Only Through Love, Changes Come

The end of my marriage was a shock to me. Maybe that's why we are still married. I don't want to face the facts or anything else. I die everyday. But I become use to it more and more each day. Say it ain't so, my world is not the same no more. I love him with all my heart, still. I can't seem to forget the good times we had, how much we went through and how much time had passed. It was a tragedy upon the tailwind of a travesty. He changed so much, so quickly, he became the opposite of what he was. He was never a liar or a thief or cheater. But now? How could this even be my daddy Jamesie? I am at a loss, hurt and flabbergasted. Still in shock and in shame, hit me like a ton of bricks. So sad and so disheartening to be me. Daddy, I love you, what the f**k happened?? The fact is he will never ever tell me the truth. No matter how much I plead for the truth, I get no response. That has meaning all its own. I said: 1. you are gay 2. drugs 3. God only knows. She is so beneath me, it is not even funny. She is not exactly the type, wtf. He hurt me so bad and he did it purposely with malice. Aforethought. He really dug deep into my skin. Left me hanging and left me dying. Crying still. A mess. A terrible time was had by me. f**k it. I am sick to death of the world. It is not the same at all. Look, now my husband steals! Now my husband does Fetty. How nice! He traded down when he left me. That is my only consolation in this world of ache and the pain. It always rears up in my head, like a bad bad dream. It clouds my brain, it eats away my heart. It sure is a very bad place to be me. I love you, daddy. I don't why you changed for the worse. How could this even be? Please just explain this to me? Are you suddenly gay and in love with her son? Is it drugs that changed you? Tell me the truth. I guess I don't even deserve that after all I been through. You make me feel like giving up, just checking out of here. How can I live in the world that changed you??? I cannot face the facts, I still cry a lot. I still am in pain while you are there, relishing the new thief moniker, I suppose. You changed so much it's like we were never together. You left me behind, you left me alone and crazy in my mind. Daddy, how could this ever happen??? Please tell me the truth. So, no drugs, eh? You just decided to hang out with tellers and thieves and son fuckers. All for nothing.