To Love A Princess

I was never the kind of person to complain about anything. Not that I have anything to complain about considering the fact that I grew up in a castle. Since birth, people either adored or envied me. But that is the consequences of being a princess. Growing up with a silver spoon in my mouth, you’d think my life is perfect. I never have to worry about going hungry or broke. I have two loving parents who are together. I had the opportunity to grow up in a happy home, which is something a lot of children don’t have the luxury of doing. I never have to help my mother in the kitchen while my father is working like most people of the lower class. They say women belong in the kitchen with their daughters, while the men do all the heavy lifting. The only worry I have in life is when my parents will marry me to some rich arrogant prince, who I don’t even love in all honesty. Which is sooner than I thought. Everyone seems to believe that I have the most perfect life. Being put in nothing but the finest gowns and jewels. Eating dinners everyday that commoners can only have once every blue moon. Although I do appreciate everything I have, my life isn’t as perfect as everyone thinks it is.  I am betrothed to Prince Damen Wentworth of Kinsburry. We are to be wed within a month’s time. I didn’t choose Prince Damen to be my husband. Our fathers planned this so that we can form a treaty between our kingdoms. Our kingdoms have been at war for over ten decades and it’s time to put an end to it. And sadly the only way was to marry us off so we can be the reason why the war ends. Our fathers agreed to put up their most prized possessions to call for peace. We are their most prized possessions which makes me a little upset.  Honestly when I say Prince Damen is the perfect man for anyone and I really mean it. I'd be more than happy to marry him if I actually did like him. He’s smart, compassionate, knows how to fight when necessary. Perfect table manners and perfect manners in general. He’s strong and pretty tall for a man his age. He speaks three languages fluently and he’s in the middle of mastering his fourth and he knows his way around the woods, like all Princes should be able to do by the age of thirteen. He does have all the traits of a man any woman would want, so yes he’s the perfect man to me. But I don’t see myself being with him. All men and women say that when they’re forced into an arranged marriage. I really feel terrible for everyone who’s been forced to marry someone they don’t love. It’s a horrible thing. But I’ll never love him the way he loves me and he’s well aware of that. The reason being? Well it’s very simple. I’m not into men.  I’m into women.  I’ve kept it a secret from my parents. The only person who knows is Damen obviously. It slipped out when we danced at our engagement party. Deep down I’ve always known since I was younger, I had to be about eight or nine. But it wasn’t a confirmed fact until my best friend Olivia Moore, had made me realize it two months ago. This was the night when my engagement was announced. We’ve been best friends since we were younger but we’ve drifted apart as time went on. And with the wedding preparations, that didn’t make anything better. But she’s the reason why I’ve come to terms with it. The way her long, wavy chestnut brown hair flows in the wind when there’s a slight breeze. Her generosity, her sweetness. Maybe it was the way she always could find the bright side to things when things were rough.  The way her eyes seemed to become brighter when she sees something she likes, the way her breasts seem bigger when she has to wear something more form fitting for balls or other events. Or it could be the way she smiled at me when I helped her accomplish something that was so challenging it made her doubt herself.. Whatever it was, it made me want her. It made me want to be with her until the day I die. It made me want to be the person she runs to when something’s troubling her. It made me want to be the person she wakes up every morning, and then proceeds to kiss even though her morning breath is quite awful. I want her to be mine and I want to be hers. Every moment spent with her makes my heart glow. When our fingertips brush against each other, I feel sparks fly and it feels like electricity is running through my veins.  But she has absolutely no idea that I like her in that way. I’ve wanted to tell her so many times before my engagement was announced. I had so many chances to tell her but I was afraid that she wouldn’t feel the same way. I’m not even sure she’s into women for that matter. Then after she saw Damen and I kiss, I knew there was no way she’d want to hear it or even believe I like her and not him. Not that it matters. She sees me as a friend and I don’t believe she will ever see me as more than a friend.  So my life isn’t perfect obviously, but I should have no complaints. I have more gowns and jewelry than I could ask for. I’ve been blessed with a life that not everyone can have. I have everything anyone could possibly ask for. I just wish that this life didn’t involve being forced to marry someone I don’t love. But that’s what happens when you’re born into a royal family. My parents are King Leonard and Queen Abbey. My mother wasn’t royalty before she met my father. She was a servant to my grandmother before she passed. My grandfather passed a few months before she did from what I’ve been told. My parents are genuinely nice people even though we do have some disagreements when it comes to what my life should look like. My mother is the more compassionate one between the two. She actually understands me and wants my input on things. Despite the fact that I haven’t even told her about Olivia, she’s always on my side. Well, majority of the time. My father on the other hand, we don’t always see eye to eye. We’ve been having more disputes lately because of my upcoming wedding. On his part, I want to believe it’s because I’m complaining about having to marry Prince Damen and that I’m being difficult. On my part it’s because I want to tell him about Olivia and how I feel about her. But how I feel towards Olivia isn’t going to help my kingdom and Kinsburry finally be at peace. My love for Olivia isn’t going to solve any problems, it’s most likely going to make them worse. If not worse, then everything will remain the same. Either way, nothing will be solved.  I had every intention of telling my mother how I feel about this entire thing, I really did. But the day I was going to tell her, she fell sick. This was the day after my engagement. After the engagement party, I had spent that entire night thinking about who to tell because it was eating me up inside. I needed to tell someone who knows me better than anyone. Besides Damen, the only person who truly knows me is my mother. But once she fell sick, I knew I couldn’t tell her. She didn’t need to worry about her health and help me deal with any of my problems at the same time. So I thought it was best if she just focuses on getting better. She was improving but then stopped. Her condition hasn’t changed and there’s still no name for it. She can’t walk so the doctor had brought her a wheelchair to use. She can’t eat hard foods and her heartbeat is slower than it should be. There’s more to it but I forget everything that’s wrong with her. I don’t like to think about it because I know it could be worse than what it already is. Any one of these days could be her last and I’m praying it’s not for a while. Even if I do have to marry Prince Damen, I want her to be there to watch me walk down the aisle and say “I do”. Besides Damen, my mother is the only person who will always have my back, to help me see the brighter side to situations. If I ever lost her, I’d lose a piece of myself along with her.