Taste of Poison

Kabanata 20

Sacrifice

Sobra na akong pinapahiya ni Azar sa kaniyang ina. I thought we would baptize his new place but guess what? Azar, the liar vampire led me to his mother's house without informing me. Hindi pa ako handang harapin ang kung sinuman sa pamilya niya. 

God, why did you send Azar again? Bakit pakiramdamn ko ay narito siya para maging dahilan ng atake ko sa puso?

Damn, Emory. Why did I even forgot that Azar's family is a vampire? They have sharp senses! Bakit hindi ko naisip na maari nila akong marinig kahit pabulong lang.

And now, I'm here facing his mother who's smiling from ear-to-ear. Nasa sala kami at magkatabi kaming nakaupo sa mahabang sofa samantalang iniwan ako ni Azar.

"You're so beautiful po..." I complimented. She's the girl version of Azar.

Her hair color, bronze suits her white pale skin. It was in a clean tight bun. Her perfectly shaped eyebrows and thick long lashes defined her deep set of brown eyes. And her small yet pointed nose, thin red lips, she's a beauty. With her heart-shaped face, I bet she has a lot of suitors back then.

"You, too, darling. Magaling talaga pumili ang anak kong 'yon. Matinik sa babae," she said while moved his brows back and forth.

She looked so gentle. Looking so soft.

Nagulat ako nang bigla niyang kinuha ang isang kamay ko. Nilagay niya iyon sa pagitan ng kaniyang mga kamay habang marahan na hinahaplos ang ibabaw.

"I'm Anna, his mother. You can call me Tita, at masayang-masaya ako na makilala ka."

Sinulyapan ko ang mga kamay namin bago ngumiti sa kaniya.

"Emory po, Tita..."

Her smile widen. "I know you, darling. Azar can't keep secrets to his mother, he told me things about you."

"Talaga po? Baka puro po masasamang bagay tungkol sa 'kin ang sinasabi niya," kumunot ang noo ko.

She chuckled. "Nothing to worry, but can you tell me how you two met?"

I bit my cheek. Paano ko ba iyon sasabihin? Nakakahiya naman kasi ang una naming pagkikita.

"I... I met him in the restaurant, then we had this fight because of my perfume. He told me to changed it because it stink, nagalit ako kasi hindi naman mabaho. Then after that, nasundan pa nang nasundan ang pagkikita namin," sabi ko.

"Hanggang sa umabot na kayo sa punto na ipakikilala ka niya sa akin?"

"Huh?"

Inabot niya ang aking pisngi. "Alam mo ba kung ano siya?"

Mabagal akong tumango.

"Yet you stayed?"

Muli akong tumango.

"What's your relationship with my son, anyway? May I know?"

Naglikot ang mga mata ko. Ano ba ang dapat kong isagot? That we were f**k buddies turned into friends and now, acting like a real couple when the truth is... we're not? Kilala siya ng pamilya ko, kilala na rin ako sa kaniya pero ni hindi man lang klaro kung anong relasyon ang meron kami sa kasalukuyan.

Saktong lumipad ang tingin ko kay Azar na lumabas mula kung saan. When he noticed my stares, he smiled at me which made my heart thump. Nakaramdam ako ng saya dahil doon kaya wala sa sariling napangiti rin ako.

Tita Anna squeezed my hands. Tumingin ako sa kaniya bago ulit kay Azar na tumigil sa paglalakad. Sa likod niya ay may painting, habang siya ay mariing nakatingin sa akin.

I think he heard his mother's question. Nagkakaroon pa kaya sila ng privacy rito?

But then... what are we?

Tipid akong ngumiti bago tinuon ang atensiyon sa ina ni Azar.

"We're in a relationship, a very serious relationship..." I declared.

"Boyfriend and girlfriend?"

I nodded. "Yes, Tita. Azar is my boyfriend," sabi ko habang sinasalubong ang nagliliyab na mga mata ni Azar.

"It's official, then..." sabat niya na tuluyang lumapit sa puwesto namin.

Nasa likod siya ng sofa at parehong nakatukod ang kamay doon. He was staring at me intently as I tried my best not to melt. Now that we're official, my chest feel light. Pakiramdam ko ay may nalampasan akong napakahirap na pagsubok sa mga oras na ito.

"Mukhang ngayon lang kayo nagkaroon ng label," mahinang sabi ni Tita Anna.

I smiled shyly. Should I thank her for that?

Narinig ko ang halakhak ni Azar. "Stop acting like a demure lady, Emory. Alam nating hindi ka ganiyan, 'di bagay."

My cheeks instantly heated in embarrassment. Putting me in this kind of situation maybe is one of his talents. Bakit hindi ko iyon nadiskubre ng maaga?

"Azarius! Stop teasing her!"

Muli siyang tumawa at nagawa pa akong nakawan ng halik sa pisngi bago umalis. Pero bago pa man siya mawala sa paningin ko ay may sinabi pa siyang mas ikinapula pa ng mga pisngi ko.

"Babe, get ready. I might give you rewards for being a good girl today."

Tita Anna just laughed lightly. "Don't mind him, darling. Minsan talaga ay may saltik ang anak ko."

Ngumiwi ako. But Azarius?

"Azarius?" Naibulalas ko.

"Yes, his name is Azarius. You don't know?"

Nahihiya akong umiling. "He told me his name is Azar, I didn't know that it was just his nickname."

"Well, he hated his name. It was after his father," she chuckled inwardly. "Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit sinunod ko ang pangalan niya sa lalaking 'yon. I really find it corny."

Tumayo siya at kinuha ang mga kamay ko. "I prepared something to eat. Let's continue our talk over lunch. Is it okay?"

Agad akong tumango at nagpatianod sa kaniyang marahan na paghila sa akin papunta sa kanilang kusina. Azar was leaning in the kitchen top, drinking from a gable top with a label of strawberry. Umiwas ako ng tingin at umupo alinsunod sa utos ni Tita Anna.

He was drinking blood. I don't mind though.

"Sana ay magustuhan mo ang hinanda ko. Azar really pushed me to cook," umiling-iling siya. "But it's good, darling. Masaya ako at sa wakas ay may ipinakilala sa 'kin si Azar. Parang nawala ang malaking tinik sa puso ko. Akala ko si Azar ay..."

"Ma!" He exclaimed.

"What? I thought you were gay!" natatawang sambit ni Tita.

I chuckled.

Umupo si Azar sa kabilang gilid ni Tita Anna, so we're facing each other. Tiningnan ko ang pagkain sa lamesa. It's all Filipino food and my mouth started to water. Nagluluto rin naman si Azar ng ganoon pero isang linggo rin kasi akong puro order lang.

"Azar requested to cook Filipino food, so dig in..." si Tita.

Tumango ako. "Thank you," ani ko.

Akma kong kukunin ang bowl of rice roon nang mabilis itong inabot ni Azar sa akin. Tiningnan ko siya pero tinaasan niya lang ako ng kilay. I rolled my eyes before getting the bowl and put enough rice in my plate. Iyon ang ginawa niya tuwing may inaabot ako.

"May I know your status in life, darling? I'm not you know... matapobre but I just wanted to know you as my son's woman. If you're not comfortable then, it's okay."

Ngumiti ako kay Tita. She seems genuine so, I answered willingly.

"It's okay po," I sipped on my glass. "I was a model, but my mother needed me. I quit and started working in our company as the marketing head."

"Company name?"

"The AES Company..."

"The famous Astrid Du Marais is your mother?"

I nodded. Bigla namang nagbago ang ekspresiyon niya.

"I heard what happened to your brother, my condolence..."

"Ma," si Azar.

Ngumiti lang ako ng tipid. "It's okay."

We continued eating in silence. I could feel Azar's eyes on me but I just ignored it and never bothered him. Kalaunan ay sumuko rin siya sa paninitig nang walang makuhang atensiyon mula sa akin.

Later on, Tita Anna served the desert. Doon nawala ang katahimikan sa pagitan naming tatlo.

"The food is delicious, Tita. You're now one of my favorite cooks."

I heard Azar tsked. "I should've cook."

Tita Anna just laughed at her son's childishness.

Iiling-iling naman ako na sinubo ang pagkain. Kunot ang kaniyang noo na pinaglalaruan ang desert sa kaniyang kutsara. Dahil nasa harap ko lang naman siya, marahan kong sinipa ang paa niya mula sa ilalim ng lamesa.

Nabitawan niya ang kubyertos at tumingin sa akin.

"What?"

I warned him through my stares. Umangat ang gilid ng kaniya labi bago siya nagsimulang kumain ng tahimik.

"I'd like to spend time with you two but, I still have work to attend to. Kaya Azar, wash the dishes and be good to your girlfriend. Kung aasarin mo siya nang aasarin, baka magsawa siya't iwanan ka."

Napaubo si Azar sa sinabi ng ina. "That won't happen, Mama."

I rolled my eyes. "So full of yourself, huh?"

Umalis nga si Tita Anna dahil may importanteng lakad pa siya. I was left with Azar. In the end, we washed the dishes together. Siya ang nagsasabon, ako naman ang nagpupunas at naglalagay sa tray.

"Your mother is a nice woman," I told him while wiping the glass using the clean cloth.

He hummed. "Do you want to be her daughter?"

My forehead knotted. "What?"

He shrugged. "To be her daughter-in-law," he said.

Umawang ang labi ko. "So you want to marry me?"

He looked at me. "Why not, Emory? You're actually my ideal wife."

"Really?"

"U-huh..." umiwas siya ng tingin at tinuon ang atensiyon sa sinasabon na plato. "When you turn thirty and still single, I will marry you."

"That's five years from now," sabi ko.

"Your twenty-sixth birthday is coming. Basically, it's four years."

Tinaob ko na ang baso at kumuha ng bago para punasan.

"I'm not single anymore," I reminded. "When I turn thirty and we're still together, I will marry you. See the difference, Az."

He chuckled. "Gusto mong makasal sa 'kin?"

I licked my lower lip. "Why not?"

"I can't love you," aniya.

"What changed? I totally understand, if you can, you would love me, right?"

"My heart will definitely choose you."

My heart skipped a bit. "That's good. But since you have none, I'm allowing you to just love the idea of me." Even if it's hurt.

"I love you," he whispered with so much intensity.

Nabitawan ko ang hawak na baso. He didn't bother to catch it, we just let it fall in the ground until we both heard the sound of breaking while we never left each other's eyes.

My heart started to pound hard. But is it safe to say that it was because I felt sad yet happy at the same time?

Heavy as the clouds, the emotions I can't contain, my eyes burst into tears.

They say, real love won't make you feel unwanted.

Azar never made me feel that way. With him, I always feel wanted and needed. But is it enough to say he loves me when the truth is not?

I smiled bitterly. The thought of him loving just the idea of me hurts, but hearing him lie to me over and over again... I felt like I was stabbed by his words that served as the knife.

It hurts me when he say he loves me cause I know that it's not true. The more he pretend, the more it hurts.

"Stop lying..." I uttered.

Binitawan niya ang sponge at hinubad ang suot na gloves. He washed and wiped his wet hands on his apron.

He brought his hands to my cheeks.

"This is all I can do, Emory. I can wipe your tears, but I can't wipe the pain in your heart."

I just stared at him. Even if I'm hurting, Az... As long as you keep your promise, I'll endure the pain just to be with you.

Maybe I was just in denial. I wouldn't last this long if all I have for him is admiration.

Damn.

"Ask me," sa mahinang boses.

"Ask you what?"

"Ask me if I've ever been in love," sagot ko.

Tumaas ang kaniyang kilay pero sumunod rin naman siya.

"Have you ever been in love?" he asked in a low voice.

I smiled widely. "I'm in love with this heartless vampire my mother warned me about," I said.  "I will endure the pain that you will give, I'm ready to face every consequence just to prove that I love you... I will stay and this time, I won't let you get rid of me."

Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses kong kinain ang mga salita kong binitawan. As we stick together, I realized love has no requirements at all. And I'm not requiring my man to love me and force his heart to beat just for me.

Marahil ay napuno ako ng pangamba para sa sariling nararamdaman, naisip ko ang magiging kahinanatnan ko bilang isang babaeng may puso na nagmamahal para sa kaniya, na siyang hindi naman nasusuklian.

Pero sa araw na ito, lahat ng iyon ay tila unti-unting nauupos, nahulog at tuluyang nawala.

Hindi ko kailangan ng pagmamahal kung mula ito sa lalaking nawalan ng pagkakataon para magmahal.

Kung ang bawat araw na kasama ko siya ay puno ng saya at ginhawa, pipiliin kong manatili.

With him, I feel safe and secured. Love don't require us to live with it. Instead, it make us feel the warmth that it brings...

Love is the feeling of being home. Love is home, and Azar feel like home.

I tend to love because hate gets you nowhere in life. Learn to love? Love is kind. Learn to hate? Hate is pain. So I'm choosing this path... I am now learning to live with my heart filled with endless love.

Gone the expectation, gone the hatred... Just love.

Maybe love tasted like a sweet poison, simply a strawberry flavored gum. If the strawberry taste subsides, the after taste will reside.

Here comes the pain, the bitterness, the sickening dolor, but if I ever reached the bitter part and lose its sweetness, I will not stop and just continue on holding on.

Nang matapos maghugas ay dumiretso kami sa sala para pag-usapan ang tungkol sa nawawala kong ama. I was feeling nervous as Azar went upstair to get the papers. Hindi ako mapakali sa aking puwesto, at mas lalong dumoble ang kaba ko nang makita siyang pababa ng hagdan na may dalang isang malaking sobre.

"Are you ready?" he asked when he sat beside me.

Just seconds and now, he's here.

"Is it good or bad news?" Humarap ako sa kaniya.

"It depends on how you handle the news," aniya.

Huminga ako ng malalim. "I'm ready."

Segundo niya akong tinitigan bago siya tumango. He opened the envelope as he started talking.

"We've been looking for your father for months now, learned he changed his name and had a new family. Then last night, the investigator finally found him after months of searching..."

Inabot niya sa akin ang isang picture. It was a man on his thirties, the picture was stolen. I brought my hand to my mouth when I saw his face.

He resembles so much of my mother's boyfriend! Iyong nasa litrato na nakita ko sa dati naming bahay. No... he's him. He stopped aging since he's a vampire. Kaya siya talaga ang nakita ko sa litrato.

"He's my father..."

"Yes, Emory. I had it double check, then same findings. Napatunayan namin na siya ang tinutukoy mo," may ibinigay siyang papel. Agad ko iyon binasa. "These records confirmed it. From his background, his close family, up to now that he's Leo Madrigal. He's staying in the province, hiding... but I heard he has some businesses here to take care of. Kaya anumang oras ay luluwas siya para personal na asikasuhin ang mga iyon. Pero malaki ang tsansa na hindi siya magpapakita. Pero sa oras na malaman niyang may nagmamasid sa kaniya, hindi na ulit natin malalaman kung saan siya lilipat ng lungga."

"What about his family?" Baling ko sa kaniya.

He took a deep breathe. "He married a woman named Leandra Madrigal." 

May inabot ulit siyang isang litrato.

It was Leo, my father with a woman. "His wife?"

Azar nodded. "Yes, then this is his daughter..."

"D-daughter?"

"Yes, a daughter named Relani Madrigal..." then another picture.

My lips parted. Seeing her face confirmed my question on why she resembles of my brother, Simeon.

I don't know what to feel or should I feel anything?

"Do you want me to continue?"

Marahan akong tumango bilang tugon.

"Do you happen to know Gavin Du Marais?"

Kumabog ang dibdib ko sa narinig na pangalan.

Gavin Du Marais...

"Why?"

"It was also stated in the report that he's somehow related to that old man, they were always caught together. So, do you know him?"

I nodded.

"Yes... he's my grandfather. My mother's missing father..."

Then, I remember my mother looking for someone. Bukod ba sa kaniyang ama, may hinahanap pa siya? Was it my father?

The one she was talking about.

Napakurap ako nang may maalala.

If he won't still show up, I'm sorry but I have to sacrifice you or Simeon.

Simeon's death... does it has something to do with her?

Now that he's gone, it's my turn to sacrifice myself for her own likings?

What kind of mother is she?

She will use me for him to show up since he was hiding. It was maybe an advantage to her side because I willingly searched for him and now that I found him... Ano ang sunod niyang gagawin?

"Emory," Azar called.

I harshly wiped the tear that rolled down my cheek.

My mother has two men before, she said. A best friend and a boyfriend, my father.

But she had to leave for our own sake. She had to leave them, pero nasaan na ang dahilan niyang iyon kung kami naman ang pinapain niya sa sariling kagustuhan?

What is she really up to?

Ang nais ba niya ay maubusan ng anak?