Nickels

Ugly Bird-3

It’s so hotmy Oreos are melting Jane’s sister Lori says from the bathroom How can Oreos melt Jane lights a cigarette in the living room big enough to hold a folding chair a coffee table and the green easy chair with ripped up armrests we dragged off a street corner Look Lori says walks out of the bathroom wiping her face with a towel points at a stack of Oreos double stuff just about the only thing she eats on a paper towel on the kitchen counter Jane scowls she can’t forgive Lori for ending up in the psych ward during finals week Where’d this come from I hold up a baseball type card with Jesus As Our Savior written under a picture of a black Jesus Lori tries to pry apart an Oreo but the chocolate crumbles in her hand Okay Jane says I see what you’re saying Lori makes a clucking noise turns to me holds out the cookie it dissolves in her hand chunks of the dark chocolate fall onto the kitchen floor See she says kicks at the crumbled chocolate then eats the white frosting Uh huh I say I believe you it’s hot I wave the baseball card of a black Jesus Lori blushes Jane rolls her eyes What happened Jane blows smoke at the ceiling Well Lori says moves one foot so her feet end up pointing in opposite directions it’s hard to watch her like this but it’s worse for Jane this guy came in Lori picks up another Oreo and he said Jesus sent him here because he knew an angel lived inside Lori blushes the color of Tom’s eyes when he’s on coke I look at the back of the card Outreach Ministries 313 Mifflin Street Madison Wisconsin Say that reminds me I interrupt her oh sorry what happened Did you give him money Jane says Well yes but it goes to a good cause see she points to the card it’s a group that wants to spread the word that Jesus was really a black man Jane stabs her cigarette into the coffee table God Lori you can’t keep giving away your money But Lori says No buts Jane says remember mom said don’t give anyone your money and lock the doors we could get r***d we don’t live in the country anymore this is downtown Madison You really need to lock the doors Lori I say but can’t get too mad at her because after all they let me live with them on no notice I just showed up on their doorstep You’re just racist Lori says eats the melting oreo C’mon Jane says looks intently at the smashed tip of the cigarette Lori looks at me raises her eyebrows I don’t doubt Jesus was a black man I say even though I don’t believe in Jesus or God or angels but you still need to lock the doors I want the conversation to be over so I can ask Jane about the Mifflin Street party Nuh Lori kicks her heel into a cupboard Jane walks to the sink runs her cigarette under the faucet C’mon Lori Jane flicks the soggy cigarette into the garbage can Lori stomps down the narrow hall to the bedroom Wanna go to the Mifflin Street block party Angie invited both of us Yeah Jane says scowls at nothing in particular her sister was a straight A student pre med biology major until she had a breakdown last winter now she’s just a nut

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I buya lime green notebook a miniature clip on fan a reading light at Walgreens put the rest of my check from La Casa in the bank for tuition it’s been just over one month since I made it back to Madison I don’t jump every time the phone rings afraid it’s mad dad tracking me down

tonight Jane Lori I stay home don’t get high don’t get drunk don’t slam dance we read Jane Austen Patty Hearst Emily Dickinson write in our notebooks twisted in sheets from Goodwill three of us in the bedroom two windows rusted screens broken shades the moon filters in slats of light across the floor

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Two ouncesper tin foil square Shorty says no more or we’ll lose money I nod fold a square of cold chicken meat want her to go away so we can smoke All right then Mrs. Shorty Dan flings his witchy dyed black hair to the side Get that under a hat she scolds Oh yeah he says right off and goes back to tearing tin foil into squares Shorty counts out the cash Dan looks over at me his back to her he grimaces this means it’ll be harder for us to steal from the till today I tear a hunk of the stringy meat in half her son Tom doesn’t care what happens here he’s running drugs out of La Casa forty or fifty bucks a day isn’t anything to him

Don’t let anything sit out long Shorty says eighteen people got food poisoning from the Taco Bell on Washington she closes the register three hundred fifty two and forty cents do you want me to write that down Nah I poke at a pink vein in a dark chunk of meat Three fifty two forty Dan whistles we’re loaded baby! Shorty wipes down the counter sets the rag down Guess I’ll be going then she walks slowly toward the front door like she wishes she had something else to do Toodle loo she waves See ya I say Bye bye Dan says once she is out of sight we grab the pot wrapped in a tight little ball of tinfoil hidden above the electrical box in the back room we toke up blow smoke out the window until a customer rings the bells Shorty tied to the front door

Heya man’s voice says can someone get service around here Sure Dan says coming right up his black Converse high tops smack the floor What can I get you son Dan says Son the man says I’m old enough to be your father It’s all semantics Dan coughs I laugh it’s so good to be stoned I’d like a chicken burrito and a Coke no ice No ice Dan says it’s hot out there man why don’t you let me give you a little ice No ice the man repeats I look out the back window covered by wire mesh see a man outside the window freeze think it’s my father I stare not moving not blinking like a caught rabbit and then he waves it’s not my father it’s chief of police Jutson waving at someone next to the window outside the front door jingles my heart pounds

I weigh chickenTom walks in Heya he says his father died and left him the family business instead of leaving it to his wife Shorty’s got to be pissed Anything new Tom nods at me pokes at the refried beans Nope Dan says Chicken pulled and sorted Yup I say Tom’s eyes are pink and red no white Whatcha need Dan says Nothin son Tom opens the freezers pokes at the frozen tortillas turns toward us hands on his hips I don’t know why they don’t call him Shorty he’s barely five feet with a gut the size of barrel Just doing a little business out back he smiles a cocky smile runs his hand through his permed hair All right Dan says takin out the garbage That’s it Tom rifles through the register yanks out a handful of bills doesn’t count them looks at me Beef burrito to go no onions lettuce Dan grins now we can help ourselves to the register Dan out back Sure boss Dan squeaks his black canvas high tops across the floor

Mifflin Streetdown two blocks take a left at the lights can I come a guy says his blonde dread locks swinging around his waist Not with us Angie laughs at him Oh c’mon the guy says hits his bare chest I’m already trippin Whatever Angie scuffs her thick soled boots on the pavement I hate it when white boys have dreadlocks she skips up onto the curb Uhm hum Jane says spits out her bright pink gum on the tar pavement Who’s got the hash Angie says I do she pulls out a baggy flips it around s**t girl Angie says put that back in your pocket What I say we’re almost at the party There’s cops all over Nah uh I say this is Madison they don’t care about drugs Angie shrugs her shoulders I’d still be careful she tugs at one of my belt loops cute pants I don’t know what to say wonder if she has a crush on me Uhm hum Jane smiles at the stoplights What’s she on Angie says I shrug my shoulders Oh you two are so cute Jane puts her arm around my shoulder squeezes me just so cute She gets friendly like this when she smokes I say I see Angie says we turn left at the lights walk against the flashing red outline of a hand Oh Jane grabs my cheeks pats Angie on the head you two Jesus Angie says

Bam babam bama man beats a bongo we move with the crowd across Mifflin Street up onto a sidewalk a boy band above us with floppy orange hats no shirts Groovy Jane stops dances a second Angie grabs my elbow pulls me I grab Jane we squeeze through the people sweaty bare skin loose hair dirt covered feet my hand slides down Jane’s arm I grip her fingers What beautiful lesbians someone says three of them I tug Jane along with me she is already stoned Angie stops I bump into her back push up against her from behind What is it I say Pot brownies she buys three of them and a lemonade we sit down watch half n***d white people trying to find a new way to live

Angie jamsthe hash into the bowl packs it down like brown sugar in a measuring cup Just like mom used to make I say Angie laughs lights up brown sugar tar sears our throats lungs Sweet Angie says So so sweet I say

I drink lemonade crunch the ice small and smooth like a tongue slipped in my mouth I lie down the dry earth against my crooked spider spine creepy crawly skin on dirt twigs scratchy grass I fall fall fall a sleep