Alexythimia
1292 Words
CHAPTER 5
BISHOP~
Kindergarten.
I don't remember the rest years of my life before kindergarten. Or maybe I'm too young to even remember that. But Kindergarten? I remember it very clearly as if everything happened just yesterday.
I know myself that I am not the most friendly and mister sunshine my father wants me to back then.
You see, I have a disease. A f*****g brain disease.
When my therapist finds out that I call my diagnosis a disease, he will have to incarcerate me again for another year.
I am diagnosed with Alexithymia. The much good term for Psychosis. I was diagnosed when I even barely in kindergarten. Guess my father was too cautious on who will inherit the King's dynasty, he have to f*****g make sure that it wasn't some psycho of his son. So, his solution? Have me get back and forth with so may therapist in his own words "To heal me"
Anyway, Alexithymia is difficulty experiencing or identifying and expressing emotions.
I don't know why my father is trying to cure me when for me, this disease is the key for my successful reign in our empire. The more you don't feel anything, the more your opponent can't use something as a weaknesses against me. How can you have weakness if you don't feel anything? This is a f*****g blessing. A power one can possess.
But my father doesn't see that. I guess he wasn't smart like he used to believe he is.
Going back to kindergarten, Why I remember that phase of my life is because of the black ravaned hair little girl named, Mary Kathleen Armittage.
The first time I saw her she was sitting on the playground swing looking at her own tiny little feet. Her hair is so dark, like the deepest depth of an ocean. But her skin is pale as a snow in the north pole.
Right there, in that exact same moment, I wanted to hurt that fragile looking little girl. I don't even know what's wrong with her before. But I remember when I was a child at that moment, she looks like fragile little thing. Something that is kept safe and avoids harm. Someone's who is well taken care off. Something that I can easily get hurt, broken and scarred.
Because in mu sick f*****g mind, I always find satisfaction in other people's feelings. Especially pain.
I am fascinated how they feeling. Why they are crying? Why are they screaming? Why they are smiling? Why they are laughing? Or why they are scared?
I wanted to know all of that when I was a child.
But when I grew up, the curiousity becomes a sick fascination.
I tried to hurt Kathleen Armittage before.
But the girl is far from fragile just as I thought she is.
Before I could even hurt her, she will hurt me first.
And for the first time in my life that day, I felt the pain.
The pain that I didn't even know before.
That's why I am always sticking to Kathleen's side even if she doesn't want to. I wanted her to hurt me over and over again. I want to feel that pain. And it is so satisfying to feel something when I thought I couldn't feel at all.
I know the girl is scared of me.
I couldn't even blame her. I'm scared of myself too.
When I thought that everything was going well for me, my asshole of a father decided that I should move to England with my Mom. He says there is a good expert therapist in my case. As a child, I can't do anything where my parents send me. I can't do anything even if they decide to hide me from the world.
The pain was gone too.
For years, living in England I did not feel any pain nor any emotions just like what I feel back then with Kathleen Armittage.
Every time my father found out that there was no progress in my condition, he always admitted me to the asylum. And going back and forth to the asylum, For the first time in years, I felt anger. Rage to be exact. Rage at my own father. Because I found out that he was just shoving me at the back of his wardrobe. He was keeping me and my Mom away from his life because when I reached the age of fifteen, He was now in an open relationship with my Mother and his f*****g mistress who had been with him in the mansion for a long time while Mom and I were in England.
That's where I learned to pretend. Pretend I'm fine, pretend there's nothing wrong with me. In order for me to kill the real f*****g monster.
I took me two years to convinced my Father that I am infact a different Bishop right now. So, to keep my mind occupied, I built my own empire in Sewickley Height without ny Father's knowledge.
The Saint Mary Chilles.
The Den of the Vipers as I wanted to call it.
Illegal fight clubs.
Illegal bar.
Illegal place to taste hell in earth. All in one place.
And that place is mine.
You see, I am already holding the Sewickley Heights by the head and tail.
The police, the businesses and the people.
I have to have the upperhand versus my own father who I know is selfish enough not to give me the King's Dynasty.
I already have the empire of my own little old man.
And there is only one left in my possession that I have to claim.
Mary Kathleen Armittage.
That girl is mine. Will be mine. And forever will be mine.
All I have to do is get back in Pennsylvania and claim what is mine for a very long time.
I always have my eyes and ears for her. Even if I am in England, and she's in the USA. I know everything I have to know about her.
She grew up to be an aspiring Ballerina. Grew up to be adventurous and friendly girl. Grew up to be smart. Grew up adored by her friends, desired by many men and loved by f*****g Theodore Stanley.
I should just snap that man's hand in Kindergarten if I had knew that he has his eyes to what is mine. And get him out of the way.
But there is nothing I can do now, I have been missing in Kathleen's life for ten years. All I have to do is control the damage and have her with me for the remainder of her life.
Also, Theodore Stanley is tough. I already spread the word to everyone, sophomore year, at Sewickley Heights that Kathleen Armittage is mine. All obliged except Theodore Stanley. I guess, he is wishing for a death wish. And I am gladly bring it to him if he doesn't comply for what I am going to do.
And one thing is important to me, Last year I messaged Theodore Stanley to keep his hands to himself, if not. I will be the one to put his hands away from Kathleen as possible. The fucker gets the message, and doesn't even laid his dirty hands to my darling.
My Kathleen is still a virgin, and will always be ramained a virgin.
Clean. Pure and Innocent.
All mine.
So Theodore knew what to expect when I returned to Sewickley Heights. He knows what awaits him. He knows what he is trying posess that is already mine to begin with.
This time, When I leave Sewickley Heights, Kathleen Armittage will have to wear the ring on her finger, and if she doesn't want to, I will f*****g make her.
- Writer
