voice her opinion anymore. The red-headed woman clearly knew I wasn't paying attention. She looked right at me and snapped her fingers in my face. Once she did that she restated everything she had just been trying to tell my mother and I since we first got into the van. '' Hi Drake my name is Mary Harrison" It takes a minute but I didn't make the connection until my mom gasps putting her hand over her mouth. No, it can't be. There's no way the head CIA would be here at my trial let alone in London! This had to be my fathers doing. Because he couldn't be here himself he sends someone else. Now my head really starts to hurt from all the turn of events. Before I could think too much about that she spoke again. " Knowing you have a lot of questions, they will all be answered in due time. As of right now, we need to get you both back to the US. More people will be after you because of your father's job with us. We can protect you both better with being on US soil." Never thought in a million years that Rachel's death would lead to me moving to the United states. Is this the universe mocking me? I set my black duffel bag on my new twin-sized bed, looking around my new room. It's much smaller than my old room back at home. I have a desk in front of my window, a bookshelf on the wall across from the bed. I'm at least glad the room has some furniture. Walking over my closet opening the door I scoff. It's small, dusty and doesn't look as if it would fit all the clothes in my bag. I can't help but think what Rachel would say about this closet? How she would see the bright side of this s**t situation. I can picture her now, how she would be standing here next to me with that bright smile of hers that I love so much, she would say something along the lines of. " It's small but I like it! Let's go to the store and get some closet organizers then we can totally fit all our stuff in here." as she walks over to me, throwing her arms around me hugging me tightly, I'd instantly melt into that warm hug of hers, not wanting to let her go. Inhaling her flowery perfume known as a beautiful day, she just had to spend a mint on a bath and body works. " I'm sorry," I tell her, squeezing her tightly. " For what? Killing me?" She asks sadly, pushing me away from her. I freeze staring at her in shock. I try and reach out for her again but she backs away from me. " Hello, Drake!" My mom calls out waving her hand in my face, breaking me from my trance. " What? Sorry... I'm just really out of it." What is happening to me? I'm having daydreams now? That hug felt too real. Feeling a few tears fall from my eyes I wipe them away quickly before my mom starts talking again. " They want to talk to us downstairs, to go over some rules we have to follow, Are you okay to be doing this right now?" Knowing that my mom was worried about me for the few months while I was in jail I just nod and put on my fake smile. I didn't want her to worry about me anymore. Images of Rachel's funeral flash in my head. People were shocked to even see me at Rachel's funeral. While they were all in the morning in their black dresses and suits. I had to be in a f*****g bright orange jumpsuit handcuffed! Since that day I've not slept and barely eat, I don't think sleep will ever come to me again, knowing that every time I close my eyes all I see is her lifeless body at my feet looking right at me, watching me as the life drains from those beautiful brown eyes of hers. My frowns not believing me. " I'm fine." I tell her for the 50th time, walking past her down the narrow stairs my mom follows closely behind me. Mary and her men are in the living room waiting for us. She has two giant yellow envelopes in her hands. From the look on mom's face I'm guessing she is about to tell me some things I really didn't care to hear right now. " Before I give these to you. I need you to understand a few things first." she announces with a tight face. If her face got any tighter it would start to peel off. I don't say anything as she opens up the envelopes, crossing my arms to get ready to hear the s**t that is my life now, Mary begins with saying what's in the packages. " These envelopes contain your new identity. Passports, drivers licenses, even new birth certificates and social security numbers. So please don't lose them. We will also have people watching you if something were to happen. You need to try and fit in here, don't draw too much attention to yourselves or we might have to move you, depending on how bad it gets." The way she recites all of this is like she has said it a million times before. I knew this would be happening at some point, I've seen enough true crime shows to know what happens. There's also the fact that my dads a government spy, I understand that when someone goes into Witsec their whole life changes including their names. " What's my new name?" I ask her not to waste anymore time. " It's still Drake, I just changed you and your mom's last names to Parker. So from here on out you will no longer be Drake Norwood. If anyone asks where you are from say Flintshire, Wales. Try to sound as American as you can. We don't want both of you to stand out too much being from the Norwood family." She says as she hands over the envelopes to mom and I. Taking the envelope from her not being able to contain myself from opening it and glancing inside it. " Why is it that we can say we're from the UK but not London? Wales was still in the UK last time I checked. So, if we can keep our names why can't we keep where we were from?" Asking with an annoyance in my tone. " Just to be safe, we kept the UK area because of your accent. We picked a place, knowing that none of your family is from there." She tells me looking right to mom when she finishes speaking. "We have him enrolled at the High School, just down the road from here. All of his classes are already picked out. He'll be starting this Monday." Not being able to help it I let out a big sigh of defeat, This lady already has got everything planned and ready to go. There's no way I'll be able to change her mind on any of this. My whole life has been planned out for me for the next few months or years or however long I'm going to be stuck here in this dinky town called Cinder Falls. When a girl with dark brown hair and brown eyes wearing a black suit walks in the living room rolling a red suitcase behind her. I knew what was in that suitcase, she was here to change my mother and I's appearance. " Sarah thanks for coming. You're just in time! Please take Mr. Parker upstairs and get started. I'll come check on you both in a few hours. Mrs. Parker and I have much to discuss." Mary says waving her hand at me and Sarah dismissing us. Another sigh escaped my lips, I already hated my new last name, now I have to change my appearance. Suddenly feeling extremely overwhelmed with everything happening, I feel sick to my stomach... I'm going to throw up. " Excuse me," I say exiting the living room, rushing into the bathroom. After throwing up what little I had left in my stomach, I took my time walking back to my room. As I reached my bedroom door I could hear Mary talking to mom about security. " These men will stay here for the night to make sure you're both ok. In the morning is when they will start their rounds, you'll hardly know they are here watching you." Great now they are staying the night! walking into my room I fall onto my bed face first. 3 soft knocks are heard on my bedroom door coming from behind me, flipping my head around. I see Sarah standing in my doorway with her red suitcase ironically it even as writing on it in bright green letters that say we got that hell look for you. " Do you care if we get started now?" She asks me in a very gentle tone. " Sure, let's just get this over with," I answer, pushing myself up off the bed following her into the tiny bathroom, looking around hating how the bathroom is painted in its ugly tan color that reminds me of my great grandmother's house. Setting the toilet seat lid down I take a seat watching as Sarah begins to open the red suitcase taking out scissors, and different shades of hair dye, brushes and a bunch of different hair products lining it all up neatly on the bathroom counter next to me. She crouches down in front of me and stares at my hair. We both try to avoid making eye contact with one another which I appreciated, gently running her hands through my hair deciding on what to do with it. " Hmmm... " She says, finally breaking the awkward silence between us. " I think a brown-red would look good or a brown blonde maybe black? Which one should we do?" She asks, giving me a friendly smile. " Neither." I don't want my hair cut or dyed, we both know that I don't have a choice. But I can still ask for it to be the same right? " Black it is." She states not putting up with my s**t. Great, now I'm going to look like jughead from that show Riverdale that Rachel always used to make me watch with her. It's funny how I would now give anything to sit down on the couch with her just one more time with her curled up in my arms watching that dumb ass show. " Please stand up and face the other direction." Sarah tells me. I stand up turning around and sit back down with my legs straddling the toilet while looking at the skin colored wall. " Is this your natural hair color?" asking me, as she put what looks like a giant bib around me. " Yes." I tell her in a tone letting her know that I'm clearly not in the mood for small talk. " It's pretty. Once everything is settled I can dye your hair back to this same color. I'll be around once a month to do up keep up on you and your mother's hair." Not saying anything back to her, she reaches over and grabs a spray bottle and starts spraying my hair with water. A sigh escapes my lips. " Relax, I'll make you look good. I promise." She tells me in a calm tone. She could probably feel me tensing up, after what seems like hours, I finally get the nerve to look down and see all 3 inches of hair that she'd cut off. Being in jail for a while I grew my hair out longer than I thought. Leaving only 3 inches left on my head. Which was a lot from my point of view. Feeling a little bit dizzy from all the fumes from the products she's been using on my hair. She doesn't really say much more while she dyes my hair. Which I'm grateful for since I hate small talk. After the dye sits on my head for 45 min. Sarah exits the bathroom letting me wash the excess color out of my hair. Still feeling sick to my stomach I rinse the rest of the hair color of my head. As I watch the black hair dye rinse down the drain I can't help but picture blood going down the drain and seeing blood pouring out of Rachel's body. Taking a few deep breaths I try to push the memories away. ' Hold yourself together Drake.' I tell myself as I rush to wash the rest of the hair dye out of my hair. Sarah bursts into the bathroom without warning startling me as she hands me a light blue towel. " I think that's good enough. Dry your hair and let me see how it turned out." Glaring at her for scaring me, I snatch the towel from her hands and start to dry my new hair. There's not much left to be dried, from the feel of this so called hair she cut it really short from what I am used to. " Let me see." She turns me around eagerly to get a good look. Setting the towel on the bathroom counter next to all her fancy hair stuff she stares at my hair and grins as if my hair turned out how she wanted it to. " It looks so good! Sit down! Let's style it now." she exclaims like a giddy teenage girl, rolling my eyes she pushes me back down on the toilet seat that has somehow managed to make this butt of mine numb from sitting here for so long. She starts blow drying my hair putting gel on her hands that smells horrible like a cat has died as she rubs it into my hair. Finally after combing my hair and rubbing more gel into my hair she claps her hands together as if saying she's done with her master peace. " Okay, you look perfect! Say goodbye to Drake Norwood and say hello to Mr. Drake Parker." Flinching at the mention of my new name I slowly walked over to the mirror that took up more than half the wall. I stare at myself, I'm unable to recognize the person staring back at me. The first thought that came to mind was jughead from Riverdale, which is what I was afraid of looking like. With my hair now being black I also look much paler than normal. This hairstyle also makes me look like a rich douchebag. The same douchebags that would make fun of me at my old high school. " Well... you managed to make me look like an asshole! Job well done Sarah." I snap at her touching my hair in a panic. She used so much hair gel to make my hair stand up in the front that it feels weird to even touch. The gel also makes it look as if grease got poured all over my head. " Oh please honey! I made you look hot! You will thank me later." She says proudly with a big smile not taking anything I said to her seriously. Staring at myself in the mirror I start to wonder what Rachel would think of my hair, would she like it or hate it? Would she like the fact that I kind of look like jughead? I'll never have the answers to those questions. Before the tears start coming down again, Sarah speaks. " Oh wait, I have something else for you?" She says leaning back down, shuffling in her bag. She pulls out a small contacts lenses case and hands it to me. Curiosity getting the best of me opening it to see they are contact lenses that are brown. " You have got to be f*****g kidding me!?" I yell looking down at her. Taking pity on me Sarah places her hand on my shoulder giving it a squeeze in comfort. " You can look anything like Drake Norwood, you need to wear these when you go to school or if you leave the house." She leans back down in her bag and pulls out some contact cleaner handing that to me as well. As much as I wanted to yell at her and tell her off at this moment, I know that this is not her fault that she is just following orders. Instead I bite down really hard on my bottom lip so that I don't end up losing my s**t on her. " Okay, get out of here it's your mom's turn now." She states putting her small hand on my lower back guiding me out of the bathroom. Slowly making my way back to my room in a daze, looking around I realize that this won't be a place I can call mine. Setting my contacts on the desk I go and sit down on the bed which is not comfortable at all. Exaustation washes over me, but sleep that's something of the past, with sleep I'll see Rachel again. My nightmares of her are just getting worse, trying to keep myself busy. I unpacked my bags and organized my clothes by color. It went black, black and more black. So not much organizing was needed here I guess. Overall it took about 15mins, after not having anything else to do I grab a random book from the bookshelf then go to lay down on my so called bed, attempting to read it, within minutes I was fighting the urge to sleep laying there not even really reading anymore. I kept nodding off and on. Till sleep finally overcomes me. But by then I'm okay with it. For whatever dream that will be coming to me tonight won't last long. Walking home alone really sucks. I hate when Rachel has piano lessons right after school. It means not seeing her until the next day. Rushing up the steps to the blue green house on the outskirts of London, noticing really quickly that the front door is already wide open. Taking caution I go inside to see if mom is still even home which she shouldn't be. I start screaming her name throughout the whole house. Still I was unable to find her or even hear her call back to me. My whole body goes on high alert, I debate if I should go get the pistol that my dad had hidden in the house in case of emergencies. "Mom!? Mom, are you here!" I shout again. I didn't get an answer, It was eerily quiet. As I ran past my room, I noticed the old wooden door was wide open, slowly, I backed up to take a look inside. Frozen in place, my eyes focused on what was in the room. On the bed looking right at me is Rachel. Something is off about her, her face is pale and she has what looks like blood all over the sheets. But for some reason I am not worried about that. Slowly approaching her, calling out her name as I took each step closer to her. " Rachel what are you doing here? You have piano practice, we both know damn well that your mom gets very upset with both of us when you skip out on it." I say keeping my eyes locked with her as I speak. Before taking another step my gut tells me to look back at the open door. Turning around in my spot, nothing was there. As I turned back to face Rachel, my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest beating so fast and loud until I reached the side of the bed she was laying on and I met her eyes once more. Now I can clearly see just how much blood really is on my bed. It's covered in it! The sheets that were a light sky blue are now dark with blood. Watching as more blood seeps into the sheets making the blood drip onto the carpet around the bed. Staring at Rachel in horror she doesn't seem to even notice the blood. Where the flying f**k is all the blood coming from?! Okay, think! The human body has 5 liters of blood. Once 3 has been lost you lose consciousness. Well, what's been spilled all over my bed is way more than 5 damn liters. It's not coming from Rachel because she's looking right at me. Inching closer to get a better look over her body again and to see if she's really breathing that's when my brain registers the bruises and cuts all over her entire body. Without warning she grabs me pulling me onto the bed with her I can feel the blood soaking into my clothes. She crawls on top of me and leans in making direct eye contact with me. Looking around frantically she says in a low voice as if there's someone else listening. "He's coming! " the fear in her voice shook me to my core. Waking up startled, I almost fell out of my bed, taking a deep breath to calm myself. Looking around the room panicked I spotted the book on the floor. f**k. I must have fallen asleep reading. Rubbing my eyes. Every part of my body is telling me to roll over and go back to sleep. Getting out of bed I notice my shoes are still on, along with my dark blue jeans, the red and black punisher tee shirt. Getting up I couldn't help but pace the room. Even after opening the windows earlier it still smells like old people. Kicking off my shoes in the direction of the closet. How could I have fallen asleep? Could it be that for once I knew we were safe at least for the night, I let my guard down. It's not going to happen again! Yeah I get to see Rachel every time I go to sleep but how am I to move on with her always coming back? Seeing her every time I close my eyes, it's just too much. Pacing over to the window looking out to the rising sun, can't help but wonder what Rachel meant by "He's coming!" Why was there so much blood? The only person that I can think she meant would be Chase. But wouldn't she have said his name? Too many questions with no answers.