Risks and Chances

Kabanata 1 Justice Inis kong ibinato ang hawak na magazine sa center table at nag angat ng tingin sa kapatid kong kanina pa ako sinesermunan. My eyes are holding fire as we glared at each other. Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay na tila ba hindi naaapektuhan sa klase ng tingin na ipinupukol ko. "Alam mo ikaw, Zadriel-" "It's kuya! How many times do I have to tell you that I'm way older than you?" "Ha! Segundo lang ang itinanda mo sa akin! Baka nakakalimutan mong kambal tayo!" "Even so! I still came out first before you so might as well respect me!" Ang sabi nila, kung sino ang naunang lumabas, siya ang mas matanda. Meron rin namang nagsabi na kung sino ang nahuli, siya ang mas matanda dahil nagpapalit daw ang mga baby sa loob ng tiyan bago sila lumabas. Whatever the truth is, this monkey in front of me surely believes that he's older than me. I groaned frustratingly and rolled my eyes at him. "Why? Can't I respect you just by calling you by your first name? You are over reacting!" "And why is it hard for you to call me kuya-" "Because I don't want to!" "Zadriel, Zephania! Why are you two shouting? Ang aga-aga puro sigawan ninyo na agad ang naririnig ko!" si Mommy, salubong ang kilay habang pababa ng hagdan. Sa likod niya ay naroon si Dad. Isang beses ko pang sinamaan ng tingin si Zadriel bago pabagsak na naupo sa couch. I crossed my arms above my chest and looked at the television even though I can't totally understand what's going on. If my eyes could create fire, our house is surely burning right now. "Tanungin ninyo iyang magaling niyong anak, Ma. Masiyadong matigas ang ulo." sagot ni Zadriel. Muli ko siyang binalingan at sinamaan ng tingin. "Mana lang ako sa'yo. You are also hard headed, right? Kaya nga hindi ka mapakali sa isang babae." Irap ko. "Narinig mo, Mama?" tanong niya pa kay Mommy na tila naghahanap ng kakampi. I made a face to tease him ever more. Lalong dumilim ang mga mata niya na namana niya mismo kay Dad. They say that I have dark and strict eyes, too. Pero sa tingin ko ay mas malalim at madilim ang mga mata ni Zadriel sa akin. "Look at these two, Zion. Palagi na lang nagbabangayan. Silang dalawa na nga lang ang magkapatid, hindi pa magmahalan." pagdadrama na naman ni Mommy. "I love my brother, Ma. If that's what you want to hear. I just hate him for being nosy. He better stick his nose out of my business because that's why I also do with him. Hindi ko nga sila pinapakielaman ni Tate, hindi ba?" "Well, that's because it's different! Your son of a b***h boyfriend is already fooling you and yet you're still pretending that you're not aware of it!" And voila! He has already said it in front of our parents which I am really avoiding to happen. Inirapan ko ang kapatid at pasimpleng nilingon ang gawi nila Dad. He's eyeing me intently, his eyes throwing daggers at me. "What did your brother say, Zephania?" he questioned. "Niloloko ka ni Kris?" singit naman ni Mommy. I glared at Zadriel again and he's eyeing me cockily. But behind that cocky expression, I can still see extreme care and worry for me. I made a long inhale, trying to calm myself down because I know it won't do anything if I let my temper reign over me. "He's not. Zadriel is just surely hallucinating. Hindi ako magagawang lokohin ni Kris, Mommy. You know how in love he is with me." "Hallucinating? I saw him with my two eyes, Ania! He's kissing a woman inside that restaurant!" giit ng kapatid ko. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "Bakit hindi mo binaba kung ganoon? Knowing you, you'd surely kill anyone who will dare to hurt me. Kasi hindi ka siguradong siya 'yon, hindi ba?" Zadriel shut his eyes like he's already exhausted in trying to make me believe that my boyfriend is really cheating on me. Alam kong hindi ako magagawang lokohin ni Kris. He's marked as a playboy before but he's now a changed man. We've never fought about third party ever since we two got involved in a relationship. He's loyal and faithful to me. That's I know for sure. "Be smart, Zephania. We didn't raise you just to be cheated on by a mediocre guy. I don't even want him for you but I know you can already see the difference between right and wrong." seryosong paalala ni Dad. Whenever he uses that kind of tone, wala na akong magagawa kung hindi ang tumahimik. All throughout my life, I've known him as a loving but strict father to Zadriel and I. He never tolerates our wrong doings even when we're still young. He seldom cracked jokes but once you made him smile, that smile wouldn't be erase on his lips easily. Dad is usually describe as The Devil in a Tux. Even the way he smirked, he looks like a cunning devil. The reason why almost everybody are scared of him. He rarely smiles! Kay Mommy lang talaga siya madalas ngumingiti. "Yes, Dad." labas sa tainga na sagot ko. He's wearing his silver watch when he walked towards my direction and slouched a bit. He held my head and placed a kiss on the top. "I love you." he whispered. "Love you too, Dad." Sinimplehan ko ng tingin si Zadriel. Busangot na ito habang nakatingin sa cellphone niya. It's either he's texting to Tate of his real girlfriend Dianarra. Tumayo ako at humalik na kay Mommy. "I'll see you tomorrow, My. Sa condo ko ako matutulog mamayang gabi." "Alright. Just call me often, Ania." "I will." Placing my pink blazer on my arm, I was about to walk past on Zadriel when I let an audible mocking smirk. "Niloloko ka lang niyan..." I heard him drop a curse. Nilingon ko siya at nakitang masama ang tingin sa akin. "Oops. Baliktad pala. Ikaw nga pala ang nangloloko," humagalpak ako ng tawa nang maaninag ang pagkaasar niya sa akin. "You know now the feeling, kuya?" Isang ngisi pa ang pinakawalan ko bago siya tuluyang tinalikuran. Narinig ko pa si Mommy na pinagsasabihan si Zadriel tungkol sa akin. "Ma, I can't let anyone hurt my sister." Those are the last words I heard that put a smile on my face before I finally left our family house. Naiintindihan ko si Zadriel sa pinanggagalingan niya. I just don't want to believe that Kris is really cheating on me just with some random girl. Naniniwala akong ibang tao ang nakita ng kapatid ko, maaaring kamukha lang. Imposibleng si Kris 'yon. Masiyado niya akong mahal para lokohin. I slid inside my car and shut the door close. Huminga ako ng malalim at titig na titig sa manibela. I noticed that my grip on the steering wheel is getting tight and strained. "You better not cheat on me, Kris. You better not." I whispered inwardly before bringing the car's engine to life. Nakarating ako sa opisina makalipas ang kalahating minuto. The sound of my heels stabbing the white marble floor was echoing as I walked through our company's lobby. "Good morning, Miss Ania." the receptionist greeted me. I raised my brow up as an answer. Sunod-sunod na ang naging pagbati nila, halata ang takot sa mga mata. They say that I more look like my father and the way I act. Ako, si Zadriel at si Dad, halos iisa ang mga galaw namin. Strikta rin naman si Mommy kumpara kay Tita Cheska kaya lang ay kung ikukumpara sa akin, mas intrimitida ako. "Good morning po, Miss Ania." It's Coleen, my secretary. Isang tango lang ang ibinigay ko sa kaniya at nagdiretso na sa loob ng opisina. As soon as sat on my swivel chair and placed my hand bag over the table, I heard my phone beep. Kinuha ang cellphone mula sa loob at tiningnan kung anong mayroon. Kris: Happy anniversary, babe. I love you. A smirk crept on my lips. I screenshot the message and forward it to Zadriel. Dahil online siya ay agad siya nakapagtipa ng isasagot. Zadriel: Tss. Whatever. He's still cheating on you. Inirapan ko ang message niya at nag-exit na mula sa **. My twin is really starting to ruin my mood. But anyway, nawala sa isip kong anniversary pala namin ngayon ni Kris. I have been dealing with lots of meetings these past few days. Hindi rin kami gaanong nakakapagkita. The last time we saw each other was three days ago. All we did was FaceTime. I sighed and pressed the pager. "Please come inside, Coleen." Wala pang ilang minuto nang kumatok ang sekretarya ko at tuluyan nang pumasok. "Yes, Miss Ania?" Clasping my hands, I looked at her as she waits me of what I'm about to ask her. "Buy me an anniversary cake. Whatever flavor is fine." She nodded. "Kailan ko po ipapadeliver, Miss?" "Before five o'clock is fine." "Noted, Miss Ania. I'll have your anniversary cake delivered before five in the afternoon." I smirked. "Good." "Would that be all po?" "Yes. You can leave now." Sinadya kong hindi reply-an si Kris sa text niya. I want to surprise him later. Pupuntahan ko siya sa condo niya at puwedeng doon na kami mag-celebrate. We don't need to go outside. Ipagluto na lang niya ako. Tinapos ko ang lahat ng trabaho sa buong araw. Na-ideliver na rin ang cake na dadalhin ko kaya naman matapos makapagayos ay nilisan ko na ang building. Kris sent me a message before lunch. Tinatanong niya ako kung ano ang gusto kong regalo. Somehow, I feel disappointed because I love surprises. Sana ay hindi na lang niya ako tinanong. He could give me anything he wants and I won't complain. Marahil ay iniisip niyang meron na ako ng lahat pagdating sa materyal na bagay at meron na ako ng kung ano mang ibibigay niya. He could handed me an anniversary card and I'd still appreciate it. O, hindi ba? Wala siyang ibang babae. Kasi kung meron, hindi na siya magbibigay ng effort na regaluhan pa ako. My twin is just really hallucinating. Kakaisip niya 'yan kay Tate, e. Kung sana ay mamili na siya doon sa dalawang babae at hindi na naguguluhan. But if I were him, I'll go with someone who can ride my trips. Tumunog ang cellphone ko. Nasa sasakyan na ako at nagmamaneho patungo sa condo ni Kris. Gamit ang isang kamay, hinalughog ko ang bag at kinuha roon ang cellphone. Dashiel: Where is your asshole brother, Zeph? Can't contact him. Tumaas ang kilay ko. Ako: I'm not a lost and found. Baka naroon sa babae niya. Dashiel: Which one? Natawa ako at nag-angat ng tingin sa kalsada. Gago rin talaga itong pinsan ko. Minsan talaga ay mas magkasundo pa kami kesa sa aming dalawang magkakambal. Ako: Tate Follosco. Ibinalik ko na ang cellphone sa bag. Half an hour have passed and I'm already parking my car inside the basement of Kris' building. Holding the cake in my right hand, I elegantly ambled inside and went straight to his condo. May kataasan iyon kaya naman medyo nangalay pa ako sa pagtayo sa elevator. The elevator dinged. I stepped out of it and sashayed my way to his main door. I was about to knock when I found out the door was already open. "Naiwan niyang bukas..." bulong ko sa sarili. I silently pushed the door to open more. Humakbang ako at maingat ang naging paggalaw. Walang tao ang sala ngunit nakita ko sa center table ang isang bote ng wine. May bawas na ito at halatang ininuman na. Umangat ang kilay ko. Nag-iinom ba siya? He might be frustrated right now because I was not replying to his messages. A smirk crept on my lips. Nagdiretso ako papunta sa kwarto niya. I held the door knob and slightly twisted it. Bahagya ko itong itinulak saka isinungaw ang mga mata. Nang walang makita ay tuluyan ko na itong binuksan. Pakiramdam ko, lahat ng dugo sa katawan ko ay mabilis na umakyat papunta sa ulo ko nang maabutan si Kris. He's lying in the bed halfly, an ugly woman was kneeling on the floor while giving him a f*****g head! Humigpit ang hawak ko sa tali ng cake na bitbit. Kris' eyes are even close and it seems like he's breathing so hard. They're seem too engrossed on what they're doing for they haven't notice my attention. My eyes narrowed into slits with so much anger. Humakbang ako, wala pa ring ingay. I put the cake on the table somehow far from them and took the chocolate cake. Nang nasa tapat na nila ay unang nag-angat ng tingin sa akin ang babae. Her eyes grew wide. I gave him a lopsided grin. "How does he taste?" Nakita ko ang biglaang pagmulat ng mga mata ni Kris. I anchored my gaze on him as his eyes turned into O-shape. "A-Ania..." he stuttered. I threw the cake exactly right in his face. Halos matabunan na ang mukha niya kaya naman hindi ko makita ang reaksyon niya. Napatayo ang babae dahil sa ginawa ko. She's about to run away when I immediately grip her arm. "Let me go!" she shrieked. "I'm not done with you." Inihilamos ni Kris ang palad niya sa kanyang mukha at agad idinirekta ang tingin sa akin. I saw him Adam's apple moved down. "Ania, let me explain-" "Happy anniversary, asshole. Hope you enjoyed your f*****g dessert." I blurted out and transferred my eyes on the woman. Halos bumaon na ang acrylic nails ko sa mga balat niya. Sinundan ko iyon ng tingin at napansin na bahagya ng namumula ito. The corner of my lips turned upward. Hinubad ko ang suot na high heels at inihampas ito sa pisngi niya. She shouted in pain as she cupped her cheek. "Can't hurt you with my clean hands. Baka madumihan ang palad ko kung sasampalin kita," I laughed. "You can eat that cake with him. Lick it till you want. You look like a dog anyway." Tinalikuran ko na sila at naglakad palabas ng kwarto na iyon. My chest is heaving fast as my hands balled into tight fist. Anger boiled deep in my system, as hot as lava. It churned within, hungry for destruction, and I know it's too much for me to handle. Taas noo akong naglakad hanggang sa makarating sa kotse. I held the steering wheel and leaned my forehead against it, breathing like I just finished running a long distance. "Kapal ng mukha mo..." nagtatagis ang bagang na bulong ko, naaalala ang eksenang naabutan kanina. Gusto kong umiyak. It's as if something heavy is on my chest but I couldn't cry. Walang luhang lumalabas. Parang gusto ko lang banggain ang lahat ng kotseng makakasalubong ko. Si Zadriel ang unang pumasok sa isip ko. Kung ganoon ay tama pala ang kapatid ko. He really did saw that asshole with someone. Matigas lang talaga ang ulo ko at hindi naniwala. Kris bombarded me with his useless apologies but I tend to ignore it. Wala ng dahilan pa para sagutin siya, o kausapin tungkol sa nangyari. He already fooled me. Hindi na kailangan patawarin pa dahil hindi naman ako ganoon katanga. "Give me another bottle." utos ko sa barista matapos lagukin ang huling likido mula sa bote ko. Nakita ko ang pagaalinlangan sa mukha ng barista. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay kaya naman agad siyang sumunod. Pagkagaling sa lugar na 'yon ay dito ako dumiretso sa bar. Ito lang ang alam kong paraan para mailabas ang sama ng loob ng walang piniperwisyong tao. I don't want to call my brother. He will surely get mad than me. Knowing him. He got a bad temper, too. Nang maramdaman na malala na ang tama ng alak sa akin ay umalis na ako ng bar. I slid inside my car and drove off my way to somewhere. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta, basta gusto ko lang magmaneho. It's already past one and there's no traffic around the area. Huminto ang sinasakyan ko sa isang tulay. Bumaba ako at naglakad patungo roon. The cold wind is blowing my hair as I leaned my hands over the handrails. The river is already dark but the bright moon above is giving it a little light. I breathed deeply. Our memories for the past year suddenly crashed into my head. I did love Kris, I'm still in love with him. I believe that I did my responsibility as his girlfriend. Hindi ko alam kung may pagkukulang ba ako. O, kung may kulang ba sa akin. "Maganda naman ako, mayaman. Mas mayaman nga lang ako sa kaniya. Ano ba ang kulang sa akin?" And then it hit me. s*x. Sa loob ng isang taong relasyon namin ay hindi ko hinayaan na may mangyari sa amin. It's not the he's worth my virginity. It's just that... I'm not yet ready to give him that. "A lot of people are dealing with their own problem but suicide will never be the answer to that," a deep voice from behind me played in my ears. "Don't kill yourself." Kumunot ang noo ko. Mabilis akong humarap at naabutan ang isang lalaki na mas matangkad sa akin. He's staring at me, his eyes are as dark as the river behind me. His expression holds sympathy for whatever that reason is. "The hell are you talking about?" My brows knitted in a frown. "I'm saying that every problem has a solution. At hindi sagot ang pagpapakamatay." Natawa ako. "Ako? Magpapakamatay? Sa ganda kong 'to?" The man blinked his eyes repeatedly. "A conceited suicidal woman, huh?" "I'm not suicidal-" "Then what are you doing here in the bridge?" "I was just thinking, asshole!" "I'm not an asshole. I'm Alas." "I don't care whoever you are! You men are just all the same. Mga mangloloko!" I shouted. I saw him raise his hands up like he's not going to fight against me. "What the hell? I'm just trying to save you and then you'd judge me like you already know me? Where's justice in that, huh?" Inirapan ko siya at nilampasan na, nagdadabog. Kakabukas ko lang ng pinto ng kotse ko nang lingunin ko siya at nakitang nakatingin pa rin siya sa akin. "Justice your face! You're still an asshole like him!" I shouted and left him dumbfounded.