Nickels

The Mole-5

Jack takes a corner sharp slides Patty into me smashes me against the window Katie’s heart slips makes a jagged line like a V the boys yell ewww get off me Sorry kids Jack waves his hand in the rear view mirror straightens the bus Shat up a boy yells from the back Patty’s still on top of me past the blonde brick apartment buildings square and flat past the baseball fields past the woods past the pond past the park wet swing sets monkey bars chain link fence gas station insurance company building’s sign says Have five minutes stop in we’ll drop your price by 25% guaranteed see us for all your needs Patty’s still on top of me I think this must mean she likes me doesn’t hate me her hands balled in her sweatshirt pockets

Puddlesin the school parking lot a line of dark orange buses wet creepy crawling kids like swarming bees Patty’s squishing me Stay in your seats until we reach the front Jack holds his hand up brakes idles everyone sits on the edges of their seats Patty doesn’t move I don’t move the bus lurches idles lurches idles Patty takes her left hand out keeps it in a ball puts it on her leg Stupid i***t someone yells Patty unfolds her fingers puts her hand on my leg Dink someone shouts Hey Jack yells lifts his hand Patty grabs my hand holds it tight All right everyone off Jack opens the door it cuts in half slides apart before I know what I’m doing I grab Patty kiss her on the cheek her hand pokes me in the stomach all the other kids are in the aisle pushing to get out the cold air rushes in through the door Lezzies dykes look at that gays freaks fags look at that a girl kissed another girl!

OHHHHHHH!!!! all the girls yell they don’t touch our seat when they walk by they lean away from us my hands drop down I stare at the seat think oh no Patty looks out the window it’s raining in straight lines the other kids are yelling laughing grossing out they run onto the playground P girl and the fifth grade girl kissed they’re lezzies dykes fags freaks!

I put my forehead on the seat oh no I don’t know what I just did Patty doesn’t say anything did I do something bad does she think so C’mon girls Jack says looking at us in the rear view mirror I don’t know what just happened but you need to get off the bus

Jumpin a puddle Patty says and stomps with two feet flat footed sprays mud water all over the slide all the other kids are inside Let’s go! and so we do we run Rocky style our fists in the air Yo Adrian! around the outside of the school we spy around the corners our bodies pushed up against the brick we spy looking for teachers and janitors and hall monitors we move slow we are sneaky China girls then fast Patty makes a pose Bruce Jenner

I laugh like it’s California sun on my face like I know nothing else but happiness like Payne Avenue is not one block away like mad dad is dead mom and me live in an apartment somewhere like me and Patty will be together best friends forever and ever I love her long saggy jeans Bruce Jenner muscles I laugh like mad dad won’t smash the night time whip me hit me break me I laugh and laugh and laugh Patty’s cheeks dark wet sweatshirt ducking running spying I laugh like there is nothing else in all the world nothing else in all the world! but me and Patty and the puddles wet mud on the cuffs of our jeans we’re late for school and we laugh like there is nothing else in all the world but us

Yo Adrian!my fists in the air rain hits our faces gray day cold day we’re late for school day Patty’s shoes are muddy n wet her cheeks are rose red her breath comes out of her mouth like lace she grabs me pushes me against the school bricks bite into my head but I don’t care she holds me rain in lines from the sky Patty holds me she kisses me her breath on my lips Let’s go she whispers Okay I say her lips and cheeks rose red

we are Bruce Jenner! we are Martina Navratilova! we are Ahmad Rashad Fran Tarkington Muhammad Ali float like a butterfly sting like a bee fists above our head Rocky Balboa style I am Rocky! Yo Adrian I love you! we run across the playground around the slide through the swings push them high in the air the other kids are in school we run the cuffs on our jeans are wet they hit our ankles we don’t care! we run faster than anyone has ever run before Yo Adrian! I love you! faster than anyone has ever run before over the sidewalk across the baseball field red thick sand on our shoes we run over left field into the trees black trees dark trees wet trees trees with wet black skin they stand over us with curled branches we run our feet move our muscles are strong laughing where are we going I don’t know I don’t care we run we breathe listen to our breath listen to our breath listen to our breath

we run under the trees to the other side me and Patty away from school the laughing kids dykes fags freaks we bend over our breath knitting together I can do anything the strongest person in all the world when I’m with Patty my best friend forever and ever we laugh high five like she scored a goal I made a save nothing can break us apart me and Patty stand then we run laugh breathe like there is nothing in all the world but us

Aroundthe corner across the street we are laughing falling on the smooth wet grass Oh yeah Patty yells we can’t stop laughing we are on the other side now no one from school can see us call the turquoise principal or the police or mom or dad dykes fags freaks! no one can see us me and Patty rolling sliding laughing getting wet no school no parents no teacher we are free!

Her lipsare red she looks in my eyes and there’s lightning in my stomach that grows into my chest shoots up my neck out my mouth I smile a real smile not the fake smile I give to everyone so they leave me alone Let’s take the bus she says I got two fifty I say n pull out nickels from my jacket Patty looks at me funny Let’s go downtown she says turns away from the school her tennis shoes leave soft round red marks on the sidewalk

Downtownthe bus driver says Patty nods drops change in a machine it clinks around like it’s going down a conveyor belt I’ve never been on a city bus before!

I paid for her too Patty says to the bus driver is the color of my gramma he nods me and Patty sit in the back I want to jump on her Yo Adrian! I love you! Rocky Balboa style I am the Italian Stallion I am going to skip school forever with Patty we are riding on a city bus mom doesn’t let me they’re too dangerous

we sit next to each other Patty takes out her super ball bounces it off the seat traps it with her hand the bus drives past houses and trees drying out wet black skin turning gray dried out crackling bark I squint my eyes make the houses and the tree branches blur twist flip flop in the wind brrrr cat purring ball bouncing brrrr me and Patty skipping school

Hey girl! says a man who looks as old as Patty’s oldest brother he sits behind us going around town again Patty snaps her ball brrr Hey hey town girl Patty snaps her ball brrr brrr purr the man gets up sits across the aisle from us Town girl going around town ya gonna ride the bus all day long Patty snaps her ball Ahey he pokes her in the shoulder Don’t touch me again she says I dint he says Shut the frick up Patty says the way her brothers talk she bounces her ball she looks like she could kill someone he sits down Patty bounces her ball brrrr brrrr brrrr

The busscreeches in the middle of downtown St. Paul I usually see it from the freeway except me and mom came down here once to get some court papers on the house for mad dad but mom’s afraid to be here she thinks it’s dangerous to be here because of the black people who live on the street and the men who will hurt you when you park she told me to run and scream if a man grabbed me run and scream! I didn’t say anything wondered what’s wrong with her I just nodded and walked with her to the courthouse Okay she said again once we got on the sidewalk run and scream okay I nodded my head but thought different thoughts

when me and Patty walk up front the man yells Hey town girl see you next week Patty’s pony tail jerks a little but she doesn’t say anything the buildings are rose colored made out of blocks of stone a million times taller than me me and Patty skipping school lezzies dykes fags freaks! I’m never going back to school Do you know him I say to Patty when the bus pulls away Nuh she says not saying no or yes meaning she knows him meaning she rides the bus when she disappears now I know what she does all day long! now I know what Patty does all day long!

We runpast rose colored buildings a million miles high around the black light posts between the people on the sidewalks we run! we are Chuck Foreman we are Ahmad Rashad we are Walter Payton we are the Heisman trophy winner our hands stuck out to the side no one can hurt us! not mad dad not Patty’s brothers not Fayen not a man in a parking ramp not no one! we spin around the man in the overalls jump over the curb we run we score we win me and Patty win the game the division the playoffs the Super Bowl we are World Champions! we run full tilt without looking who cares about cars we run into a square park in the middle of downtown we run through a black iron fence under trees around the benches hop hop scare the birds breathing hard yolky sun drying our hair and jeans we breathe hard one two three breaths lezzies dykes fags freaks! we don’t care we are Doctor J jumping from the free throw line slam bam wham I jump on a park bench hands in the air breathing hard the yolky sun in my hair Yo Adrian! I love you! We are the champions!

The libraryis across from the park Wanna see something Patty says Sure I say I’m Muhammad Ali and I jump off the bench but now Patty is serious she is quiet she points The library I look at it two stories tall wide as the park that old kind of building that looks like it’s from England made out of gray stone with leaves carved everywhere Let’s go in Patty says Okay I say and I think about how dumb I am sometimes

Your mouthis nasty a black man says to a white woman Say what she says my MOUTH! I stop in front of her she glares at me I feel like a little little little kid What I say like I’m two looking up at a tall grown up What what she says pushes me out of the way Hey he says don’t push that girl and they yell Patty grabs me pulls me into the library Why do you do that she says what’s wrong with you I don’t know I say shrug my shoulders but I do know I thought she was calling me because my name is Mouth I say my name is Mouth!