Silent Prejudice

“What the hell happened?” Nevio asks between heaving breaths. “I thought I’d catch up and see why you were running off, but you were like a thing possessed.” You should have let me run. I want to scream at him. Take out all my frustrations and anger on him for imposing on my moment of crisis. He would be an easy target. The man who has no idea he’s my brother. None of this is his fault. It’s true. He doesn’t deserve my wrath. He was only trying to help by coming after me, and lashing out would only make me feel worse. I close my eyes and inhale a slow, long breath, keeping my jaw wired shut. Nevio bends at the waist and leans his hands on his knees to steady his breathing. “My first thought was that my brother said something to upset you, but then I remembered he left for the city early this morning. Was it your mom? You gotta tell me what happened, Isa. I can tell you’re upset.” His instinct is accurate, but not in the way he might imagine. Zeno wasn’t heartless or condescending. He told me the truth for once. A truth that’s even harder to swallow than the years of muttered slights. So hard that I felt no choice but to run from that truth. Literally. I raced from Hardwick with no destination in mind and now find myself exhausted with a twisted ankle, collapsed into a hopeless heap on the shore of Tuxedo Lake. I would happily wallow in pain if I were alone, but that’s not the case. Nevio chased me down, and I had to give him some semblance of an explanation. I study the man standing fifteen feet away and try to wrap my brain around the knowledge that he is my brother. My half brother. I think of our kiss and the handful of daydreams I’d entertained when I’d considered having a relationship with him—a s****l relationship—and my stomach convulses violently. This time, I can’t keep it held in. I lean to the side and throw up my breakfast. Thankfully, I didn’t eat much, but it’s all there. Nevio starts to rush over. I frantically wave him off, desperate for him to stay away. Having him close will just make the nausea worse. There’d been no way for me to know that Nevio was my half brother, but it doesn’t lessen my disgust when I consider where things might have gone between us. It’s too grotesque to consider. I shut those thoughts securely into a concrete vault where they can never see the light of day again. “I’m fine. I’m fine.” I wipe at my mouth with the back of my hand. “Guess I ran a little too much right after eating.” He takes one more step closer. I keep my eyes locked on his feet, avoiding his questioning gaze and the sight of my father’s sad eyes. “Isa, you’re scaring me here. What the hell is going on?” Tears stream from my eyes like rain down a windshield. I can’t fathom where it’s all coming from, but there’s no end in sight. Nevio’s kindness and distress make it all so much harder because, on top of everything else, a part of me grieves for the loss of a brother I never knew I had. So many years down the drain when we could have been such close friends. Had we known, we would never have lost touch. I feel it with a certainty deep in my bones. That unique bond formed between siblings would have kept us close, but that opportunity was robbed from us. Not only did we miss out on years of connection, but I may never know Nevio as a brother. Zeno confessed the truth in his letter, but he also begged me to keep Nevio’s paternity a secret. Can I honor such a burdensome request? I’m not the only person to consider when trying to answer that question. No matter how aggrieved I may feel, my injuries are fractional compared to Nevio’s. He is the most obvious victim of this charade between our families, and he has no idea. I firmly believe he deserves to know the truth. But who am I to divulge such a secret? I can disagree all I want with Elena’s choice to keep her affair a secret, but that doesn’t give me the right to come between mother and son. I certainly shouldn’t go off half-c****d in a fit of my own raging emotions and rip his world to shreds. This is not the time or place. I have to keep my mouth shut, no matter what it costs me, at least for now. “It was my mom,” I blurt. “You know how she gets under my skin. And it’s even worse now that I’m older.” “Whatever she did must have been pretty bad, considering we’re halfway around the lake and your tears are still falling.” He’s not sure he believes me, and his suspicion is reasonable. I’ve never been an emotional person, so I can only imagine how shocked he must have been to see me bolt for the trees. I have to find a way to explain away my actions. If I don’t, he’ll become suspicious. While I hadn’t wanted anyone outside our family to know about my mother’s gambling problem, telling Nevio was my best way out of this situation. It’s the one thing I can give him that could genuinely justify my outburst of emotion, so I take a deep breath and surrender a secret of my own. “I decided to stay with my parents instead of going back to the city and finishing school because I discovered that my mother got into financial trouble. She has developed a problem with gambling that I wasn’t aware of until I came home. I didn’t tell you or anyone else because the bookie she owed was a Giordano family bookie, and I was worried my father’s name would be smeared by her actions. I paid off her debt, and it’s all over now, but putting my life on hold to rebuild my college savings has been hard on me. I was almost done with school, and now I won’t be able to finish for another year. I lost the new apartment I was going to move into and had to quit my job so I could stay with my parents and save. It’s been a difficult couple of weeks. Mom said something insensitive this morning, and it set me off. All the emotions hit me at once, and I had to get out of there. And with my s**t luck, I twisted my ankle right before you caught up with me.” I rub at the offending appendage, which has begun to swell, though the pain has eased to a dull throb. “That’s why I was so upset.”