Red String

I was staring in front of the two people. These two people I used to know, but I barely recognized them now. The woman was holding her luggage in her right hand and she was ready to leave the life she used to. On the other hand, a man is wearing messy clothes as well as his hair. It was obvious that he doesn't cut his hair for months. The reek of alcohol in his body can be smelled. The man tightens his grip on the woman's luggage to hold her back from leaving. But the woman was determined to leave him and the place she used to call home. Chaotic, is one single word to define the environment due to their fights. The surroundings are messy, the things can be seen everywhere. I was alarmed when the woman's voice raised. My heart beats fast, the raging fire of war is approaching. The man was not pleased and his face frowned, he was furious. Without a second, I saw him raise his right hand to slap her face. I screamed at the top of my lungs, scared and shivering for the next scene that I'll be witnessing. This scene was not new to me, but the fright I feel was still the same as if it was my first time. I caught their attention and it made them stop. They stared at me, but their facial expression remains the same as if I'm just a mere interruption. Their misunderstanding made them irrational individuals and they even forget that they still have a child. At a young age, I witnessed how they fight several times, but no matter how often it is, my innocent mind can't comprehend. Today, there's one clear thing. I understand, I don't know how I get it, I just did. The moment my mom stepped out of our house, everything was over. No more fights, shouting, messy surroundings, and broken things around me, just my heart and the people I used to call my family. As I burst out screaming, everything freezes in time. My mom and dad went freeze. I took some steps toward them. I saw it, the string, the red string that connect and tangled their souls together. A red string that bond them together and decided to create me and a family. A brief moment of a happy family. I picked up the red string that connects them. I looked at them together, then one by one. I feel melancholic emotion and my heart tightens. They said, when you are young, they assume you know nothing, but I know that these two people in front of me are not happy, not anymore. Their souls are still intertwined because of the red string of fate. I'm holding the string on my left hand, the string was light as a feather. Until I feel the cold familiar thing on my right hand, it was a scissor. For the last moment, I looked at them together. Tears streamed down my face, it was warm. I was contemplating what to do, but for some reason, this is for their good. For it is not love if you're being trapped or caged. Love has freedom. Freedom to express your emotions and feelings without harming others. In their case they're not even free and, they hurt each other savagely. At the age of ten, I was able to cut off a red string. That was my parent's red string of fate. I cut the string that bonds and connects the two people to create me, but at the same time, the reason why I feel like I'm dying every day. I wake up while I'm sweating and I almost bathe myself from it. I sweat a lot even though the air conditioner in my room was on low temperature. I am being visited by this nightmare almost every night. I was being brought back from the time when I cut off the red string of fate of my mom and dad. Then, I find myself sobbing, until I cry, when I can't help it I burst out. Of all the decisions I've made, that was one I regret the most. I thought that was the best thing to do, for both of them, but then, I was young and naive. "Mom," I uttered as if I was bullied by a playmate in a park. "Dad!” I cried louder and harder. I suddenly put my right hand on my chest, it stings and I feel the tightness of it. "Sorry," I keep saying those words as if I did the greatest sin. As I managed to calm down myself. I sit on the side of the bed and wear my slippers. After gathering enough strength, I stood up and went to the kitchen to quench my thirst. As I finish drinking the last drop of water from the glass, I saw my pinky finger. Just like my parents, it was also cut off, totally untangled to the person on the other side. I craved love and affection, but most importantly, I crave a complete and happy family. I promised myself to make one since my parents failed to give it to me. Then, something occurs in my mind. Do I deserve to have one? If in the first place, I was the reason why my parents separated their paths. To my bitterness and selflessness. I cut off the last hope that I had to have a family. It was my dream when I was a kid, but when I grew up and realized how idealistic and pathetic I was dreaming. I cut off my delusion and illusion. "I don't deserve to be happy," for I cause pain to others, and that was my family. Morning came and I fixed myself to look presentable at work. Although I don't have enough sleep, the cosmetics conceal my tiredness and restless face. I went out of my condo unit. I heard someone besides my unit. She's in a state of need some assistance so I helped her carry her things. "Strong independent woman?" I teased her and it made her laugh. This woman is my favorite hue of yellow. Whenever I see her smile and laugh, the burden I feel lightens. "Of course!” She exclaimed and was even proud of herself. She's Rose. My best friend, since when I was in preparatory. She keeps on following me when we were kids. Back then I don't believe in the concept of a best friend. Then, there she was defining it for decades. "Can't you believe it? We dreamt this, but look at us now, living our wildest dream!" I gave her a smile that I haven't shown anyone else. "We've come this far. We invest time and effort. We work hard for this," I said. Reminiscing how young we were when we dream to have a condo unit beside each other. "Look you have a new gift!" She said while pointing to the box lying on the floor outside my door. I took a deep breath and get it from the floor. "Still him?" I asked in disbelief. I don't have any idea who's been sending me gifts for the past few days, but those are from the same address. I look for the return address and call the management who was responsible for the delivery. "Good day! I would like to return this parcel to the owner," her eyes widened when she heard what I said. "It will take us five days to pick up again the parcel from your address ma'am, is it okay?" The person from the other line asked. "Sure, it's fine," as long as it will be returned. "Just wait for the form in your email and fill it up in a hard copy. We'll get it together with the parcel. Thank you and have a good day!" This is not new to me. Since I get a lot of gifts in the form of parcels from different and the same person. I used to fill out forms to return the package. "You amaze me, you're too fast to return the gift but can't afford to reciprocate the feelings? " I just laughed at what I heard and her usual reaction. "You know what, if I were you, I would gladly accept those gifts. They're quite expensive and valuable!" I remember everything. From cosmetics, clothes, accessories, and gadgets. Those are the things that I've been receiving from my suitors. How did I manage to know without opening them? Those suitors tell me beforehand. "I don't want to give them any false hope," I explained. "Then why give them a chance? You haven't given a shot, not even one from them!" For what? What's the point if I know that none of them is the one for me? "You're just scared of being committed!" She rolled her eyes and get the things that I'm holding. "Thank you!" She kissed my right cheek and bid her goodbye. Rose was an accountant. While I was a criminologist. I love learning about different crimes and acquiring in-depth on the field. I saw her stop so I divert my attention to her. Probably she forgot something in her unit. But she slowly faced me and gave me a kind look. "Just try- love someone differently. Loving someone and being loved back feels good. There's no harm in trying. You should try."