Crave You: A Novel

Chapter 8

Scott

I tried calling Matt.

How many missed calls has it been now?

Five? Six? I doubt the text would even make him call me back.

All I can say to myself is, this is an absolute nightmare. This is the only thing I can hear echoing in my mind as I'm driving on the highway.

I know I can never trust Eva. I never did. It's baffling that my aunt could unexpectedly become much more capable, beyond my imagination. Taking pictures of me and Matt? Who has she hired? There are so many questions spiraling fazed in my mind. My head hurts when I'm trying to calm myself. I can't. I'm unable to ease myself when I've no solution yet.

I'm not convinced how the situation slapped my face. So many things can go wrong.

I wish I could get Eva arrested right away. If only Matt and I were official, this wouldn't have been a stretch.

Driving on the empty road for excruciating hours, it seems like I wouldn't be able to solve it until I see it. But, I see something else.

In my rearview, I see a flashy light. Maybe, it's a coral blue minivan behind me. I swerve to the side, giving the vehicle the space. I wish it would just pass by soon.

I check my phone again for any missed calls or texts. Matt still hasn't replied to me.

I throw my jacket at the back in disdain. So as the phone.

When I need him, he isn't there for me. When he needs me, why am I always there for him? I thought the person you love is the only thing that matters. That wherever they're, they'll be for you even if they can't make it. Sometimes, I think, if Matt is just being him or something in him, that chucks him being away from me.

I remember the time when we were strolling in downtown Gulfport. The weekend didn't cheer me up. My mood wasn't cheerful like the rest in the streets in the late morning. Because, I was walking with Matt, not like lovers. Like friends. Like no one could say we were a couple, no matter how much I wanted them to think otherwise when I adjusted my RayBan glasses.

I turned to look at Matt. He looked suave and slick and gravely fixed in his phone. He was walking as if the ground was a mirror. When I touched his arm and guided him from bumping, he pulled from me and nodded smiling. I put my hands in my long jacket pockets. I wasn't disheartened. I was only confused.

When we turned, I saw a narrow corner. Empty. I thought it was then the perfect time to take him by his arm. I took him immediately and pulled him inside with me. I could imagine his eyes widened. But I wanted to see it without those dark glasses he was covering from me.

"What the hell, Scott?" He said, whispering irritatedly.

"I can't take it anymore,"

"What? Why did you pull me in here?"

"I want to know what we are doing? Why are we hanging out if you hate me touching you? It looks to me like you detest me when I'm near you,"

"Jesus, Scott! You know people would recognize me. I'm not exactly unknown, you know."

"What are you trying to say? Right, let me guess as always. Your image is important. You are, also, afraid of hearing the headline, "Major wine tycoon's son is spotted holding hands with a guy!"

"Scott, that, I don't mean...that,"

"Then what? Tell me, Matt. You're not even saying it. Why aren't you admitting you don't want to be seen with a man. That you're afraid of coming out,"

"Look, I just want us to be careful, I don't want unnecessary attention, I don't want people to know about us. It's dangerous, okay,"

"Dangerous? Why would it be dangerous, Matt? Is it because you would be embarrassed by me or is it because your father will stop investing in your company? I don't understand why aren't you admitting it? This relationship you're hiding, you're being a coward to yourself,"

"Scott, please, don't make a fuss,"

"Yes, I'm making a fuss and I have the right to. What you're doing here, is being a coward in front of me,"

"Enough of this nonsense," Matt grabbed me by my collar before he continued saying, "Anything more, I'm out of here, I'll leave without you,"

"No, not until you're honest with yourself. Matt, say it, I want to hear from you." I said, this time, pulling my collar from his grasp. I didn't see it, when out of the heat, Matt drove his palms against the wall, punching it hard. He didn't stop until I pushed him to turn to me. Instead of letting him continue to hit the graffiti, it didn't help me get an answer from him.

"I'm talking to you, not to the damn cracked wall, Matt,"

"I don't know what you want me to do! I thought we were clear about this. Why are we discussing this again? What pleasure are you getting out of this, Scott?"

"I'm asking you a simple question, okay. I'm not clear about what you want. I'm not clear what exactly we're doing together. It's not about only having fun with you. I want to have fun without hiding ourselves!"

"Stop, making it hard for me, Scott!" Matt screamed. He said shaking the alley, along with my emotion.

I stared at him, rather I think I glared. I felt we were again at the same level, back to the square, where I don't know why I'm standing there.

What Matt does is the impetus. He avoids my question like he's gawking at a huge crystal wave.

I felt so mad at him. I was so infused in my feelings, that I pushed him.

I pressed him against the flaky wall. I kissed him, reminding him how much I wanted him. I wanted to let him know I wouldn't be with him always. That I wanted to show him how much he means to me in my life, that I want him to understand me. Let me in, let me be seen.

It gaslights me in plunging myself deep into the sweet grape taste that makes me crave him more and more.

Matt kissed me back, frustratingly. Ravenously. Like the scorching sun was burning our flame high.

He grabbed my hair and yanked me back. His illuminating kisses underneath the daylight ran along the trail of my neck, searing me possessively. He made me melt in his world where I bared to make him see me. In a world, I gave myself to him in the alley. In a world, I was willing to make him see how much I was willing to be with him. But, every time we played with fire, we willingly let our bodies burn in the red flame of pride. A pride, neither he nor I am aware, where it was taking us. Or rather, where we were letting ourselves walk in the fog. I only know, while tasting his obscuring lips, I still wasn't able to decipher his sincere affection for me. If I can call that. Or the time, I could recall, who was spying on us there.

As I drive, I don't waver my attention from the road. I don't lose my focus. I only lose myself in deciding whether what Eva said, I want to keep it from Matt or tell him. Because like the episode in the alley, I know how Matt will disappoint me again.

I gather my thoughts and adjust the sun visor. As I do, I see the same van still behind me.

I cautiously drive on my side. I still give the vehicle that space. I see like a hawk, whether the driver understood.

I don't see any change. I don't see it moving forward. I don't see it passing by me. I'm aware now, this isn't any night I can let it go.

I'm still on the highway. I'm still traveling at an average speed. I've to quickly spin and avoid the car.

No doubt, Eva is the first thing coming to my mind. It could be anyone Eva can send after me.

As I increase the speed, the car behind me does so. As I gear up, the car does too.

I don't stop right there. I don't stop at all. I don't know what the person could be capable of.

I don't have anything with me I can use. I just drive and move fast on my side.

I cut and take the short routes I could find on my GPS.

I keep my hands firm on the steering. I look back, track the position and somehow, try to get a better look at who's following me in their driver's seat.

I can't see the face properly. The vision is making it hard for me. All I can worry about is, getting to Laurel. I maintain my priority on getting myself in the town as soon as I can.

I take two more turns on busy roads. Until suddenly, like a clear sky, I don't see the car anymore. Just some cyclists riding by and motorists minding their business. Yet, my instinct doesn't completely agree with me if I can feel safe.

I finally reached Seus Doces. I park the car opposite the cafe, looking either side of me. I want to find out. I want to catch the person if they've managed to follow me here. Right now, I don't see anything in front of me. I could alert myself.

I get out quickly, shut the door, and bounce off, pushing the door inside the cafe.

The bell chimes over me as I enter inside the warm buttery air. The strong smell hits my nostrils. I breathe slowly, easily. Though I feel parched and slightly sweaty, I can't help running my gaze around me.

I look through the glass outside. If I can catch that person, I won't waste time taking my time wringing out information off them.

I check my phone again. There's still no text from Matt. I can't help shaking my head, rubbing my face, and shoving it in my back pocket.

I'm in no mood to eat. Other than that, I wish for a large cup of coffee.

Of all, today, I thought Eva would be the least of my worries. Now, Matt isn't off my list.

"Hey, Scott, Brother," Dendron, the brawny cafe owner with the thick mustache he's famously known for, calls me across from his busy counter. I wave at him, half-heartedly. I don't know how I should relax and pretend I'm fine.

I rub my palms on my jeans, approach him quickly and shake his hand, saying, "Dendron, you look hearty as hell,"

"When I'm not? Though, you don't look chirpy,"

"Nothing, it's been quite a rough day,"

"What? At work? Working late?"

"No, I took leave today,"

"You weren't able to enjoy your little freedom?"

"Not completely,"

"Oh well, brother, you need a really good strong coffee. Café com cheirinho?"

"Great. I'll have that. You know, you should make this a bar someday,"

"No, it's good this way." Dendron smiled as he moved away.

I glanced back. Around me, to feel any suspicious person looking at me. All I could see was people, chattering away. Some are buried in their gadgets and some just plainly look bored.

"Here's your coffee." Dendron came back with a steaming cup. The nutty flavor couldn't soothe me. Maybe, I'll once I know I don't have to think about it too much.

I take the coffee and head to sit at a corner by the large window glass. This spot is cozy and quite a good place to keep an eye on.

I shift to see outside the screen. I don't have any idea whether I would be able to sense the person, that I think somehow I can sort from the rest. I'm just waiting for that car to show up.

"Here are some Lavadores cookies."

"Oh, that wasn't necessary,"

"It's on the house, brother. Anyway, you look shaken up. Sugar should calm you down."

"Thanks, Dendron, you're the best."

"No, problem, brother." Dendron smiles widely. I break a piece and chew absentmindedly.

Dendron speaks again, wiping his pudgy hands on his messy apron, "Guess, the 'possessed' lady is here,"

"Possessed? Who?"

"The possessed lady you talked to in the morning? That lady."

I follow Dendron's gaze and fix my attention on the beautiful face that the neon lights illuminated her soft features. Her eyes tired, her expression, sour and haggard, her energy looked limp and loose. Kayla, still, looked amazing. The lady I haven't forgotten. Yet.

There was someone with her too. Bob hair, very retro with a mix of chic? But, it looks rebellious. That kind of expression seems to avoid looking at Kayla.

When they take a seat at a different spot, they don't speak. Their heads swim on the menu. That seems a distraction they were using.

The person peeks at her, tries to make her look up but Kayla hangs her head down with her locks gloriously spread on her shoulder.

"She still seems the same. I wonder if she ever smiles,"

"Who knows, Dendron, we're all different. We have many characters in us, you don't know when we can surprise each other."

"No doubt, brother," Dendron said, sounding perplexed. He might have been looking at me. Bemused, while my eyes remained on her.

"Maybe, you're right, I should consider it,"

"About what?"

"I should consider making this place a bar. You could be useful as a bartender,"

"How so?"

"With your words like that, this place will be an instant hit,"

"Very, funny, Dendron, although I like that. I'll keep that in mind when you get it ready."

"Deal, I'll get you some mini custard tarts on that note."

"You're being generous today,"

"As you said, we've characters in us. I'm using one of mine to show you some of my amazing treats." Dendron said before, patting my shoulder. I smile at him. I think I was smiling like this after the past heavy hours.

Dendron is a person I know I can sit with without having to explain about my day. Or about my life particularly.

Dendron knows when something is not right, if I'm not having a good day, he serves me extra treats, from his house specials. That's his way of understanding me.

As he moves away, after placing the tarts in front of me, I return my gaze to Kayla. Now, I see them talking. It seems none of the ladies aren't having a good chat.

Kayla seems pressurized like run down by a giant wrecking ball. Like, hurt.

I avert looking at her. Though, I don't have to. The glass can't make her see me. I did this because she's a stranger. That I don't know why I'm weirdly drawn to her.

In a way, looking at Kayla, my problems seem to poke me less. How strange this feeling is when I distract myself, only by looking at someone, who doesn't mean anything to me.

I can't help thinking about Eva. I still need to figure it out. And I decided for tonight, I need to forget what happened at the center.

The night falls deep. My mind slips deep. And my mind doesn't falter from Kayla.

I wish I could reach out to her. Ask her, make myself, lost in her, in somebody's mind. Forget me for a while. If only I could finish this coffee and wipe the crumbs and grease off my fingers.

Just as I could complete the last of the coffee, that hit my nose in the large cup, I see the other one moving away. I see the boots hopping back again. And then, I see Kayla, looking away from the taxi after the engine starts.

Kayla sits with almost empty baskets and with her unfinished plate. From afar, I could see her staring at her plate like it's no more appetizing. Maybe, it could be too.

I see her continue eating, slowly while looking somewhere. She stuffed some little pieces, what seemed to be like bread as if she was forcing herself.

That's it.

I finish my last bits of pastry. I hurry up and pay Dendron.

"Good night, brother." He said. I nod hastily as I swallow the leftover biscuits in my mouth. Then, without waiting anymore, I turn to exit. The night for me has just begun.

I know what I'm going to do is crazy. I can't help myself. I want to talk to her. I don't know if this is going to get me in trouble, I just want to see where it takes me.

I push the door open. I let the bell ring loud, in a way, I wanted to let her know I'm here.

I see her get up. And then, she sees me. I keep looking at her too. Our gaze feels static. Like stars falling from the inky sky.

Unspoken, a thrill, a bit something inside me I couldn't explain.

As we both stare far away from each other, the distance between us remains unfulfilled. Like neither of us wanted to move. But, I want to.

Then, surprisingly, I see her moving toward me. Her sparkly eyes stay on me. She wraps her arms around her shivering body. Each careful step measures her hesitation.

I stay where I am. I stay where she can reach me.

She inches towards me. Not so slow, but cautious. Once she nears me, she maintains a gap between us. She stays there. And I move, but I don't dare to fill the gap she created.

We stand not so far away from each other, but close enough to breathe.

Kayla looks at me like for the first time, we're long-lost friends, meeting for the first time. I don't speak a word. Neither she says anything.

Until, after minutes of appraising me, she said, "Hi, Scott?"

That's the voice. The lovely voice I was dying to hear.