Learning to Love the Spinster

Lady Philipa sat in the corner at the masquerade held by Lord and Lady Hampton. Philipa watched as all of the young couples danced in a sweeping waltz. She watched her school friends that danced with their husbands in envy. Philipa was now three and twenty, and it would seem she was doomed to a fate of spinsterhood. She was the daughter of a duke, and had a generous dowry to give to her husband. However, with her plumpness, and plain features the only men that came to call on her were not men that she wanted to spend her life with. She did not want a life with a man who only wanted her money, she dreamed of love. However, Philipa knew that was a dream that would never come true. She finally faced the truth that she would never find a man that would love her for who she was. Philipa had decided that this was to be her last season in London. When the season concluded she would retire to the country, and spend her life there. In two years her dowry will pass to her if she has not yet married. The situation was not by any means considered normal, most young ladies were forced into marriage, but her father loved her and wanted for her to be happy. Her father would do anything to see her content even if it meant becoming a spinster. Philipa had never felt unloved in her entire life. Her family had shown time and time again that they stood by her and her decisions. Philipa started contemplating her future as a spinster, and thought she would like to model her spinster life after a woman she knew in Bath. Lady Rachael spent her time gardening and giving tea parties that were so exclusive only her twenty or so cats attended. Philipa admired Lady Rachael for she believed that there was more to her than her outward appearance of being daft. She believed that is was just an excuse so she could behave how she had always wished. Philipa envied that about Lady Rachael, the ability to be free. Philipa knew she was not much to look at, and tried to accept her appearance. Philipa was born with bright blonde hair that faded to a light brown with streaks of blonde appearing. She could not get her hair to lighten back to what it was no matter how many lemons she bathed in, so she simply stopped trying. Philipa’s eyes were a blue-green mix, not blue like what was fashionable, even though her family considered them very pretty; no one else did. Philipa was plumb in all of the wrong places; Philipa was not like her friends who were reed slender, graceful, and frail. “Philipa! How good it is to see you,” her friend Lucy said as she walked up with her husband Viscount Kanewood trailing behind her. She smiled at seeing her friend. “Lucy it’s good to see you,” Philipa stated. Lucy looked a bit perturbed. “How did you know it was me?” Lucy asked her. “The same way you knew who I was, we bought these masks together.” Philipa loved her friend, but she was something of a scatterbrain. It wasn’t two weeks past that the two of them bought these masks to perfectly match their gowns. Lucy even picked out the color of her gown. “That’s right; I completely forgot, how come you are sitting here by yourself?” Lucy asked her. “You know why Lucy,” Philipa said frustrated. There were only two gentlemen that had danced with her this evening; Lord Sheffield and Lord Humphrey. Lord Sheffield was a friend of her brothers and had always asked her to dance; she hoped it wasn’t out of pity. She liked to believe that he would be calling on her soon, but she knew that would never occur. Lord Humphrey was in his fifty’s with a dying estate; he was the only fortune hunter that still chased after her. There was nothing she could say to Lord Humphrey to sway his interest in her money. The other fortune hunters ran away when she told them her brother would kill him in a duel, and if that did not work she would say that she would be cut off from her family if her brother did not approve of the union. However, none of these threats turned Lord Humphrey away from her. He continually asked her to dance, and was forever making hints to go out to the garden. Flip was careful never to be alone with him; otherwise he would ruin her so he could force her into marriage. “No I do not know, and you look absolutely breathtaking in that dress.” “Thank you Lucy,” Philipa replied. “Oh hear that? The waltz is starting up again, I’m sure your husband would love to twirl you around the floor,” Philipa stated to a bored Kanewood. “But Philipa-“ Lucy was cut off as her husband grabbed her arm and led her to the dance floor. Since it was a masquerade, the rules of only two waltz's per dance set were ignored. Not to mention Lady Kanewood did as she pleased, and given her husband's substantial wealth, and influence no one gain sayed her. The good thing is that the Kanewood's were actually decent, down to earth people, not like most of the haut ton. Which is why whenever the Kanewood’s threw any ball, garden party, or masquerade it was always a crush. Philipa sat there for another dance, and soon grew tired of watching so she stood up and went to the refreshment table. Flip, as her friends called her, got some punch. She was sipping the punch and looking over the desert table. When she was younger she tried every slimming regime that her maid, cook, and friends bid her to try. There was a time when she thought if she was more petite, as the most fashionable women are, and then maybe someone would notice her. Philipa knew now that she would be spending her life by herself, so she thought she should enjoy herself as best as she could. Lily was reaching for a strawberry tart when a voice, she knew so well called out to her. “You should try the raspberry tarts, they are magnificent.” Philipa turned to smile at her childhood friend, the Duke of Stoneville. Simon Grayson was close to her age, he was only five years older than her. They had basically grown up together; given their fathers were close friends. When Flip was young, she used to chase after Simon and her brother in attempts for Simon to notice her. However, Simon never gave her the time of day. Philipa had believed she loved him, and would marry him. However, in her first season she realized that marriage to Simon would never happen. Philipa hated to think about what happened so long ago, Simon’s words still sting her thinking about them today. It was at this house actually when it happened. The Hamptons had a luncheon that both Simon and she attended. Simon and his friends were on the patio smoking their cheroots, when she was returning from using the necessary and was headed back to the gardens. The men were discussing the women who came out that season as it turned out. Flip only by chance happened to hear her name, so she stopped and listened. Philipa was foolishly excited to hear what the men had to say about her. The men said she was too big and too plain to have any man interested. Lily was hurt by their words, but what Simon had said devastated her. Simon looked at the men and said, ‘well she may be plain, and rounded but her dowry would keep you warm while you bed your mistress.’ The men roared with laughter, and she fled with tears in her eyes and never looked back. That was the day Philipa fell out of love with Simon. However, she forgave him and she remained friends with Simon because after a time she realized he was only stating facts. Simon was right, it took her five years to see it, but he was right; no decent man would marry her, only men who wanted her fathers money, or connection to her father. Philipa stopped wool gathering and looked at Simon. “I know they are wonderful, I’ve had two already,” Flip responded with a smile. Simon chuckled and said, “I am always fond of a woman the embraces her appetites.” Philipa was astounded; Simon never talked to her like this, could it be that he didn’t recognize her? The ball was a masquerade, but it was clear as day who she was, wasn’t it? However, her maid did cinch her tightly in her corset, a little too tightly as she could barely draw a full breath. Philipa looked down at her gown, and had to admit that she didn’t look like herself. It was a new turquoise gown that fit her body very well, the bodice was low-cut, a little too low cut, but Lucy said she would look radiant in it. Philipa had to agree when she was dressed for the evening; she never wore a dress that made her feel beautiful until tonight. Simon had to have recognized her, her mask only concealed her cheekbones the rest of her face was visible. She looked to Simon again, and saw interest in his eyes. Philipa was shocked, the only thing she ever saw in Simon’s eyes was a brotherly regard. “So is that a no then?” Simon said suddenly, which brought her out of her musings. “Excuse me what did you say?” She replied a little out of breath. Simon gave her a charming smile, one she had never seen directed at her before. “I said they are playing a waltz, would you do me the honor?” She was baffled by his interest, but said “I would love to.” Simon bowed low, and extended his hand. Philipa dipped into a curtsy, and took his extended hand. The two of them went onto the dance floor, and Philipa was swept into the waltz. Lily smiled at Simon for he was still an amazing dancer. Lily and Simon had danced more times than she could count. When she was young her father hired a dancing tutor teach her and her brother; her father also included Simon and his siblings. Simon was always graceful; while she on the other hand took her dancing hours on end every day to become somewhat proficient at dancing. “What are you thinking about?” Simon asked out of the blue. Lily smiled and answered, “I was just thinking of my first dance partner.” Simon let out a low chuckle and replied, “So he taught you a great many of things did he?” “As a matter of fact he did, I miss him dreadfully though.” Philipa didn’t know why she made the comment to him; he had to know she was referring to himself. “So did he get married and leave you to fend for yourself?” “No he simply had other interests than I did.” Philipa enjoyed the game they were playing, acting if they didn’t know one another. Simon had to know, he’d known her, her whole life.