His Secret

Divya's POV. The morning rays of the sun gently brush my cheeks, spreading warmth within my cold body. I flush open my eyes looking at a similar ceiling, which is greeting me from the past 5 years. My baby boy Anirudh is sleeping soundly beside me hugging my left hand in his tiny arms. He is three years old. And even sleeps like his father. I try waking him up and don't succeed, giving up on my task I walk into the bath, I need warm water flowing all over my body. The past month has drained me till my soul. I almost lost all my hopes to live. But then Anirudh's smile bound me back to earth. Thinking about this tiny mischievous ball I couldn't bring myself to walk on the paths of my husband and be happy in the heavens. I turn the tap on slowly filling the tub with warm water, meanwhile, I am undressing myself staring at my reflection in the mirror. The silver necklace shining on my neck, I stare at my engagement ring, my eyes filled with love. The necklace and this ring were from a couple collections, Kaustubh got them for us, and I will never separate them from me. I am wearing a shirt and shorts from my husband's closet. Or. Should I say my Late Husband? Tears fill my eyes before I even know it. My emotions overflowing through my eyes. And there it is, again, the feeling of embracing death to meet him rather than to stay here on earth with his memories. I cannot bear it. I am sorry Kaustubh, you have got a weak wife. I wipe the tears spilling out of my big brown eyes, spreading the Kajol that I had applied last night all over my pale cheeks. He liked my eyes with Kajol on it, and that's why I wear it every day. I stare at the tub filled with water till its brim, negative thoughts start enveloping my mind. The hurt in my heart is no less, I cannot bear this pain any longer. Sobs escape my mouth as I start remembering the events of that cursed day in my mind. Mom says the wound of his loss will heal as time passes by, but that's not the case with me!! I still feel my wounds fresh and active as if a piece of my heart is ripped apart from me!. I walk towards the tub of hot water. There is a switch that connects a razor, it was his. I unplug the razor, tearing open the plastic coat of the wire. I switch on the power, allowing the exposed copper wire to transfer the energy. I walk towards the bath. With this death thread in my hand, "Honey I will be with you in no time. Please wait for me!!". A pained smile prevailing my cheeks, tears dripping down my reddened eyes. No sooner I was about to drown my self in the warm water with the wire in my hand than I hear a soft bang on the washroom door... " Mama, mama, are you in there?". Says a soft voice. That's my baby, speaking through the door, in his babbling tone. I immediately come back to my senses switching off the power and completely disconnect the plug. I slowly open the bath door, as I know he must be leaning to it, and pick this little packet of love in my arms. I throw the wire in the dustbin, embracing my mini package of love, tears still wetting my cheeks as there is no end to their flow. It's only six in the morning, he usually doesn't wake up this early and if it was not my son I would have ended my life in there. He looks up at me with his big dark brown eyes. Even his eyes resemble his fathers, he is a complete copy of Kaustubh just in a tiny version, wiping my tears with his tiny soft fingers, and says, " Mom did anyone bully you? If yes then tell me I will kick his jass" Jass?.oh! he meant a**. Soft giggles escape my mouth at my sons attempt to console me. "Its ok baby, mama is strong enough to kick their jass, and never say such words again ok?". I warn him pinching the tip of his nose lightly. He giggles at my reaction, encircling his tiny chubby arms around my neck as he kisses my cheeks and says " I love you amma". "I love you too baby". My heart fills with his warm smile, replacing the sorrow which once prevailed it. I carry my baby till the kitchen to prepare today's breakfast, walking down the steps I pledge to myself that never will I ever try anything funny like that. I have lost my lifeline, my husband, I don't want Anirudh to lose both his parents. Mom is in the kitchen cooking rajma chaval, and dal. (Indian dishes). The fragrant smell of the food fills the kitchen as I enter the kitchen with her lovely grandson in my arms. Anirudh breaks free from my arms and runs towards his granny. His granny quickly turns off the stove putting the serving spoon away and picks up this mischievous bundle in her arms. A soft smile spreads across my lips as I see this heartwarming scene. Anirudh is continuously moving his tiny feet with joy, giggling as he holds his granny's face in his tiny hands, she kisses him all over his face finally asking him to go have a bath all by himself. It's a promotion for him. He chirps in excitement running towards the bathroom on the ground floor. " Ani don't lock the door and don't keep the hot water tap on all the time," I warn him with a not so strict tone. "Okie mommiiiiii," he says in his cheerful voice. Mom looks at me. Her eyes still filled with the pain of losing her son. She finds Kaustubh in Anirudh. Though I know my condition is miserable, but mom has suffered much more than me. Mom had lost her husband, Kaustubh's father when Kaustubh was only a five-year-old boy. And has lost her son just recently when her grandson is three. And now when she is old enough to live a happy, stress-free life, enjoying her retirement, she has to work to make a living for us. Mom looks at me, her eyes sealed with concern for me. "Are you taking your antidepressant pills??" She asks, concern lacing in her tone. "Yes mom.," I reply in a mere whisper. She holds my shoulder making me walk till the living room, asking me to sit on the sofa as she fills the place beside me. She turns my face which was gazing the floor, tears blurring my vision, filled till the brim and any movement it could turn the house into a swimming pool. Mom cups my cheeks in her warm hands, looking me in the eye as she says, "I know what you are going through, but that's not how you lead your life. I have been in your place before, and all I can say to you is never lose hope. Everything that happens, happens for a reason, so lead your life till you find the reason for your existence." I nod my head at her words, any word slipping from my mouth will make me ball my eyes out. I stare at my lap, pressing my fisted arms on my knees. "Here, take this card, my friend who works in the psychology department recommended this to me. All you need to do is give a call to this number and they will assist you with your emotional health. Its Doctor Singh's number, he is the best psychologist we can ever find in Bangalore. I hope this is of any help to you. Okay, now get ready and eat your breakfast, you will have to drop Anirudh to his daycare and I have an early shift in the hospital, and it's your first day at work. So cheer up and put the best outfit on. Okay". Saying this mom encloses me in a bear hug, kissing the side of my head as she goes to her room to fetch her coat. She works as a head nurse in the City hospital, since my father in laws death. I don't like to call her mother in law, she is more than that to me, she is my mother. Anirudh comes out of the bath dripping wet and gives me his million-dollar smile, feeling proud of his achievement. I smile warmly at him quickly grabbing his baby towel and wrapping him in it. " Mom I am a big man now right? I can bath myself?" He says in his most cheerful voice. "Yes you are my big man, now let's get you ready for the daycare ok?" "Of course I promised Rose I will be her husband when we play house house today. I have to be early to the daycare." Its good that he is adjusting there. But my son is already flirting with girls, Just like his father. Always flirting, cheerful, babbling. He didn't take a single trait of his mom I see. My face losing all the bright light which it had. I recover from my thoughts quickly and get ready for the first day of my work. I lock the door, behind me, Anirudh wearing his tiny school bag with his favourite Ironman Bottle dangling around his neck. Mom kisses Anirudh a goodbye and walks towards the bus stop, she has a different route from us. I take Ani with me to the daycare through the metro and finally drop him there. Vishala my college friend who is now working in this daycare greets Anirudh. "Hey Ani what's up man?". Ani gives his second mom a high five and says " All good beauty, wanna go on a date?". My eyes widen in surprise, now where did he learn that??. I look at Vishala with surprised eyes and she is laughing at his comment. "Stop laughing teach him manners Vishala!". I say in an almost laughing state. "It's ok after all he is a big man now! Hmm. Come on boy let's ditch your mom and have fun" "Yay momi," says Anirudh to his second mom and walks in the daycare. I catch the same subway until my office and am currently standing in front of the largest transport industry in the country The Wings Corporation. Whose CEO is a jerk and guess what I am his PA. It's not my wish to choose this, I got only this job to survive. I walk in the building clicking my heels on the well-polished floor. My colleagues greet me as I pass them and finally I am in front of this massive door that has CEO Raghavan inscribed on it. I knock at the door lightly as a husky voice from within says "Yes, come in Divya." How did he know it was me? Anyway. I pushed open the heavy door and am greeted with a flirty looking jerk, my boss, who is drooling at me, though I tried my level best to cover myself properly in this saree. I knew he was a flirt right from the time of the interview. But I had only two options, either this job or being jobless and I had to choose this job. LIFE IS CRUEL. _____________________________________________ Hey good readers!!. Thank you for giving it a try. Hope you read my story and support me further. Please feel free to comment your views on my story good/bad both are welcome. Thank you for your attention.