The Alpha of My Life

'Why does a funeral exist? What is their main reason? The soul or whatever is dead and their body, well, is not that loving warm body that was giving the most special hugs'. These ideas were bouncing in Rosemary’s head while she was staying in front of the graveyard of who she was her mom. It was fresh dogged and covered and had the smallest number of flowers. Her mom wasn't with friends, no. Her only purpose in life was to see her daughter better than she ever was. A woman of career. The best mom, as all her friends were saying. The woman that raised her without any help from any man, but her own. Taking two jobs made her best to provide for her only daughter but it was a blast when they had a chance to spend some time together. She was fun. From fun parks to museums, trips, and camping treble rose-red incredible moments together. Rosemary had no more tears at remembering all what a great mother she was. Her head was slowly spinning remembering all the cool fun places they were. The last few months were hell. She drained out her tears so much she had cried. From the day she found out her mother has cancer and had only a few months to live she cried. She cried hidden without her mother knowing. But she always knew. She was feeling bad with a lot of pain. And was encouraging her even she was incurable ill: "Don’t cry for me my beautiful rose. I have lived my life fully and couldn’t have asked for a more wonderful daughter. You were my special gift and I can never thank God enough. I tried to be the best mom. And hope you will do well in life. My only regret is not seeing you succeed. But I will always be next to you, even if you will not see me. That is a promise." With her last powers she gently took her chin and looked her into the eyes: "You know I haven’t forbidden you anything ever, but now I will forbid you to cry your eyes out for me. Let me die, Rose. The pain is unbearable." She said gently. Rosemary grabbed her skinny hand because of all that chemo she had been doing and took it to her lips. "I will mourn your death most correctly mom. I will make you proud to finish my studies and be the best in what I do. Like that, you can talk proudly about being to your angel girlfriends." A serein smile touched her mother's lips and as they were looking at one to another slowly the life went out of her mother's eyes. Rose kissed her mother's hand for the last time and stepped out of the room to make room for the doctors to enter trying the last time to save her life. But she was gone. In a better place and what is more important, all the pain was gone. Rosemary was looking out the window at the doctor's activity and it felt like a part of her soul died with her mother. The same image she was having in front of her eyes now, but the thing is there was no hospital bed but a coffin, too big for dear mother that she weighed as much as an 11th-year-old child. Her friend Laetitia was her support for good and bad. Better than a husband would do. She knew exactly when to bring a bottle of wine, play a sad song or just give a hug. And now the only thing Rosemary wanted was to have a hug. She had no more family. Her mom was the last person with whom she shared blood. The thought was overwhelming. She started to tremble, seeing also the coffin going into the ground. She was hearing the words of the priest but seemed so far away. She looked around to see if there was another face, she would know to change a few words, because she was feeling like depression would grab her slowly, but no. There were a handful of people. Miss Nugget, the neighbor that would come from time to time to drink a coffee with mom, and chat a little bit but she never changed words with her, and some nurses from the hospital, also a thoughtful gesture. They were carrying each white rose, her mom's favorite. She always would make fun of her because Rosemary never liked roses, and mom would always say that the name she carries would predestinate her in flowers matter. Rosemary had a little smile at the thought of sweet memory. She looked at Laetitia like a signal that is ok to leave her hand and made a step toward the coffin. "Rest in peace mom. You will be missed so much!" and she threw the white rose on the grave turning her back and grabbing Laetitia's arm to live. It was too unbearable to watch the last and dearest member of her family be covered only with dirt. Back at home, they both were very quiet. This wasn't out of the regular for Rose, but for Laetitia it was. Her personality was very exuberant, now it was like a firefly who has lost her glow. She was trying to reach her friend and would not let her alone with her thoughts because she knew very well, from experience what they would do. Rose was sitting at the window with a hot tea in her hands even though it was sunny and pretty warm outside for a day in September. Tia sat next to Rose trying to blab taking her mind out of her grief, at least for a few minutes. "I have some new gossip, Rose!" she started Rose turned her head at her with a little smile on the corner of her lips. Tia was so dear to her heart. She never thought will meet such a good friend. That is why even with all the pain she had in her she found a force to smile, even a little bit. "I would have said you are ill Tia if you haven’t had" Seeing her distraction pays off Tia continued, "We will have some new colleagues!" she said finishing with some wide eyes, looking for any reaction from Rose. Rose realized a little laugh. Tia was amazed and started to smile at her, "The University will start soon Tia, of course, we will have colleagues," said Rose "No," continued Tia, "you don’t understand, the rumor says that they are exotic, they are not from here…" Rose smiled at her knowing already where this conversation is going, "And you will do anything in your power to steal the heart of one of them. Or both of them..." Tia turned her smile back, "They are two Rosy, one for you and one for me. They will be moving into this building. Madam Tony told me. She was very happy because they rented an apartment here." When she stopped talking Tia saw she has done such a big mistake. She felt an urge to bite her lips. Rose have lost her smile and interest in conversation; her eyes were lost. She tried to think fast about what to do and had another idea. "Forget about that Rosy", she grabbed her hand, "I have another news even more interesting!" Rose raised from her place at the window and slowly took her hand from Tia’s hand and look devastated as all the reality came like a cold shower on her. She started to talk with a rusty voice, "I am not interested in any involvements of heart or anything else, my heart is closed forever. It hurts too much to lose someone. I would like to spare myself of that misery again." Tricia tried to say something but it was too late. Rose has left the room. Tricia was looking at the door feeling so sorry that she has brought that subject about boys in front of her friend that just had lost her mom. I was just hoping that she doesn’t realize how long is forever. Such a beautiful girl stays alone for a lifetime, Laetitia didn’t want to conceive. She was every man’s dream. Smart and beautiful. Red-headed, green eyes and a body like a Greek Goodes. No! She was naïve to think the right man for her will leave her alone. Tia grabbed Rose’s cup of tea to take it to the sink to wash it thinking that she will let her grieve for some time but she swore that would not let her best friend in the whole world lose in front of the pain! Quote: " Life is eighter a great adventure or nothing..." Helen Keller