I Belong With . . . (Book 2)

Chapter Five / Always Princesa

Julian was beeping his horn exactly at nine thirty just like he said he would. When I reached the door, Chris had already planted himself by the entrance peering out the window. “What the hell is he doing here now?”

“Picking me up.” I said matter of factly, as I slipped on my cardigan and reached for the door. 

“What? You are not serious right-“

“Why wouldn’t I be? You clearly see him outside and you see me dressed . . . “ The way the colour drained from his face had my teeth capturing my bottom lip hostage. He was taken a back, his mind racing as his lips fell open but no words seemed to follow until he seemed to shake out of it the minute I pulled the door open. 

“We’re supposed to be keeping a low profile, you can’t just-“

“Yeah well you should have thought about that before giving away your location.” I muttered stepping out into the blazing heat. I paused by the porch steps and glanced back at him past my shoulder knowing I had a very small window to actually leave. Nothing would stop him from grabbing me, throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me right back inside. “And since when do you tell me what I can or can’t do?”

The minute I took a step down, I heard his voice like a whisper intended on not being heard but when the words hit my ears, it felt like he had screamed them. “Maybe if I did you wouldn’t be caught up in all this crap.”

“Really?” I spun around, my chest aching as my eyes burned with tears taking in the way his whole body suddenly deflated, his hand running nervously through his hair. 

“No, Fay I didn’t-“

“f**k it.” I turned on my heel and raced towards Julians car hearing Chris’s footsteps echo behind me. I slid into the passenger's side and locked the doors wiping at my eyes as Chris threw his hands on the window begging me to get out and talk. “Just go.”

Julian didn’t bat an eyelid as he rumbled the engine and slowly pulled away from Chris until he sank to his knees watching us drive out. I didn’t bother glancing in the review mirror besides I don’t think I would have seen much considering my view was blurred with tears. Julian kept quiet and turned the radio up a little louder as he followed the narrow path around the hills. 

We’d agreed staying in the area was the best option, that and avoiding any kind of shops. The more isolated the better, I just didn’t want Jose having anymore gos at me truthfully. Most of the time it felt like he was the worst thing in this whole scenario. . . Until I remember the way Chris seemed to have changed over the space of a few seconds of the new hitting. 

I leaned my head against the window and smiled out at the lush green that zoomed past us, my eyes finally drying up by the time Julian parked just outside a large forest, tree trunks blocking our view of the nature beyond it. I couldn’t help taking a few minutes to peer around and make sure no one else was around. He turned the radio off and shifted in his seat to face me but I let my eyes fall to my lap. 

“Cómo estás?” He asked, his voice a perfect gentle drum. 

“The same as yesterday,” I replied wearily, my lips pulling into a half smile before collapsing again.

“Hm. That Jed boy told me things have not been too great bet-“

“That wasn’t his place to say.” I almost snapped, looking back up at the thick forest lining. In all the time we’d spent here before, this place was new. Comforting but new. 

“No. It was not. But I’m glad he did. You don’t deserve to be punished.”

“Chris isn’t punishing me . . . He’s just struggling to take it all in. His careers been under attack since we went public. This . . . This scandal is just another nail in the coffin. He has every right to be upset.” I mumbled, my own words sounding like strangers. Why was I still defending him?!

“He does. But not at you Princesa. At those that attacked you but never at you.” His words hit me square in the chest but the warmth that they spread quickly turned into some cold, something that seemed to pinch away at my heart. Life was never that simple and our relationship certainly was the furthest thing away. “But it seems the damage is done. The nail in that coffin, you’ve given up deep down.”

My eyes snapped up to his, my eyebrows almost shooting off my face if possible. That was the last thing I’d done!

“No, I haven’t! This is just another-“

“You can say it over a hundred times but your words as the tears fall speak the truth. He doesn’t deserve you.”

“Stop,” I warned looking back out the window feeling my skin prick like he was teasing me with a lighter. 

“I can’t. Not when I see you like this.” He scooted a little closer. “This is just more evidence that you deserve-“

“Julian please,” I forced out letting my eyes shut closed. “That’s not why I wanted to meet up.”

“I know Princesa but I won’t lie to you.” He sighed leaning back against the door. “His career should not be more important than you.”

“Of course it should. His career saved his life, it saved his family. It was there before me and he shouldn’t have to lose it for me. If it was the other way around-“

“You would have thrown it down the drain.” I couldn’t help but glance back at him. Maybe he was right but I knew it didn’t make it right. Chris shouldn’t have to lose everything for one relationship. I just wish the world would butt out and mind it’s own business, although clearly that would never happen. 

“So, what was it you wanted?” Julian finally asked clearing his voice. I could feel his eyes pierce into the side my face harder now as if deep down he knew exactly what it was and me? I struggled just to open my mouth. How was I supposed to go about this? Please don’t tell my secret husband I aborted his baby because his manager threatened his career would be over if the public ever found out? Please don’t be the person to bash that final needle into the ending of our relationship? How the hell was I supposed to beg someone to keep my darkest secret when he’d clearly love nothing more than to see that exact same relationship crumble. But the moment I heard my own words circle around my mind I felt the guilt eating me up from the inside. I was no better than the same fans ruining his life, how could I keep this from him? How could I let that asshole convince me it was the best thing rather than discussing it with the only person who deserved a say?

Suddenly my defences were so low that I asked the one thing I knew could break me. 

What about me? Did I really want that?!

No. 

It didn’t matter now. There was no point on torturing myself more than I needed too if that was even possible.

“Ah. I see.” He breathed, his eyes looking away from me but more as if he could sense I couldn’t take his eyes on me. It would feel too much like judgement even if that wasn’t the case. 

“He can’t know Julian.” I whispered weakly. I could already feel the tears sting the corner of my eyes no matter how much I tried to switch my emotions off. 

“I didn’t think the grounds of our friendship had changed. But. . . Do you not think he deserved to know?”

“Yes,” I breathed, my eyes closing tightly shut. “But that was before I made the decision. I’ve done it now, there’s no good to come from it. He would hate me.”

Even with my eyes shut and my voice failing, I could feel the frown that was etching away on his forehead. “Oh Princesa, you only prove my point. How can he hate you for trying to protect him?”

“Because I- I don’t think I did. I think I protected the wrong person.”

“What do you mean?”

“Jose. He was the one that told me to. . . He told me it was the best thing for Chris and instead of talking to him, instead of involving him I-“

“No.” He snapped reaching over and grabbing my arm, forcing me to look up at him through blurred eyes. I could see the red hot anger pouring through him as he stared hard at me without flinching. Without any disgust at me. “That serpiente took advantage of you. It is not you who he should hate. And if he did, if he held any judgment for your choice then Princesa . . . We only fall back to the beginning.”

“It’s not the simple.”

“Yes it is. You make so many excuses for Chris but you can’t make them for yourself.”

“Please Julian, I don’t need a ‘hate Chris fan club’. I just need to know you’ve got my back.” A soft smile spread across his face that sent a warmth of butterflies through me. 

“Siempre amor. Without hesitation. I will take your secret to my grave.” Those words brought perhaps the first genuine smile in days to my face as he reached up to wipe the falling tears. Julian had always been there, throughout the whole thing he held my hand and didn’t ask questions apart from one, are you sure? And that was it. He didn’t push anything just sat there and held my hand. “But in this matter, I cannot hate him. Not when you haven’t given him the chance to prove me wrong. When you are ready perhaps Chris will surprise me. . . And you. Give me the chance to support you.”

“Maybe one day,” I whispered glancing back out the window. 

That one day seemed so far away especially now. But I couldn’t focus on this, I couldn’t focus on anything but getting through this scandal. 

We sat for another hour or so talking, Julian filling me in on how life had changed and how Nicky was harassing him every five minutes to find out any information about how I was doing. He showed me photos of his barn that he was fixing up and the land he had come to love tending too. I couldn’t help but listen with a tinge of jealousy. Every time he spoke about it, his eyes would light up and the happiness leaking off him was uncontainable. There was a time I thought that would be me, that me and Chris would be showing photos of our home with silly stories on how our lives had changed but how bloody happy we were. 

I guess now, it seemed stupid. 

Did we ever even have a chance? The spot light was so demanding, so unfair and I was too naive. 

Eventually the sun seemed to lose some of its glow and we were driving back, Julian already making plans to take me to see his fruit orchard this coming weekend. There was no way I was going to refuse, any time away from thinking about how royally f****d my life was, was completely accepted. It was exactly what I needed. 

“I will see you in three days then Princesa.” He reached over and pulled me into a tight hug, “Fuerza. Siempre mantente fuerte.”

“Always,” I replied and for once I knew that was a lie. But I’d try. 

I opened the car door and slowly walked towards the porch waving as Julian disappeared around the bend. 

“Have fun?” Chris asked stepping out from behind the rose vines wrapping around the pillar, one shoulder leaning against it. 

I almost jumped a foot in the air as I spun around to face him. “If you could call anything fun anymore, than sure.”

Chris looked down at his feet as I walked up the steps but before I could make it past him, his hand curled around my arm pulling me to look at him. 

“I love you Fay. No matter. I love you.” The way his eyes darkened holding mine sent a shiver through me. “I don’t wanna fight anymore. I just want you. While we’re here . . . Let’s just forget about tabloids and scandals and all that crap. I just want you. Please?”

I searched his eyes, my lips parting trying to force out any kind of sound, trying to tell if there was something else behind his words but I- I couldn’t see anything. I just saw the old Chris looking at me like nothing else in the world mattered and it brought the tears racing out as I fell into his chest. 

He held me tightly against him, his lips pressing gently against the top of my head. 

“What do you say? Think we can do that?”

“Always.”