A Life Not Meant for Me

Isabella’s POV Pain is the first thing I feel when I wake up and the last thing I feel before bed. I want this to end. I want peace. I feel the light bleed in through the window warming my face. No matter how hard I try to forget what lies beyond my door I can’t. It is my life, my world. It is a pretty s**t one but it is not the worst. I pull the covers off of my body exposing me to the cold air. I get into my school uniform and walk out to get a mandarin for lunch and quickly but quietly go back to my room and read for a bit. I have taken a liking to romance books, it is a world away from my own where anything is possible. I have read lots of romance books each with different endings the saddest one I have read was when this girl met her true love who was a gang leader and very possessive over her but loved her more than ever and when they are finally she gets diagnosed with a life-threatening disease but doesn’t tell him but he reads her diary as a joke and finds out she only has a week and then the next day when he wakes she is gone. I cry every time I think about it. There was also this one where a girls boyfriend joins the army and then the author at the end makes it sound like he is dead but he isn’t, that one made me cry until I realised he didn’t die then I was really annoyed. I am a 14-year-old girl living a life made for someone who isn’t me. Today I had a test in every class so I was stressing out. As my alarm went off to start getting ready to go I got off of my bed and walked to the bathroom to get ready when I walked out I packed my bag said my good-byes and left. As I walked out of the house I felt the crisp outside air hit my thin skin. I kept walking until I reached the bus stop and I sat there for another 20 minutes for the bus. Now you are probably wondering why I leave so early and that is because as soon as mum gets up the house becomes a loud hell well louder hell. As I get on the bus I look for a seat and sit down. At the next stop, my ex-best friend gets on glaring at me while looking for a seat. We were really close until I opened my eyes and realised how much of a b***h she was. When we finally arrived at school I got out my face remaining stern. I try to distance myself from people but can never completely escape. I try because I know I will end up hurting them. I try because I will end up getting hurt. I know I have issues I mean who doesn’t want people to comfort you and people to talk to. I do want that but I know the consequences of having it. I walk to my contact group and sit on the railing outside the room and keep reading and listening to my music. My teacher is always late the day he gets here on time is the day someone can step on a cockroach or swat a fly. I sit and read as I hear the bell ring the teacher still doesn’t have to be here for another five minutes but to him, five minutes is ten minutes. So I wait. I see my friends arrive and I nod to say I recognise they are here so they don’t try and scare me. I hate it when people do that to me but I find it extremely funny when they do it to others. Finally, the teacher comes and I can go inside C.G is the best time of day even if it only goes for fifteen minutes. Most of the time I create paths for me to walk on out of chairs and write stuff on the board which the teacher has no issue with so long as no other teacher sees. Kacy (my ex-best friend) would always tell me how annoying it was and how rude I am and yet that is all she does. She yells at the teachers for not talking to her and never shuts up. She has no respect nor remorse for anyone. She is on a learning plan for people with special needs like those with ADHD and dyslexia. She doesn’t need it though, she is on it for saying that school is too much for her and she wants to kill herself for it. I personally think it is dumb that she is so dramatic and everyone else believes it. Today was Monday so I had science with Ms black. She is the best science teacher I have ever had. Most people think we are related because we have the same last name, my name is Isabella Black. And it turns out her actual daughter’s name is Isabella to so that makes it even worse. I am actually decent in science, unlike other classes where I and I quote “Am failing to the point of no return” said by my one and only mother.  At the end of the day, I am exhausted so I try and call my mum to pick me up but she doesn’t answer. I didn’t think anything of it at the time she barely ever answers when I call because she is to busy doing ‘work’. I get on the bus as usual and when I get off I try to call my dad to see if he was home to open the door but he didn’t answer either. I was listening to music as it always seemed to calm me down, it was the first week of spring and everything was blooming. I could see the rainbow colours on the trees and bushes, I could hear the birds singing, I could smell the flowers perfume and feel the afternoon breeze. I suddenly got a feeling like I was being followed I stopped and turned around. I suddenly felt a pain go through my leg I looked at the source to see a man holding a gun. I felt time slow, I took in how he looked and how he acted everything about him so I could tell the police later. I felt another sharp pain in my stomach and I fell over and I saw the man walk away. I fumbled for my phone and called an ambulance barely holding on. “Hello this is 000 state your emergency,” the lady said through the phone “Ambulance…..Now…...shot…..” was all I could get out. After a while, I heard sirens and I started to blackout.  I could see I was in a black room. Was I dead? This wasn’t a hospital. So where was I? I walked around for a bit inspecting the room. “I didn’t think I would see you for a while,” a familiar voice said from behind me, I turned around quicker than ever. “Who are you?” I said trying to find the voice. “You don’t remember me?” I saw a shadow walkout from who knows where the presence felt familiar with everything about this lady felt familiar. Yet I had no clue who she was. “No. You seem familiar though. I feel like I can trust you.” I said trying to find answers then I saw a man walk out and next to her “Is this her?” he said and the lady just nodded “Wow. You have grown.” He said walking up to me then he held out his hand for me to shake. I shook it and felt the same way towards him as I did her. “Erwin’s the name” No. Could it be? “Erwin? Millie?” They nodded. I guess I am dead and in pet heaven. They hugged me “That door will lead you to your parents you aren’t dead yet and if you walk in there you will only get to see your family for a short while because you have to go back. Understand?” Millie said pointing to a door. I walked towards the door and saw my family sitting on a couch. I had one question for my mum to help find the killer. “Mum, I need to ask you something,” I said as they looked at me “What do you want?” she said getting annoyed. I really don’t know how she made it to heaven or maybe this is hell. “Did you know or date anyone with kelly tattooed on the inside of their left ankle?” I said recalling the details of the guy who shot me “Yeah I did actually, this psycho who had a major crush on me. Jonathan Miller was his name. Now piss off” with that I left only saying goodbye to my dad and brother. I walked out of the door. Everything went black when I opened my eyes I saw a white room and I was suddenly lying down. I went to sit up but felt pain shoot through my stomach causing me to flinch back. I looked around, I was now clearly in a hospital. I guess I was just dreaming. I pressed the nurse's button waiting for someone to come. Finally, the door flew open and a group of nurses came in and started poking and prodding me. Then when most of them left leaving one nurse I asked the most important question. “What happened?” She sat down and explained how I was shot and the shooter then went to my house and killed my family. The pain I felt was unbearable but I refused to cry, I couldn’t. After the news, I was getting annoyed at everyone that came in. I didn’t see anyone I wanted to, except for a really close friend of mine Ciara. She came for a short while but only visited once. Kacy, on the other hand, kept coming in saying that this was the reason why I didn’t want to be her friend because the shooter threatened her life so I stopped being friends with her to protect her. I just screamed at her and she ran out crying like the selfish brat she is. I can’t believe she was trying to make this about her. When I was released I was told to go straight to the police station which I did. I was picked up in a cop car and was talking to the officer. When we arrived I was seated in a comfy couch and told the cops everything I knew. In the end, I asked if he would check out Jonathon Miller because my mum mentioned him a few times. She didn’t actually I just wanted them to check it out. “You will stay in a safe house as we believe the person might still be after you.” I just nodded. “Officer?” “Yeah” I gulped “Did they die in pain?” I asked wanting desperately to know “Unfortunately, yes. They have all shot in the leg your sister than your brother than you dad. Then they shot them in that same order in the head then stabbed your mum in the heart.” Oh my god. “It was a crime of passion,” I said under my breath but apparently the officer heard. “What makes you think that?” I knew why “They killed my family first then stabbed my mum through the heart. The guy had my mum's name tattooed on his leg and my dad’s on his wrist with a gun pointed at it. My best guess is the guy was jealous.” The officer had a look on his face that could only be described as shocked. “You could have a real chance in law enforcement kiddo,” he said “That’s the plan sir” I really wanted a job as a detective. I used to want to be a nurse but I honestly couldn’t pay attention to that stuff and it started to gross me out but police stuff and solving riddles, on the other hand, interested me. I never got the chance to tell my parents that and to be honest I didn’t want to I knew that when I told them they would tell me why I shouldn’t. I never wanted to tell them anything because I knew what they would say and when I thought maybe they changed they prove me wrong. I hated that about them. I feel bad for whoever has to look after them in the afterlife. My dad sometimes looked like he understood he was one of the few people that actually made me genuinely smile, the only other people that did were my brother and Ciara. I think that my brother and dad leaving might have taken all of that away. “I’ll drop you off at your new home,” the officer said standing up as I did “I am fine, I want to go for a walk and clear my head,” I said, hoping he would agree “I know from experience that when a girl says she is fine she is most definitely not” I laughed at that “I know but can I clear my head” I asked again crossing my fingers he said yes “Only if you keep this on you at all times and this in your sock, I don’t want another body added to this case, oh and I will text you the address ” he said handing me two plain wooden pocket knives “You can decorate them later” he said as I put one in my sock and the other in my pocket. “Thanks, goodbye. Call me if you find anything.” With that, I walked out. I walked taking in my surroundings but everywhere I looked at everything that I once saw beauty in I only saw that moment over and over again. I took out my brick for a phone and found the address then started walking there. The officer had handed me the keys before I left. All of a  felt a hand grab my shoulder I immediately grab the hand and twisted it back while turning around to see who it was. “Ow!” s**t it was Ciara “Oh my gosh, sorry. Don’t sneak up on me like that.” I felt bad “It’s fine I should know better” we both burst out in laughter I am glad that isn’t gone.  We walked for a while but eventually said our goodbyes. I might have hated my family but I will still miss them. I finally reach my new apartment and I walked in. I turned on the lights as it was dark and jumped back so quickly.  “Who the f**k are you?”