DUCANI LEGACY SERIES 12: Keeyan

Kabanata 13

Rachel

My cheeks had never turned this red. Not even because of Eldritch back then, yet here I am right now, completely dumbfounded because of Keeyan.

Ni ang kumurap ay hindi ko magawa. My heart bangs so loud inside my chest I'm afraid it'll completely break my ribs. Tila nais nitong tumakas mula sa dibdib ko at humimlay sa mga palad ni Keeyan. Isang bagay na natatakot akong hayaang mangyari ngunit mukhang . . . unti-unti nang nagiging mahirap pigilan.

Keeyan smiled before he pinched my cheek. "That wasn't a joke, in case you'll accuse me again that I'm trippin'."

Sa wakas ay nagawa kong humugot ng hininga kasabay ng pag-iwas ko ng tingin. "K-Kung anu-anong sinasabi mo, Keeyan. T-Tara na nga lang," I said, sounding very awkward.

Kamamadali kong makalabas ng unit ay tumama pa ang siko ko sa kanto ng pinto. I grunted in pain while Keeyan immediately rushed to check my elbow.

"Careful," he said with a hint of worry as he held me by my arm. "You don't have to runaway from me just because I like you."

Nalunok ko ang sarili kong laway nang imbes na mas mapagtuunan ko ng pansin ang kirot ng aking siko ay lumamang pa talaga ang kakaibang kilig na dumaloy sa aking dibdib.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang magiging reaksyon ko dahil sa reyalisasyong kaya niya akong pakiligin kahit na nasasaktan ako. If this man has the power to make me forget the pain on my elbow, then he's probably capable of something more . . . at natatakot ako sa bagay na iyon.

Siguro dahil alam ko sa sarili kong hindi siya mahirap mahalin. Yes, Keeyan is such a walking green flag. He possesses a lot of admirable traits but I am terrified that once I let myself fall for him, I'd end up on the same place Eldritch had put me into.

Pareho sila, hindi ba? Gusto nila ng kapwa nila lalake. Wala naman na akong problema roon ngayon, eh. Mas malawak na ang pag-intindi ko sa konsepto ng pag-ibig, pero sana kung naguguluhan sila, huwag nila akong idamay.

Keeyan's words and actions before we left my apartment somehow triggered me to have an unexpected relapse. May kalayuan ang apartment ko sa Anjo World, at dahil mahilig makinig si Keeyan ng kanta habang nasa byahe ay para tuloy akong napipwersang umalala.

We had a few conversations on our way to Anjo World but I'm sure Keeyan noticed that my mind is elsewhere. Panay ang sulyap niya sa akin habang naglalakad kami patungo ng entrance kaya sinubukan kong pekein ang ekspresyon ko.

I looked at the entrance and realized that the park is already empty. Bukas pa naman ang mga ilaw at mukhang operational pa rin pero wala nang tao roon.

I glanced at my cheap wrist watch with furrowed brows. "Mamaya pa naman ang closing. Wala nang tao?"

Keeyan smiled. "I told you, I'll book the entire park. I want you to enjoy all the rides that you wanna try."

I sighed. Malay ko ba kasing seseryosohin niya? Iba yata talaga ang trip sa buhay ng mga mapepera. We could've just enjoyed the park like normal visitors. Hindi ko naman sinabing gusto kong solohin ang lugar.

"Hindi mo naman kailangang gumastos nang malaki. Willing naman akong maghintay sa pila," I said.

"It's fine. I'd like to try the rides, too." He offered his hand to me. "Let's go."

Sandali kong pinakatitigan ang kamay niya. Nag-iisip kung dapat ko ba iyong tanggapin, ngunit sa huli, heto pa rin ako at pinagmamasdan ang mga kamay naming magkasalikop. Hindi na kasi niya binitiwan ang kamay ko kahit noong nakapasok na kami ng park.

We tried several rides and just avoided the water bumper because I didn't want us to get wet. Para akong naging bata at sandaling nakalimot sa lahat ng mga problema't responsibilidad na pasan ko.

I was smiling ear-to-ear, screaming on top of my lungs, and giggling each time the adrenaline rushes through my body, but in the entire time that I was having fun, Keeyan was . . . looking at me with a sparkle in his obsidian eyes that tells me my happiness is what's important to him.

"Do you wanna try that?" he asked when he noticed that I was staring at the carousel.

Alanganin akong ngumisi. "Pambata na 'yan, eh."

"Well, have you tried that when you were younger?"

I pursed my lips and shook my head. "Hindi pa."

"Then let's try it. Come on."

Napakamot na lamang ako ng sentido habang bumubuntot ako sa kanya. The ride attendant assisted us while Keeyan helped me get on one of the horses. He didn't sit on the other one, though. Tumayo lamang siya sa aking tabi na tila nais akong bantayan.

"Ang awkward naman nito, Keeyan. Para akong batang nakasakay tapos ikaw nakatayo ka lang diyan," I said but I noticed that he was just staring at me. Tila may malalim na iniisip. Napakunot tuloy ako ng noo bago ko siya tinawag. "Keeyan?"

He inhaled a sharp breath. "Are you mad at me because I admitted that I like you?" halatang nag-aalangan niyang tanong.

I didn't answer immediately, though. Pinagmasdan ko ang gwapo niyang mukha habang iniisip ko kung bakit ba talaga mabigat ang dibdib ko kanina. Am I doubting his confession or am I just scared of letting myself believe him?

His eyes flickered with concern. "Rachel, I meant what I said . . ."

My chest tightened. I thought I want a vocal man. Someone who will not hesitate to tell me how he feels about me. After all, who doesn't want that, right? Pero bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko ngayon?

Lumamlam ang mga mata ko. I didn't realize until now that my breakup with Eldritch made me develop a fear of falling for people like him. People who . . . are unsure of their sexuality . . . at natatakot akong baka nga ang bigat ng dibdib ko ngayon kasi alam ko sa sarili kong nagsisimula na rin akong magkagusto kay Keeyan.

Muli akong humugot ng hininga. "I'm sorry. Medyo . . . malalim lang ang iniisip ko."

He held my hand that's holding onto the steel handle. "But are you mad? Because I told you how I feel?"

Nilunok ko ang namuong bara sa aking lalamunan. "Hindi naman sa gano'n. It's just that . . ." I sighed before I bowed my head low. "Natatakot ako na gaya ni Eldritch, hindi ka rin naman talaga sigurado sa kung sino ba talaga ang gusto mo. Kung . . . babae ba o . . . lalake."

"Rachel, I told you. I meant what I said--"

"Huwag mo muna sanang sabihin 'yan hangga't hindi ka siguradong-sigurado." I looked at him and forced a smile. "Hindi pa rin kasi ako ready, Keeyan. Hindi pa ako okay. Kung paniniwalaan ko ang sinabi mo nang hindi pa ako totally okay, I might . . . I might end up more broken. H-Hindi ako pwedeng malugmok. M-Marami akong responsibilidad . . ."

His eyes softened. Mariin niya ring pinaglapat ang kanyang mga labi bago siya marahang tumango.

None of us spoke but I saw the glint of pain in his eyes. Lalo lang tuloy bumigat ang dibdib ko. Siguro kasi ayaw ko naman siyang masaktan. Sadyang natatakot lang ako.

The carousel stopped. Keeyan assisted me off the fake horse and guided me out of the barricade. Ngunit nang makalabas kami sa pabilog na harang ng carousel ay hinawakan niya ang braso ko para patigilin ako sa paghakbang.

Our eyes met just when the carousel started moving again. None of us spoke, even when his eyes tells me that there's so much he wanted to say.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang bumagal ang oras habang nakatitig ako pabalik sa kanyang mga mata. The noises around us slowly fades into the background as we both stared into each other's lips. It was as if our bodies are in synced at the moment, so when Keeyan cupped my cheek before he finally lowered his head to claim my lips, I . . . shut my eyes.

I shut my eyes and let my heart bang loudly inside my chest not to protest, but to . . . celebrate.

And as my heart beat fast inside my chest, the butterflies in my belly danced to its tune, cheering for something I was so afraid to admit to myself.

Hindi ko kaagad naimulat ang mga mata ko nang maghiwalay ang aming mga labi. I just opened my eyes when Keeyan stroked my cheek with his thumb.

Nagtamang muli ang aming mga tingin. Parehong namumungay ang mga mata at tila parehong nasa ilalim ng mahika.

I didn't know why I didn't protest. He kissed me without my permission, yet instead of getting mad, here I am, completely enchanted by the kiss he just gave me.

Keeyan inhaled a sharp breath. "I understand that you don't wanna give love another shot while you're still in the process of moving on, but I want you to know that I've never been this certain my whole life . . ."

My heart swelled. "Keeyan . . ."

A small smile made its way to his lips. "Gustong-gusto kita . . . at siguradong-sigurado na ko . . ."