My Plus-size Love

Chapter 16

It felt like years were going by while I tried to keep myself preoccupied while waiting for this call from Derek. I know I want to be with him. How could I not? Even if he wasn’t famous, I would want to be with this man. The worst trait a person can have is not having any confidence in themselves. Sometimes I think men like to concede to self-loving women because confidence can be beautiful. Of course, it can be too much sometimes, and it makes you look like the rear-end of a donkey, but nonetheless, it can be an attractive quality. If Derek says he wants to be with me, then who am I to say that he doesn’t? It can be hard for me to understand what it is about me that he wants so badly, but they do say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Having that conversation with him earlier made me realize my feelings. He makes my heart swoon and makes my legs feel like they are jelly. I have been rereading our conversations for the past three hours and the more I read the better I feel. He does want me, and I want him. Nothing should be holding us back, plus this is Derek freaking Hyland we are talking about. What kind of i***t wouldn’t jump on the chance to be in a relationship with this chiseled Greek God-looking man? Not only is he ridiculously attractive, but he is a genuinely good person. I know that this is going to be hard, maybe even impossible, but I can’t help but want to try. It is time that I put effort into wanting to make this work too. I feel bad that, up to this point, Derek has been the only one fighting to make this relationship blossom into something beautiful. That is why I can’t wait any longer for him to call me. I have some questions and there might be some things that we are going to have to work out, but I want this more than anything.

I sighed and looked at the clock for the tenth time in the past 30 minutes. It is 4:30 pm and the TV is not holding my attention any longer.

C- I was just wondering how close you are calling it a day? I can’t help myself. I am super anxious to talk to you again.

D- I am just wrapping things up! I promise the moment I can call you I will. I hope that this means I have some good news coming my way and not any bad news. I can’t wait to hear from you, but I am also nervous that you are going to reject me. I found myself laughing at this surreal conversation. Never in a billion years would I have thought that I would have Derek Hyland worried that I was going to reject him. I don’t know who I was kidding. I don’t think I can wait for another second to tell him how much I want to be with him.

C- It is not bad news at all. Don’t worry, I want to make you the happiest man in the world. I had only just hit the send button when I heard my ringtone going off. My heart leaped into my throat for the hundredth time today and peeked to see it was Derek calling me. I breathed a sigh of relief, finally, it was going to happen.

“Are you sure right now? You decided that you wanted to try and make this work?” I could hear how frantic he was in his voice. I smiled and shook my head up and down even though I knew that he couldn’t see my face.

“Yes, I am 1,000 percent sure. I am only sorry it took me this long to realize it. I know why you had to lie; I would have done the same exact thing. How can you make a connection with someone if all they are worried about is your name and not who you really are as a person? I am upset that you lied, but if you promise to keep the lying to a minimum, then I want to try everything that I can to try and make this relationship work. You still make my heart flutter, and my knees go weak. I feel for the man that you are, and nothing is going to change that.” There was a long pause on the other end and for a second I was afraid that I was too late in telling him this. What if he had enough of my indecisiveness and wanted to just forget that this whole interaction happened? What if I was not who he thought I was and he was going to tell me as soon as he called?

“Clarissa, you have no idea how happy it makes me hear you say those words.” I smiled; I need to stop having these crazy thoughts. This is real, he really does want to be with me, and nobody can take that away.

“Are you busy right now? Can I come over to your house? I want to see you so badly, and it is killing me that we have to talk over the phone like this.” I looked down at the sweatpants and T-shirt that I had on. They were my lazy clothes because I forgot that the washing powder I had bought had some bleach chemicals in it and threw it in my load of laundry like I would if it was regular washing detergent. I packed too many clothes in, so it bleached the heck out of them. No way could I let him see me like that, but I also didn’t want to wait for another second to see him.

“I’m not busy but I kind of look like a mess, it has been a lazy day for me and I would hate for you to see me in this state.”

“It will probably go on deaf ears, but I really don’t care what you look like. Someday I am going to see you without makeup and fancy clothes on. Why wait? We can just rip the bandage off. I am sure that nothing that you wear or don’t wear will make me think you are any less beautiful than you already are.”

“Don’t go try to sweet talk me now if you think it will make me feel better with the way that I look. It is okay if you come over, try not to judge me too hard.” I hear him laughing on the other end. I found myself rolling my eyes. Men will never understand what it is like to feel the need to wear makeup, especially with the way things are today. People think you are lazy if you don’t wear makeup, or you just don’t care. That’s what people think of me, and I don’t want Derek to think of me that way. I shouldn’t care though, because I am too lazy to wear makeup. It is a vicious cycle that I can’t seem to get myself out of mentally.

“Send me your address and I will come over right away! Just give me a few minutes.” I laughed, said okay, and hung up the phone. I quickly sent him my address over a text message and ran to the bathroom to try and brush my hair into a messy bun. That is all I felt I had time to do, because I still had to try and get the dirty dishes in my sink in the dishwasher as fast as possible. Leo probably thought I was acting crazy with the way I was running around the house cleaning what I could before he got there.

I shouldn’t have worried so much because 10 minutes have already gone by, and he isn’t here yet. I don’t know why I thought he was going to be closer than he was. I know he was at his movie shoot, but I am unsure exactly where he was at. I am just happy I had enough time to make everything look halfway decent. I am mentally kicking myself because I should have vacuumed earlier in my free time. I have had this weekend instead of being lazy and watching TV while I was messing around on my phone.

“Ding-dong”. I jumped at the sound because I knew it had to be Derek.

“Just one second!” I yelled out, because I had to mentally prepare myself for that moment. It is time, he is really here, and we are going to start dating. It’s going to be okay. I took a quick peek at myself in the mirror by the door. I tightened my bun, took a deep breath, and opened the door. I was greeted by deep blue eyes and a sexy chiseled chin with that 5oclock shadow that makes me want to drool. I will never get used to seeing this fine man, every time I start to feel weak in my knees.

“Hi, beautiful”. He had a devilish grin on him.

“Hi, your here. I don’t know what to do.” He laughed that deep belly laugh and crossed his arms, hugging himself a little. I could tell he seemed just as nervous as I did.

“You could start by letting me in. It is a little cold out here.”

“Oh my gosh, you are right! I am so sorry, please come in. Please excuse the mess, I swear I was planning on cleaning, but I got busy being lazy today.” I laughed nervously as I stood to the side to let him in. Before I knew it, he was dangerously close to me, and I could smell his spicy, sweet cologne. I sucked in my breath and tried to calm myself down. You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. We looked at one another and I could tell we had the same thing on our minds.

In a split second, Derek drew his face even closer to mine and I tightened my eyes close, waiting to feel his lips on mine. Then it came, the bursting kiss that sent waves crashing through my entire body and I felt weak at my knees again. This is a feeling that I could get used to. He tasted like peppermint with a hint of coffee. The kiss deepened and I started to get dizzy. It was starting to get dangerous, so I pulled myself away and rested my forehead on his. Our breath was heavy, and I sighed and pulled away.

“Please come in and make yourself comfortable.”