THE MANY IN BETWEEN

CASSIES POINT OF VIEW It was dawn when my memories came flooding in from the night before. My head was spinning with confusion. I lay in bed for a few minutes to try to control my thoughts. I sat up and tried to steady myself. The whole room was spinning and it was making me nauseous. I got up out of bed and headed toward the shower to try and clear my mind. As I walked toward the bathroom, I caught my reflection in the ceiling-length mirror. I stopped in my tracks at what I saw in the mirror. I looked awful. My eyes were red and swollen from all the crying. My skin was pale. My throat was dry and in pain from all the screams of my heartache. Once again, I was broken. I walk up to the mirror and ask the question I have become accustomed to. "Why Me?" One of many questions I ask myself on days like today. "What did I do wrong?", "How many times will I have to bare with this rejection?" ,"Am I not good enough?" How many times will I stand in front of this mirror thinking of all the men that used me for there pleasure to just throw me to the side like I ment nothing. While I gave my all so we could be happy. As long as I can remember, I have been used by idiots promising love and a family of my dreams. "Am I too gullible?" I ask myself . " To fall for bullxxx time and time again." I felt myself spiraling back into the pain that he caused me to know it was all a game. I thought he would be different. He showed me different that he was not like the others. To realize that to him I was just a challenge, a toy he needed to prove he could play with. I put the walls up and he tore them down little by little. I showed him that for him, I would have done anything. While for me, he slowly started to show his true colors. He would do nothing. I shook the feeling off and turned to head to the shower. As I walked in to the restroom, the memory of the last time he was in here hit me like a ton of bricks. My eyes started to tear up. I started to undress as I caught the tear before it slid down my cheek. Taking my shirt off and dropping it on the floor. Next, my shorts joined it on the floor. I turned to see my eyes watering, trying to let the tears escape. "No" I yelled at myself. "You will not give him the satisfaction of breaking you." "Not him" I whispered to myself. He is not worth my tears, I thought, or the pain that I am feeling. So I picked my chin up, straightened my shoulders and walked into the shower. The hot water on my skin felt wonderful. It calmed my tightened muscles. It washed away all the tears I shed.