DEAD ALIVE

BACK AGAIN

I was back to this hell once again I hate it here i didn't have peace even for once because i was constantly worried about the next thing that he was going to get mad about.

it was either i wasn't taking care of they kids well or the house isn't clean enough or I was teaching they kids bad manners and the list goes on.

he wanted everything perfect as if i wasn't the only one working in this mighty house, I did all the work by my self including taking care of him and his kids.

"Nadia look,please look",Henry scream excitedly urging me to see what he was doing.

we were all in the garden just outside the house and Henry was busy forcing poor meow to climb the tree I laughed at the way the kitten was behaving.

Sara was doing what I do not know with flowers and grass on the floor she was clearly having fun.

"that's not OK Henry please let the cat be", I spoke but he totally ignored me well.

"its soon going to be my turn Henry", Sara said in a sing song voice and Henry began his usual fussing maybe I should have left poor meow where we found her because now her new lovers were fighting over her.

the kids clearly love the out doors but i wonder why their dad hardly let them out I think it was even better if he let me take them out for a walk every once in a while.

they weren't street smart at all I bet that sara doesn't know her way around her fathers plot.

they were kids yes they needed protection but their father was just way too over protective.

"i will take meow back if you keep fighting", I said walking toward them, the immediately stop fighting making me smile.good now i have something in them just incase the ever get naughty.

"well its time to go back inside anyway your father will soon be home for dinner", I said taking them to wash their hands.

"Nadia will you make my hair tonight",Sara ask while grabbing my hands and Henry doing the same with my other hand.

"hmm you will have to ask your father about that Sara",I said opening the door for them.

I went in to the kitchen to start with dinner while asking they kids to go and play but the wanted to help so I let them.

"No not like that Sara,not like that" I said taking the wooden spoon away from her before she splash stew everywhere.

"you did a good job though you will do better next time", I said cheering her up she gave me a big toothless smile.

"me too Nadia please", Henry said, I gave him the wooden spoon to try as I pick him up to reach the stove.

"good job Henry, good job", I said putting him down he was so happy it made me want to be a child again.

my childhood was a happy one mama made sure of that by working hard and still always been there some how.

I love this kids but they were not helping right now and i was already late on dinner. I didn't want to give him any reason to be angry.

"please go sit and I will serve the food my self thanks for the help", I said leading them out they made some much mess I just wanted to cry.

I heard master come in while I quickly put things together and rushing to go put the food on the table before he gets back from his office or room.

I finished just on time as the grumpy man sat at the table, Henry quickly ran to him trying to sit on his lap while encouraging meow to join him.

"no go seat on your own you are a big boy now", he father said putting him on his own separate chair.

Henry wasn't happy and he wouldn't it unless I feed him, I did just that and he ate all his food surprising me he really was becoming a man.

"can Nadia please make my hair like hers father", I heard sara ask her father as I clear the table I was secretly hoping that he would say no as I didn't want to do anything this night but sit in the kitchen, eat my food while waiting for master to go to bed so I can finally rest for the day.

"what did your grandma say about behaving like a n***o", he said and she could only pout her lips.

"do I need to send you back to your grandma for a long time that way you can learn that you are not a nigro princess".

he asked and her lips began trembling she was about crying now I felt sorry for her I didn't like to see her cry.

"No father",she said crying now while Henry made fun of her and before long they were fighting.

well at least I was free from making her hair,it wouldn't have been easy, making children's hair was one of my worst night mares.

I return back to the kitchen while they kids left with there father leaving me time to take care of the kitchen and the hungry cat.

I gave the cat food and watch for a while as she ate before I returned back to the kitchen.

I finished cleaning up before sitting on the kitchen floor and munching on my food, master left a little left over for me which I ate before I started cleaning and now I was on my second plate, food was just too good I thought while enjoying my food.

I waited and waited until master went inside his room for the night I rush into mine with heavy eyes throwing my self on my bed I didn't even bother to wear the dress that i had dedicated for sleeping I was just so sleepy.

something was touching me disturbing my peaceful sleep I didn't want to wake up so I pulled my blanket over my head but it was immediately pulled back with such force.

i woke up frighten sensing that there was someone in my room and on my bed, I struggled to get the torch beside my bed I grab it but it was thrown out of my hand before I could turn it on.

my heart was beating really fast as i continue to struggle against the intruder, I knew who it was by the smell.

it was master he was back at it again I just know that it would be sooner or later before he comes back down here again.

it have at least been a few months since he raped me and stole the only dignity that I had left and now he was back to continue what he had started.

he had managed to pin me down on my stomach with my hands behind me, he was breathing heavily and so was i.

I was crying because my sleep got disturbed and now there was a huge white man about to rape me for the second time.

I was helpless he was no match for me when it comes to physical strength I didn't know what to do but I do know that shouting would not help me.

I struggle violently against his tight hold thrashing around as hard as i could but he didn't let go I was tired so exhausted.

I gave up fighting i was to tired to fight him again so i stay still and let him take advantage of me ince again like an animal.

tears slide out of my eyes as I close them tightly i didn't want to cry for this bastard i didn't want to give him that satisfaction of knowing that he hurt me.

he didn't stop, my hand were still held tightly behind me I was sure that the were going to break.

"stop please", I cried out as it got unbearable I just wanted him to stop but he didn't stop despite my cries.

the pain didn't seem any less than the first time I didn't think there was a difference with the pain, I thought it was going to be less painful but not in my case it wasn't.

finally I felt that warm sticky liquid inside me and then on me,I hated it I hated this and I hated him.

I sat in the bathroom floor crying my eyes out, I didn't even want to sleep anymore I just wanted to die for a few days then forget everything.

I really really needed to go back to the plantation, I know that this wasn't going to end well for me.

I will either end up dead or pregnant,I imagine having this devil's child I think that i would rather die before letting that happen to me.

I didn't want any children, I can not imagine bringing a child to this kind of world, a world full of hate and absolute wickedness I just could not do that to my self and that innocent child.

I wish that I would just disappear away from here and away from master and all the pain that he cause me.

I dragged my nails through my skin until I draw blood out before I was satisfied I wish I could do the same with masters face.

he deserves pain and many more, I wanted so badly to hurt him, he would never stop unless one of us was dead.

my head was banging so much with pain and anguish i wanted everything to stop I wanted time to stop and wait for me to heal.

I cried some more before sleeping out my sorrow.

I woke up cold and disorientated yesterday event flooded into my mind making my eyes to water immediately with pain.

I didn't know how to cope with the pain this time around because I know that he was going to come back again and again so if I manage to deal with this now it was only going to be a waste.

I wash up and went to start with my day I was feeling gloomy than ever I wish I had the choice to remain in my room.

breakfast was over and master behave as if everything was fine, he even looked happy as he ate and played with his kids while I stood in the corner scared out of my mind, what if I manage to get pregnant.

the fear of getting pregnant was worst than the fear of been raped. my life would be over if I get pregnant ceaser would leave me and i would be all alone.

my heart was pounding as I made my way in to the forest to go look for herbs that would save my life.

I had swallow every single pride in my body and ask master for permission to go out he didn't say anything stupid to my surprise and he let me go without saying much.

he was in a good mood obviously, I search through the bush for the herbs that I needed to get rid of his dirty seed out of me.

I am glad that I had pay attention to every single herbs that mama jess had use the day that I had ran to her for help.

I would surely die of shame if I had to go back to mama jess for help again. she never spoke about that day and i was thankful for that.

I pick out the herbs that I needed before proceeding to make the concussion I wasn't completely sure if I have all the correct herbs but I was completely sure that I had no idea of what I was doing.

I was just mixing everything together hoping that I was doing it right, I didn't want to get pregnant but I also didn't want to die by drinking the wrong thing.

I said a prayer before gulping the whole disgusting thing down in one go,I wanted to vomit it out but I had to keep it I by all means.

I sat by the river side thinking of nothing but everything at the same time I was going crazy.

I needed a plan but no plan was going to save me from this lunatic right now maybe I could fake my death or something.

I laugh at that i really was going crazy, maybe I needed to pray or speak to a priest or something.

father Benjamin was out of my options as he was also sick in the head, he and Robert would probably get along so well since the both enjoying taking advantage of helpless women.

I needed to go back and get started with lunch but i didn't want to go I just wanted to sit here all day and night maybe.

my heart pounded as i approach the house i was praying and hoping that he wasn't at home because god knows that I could literally just attack him and eat his eyes out.

I got in the house with meow welcoming me at the door and thankfully he wasn't home, they kids were done with their classes and were just playing around, their teacher left immediately i came clearly mad at me.

I get started with lunch but i wasn't even in the mood of eating or cooking oso I just made what ever my hand touches.

they kids made faces while eating but didn't complain,the food must have been awful i was sorry for that but they can go blame their father for that.

I had promise to take the kids out to play today and even though I wasn't in the mood a promise is still a promise so and got them ready leaving meow behind to sleep.

I let them walk in front of me while the play and fight making comments that made me roll my eyes.

Henry had fallen a number of times because he wouldn't stop running despise all my warnings.

I didn't want us to go to far so I decided it was time to go back home and play in the gardens.

"please lets go a little further Nadia", Sara whines but i wasn't going to fall for that it would be my life on the line and not hers.

"nope let's go back now,the monster would soon be out", I joke making monster noises causing the kids to squeal while running back in the direction of their home. i laugh hard at that good for them.

we got back home safely and I let the kids play in the garden with the kitten while I sat on the grass loss in my own thoughts while keeping an eye on the kids.

maybe we could do this more when ever daddy was away, the kids were having fun and i think that the deserve it after long hours of studying.

I wish I could study but I didn't even know how to read, slaves weren't allow to read and you would get a good whipping if you get caught even trying.

I wouldn't have been so lonely if i knew how to read with all the books that master Robert own.

now i really was curious to be educated I wanted to know how to read and maybe I could even help Henry with his school work.

I could even hang around when ever their teacher was around who knows I could pick a thing or two from there.

"time to go in kids",I said as I watch them going to wash their hands and they weren't even complaining.

I felt so proud, they were growing so fast if they continue like this they would make my life so much easier.

we went back into the house to start with dinner and as usual they kids were helping making groan internally at every mess that they made.

"we will be having a guest over for dinner", master said gaining our attention they kids scream happily to their father as i tried to clean off the excess flour off Henry.

"and what the hell is going on here", he said and i roll my eyes at his choice of language around the kids.

"we are cooking father", Sara said proudly making me to smile while rolling my eyes, he didn't say anything he only shake his head before leaving.

I put the variety of food on the table before going back to go get they kids ready for dinner.

"no running please", I said trying to catch up with them,so energetic.

I slow down at the bottom of the stairs as they kids ran to hug a man that i have never seen before, I guess that would be the guest master was talking about.

I serve dinner as the chat amongst themselves. master and the guest were laughing so loudly that I had almost drop smashed patatoes on the guest lap.

"Lawrence", I heard master called. oh so that's Lawrence the infamous Lawrence that Ceaser spoke about he didn't seem that bad to me not like the way Ceaser had made it sound like he had horns.

maybe ceaser just didn't want to marry me after all he never spoke about it ever since that day.

dinner was over and I clear the table while Sara and Henry fuss around.

"kids go play", master said as they children ran off leaving master and his guest alone while I kept cleaning.

"so this is your w***e then", master's guest said making me weak.

"yes she is", he replied as the click their wine glasses.

my eyes filled with tears at this humiliation that I was passing through right now.

Ceaser was so right about this man, the continue making fun of me.