DEAD ALIVE

WORTHLESS

she's been here for over a week now and I don't think that she's planning to leave any time soon she is literally sitting on my life.

she had manage to turn everyone on me and i have been whipped twice already because she isn't satisfied with everything around.

I miss the kids very much i miss their company and their help in the kitchen, their grandma would be damm before her babies enter the kitchen.

she was still looking for a nice white girl to come take my place and honestly I would be please to switch places right now.

at least that way I would be free from that awful man and the torture he puts me through every night.

you would think that with his mother in the house that he would at least be ashamed and stay away but there was nothing stopping this man.

I hated s*x there was nothing to look forward to but pain and the anger and hate that comes afterwards.

it was late and cold but i was currently sitting outside the house because i felt sick and i thought that I might throw up at any moment.

I was afraid of being pregnant, I could be pregnant for all I know, i won't know what to do if somehow I am truly pregnant, I have been faithful in drinking the herbs every other day so I don't think that i would be pregnant.

it was freezing so i decided to go back inside everyone was asleep or so I thought,I followed the sound of lady Elizabeth voice to master's office.

"you will do as i say Robert because I am your mother and I know what is right for you", the lady scream she tends to do that a lot she speaks so loudly.

"oh please mother I am not your little Robby anymore I am a grown man and I would do as I please with my life, its late you go to sleep", I heard master spoke calmly, today would be my last day on earth should I get caught listening in on them.

"you are sleeping with that pig Robert, I know it you are just like your father shameless, shameless that's what you are, how can you stoop so low Robert".

I wince at how loud she was i was worried the children would wake up if she keeps talking like that, so she knows then she is aware that her son comes to me every night.

so this what their arguments is all about maybe she wants me gone I wouldn't know for sure.

"you will marry a proper lady and Elisa would be here in a month time, you be ready before then",

she said I didn't wait to hear the rest of it as i quickly but quietly ran down the stairs trying my best to not make a sound.

I quietly celebrated when I successful got to my room, I didn't know who this Elisa was but I love her already she was going to be my Savior she was going to save me from master.

this is the first time that lady Elizabeth has said something that I agreed with, it was high time that old frog gets himself a wife.

I would like to think that master only came at me because he was unmarried and probably needed a woman, but with a wife he would let me be.

even though i was worried about having a lady before I couldn't be more grateful right now.

in one more time I would be free thanks to lady Elizabeth, I should make a good breakfast for her tomorrow.

I slept with a big smile on my face that night I was happy.

"oh my God". I said closing my mouth with my hand in total horror, a very pregnant woman was hanging from a tree dead.

it appears to be that she had committed suicide but we all know better than to believe it.

Tamika, we weren't really friends but she was a nice girl we usually would just say and smile at each other so seeing her like that was just so horrifying.

people that gather around there were crying because we all know that she was murdered for carrying a white man's child.

most of them do this, the rape n***o girls get them pregnant and then kill them because they didn't want the child as it was considered as a stain on them.

some girls will just vanish from the face of the earth and would never be found again others would be found with their throat cut open and some were beaten to death.

this got me scared Tamika was my age mate or a year older and if this could happen to her then it most definitely could be me tomorrow.

I didn't want master's filthy hands on me anymore I know I said that i was going to submit to avoid the horrid beatings but now i think I might just take the beatings instead.

right now I fear nothing more than getting pregnant my life would officially be over.

maybe I should tell Ceaser about all what have been going on with master and I maybe he could help me by marrying me and taking me out of that hell that i was living.

but then again I couldn't tell Ceased any of this because who wants a use girl, my purity was all that I had to offer and now that its been snatched away from me I was totally useless.

I didn't want to end up like Tamika or all the other girls that loss their lives because they got rape and became pregnant.

her brothers manage to bring down her body and carried her to go bury her, I cried as i watched them leave, I cried this could be me tomorrow, this also could be Anna if she doesn't listen.

I watched as everyone went their separate ways before leaving to go face my own demons.

it was very sad because no one would be held accountable for her death, the law does care about the life of a nigga, her life was worthless in their eyes.

I made lunch quietly while thinking back to the look in Tamikas eyes she looked so scared I hate that her eyes were open and I hate that they left her hanging there for all to see.

"where is that lazy thing", Lady Elizabeth complained while invading the kitchen with her sour presence, i really was in no mood to listen to her nagging right now.

"why are you late with lunch, lazy pig", she said making me roll my eyes since my back was facing her.

"sorry Lady Elizabeth i went to a funeral, a friend of mine was found hanging from a tree", I said to her forgetting that she wasn't my friend but an angry lady.

"and i care why, she killed her self, not like it matters,get this food ready in five minutes", she said matching away.

she was a monster, how is she even a human being, she was so cold and heartless and I know where master got his coldness from.

I made lunch at my own time and pace i didn't care what face that monster wears for now.

I didn't eat because I wasn't in the mood plus Tamika's dead body was still fresh in my mind.

I didn't want to be here now I wanted to be with my people and friends i wanted to comfort Tamika's family.

working here have become even more desperately since Lady Elizabeth temporary moved here.

I rarely get to speak to they kids and they were the only reason why I enjoyed working here but now its always just me and meow she follows me every where i go lady Elizabeth wasn't so fun of meow.

everything was just so depressing and i can't stop thinking that I am pregnant i wanted to go to mama jess but I decided to wait until my period comes or not.

I groan as I heard the lady calling to me, its always Nadia this or Nadia that even though she never calls me Nadia.

"wash this clothes, the better dry before tomorrow I would be leaving tomorrow morning", she instructed as if i was the sun.

joy was all I felt lady Elizabeth was leaving tomorrow it was a like dream come true, I use to think that master was grumpy until I met his mother,yes she was here for Henry's birthday but she didn't really show this monster side of hers, in this short period of time she have manage to make my life a living hell not just mine but master's too they were always in each other faces.

I think that both master and I can agree on one thing, ' his mother needs to leave and never return'.

lady Elizabeth left the next morning early, the air in the house felt so fresh and they kids were lively once again they began running around and chasing meow.

I could play with them now and they could help in the kitchen again and I thought I saw master smile ask the lady's coach rode away.

I was feeling so peaceful that the lady had gone as i lay in bed enjoying my self until he came.

I was so caught up feeling happy that lady Elizabeth was gone forgetting that she was my protector,master had stayed away during her time here mostly because she was keen on catching us in the act or more like catching him because i wasn't doing anything wrong by getting raped.

I tried not to cry as he was deep inside me it was hurting so badly but i was a big girl and i wasn't going to cry.

"stop please", I said trying to push him off but he was no match for me i hated all of this i will kill him before I get pregnant.

"i don't want to get pregnant", I cried hoping he would listen.

"you won't", he said going harder causing me to scream it was hurting so badly my inside felt as though it was tearing apart.

he finally finish pouring his sticky stuff on my back I hated this part the most it gets me irritated to no extent.

he left after telling me to relax because he wouldn't get me pregnant in as much as I want to relax.I would be an i***t to trust him.

master looks like one to make me disappear if I get pregnant and even if he doesn't make me disappear his mother will be happy to jump in and help.

I had promise myself to not cry but i couldn't help it so I cried that night I was so afraid of getting pregnant and afraid to get killed just because i got pregnant.

i wash his seed off me before coming back to sleep.

it was morning but i didn't want to get out of bed and I didn't need to get out this early since i didn't need to take care of lady Elizabeth special needs,so I decided to sleep so more.

I got they kids ready for breakfast and they ate happily while chatting amongst themselves the life was back to this house.

I am sure that the loved their grandma but she was just too much, too upright so serious i have never seen or heard her joke before.

even though master was grumpy he made sure to keep aside his grumpy side and play with his kids they always love it when he plays with them.

Henry was back to harassing meow they never really got the chance to play with meow while grandma was here so they were making up for all the time that the miss.

I ate my breakfast in the kitchen after they kids went for their classes, master had almost caught me with a mouth full thank goodness i was quick to swallow.

"we will be having a guest over for dinner, don't mess it up", he said walking away.

I hope that it wasn't master Lawrence that was coming over again, he was one nasty man.

he has no shame, he spoke and behave like a drunk, he had the loudest laugh that I have ever heard, he wasn't at all likable.

I prepare what i was going to need for lunch but since it was pretty early to begin with lunch I thought to ask master for a short break.

I knocked on his office and enter after he said to, he had his head deep in work and his usual frown on his face.

"master", I spoke but got to respond so I went on.

"may I please be excuse to go to the quarters before lunch", I asked with humility.

he didn't say anything for a while to punish me for nothing I assume, I was getting impatient.

"earn it", he said, I was confused earn what? my freedom? I certainly will do anything to to gain my freedom, my heart rate pick up i was getting excited and scared at the same time.

I began thinking about all the things that I would do with my freedom, I will most definitely leave from here and go somewhere else.

"earn a break if you want to go on a break", he said closing his work book and standing up to his feet.

I didn't understand I was confuse, i thought for a second there that i was about to gain my freedom but now he wanted me to earn a break.

I have never need to earn a break before, i thought that i at least i did enough work to earn a few minutes of break but he didn't think so clearly.

I didn't need the break again i wanted to just go sit in the kitchen picking vegetables or even in the garden doing nothing at all.

"come to me",he said and I slowly walk to him.

"get on your knees", he said and I got on my knees. this was getting weird for me I didn't know what this was about i felt weird kneeling before.

he wanted me to feel small before him hence the punishment, he wanted to humiliate me he wanted me to beg, I wanted to cry this really felt degrading.

"open your month", he said confusing me even more I didn't open my mouth, I was tempted to just get up and leave.

"I do not wish to go on a break, master",i said timidly i really don't feel like going on a break anymore, they kids would be done with their classes soon anyway.

"open your month", he asked again and I did, he pushed his thumb in my mouth making me very uncomfortable this felt weird really weird.

he twirl his thumb in my mouth pushing it deep in my mouth,i felt disgusted with this act of his I wanted to bite his thumb off.

he removed his thumb from my mouth and I silently thank God for the relief I felt,but that was short lived as i watch him undid his belt he brought out his shaft right before eyes.

I close my eyes so tightly so tears don't escape out,my heart threaten to escape out of my chest as I realize what was about to happen.

I heard about this back at the quarters but I never thought that i would ever experience it,I have heard Anna and her other friend talk about this.

i heard all about it as she told Anna when her master had force himself in her mouth and force her to suck on it, I felt so disgusted just hearing about it i wanted to throw up just hearing about it and now i was about experiencing it.

"open up girly", he spoke but i refuse to,i held my eyes shut so tightly that it hurts my eyes water i hated this feeling.

"Nadia", he called my name for the first time ever "open your mouth",he spoke again but I didn't tears cascade down my face as I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"I do not wish to do this please",i pleaded with him hoping he would understand and just let me go,this felt like hell.

he grab my jaw tight forcing my mouth open as he push the tip of his shaft in my mouth,i hate this I hate it so much.

how can he expect me to put my mouth on that disgusting thing that he use so very often in the toilet,i know that he didn't consider my race human but this was just too much.

saltiness invaded my mouth making me so close to puking,he push more of himself inside my mouth and I try to cry but the sound was muffle.

he let go of my jaw after successfully easing himself in my mouth,grabbing my cover hair and guiding me to move my mouth on his shaft.

he was in deep in my throat making me desperate to vomit,the salty taste was making me lose my mind,i couldn't breathe properly and there was saliva everywhere around my chin,his shaft and the floor.

I was desperate to get out of this situation but I didn't know what to do so i did the first thing that came to mind.

I graze his shaft with my teeth enough to hurt him, he quickly withdrawal from my mouth and I remain on my knees crying while trying to clean the saliva from my chin.

"you ugly sick pig",he yelled kicking me head,and then my stomach repeatedly I should have left insisted of staying back to cry.

I curl into a ball to protect my self as he kept kicking me,he wanted to kill me.