Catalyst of Dreams

18. Becoming Bree

Shailene and Lindsey come back at the same time. I expect they have been discussing my dilemma. Shailene hands the thermometer to my dad. He prompts me to open my mouth and I let him place it into my mouth under my tongue. A good minute passes with everyone waiting for the familiar beep.

“102.2,” dad says, concerned. “Did you girls have a fever when you had your first cycles?”

Shailene and Lindsey shake their heads no and it worries me even more.

“What’s wrong with me?” I ask, scared.

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” dad says. “We’ll just have to monitor your temperature for now. In the meantime, you’ll need to try to change out your clothes and wash down a bit. Your sisters can explain how to use the period products.”

“Oh, please no,” I say. 

The looks on Shailene and Lindsey’s faces already make me feel like I’m some sort of science experiment, like when my class had to dissect a squid last year.  

“Can you just tell me?” I ask dad.

He nods and Lindsey hands him the products I’ve seen in the cabinet before. 

“Suit yourself!” she says as she turns to walk out with Shailene, “Janie, you better come with us.” 

“But Bree is dying!” Jane cries.

“Bree isn’t dying, angel,” dad assures her. “Go with your sisters, I’m sure they won’t mind cutting you up some fruit.”

She nods and runs to join them.

Dad gets up and begins to open the drawers looking through them until he finds what he’s looking for. He shows me one of my clean pairs of underwear and sits down on the bed. 

“After you wash up a bit,” he says, “You’ll want to put this on right away.”

He places my underwear on the bed and begins to open the wrapping on the pad. 

“This is a pad,” he says, “It comes off the wrapper like so… and you’ll see there’s this sticky side… that goes onto your drawers… like this. And then you’ll pull them up regularly.”

“Oh my gosh it looks like a diaper,” I whine.

“Well it kind of works like one,” he tries not to laugh. “It will keep the blood from getting onto your clothes, and you’ll want to change the pad throughout the day.”

“But why am I bleeding?” I ask.

“Well… it’s because your body is going through changes,” dad says, “A lot of girls your age will be going through the same thing. Every month you’ll have to prepare-”

“This will happen every month!?” I exclaim. “For how long!?”

“Well, for most, well into your forties,” dad says with a shrug.

“So when I’m old?” I ask incredulously.

“Well, I’m not old, but that’s besides the point,” dad chuckles. “It shouldn’t last more than four to seven days, but we will schedule an appointment with the same gynecologist your sisters go to. She’ll be able to go into more details than I can.”

“Gyno… what?” I ask.

“It’s a special doctor that talks to you about all the changes your body is going through and checks that everything is working like it should.”

I nod, trying to understand.

“Am I always going to feel sick?” I ask, as my nausea makes me almost dizzy.

“I’m not really sure why you’re running a temperature, hun,” he says. “You might have a flu, too. This shouldn’t be something that happens every month. Maybe the cramping… your stomach pain, that’s normal. Your mom has cramping during her time of month as well. We’ll have to talk to a doctor about what kind of pain management you can have though.”

I nod again. 

“Come on honey, let’s get you cleaned,” dad says. 

He picks me up in his arms and carries me to the bathroom and places me in the tub. He runs the water until it’s a warm temperature and takes down the detached shower head. He lets it run through and hands me the attachment.

“Don’t worry about your clothes getting soaked,” he says. “When you can, you can go ahead and undress and I will have your clothes ready over here for you.” 

I manage to undress and let the water run all over my body. I try not to be repulsed by the red stream running down to the drain. The warm water feels good and I lay there a while before I try and manage to wash myself. I get up with difficulty when I’m ready to turn off the water. 

“You ready hun?” dad asks through the door.

“Yes,” I say.

He hands me a towel and I dry myself in the shower. He hands me my underwear with a pad already fixed onto it. I slide it on and adjust to the uncomfortable lump between my legs. Dad hands me one of his old navy t-shirts. 

“I figured this would be more comfortable,” he says. “It can be a nice nightgown for you.” 

I slip it over my head and he’s right. The soft cotton around my body makes me feel much better. He helps me climb out of the tub and picks me up again and carries me to my room. I see there are new sheets on the bed and some chicken noodle soup on the nightstand. 

“Try to eat something, okay?” dad asks.

I nod as I get as comfortable as I can. He hands me the bowl with a spoon and I try my best to eat but I feel nauseous again. He takes the bowl and sets it back down.

“Okay that’s good for now,” he says. “Lay down and rest, I’ll be back in a bit to take your temperature.”

He leaves and I stare up at the underside of the bunk above me. 

Lilia has no idea what’s in store for her.

 *          *          * 

“Alex, she’s going to have to suck it up. This is just something she will have to learn to deal with.”

“Sabrina, she has a fever. It’s not just the cramps. She needs to rest until we know what we can give her to manage it.”

“Give her Tylenol and be done with it. It will help her fever too.” 

“I’m waiting on the doctor to get back to me. I called just twenty minutes ago.”

“Why do you act like I don’t know what I’m talking about?” 

“It’s not that. The girls didn’t get sick with their cycles. It’s different and you know it.”

“Alex, you keep treating her like she’s fragile. She’ll expect she can stay home every month she has her damn period.”

I hear them go back and forth some more. I just stay silent as I lay in bed staring past my feet out the window. It’s a clear morning and I can hear kids making their way to the buses. 

I’m still running a fever and my cramps feel even worse today. Dad called out of work and called the school to let them know I wouldn’t be attending today. Mom isn’t very happy with the decision.

I hear the doorbell ring. They cease their bickering and I listen as I hear footsteps to the front door. It opens and I hear mother’s voice.

“Yua this is a surprise! How can I help you?”

Lilia’s mom?

“Hi Sabrina, I brought some ginger miso soup for Bree.”

“That’s so kind of you, you didn’t have to go through the trouble.”

“No! No trouble at all! How is she?”

“She’s fine. Just resting and hopefully with some Tylenol, the fever will subside,” says mother.

“Is it a bother if I go see her?”

“No not at all, go ahead, she’s just lying down,” dad says.

I hear footsteps come to my room where my door is sitting ajar.

“Hello, Bree?” I hear the soothing voice of Mrs. Duncan.

“Hi oba-san,” I smile at the face that resembles Lilia so much.

“How are you sweet girl?” she asks as she makes her way to sit on the edge of the bed.

“I’m okay,” I say. “I’m tired.  My stomach keeps hurting.”

She reaches for my hand and begins to caress it. 

“Poor girl,” she says sweetly. “You’re growing up so fast, maybe your body is trying to keep up.”

She sighs but she is smiling at me and it makes me feel warm inside.

“I brought you some ginger miso soup,” she says. “Try to eat a little when you can? It should help with the cramps and fever.”

“Thank you,” I say genuinely. “Is Lilia at school?”

She laughs.

“Yes, but she was being difficult,” she says. “She is worried about you and wanted to come see you but I said it will have to wait until your fever goes down. Maybe tomorrow if you’re up for it?”

I smile and nod.

“I won’t mind if Lilia comes over tomorrow” I assure her.

She laughs again.

“Oh of course not,” she says. “Well I will let you rest. I’ve got some forms I need to fill out. You let your mom know if you need anything else from me, okay?”

I nod. She gives me a kiss on the forehead and cups my cheek in her hand. She caresses my cheekbone with her thumb and smiles as she looks at me. 

“Feel better soon,” she says as she gets up to leave. 

The warmth of her thumb lingers. I’m so grateful for her kindness. I hear her say goodbye to my parents and hear the front door close followed by a loud sigh.

“What is it?” I hear dad say.

“Look at these! They’re ruined.”

“I tried to wash them,” I hear dad say.

“Well did you rinse them in cold water first?”

“Well… no.”

“Alex! How many times do I have to tell you? Blood needs to be rinsed with cold water first so it doesn’t stain.” 

“I forgot! You weren’t home. Even if I remembered, I wasn’t going to rinse the girl down with cold water.”

“f**k Alex. Not only are the sheets stained but her new skirt is ruined too.”

There’s a bit of a pause.

“Why are you making that face?” I hear mother say.

“It’s nothing.” 

“Alex, what is so funny?”

“I mean… it’s just funny that you make her wear that thing and her body decides it doesn’t like it.”

I hear another pause but then… I hear her laugh.

“You would find that funny,” she manages to say. 

He’s laughing too now and I breathe a sigh of relief. They seem to have stopped bickering for now and I feel like I can finally relax. Moments later I hear someone approach my door again.

“Hi Brianna,” mother says as she carries a tray over to the nightstand.

“Hi mom,” I say.

“How does the new young woman of the house feel?”

“The same,” I say.

She picks up the thermometer from the tray and prompts me to sit up. I open my mouth as she places the thermometer under my tongue. We wait for the familiar beep.

“101.8” she says. “That’s a little better but we’re going to go ahead and take some Tylenol, okay?”

I nod. She grabs the glass of water from the tray with two white tablets. She hands them to me and I take them one by one.

“You should start feeling better soon,” she says. “In the meantime, Yua brought some soup for you. I need you to eat, okay? It’s the only way to settle your stomach.”

I nod and sit up taller as she places the tray on my lap with the bowl of soup and a spoon. I begin to take bites of the golden soup and it instantly feels gratifying on the way down. 

“How is it?” mother asks.

“It’s really good, thank you,” I say.

She sits down where Mrs. Duncan sat earlier and waits while I eat. I eat half the bowl before I have had enough.

“Done?” she asks.

“Yes,” I say. “I’m full.”

She takes the tray and places it back on the nightstand.

“I’ll have dad take your temperature again in about an hour okay?” 

I nod. We sit there a moment longer saying nothing. I just trace the patterns of the sheet with my finger not knowing what else to do. I hear her sigh and get up. 

I watch her place the half-empty glass of water and thermometer back on the tray. She picks it up and I see her hesitate as though she wants to say something. She shakes her head and takes the tray and leaves without another word.

I stay sitting up and lean against the wall. My head still feels a bit heavy but my stomach feels slightly better. I sigh.

If this is what becoming a young woman feels like, I’m over it. 

*          *          *