The Unwanted But Inevitable Choice

"Adam, why are you doing this? I thought things were okay? I thought we were okay?" I'm trying to keep the tears that are welling up in my eyes from spilling out. "You know what? I'm done. I've tried with you but this is never what I wanted. I can't just wait for you to decide what you want. We are done Lanie." He says to me and starts to walk away. "Fine!" I yell and he flinches but keeps walking. "Fine" I continue in a lower voice. "But you look at me right now and tell me that none of this really meant anything to you. That I was never anything to you." I run in front of him and he tries to walk past me but I push him. He is close to 6 foot and I am only 5 foot 3 but I need him to listen. "Lanie, move out of my way" he is getting frustrated. "No…..No! You won't look at me and tell me why so it's not true, this is not what you really want!" I'm crying now, I tried to keep it inside. "Adam, please just tell me-" "LANIE!" He makes me jump back. "It meant nothing to me, you mean NOTHING to me! I was just using you but you won't even let me have you. Okay, is that what you want to f*****g hear!" I'm speechless and he starts walking away. I feel like my heart is breaking in two. I've spent the last year with him. How could I mean nothing to him? I know exactly why he doesn't want me. It's because I won't give him my virginity. That's why this fight started. He knows I want to wait until I am married but he keeps pushing me. I've always felt like I should wait. It's like my soul is telling me the one for me will understand. I try to stop crying as I watch him walk away and make my way home. Adam and I usually meet at the lake a few blocks from my house. So I don't have to walk too far. My dad doesn't like Adam so at least he will be happy when I get home… As soon as I walk up to the door it swings open. The first thing I come to face with is a large chest. I look up and I see my dad. "What's wrong Lanie Bug? Did someone hurt you?" He says with a low growl. And starts to look me over. I manage to stop crying. "No Dad, me and Adam broke up" I tell him and he nods and he pulls me inside and we sit on the couch. I know I'm almost 18 and an adult but I can't help but feel like a little girl around him. So I cry into his chest. And he rubs my back. "He didn't hurt you did he?" "Only my feelings Dad.. But it hurts so bad" I start crying again. I start to feel like I can't breathe but my dad wraps his arms around me and shushes me. "I'm sorry Lanie, maybe it's just not meant to be. I have to say he never seemed like he was your mate err... I mean match!" My dad is always saying stuff weird. Ever since I was little he would mix words up. I tell him he is dyslexic but he just says he was raised a certain way and one day I will understand. "I'm just ready for bed Dad, Monday is the last day of school." My last day of high school. I haven't applied to any colleges because Dad said I should give myself a year of freedom to figure out what I want to do with my life. People do it all the time. "Okay Lane, I made dinner but if you're not hungry I understand. He is really not worth it, Lanie." He kisses my forehead. "I love you, I have a surprise when you get home from school tomorrow. Like an early birthday present." I get off the couch and make my way down the hall to my room. "You know I don't like surprises Dad and my birthday is in June! It's still April!" I hear him chuckle and I close my door. I wish my mom were here. I obviously don't remember her since she died a few months after giving birth to me and dad doesn't like to talk about her. But I've always longed for that motherly connection. I get my pajamas and decide I want to take a bath tonight. I make my way to my bathroom. Although our home is small and only two bedrooms, me and dad both have our own bathrooms connected to our rooms and I've always loved that. I start running the water and my heart is still so heavy because of me and Adam. I go in my room and check my phone to see if he may have texted or called me to apologize. 2 new messages My heart starts fluttering. I open my phone and it feels like my heart is breaking again. I sit on my bed and take a deep breath.. School- Students if you have any textbooks you forgot to turn in. Tomorrow is the last day or you will be charged. Thank you and have a good last day of school. I also have a message from my friend Sarah, she is Adam's cousin (BFF)Sarah- omg Lane! Are you okay? Amy (Adam's Sister) just told me you and Adam broke up! Why didn't you text me? I'm sorry girl, you deserve so much better than his a*s anyway. I love you I decided not to text her back and just talk to her at school on Monday. Then I realize if she knows Adam told his family. I guess that means he really doesn't care. God, why is life so f*****g difficult. I hear the bathtub overflowing and realize I've been sitting here moping longer than I meant to. I run in and turn the water off and there's a little water on the floor. I quickly grab a towel and start sopping water up. I let water out of the tub and throw in one of my favorite bath bombs. It's maple and pine. I'm not sure why but that scent combination always makes me feel homey and calm. I sink into the tub and let my head go underwater. As I finish my bath, I step out and look in the mirror. I start brushing my strawberry blonde hair which goes down to my breast. After I finish brushing it I wrap it in a tshirt because I heard that cotton helps with curly hair. My hair is curly but I usually just through it up in a ponytail or messy bun because it's too much of a pain trying to get my curls to cooperate. I look at my body. I'm not fat but I'm not skinny. I like my body and my curves but now I'm just seeing flaws. I know it's probably because of things with Adam. Just thinking of him makes me tear up. I put on my pajamas and crawl into my bed. I feel around for my Eugene. My stuffed turtle Dad got for me when I was 6. I've always loved turtles so my room is ocean themed. I feel Eugene and cuddle him close to me. Slowly I drift off to sleep.