SECRET TO MY GRAVE

ever did was love her with all my life. She is all I have despite me not being AminasAmina’s’ biological father. Here in my death bed she grasped grasps my hand tightly as my face came comes in contact with her innocent face. I sophisticatedly closed my eyes to hide my tears from her. I wanted to confess to her the truth that I was not tell her of me not being her bher biological father but I couldn’t gather the courage. Especially because she is a product of rape. to tell her all this and she is a product of rape. What if she finds out that this priest standing before me to give me the last holy communal communion is her biological father? A secret her mother had asked me to keep on her dying breath.Her mother on her last breath asked me to keep this. secret and I promised not to tell Amina about this. ” Should I break her mothers’ promise?” “Am I really being just?” , Allowing her to continue living believing that she is an orphan when in fact her father is alive and standing right in front of her?” letting her living knowing she is an orphan and the fact is her father is alive and standing right in front of her. Thinking about this brings me to yet aAnother painful reality is that her mother had made an attempt to abort her. mother attempted aborting her. “Why has fate chosen this absurd game?” “And on her birthday?”Why could it be during her birthday date?” A day that when her mother passed away. It was on that day that my heart was cut both ways. I lost Jennifer and was blessed to have this bundle of joy called Amina.It’s a worst day in my life losing Jennifer her mother and on the other end the best day God giving me this angel Amina. “Will she withstand the torments of this naked fact?” Right here smiling, she must be full of hope that all will be well. Deep down, I realize that this might as well be my last moment with her. Death is knocking on my door and I can feel my wife waiting for me on the other side. She might be having a smiling face with hopes that everything is going to be all right but deeper inside me this might be my last moment with her. My wife is awaiting me to join her at the table in the land of the death .I can see her checking on her watch anticipating a knock on theBut, before I join you Jennifer, you should know that I am in a door but Jennifer before joining you am in a quagmire of confusion. I wish you could allow me to tell our lovely daughter this painful secret that I have lived with since your demise. Maybe then will I can finally rest in peace. This painful secret is holding me back asAs I oOpening my eyes I believe she is ready to face the brutal world with the courage of a heroin. I wish it could didn’tnot end like this but my time has come. She is just like her mother Aas I observe her with tenderness in my eyes, I cannot help but notice the resemblance she has with her mother.. Time has really given as its back so quickly. I remember the first time I met Jennifer in a hopeless state on the streets of Kitale. even remember when we first met with Jennifer she was a hopeless dying girl on the streets of Kitale. It was late in the evening as I strolled to my house around Mitume suburb from one of the hotels where I worked as an accountant.my work place in one of the hotels where I worked as an accountant. As I approached the social hall, Reaching near social hall I saw could see someone wreathing writhing in pain. Seeing her I was beside myself and so decide to step in and help and closely noted that she was half conscious lying on a pool of blood.As I passed the person my heart became heavy so I had to step in as a Good Samaritan. Moving near I discovered that she was a woman, Oozing in a Standing there on the now empty street, I echoed a pool of blood and somehow unconscious. The road was very clean as no one passed by not even the dogs I used to encounter. I stood there like a confused pregnant lizard. My small mind was filledracing with lots of questions. in a blink of an eye: “What if I help her and she dies on my hands?” “What might have thrown her to this state?” “Or is it robbery by violence?” Helping her might change the situation hence landing me to prison. “She is a stranger and I cannot afford to have her dying on me.” to me I swear not to have ever seen such a face, so she shouldn’t die in my hand”, I concluded as I hurriedly walked away. out of that place. Unfortunately my conscience would not let me have it. Walking out of her a few steps my “Surely, it won’t hurt to offer a helping hand would it? If I let her die here, my spirit will not be at peace and neither will hers.” conscious never gave me that courage and peace of mind. “It will be of me not being noble aiding her than living her to die a painful death. Her spirit might haunt me if I let her die.” II observed her undecidedly as she painfully cried for my cried in pain asking for help. One thing was for sure, I was not about to leave this woman in such a saddening state.My soft heart could not allow me to leave this woman at that state .T And so I did.enderness overshadowed me so I took this road of helping her. I tried to carry her but she was so heavy. “mwanaume Ni effort” could not apply here. If I was going to do this, then I was going to need help., definately I had to ask for help. “But who will help?” I thought as I hurriedly skimmed through my contact list.As my mind scanned to my contacts to whom I could call for help “Mr. Kizito!” I beamed as I dialed him.then I remembered one of my tax friend Mr. kizito dialed his number on my phone luckily he picked my call immediately . ”Where” Where are you”, I asked Mr. Kizito? “ “Am at our the taxi stage”, He answered. Their stage is located within Kitale town CBD a place called Rajan opposite Oil- Libya petrol station. “That’s not too far. I need your help. Could you please come pick me up? Can you quickly come to my rescue I have an emergency.” “Where?” Mr.Kizitohe asked. I told him, “At social hall near Wwamaitha morgue.” ”” I’m on my way.”On my way coming”, he responded. Luckily enough, he arrived in no time and soon enough we were on our way to Mo He came so fast and we rushed her to Mount Elgon hospital . Upon arrival the nurses attended to her promptly and she was soon delivered to the women’s ward.The services were as fast as nurses rushed her to women’s ward. I waited outside as time tick tackedand silently whispered a prayer or two hoping for the best. praying for the best I had to now that I was the one who brought her in.since I was the one who brought her and was to be responsible to humanity . After the long wait, I watched as the waiting for a long time finally a doctor came out of the ward. I could already read the good news written all over his His face. written good expectations. ”Excuse” Excuse me, I want to believe you are the man who brought in the bleeding patient?” hope you are the one that came with that patient who was bleeding he asked profusely?” He confirmed from me. ”Yes” Yes, DI amr”, I answered. ”I” I am doctor Dr. Wasike”, he introduced himself. “What of you?” he wanted to know. continued Not like the dDoctors am I’m used to .thisto. He was more friendly compared to the ones I had previously encountered. one was very friendly and not harsh. “I am Wangila”, I answered. “You look so familiar”, he cClaimed. “SureReally?” I wanted to know where he saw me. “I have seen you at Kivuline exotic resort group of hotels”, Dr.WasikeDr. Wasike said. “Oh yYes sure I recognize the face too have now gotten your face”, I said to him. replied The conversation was then followed by praises of our hotel services. I was glad he had such good thoughts of the place. I could tell that Dr. Wasike was a true professional. A man who loved his job. I say this because of the way he had served the wounded lady I had brought in.He had an interactive session with him as he praised our hotel services were of standards. He is one of the Doctors whom he is noble to this profession. He really served well this stranger that I hardly knew only circumstances had brought us together. It was a midst this conversation that he fFinally he told mesaid, “Wangila your wife is pregnant and almost miscarried . It seems she wanted to procure an abortion. Stress is a contributing factor to miscarriage so try not to annoy her. Also , stress will make her miscarry so always not annoy her. yYou will need to accompany her for her be accompanying her for her maternal services. I can assure you that you will benefit from the services here.Welcome here we will be of service to you”, he had said as he extended a card he had birthed from his pocket., as got a card from his pocket and extended it to me. “This is my number don’t hesitate to call me. Wwe can even have a coffee break and maybe talk maybe business.” “Yes sure” I heard myself say as I collected the card from his hand. He assured me, “She is now in on a stable condition you can go to the accountant clear your bills and take her home. Sshe needs sufficient enough rest.” ”Thank” Thank you doctoryou, doctor,” , I said as we parted ways. I had no time to explain to the doctor that she was just a stranger to me but he couldn’t. So Instead I went and cleared her medical bills using a few of my savings I had . She was discharged and we made our way out of the hospital.s we walked out of the hospital door. “Why did you want to procure an abortion?” I asked her. She never answered the only And all I get in reply were tears streaking down her cheeks. I suddenly felt sorry for asking. thing I saw was her chicks with running tears. I felt sorry for asking her that question. “Sorry for the bother where is your homedo you live?” I asked her but the tears didn’t seem to stop flowing.. Tears never stopped coming out of her eyes. “Please talk to me?” I begged her. Finally she responded, “I am homeless.” she finally said “What do you mean? How come? you are homeless?”I “ talked to her. “My father disowned me. He said I have brought him much shame and that saying I am a shame to him and he has nothihe wants nothing to do with me.” I felt pity for herwas beside myself. I couldn’t walk out on her anymore., she need aliening pillar so I had no option but to be of help to her. Whether I liked it or not, I had to help her. “Can I take you to my place if you don’t mind?” Asked her. “I’m fine you have done enough for me I don’t know how I will pay back”, she responded. “Have I complained about you bothering me?” I told her. “No but I thinkreally, you have done enough for me”, she said. “It won’t be good of me knowing you have nowhere to go and still let you go. I will have to take you with me.” end of discussion you are going with me”, I concluded. She tried to hesitate but I never accepted what she anticipated. She stayed at my place as she recovered. Besides, my two-bedroomed apartment was big enough for the both of us. My apartment where I rented was that big to a bachelor like me. A two bedroom self containedI therefore suggested that she occupy the extra room as her own.. So she used one of the rooms as her bedroom. All this time have never known her It hadn’t crossed my mind that I didn’t even know her name. Then this one day after a long and exhausting day at work, I came home to a sumptuous meal prepared for me. We had our dinner happily just like a normal familyname so one day after job I came home so tired .She had prepared a sumptuous meal for me. We took supper happily any intruder could think we are a family .We had variety over a string of conversations. She was already opening up to me. Having gone through what we had; we were no longer strangers. of chats ,She became open to me since we were no l It was during this time that we got to onger strangers and that is how we came to know each other. She was so open to me than ever and told me her story. “Wangila”, she called. It was at this exact moment that I paid attention to her beautiful features. my name as I faced her. This is my fast time noticing how she was an indorsed beauty. Our eyes came met in in an instant but she immediately looked away.in contact .She didn’t have that courage to continue looking at me. She looked aside and continued, “I was once a reverend sister.” She continued. “I had given my life to serve Jesus. But, I never newknew that evil existed at in church too..” Tears now getting the best of her. rolled down her chicks. All this was happened as we were on the table. I was could feel my own tears threatening to get the best of me too.becoming emotional. “The kindness you have showed me from the day we met; you are a Have stayed with you in this house but you are a tthousand times better than that priest who threw caused me to this pain.” “A priest? Wwhat happened to you?” I asked her surprisingly. “One of the priests called Fr. Manoti raped me. H, he took advantage of me and flowered my innoserobbed me of my innocence. cence .I hate him with passionabhor him.” I could see the hate burning in her eyes as she sobbed bitterly. She continued, “I was helpless. I didn’t have anyone to run to ly no one I could run for help.” “Why did you not report her to the archbishop?” I asked her. “How could I when my life was being threatened?” “I had missed my periods. I assumed it was one of those delays but I opted to buy a pregnancy kit to confirm. Sometimes its biological I usually have some delay. “But what if I am expectant?”, that truth was heating me so hard. “I decided to buy a When the results came in, I was taken aback. Upon telling the priest, he instead suggested that I have an abortion so as to “quietly” solve the problem. “pregnancy test kit. That is when I confirmed my doughts.Was so shocked so when I went to share to the priest he opted for an abortion so as everyone could be on safer side.” “Abortion is a crime father Manoti!” I was as amazed as those words came out of my mouth. I pointed to him that an abortion was a crime but he instead shamelessly questioned his role in the pregnancy, claiming that I was a loose woman who wanted to stain his image! “Later on, of course, I was stripped off my position as a sister. My father ridden with shame also disowned me as his daughter. Why had God allowed me, a faithful servant undergo such torment?”“Sister Jennifer I will not let you stain my name, you are just a lose sister sleeping with everyman. “How sure that it is my pregnancy?” am holier than thou .He abused me of being a harlot and hence sleeping with people he made a plan of which I was disowned from sister hood. I went back home my father was very disappointed he felt betrayed and was not ready to take me home. ”Jennifer you are such a disappointment to this family hence from today you seize to be my daughter.” “But father!” I cried. “Out of my house”, that is how I was chassed like a dog with my father. Everything was being hard on my side. “God why do you let this part of evil torment your faithful servant.”I I sat and listened to her narrate how she had gone days without food now that her father had kicked her out of her home. I listened to her talk about how she feared for her life and that of her unborn baby. stayed a full week with an empty stomach moving from place to place. This pain was becoming unbearable to me that so. “When my child is born, am I to tell him/her that they are a product of rape?” she asked. what I will tell her?” , That she is a product of rape. I decided to I listened as she confessed how she had decided to ingest poison on that fateful day when I found her unconscious. Looking at her I’m glad her plan to end her life and that of her baby didn’t fall through. I came to love and be a source of hope for her. I was ready to take her in and make her my everything.take poison to put an end to this narrative the day you found me unconscious. I really pitted her but it had already happened. I came to love her and even gave her hope. I was ready to take her in she be my everything. Since then she was never the same till to her demise . We got married and she soon took on my last name. Jennifer was no doubt a phenomenal woman. It’s now 21 years since she left me with Amina. Raising her as a single father has not been a walk in the park but I know without a shadow of doubt that I gave my all to make her happy. As I breathe my and she even took my Sir name. Jennifer was such a phenomenal woman. Its 21 years since she left me with Amina it has been hard raising her as a single father but have really tried to make her happy . As I breathe my last breath, I choose to honor my promise to Jennifer and so take this dreadful secret with me to my grave. this remains a secret with me to my grave.”